Look up and get lost in the Stars
16.
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark? - Adam Levine (Lost Stars)
I looked over myself in my full length mirror on the back of my bedroom door. I was wearing my short sequined semi-see through dress that was low in the front but had long sleeves to balance it out. It reminded me of the outfit Britney wore in her Toxic video to be honest, which I paired with some strappy silver high heels.
My phone buzzed, so I looked down at it and saw that Tyler had texted me saying they were downstairs and to hurry my ass up. I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I grabbed my clutch and left the apartment.
I saw the limo out front and walked to it just as Jamie opened the door of it and stepping out of it, wearing a black tux.
"Hey," he breathed when I was close to him.
I smiled and threw my arms around his neck, "I missed you!" I whispered.
He held me around my waist very tight and squeezed, "I missed you too, Josie," he told me, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
I pulled away from him and smiled before I placed a small kiss on his lips. I pulled away from him slightly, but he pulled me back to him and deepened the kiss a bit. It wasn't until Tyler yelled at us that we pulled apart from each other.
"You look beautiful," he murmured to me.
"You look very handsome, Jamie," I told him, as I passed him to get into the limo, where he slid in next to me.
"Hey, everyone!" I called once I was sitting.
Almost everyone was there. Spezza, Demers, Sharp, Rous, Jordie, Cody and the ladies were there too, all dressed to impress. We all happily chatted together about our holidays and how excited we were to be going out for the night.
We got into the club right away and were escorted into the V.I.P section. We all picked out our seats on the plush couches with me sitting next to Jamie and Tyler. Tyler popped the first bottle of champagne and started pouring it for everyone and we all clinked our glasses together with a cheer.
I kept looking up at Jamie every so often, sometimes we would catch each other looking and other times I would look at him while he talked to some of the others around us. He looked so happy being there, sitting next to me, sitting with our friends celebrating the New Year. I wanted to tell him how I was feeling so badly, I almost didn't want to wait until midnight, I wanted to tell him and then go to his house and be with each other. Just us.
I wanted him to know that I wanted to start the year off with him; I wanted to tell him that I was in love with him, and that I wasn't afraid of being with him anymore. That this was it for me. He was it. He was everything I had ever wanted. He had been who I was looking for.
It was 11pm and I was leaning against Jamie and he had his arm around me, resting on the back of the couch but his fingers were grazing my shoulder. We had been drinking casually since we had gotten there, no one was trashy drunk but we were all definitely feeling good and having a good time.
We were laughing at a story that Sharpie was telling us from his time up in Chicago, I leaned forward to the table to grab my drink when I heard Jamie's name being called. I looked over and saw this girl walking towards him with a big smile and her arms out stretched. She was tiny, like toothpick size. She had bottle blonde hair and big blue eyes. I looked from her to Jamie and saw Jamie with his mouth opened, looking shocked. I looked to Tyler next to me and saw him looking the same way as Jamie. Actually, most of the guys had that same expression.
"Hey, baby," she said to him, leaning down to hug him and then she kissed him, placing her hand on the back of his neck and basically shoving her tongue into his mouth. I looked away as I start to feel my eyes burn with tears.
"You should have told me you were coming out! I would have just gotten a ride with you instead of taking an Uber!" she laughed.
I looked back over at the interaction just as she stepped in between me and Jamie and began to sit down, "Do you mind? Move please," she said turning her head to look down at me.
Without hesitation I slid into Tyler pushing him further down the couch. I sat looking straight at the table trying to think of an exit strategy. Trying to think of a way to put even more physical distance between me and Jamie.
What in the hell was going on? Was...was she his girlfriend? Of course he had a girlfriend. Of course she would show up. But why wouldn't he tell me that? He had opened up to me and told me so many things, but he kept this to himself? Why? Was I actually some sort of puck bunny that just hadn't given into him yet in his mind? Was she?
"Are you one of Tyler's friends?" she asked me, over emphasizing the word 'friends.'
I looked at her and shook my head, "No, I'm not."
She shrugged and looked back over to Jamie, I looked up at Tyler and he was watching me with intensity, I stood up quickly, "I have to go," I announced.
Tyler grabbed my hand but I pulled away from him and quickly left the section, but not before I heard Jamie yelling after me. I quickly left the club and kept walking towards my apartment building, which was about a twenty minute walk. I heard someone run up behind me breathing heavily.
"Josie!" Tyler said when he caught up with me.
"What?" I asked, never breaking my stride.
"Josie, hey," he said, grabbing my arm and stopping me, "I'm so sorry, Josie. No one knew she would show up."
I looked up at him wide eyed, with sudden anger coursing through my body, "You knew about her?" I asked him quietly.
He went pale, and he was opening his mouth trying to come up with something to say to me, "Tyler did...you knew about her and Jamie?"
"Josie," he started, "It's not that simple okay? Jamie didn't want us to tell you about her, he wanted to figure out what was going on with you before rushing into things with you. Jamie really cares about you."
"So what?" I asked him harshly, "He would come and hang out with me and then go somewhere and fuck her?" my anger was starting to rise, "And what, Tyler? You didn't have the decency to tell me that Jamie was playing me this whole time? That he was hanging out with some other girl too? You couldn't tell me that? You couldn't spare me from the embarrassment of that? In front of everyone? In front of people that I considered to be some of my best friends?"
"Jamie begged me not to tell you, Jo. He doesn't want to lose you, okay?"
"If he likes me as much as you said he does then why didn't he break it off with her to see where shit would go with me?"
"It's pretty much been over with her for a while, Josie! He hasn't seen her in a month! I don't know how she found out about tonight, or how she even got into our section!"
"You know what?" I said backing up from him, "I'm done. I don't care. Just leave me alone, tell Jamie to leave me alone. Tell everyone to leave me alone. I don't want to see any of you guys. You've all lied to me for months."
"Josie, please, just come back and Jamie will explain everything."
I shook my head, "Leave me alone, Tyler. All of you."
I turned away from him and began walking, "Josie!" he asked running to me.
"I swear to God, Tyler," I said as I continued to walk, "Follow me, or try to touch or talk to me, I will scream bloody murder."
I kept walking without him following behind me and made it back to my apartment. I slammed my door shut once I got to my apartment and locked it behind me. My phone had been buzzing ever since I left the club; I finally looked down at it and saw 10 missed calls from Jamie and countless others from the rest of the guys as well as 26 texts from Jamie and more from everyone else. I didn't even bother to look at them. I leaned against the door and slid down so I was sitting on the floor. I was wiping furiously at my face to stop the tears but they kept on coming.
How did this all happen? I really really cared about Jamie. I opened up to him so much and about things that I had never told guys before, but he couldn't tell me that he had been dating this girl? Even if it wasn't serious he should have told me! Tyler or one of the guys should have told me!
My phone started buzzing again so I looked at it and saw that it was my buzzer and I knew there was a good chance that it was going to be Jamie and probably Tyler too.
I picked my phone up and answered it, "What?" I asked, wiping my nose.
"Josie, please just let me up! I just need to talk to you!" Jamie said from the other end hurriedly.
"No," I answered before hanging up.
It rang again instantly, "Jamie just drop it," I said once I answered it seeing that it was the buzzer again.
"It's all of us!" one of the guys, Jordie I think, said into the speaker.
I rolled my eyes and let them up, knowing they wouldn’t give up until I talked to them, and I didn't need them buzzing every single person in the building until someone let them up.
I stood up and continued to wipe my face, but the tears kept on coming down my face. I unlocked the door and walked to my living room, taking a seat on the couch.
Within minutes the boys came bursting through my door. Tyler, Antoine, Spezza, Sharp, Demers, Jordie, Cody...and finally Jamie.
They all came into the living room and stood around me, all speaking at once with Jamie standing off looking at me. I stood up, facing them.
"All of you shut the fuck up!" I yelled, causing them all to shut their traps, "Now sit down because I'm the one talking!" I said, moving around the group as they all sat down without another word.
"Josie..." Jamie said, trailing off.
I shook my head, "Sit down, Jamie."
He considered me for a moment more before sitting down with everyone else.
I stood in front of these talented and strong men, but they looked absolutely terrified of me.
"This is the absolute last time I plan on seeing any of you in person if I can help it," I started, "I will refuse to speak with you, text, hang out...everything. I'm done with all of you, with the team. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life," I said, looking directly at Jamie, and watching as his eyes filled with tears, "All of you knew what was going on behind my back. Not once did anyone try to let me know. Regardless," I said, raising my hand when Tyler went to speak, "of how long people hadn't spoken to each other," I said wiping my face, "I thought you were my friends," I said with my voice cracking and a sob coming out.
"We are your friends, Josie," Cody said softly.
I began shaking my head, "No, you're not. None of you are. Someone should have spoken up and said, 'Hey Josie, just so you know, Jamie and this girl were hanging around when you two met, maybe that’s something you should know.' That would have been helpful! Instead, y'all keep your mouths shut like children, not wanting to be the one to step up and be honest with me about shit that would affect my life! Why? Because he's the Captain of the fucking team? Well guess what? I don't give a fuck about who he is, or what team you guys play for or anything! I care about the fact that people that I trusted..." I broke and began sobbing, trying my hardest to catch my breath.
My eyes began blurry and suddenly arms were around me. Hugging me, holding me, smoothing my hair. After a couple minutes and calming myself I pulled the hands off of my and stepped back.
"How could you guys do this to me?" I asked with my voice cracking almost the whole time.
"It was over," Jamie said quietly.
I snapped over to him, "Clearly," I said coldly.
"I hadn't talked to her in a month, Josie...I hadn't seen her....anything. When we first met I tried to stop all communication with her...I wanted to be with you," he told me.
.
I shook my head the moment he started talking, "Did you talk to her and tell her that it was over? Did you tell her that or did you just stop talking to her and hope that she took the hint?"
He looked away from me down at the ground, which was the answer I was looking for, "Did you sleep with her since we've known each other?" I asked him.
The guys began looking around the room awkwardly, Jamie never looking up at me.
"God damnit, Jamie!" I snapped, getting him to look at me, "That wasn't rhetorical. Did you sleep with her?"
"Yeah." he breathed, "the night we met, she came over. That was the last time, months ago. Josie...I care about you so much, and you're right, I should have told you. But we hadn't talked in so long that I thought she got the point. I don't want her," he told me, walking towards me slowly.
"Well you don't want me either Jamie. You don't do this to someone you care about. This should never have happened," I said.
Everyone was silent. No one tried to argue with what I was saying; I think they all knew I was right.
"I want you all to leave," I said quietly, "I want you all to go and never come back here. Just do this for me."
"Josie...we can’t just erase you," Tyler started.
"Please," I begged, "Just go," I whispered.
Sharpie patted a couple of the guys on the back and whispered to them, finally they started leaving. Tyler started to say some other stuff but I shut him down before he could. Jamie was the last one to leave; I was following him so that I could lock the door behind them all.
He turned and faced me, tears welled up in his eyes, "I'm sorry Josie. I don't want to lose you."
"There were so many chances, Jamie. And I know it may not seem like a big deal...but it is to me. Especially how I found out. That broke my heart, Jamie. It's the fact that you couldn't tell me at the beginning that you were hanging around and sleeping with some girl...and the fact that you didn't end things with her. How could she have known? She's just a girl that was in love with a guy and he didn't have it in him to confess the truth.
"I shared so many things with you. Things that...things that I never told anyone. So the fact that I trusted you more than I trusted a lot of people in my life...that's how much I trusted you. And in the span of ten seconds you broke that trust," I told him, feeling my stomach drop as I saw the tears fall from his eyes.
"Please leave, Jamie," I said to him.
He shook his head, "I don't want to leave it like this."
A sob escaped and I covered my mouth while I cried again, "You have to, Jamie. I'm sorry. I can’t do this."
"Please," he begged.
I shook my head and held onto the open front door and looked away from him, "Go," I whispered.
Jamie stood there for a couple moments longer, but I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.
"You said you wouldn't abandon me, Josie," he said quietly, sadly, "You're throwing me to the wolves," he said, re-hashing the conversation where I realized that I was falling in love with him.
I shook my head, not being able to forgive him just yet, "You abandoned me when you didn't tell me about her," I answered him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
I couldn’t look at him. I didn't want to. My heart was physically breaking in my chest.
He sighed a little before I heard him walk away. I closed the door and locked it, before I went over to the couch and collapsed on it crying. I didn't think I would ever get over the pain.
I grabbed my cell phone and dialed my dad's number, hoping he would answer it but it finally went to voicemail and I couldn’t help but cry into the receiver.
"Daddy," I started with a sob, "he broke my heart," I cried as I laid on the couch on my side curled up, "he was with another girl and no one told me! Oh my God, dad. I can’t believe this has happened to me. Please call me."
I disconnected and dialed Callie, but her's went to voicemail as well, "Callie, please call me. Everything's ruined, I hate him so much," I cried, "Please call me, Callie. Please."
Finally, I tried their landline, but I figured they'd be out at Nanny and PopPops like they did most years for New Years, but maybe they'd be home for some reason. They weren't, of course.
"Dad or Callie, please call me," I said through massive sobs, "Please. I need you."
I disconnected that call and watched as texts began coming through from the guys, every minute or so one of they would try to call me. I got fed up and went to each of their contacts and blocked each of them.
Rouuuuuuuuuus - Blocked.
DaddyDemersssssss - Blocked
The Sharpie - Blocked
Jordo - Blocked
Gingy - Blocked
SeggySeg - Blocked
My Benn ♥ - Blocked
My stomach was in knots as I laid on the couch and cried hysterically. I felt like it had been hours and hours that I was laying there, still in my sparkly dress, still in my high heels and hair and makeup. Finally my phone rang and my dad's photo flashed across it.
"Daddy," I cried as soon as I picked up.
"What the hell is going on there, Josephine?" he asked urgently.
"He was seeing someone," I sobbed, not being able to compose myself, "he was seeing someone when we first met! He slept with her the first night we met, and had been talking to her! I can't believe he did this to me," I said covering my mouth as I continued to cry.
"I'll kill him, Josie," he growled.
I shook my head, "No, please, dad. Don't come down here. I can't right now," I said.
"Well, I'm sure Zoe would take care of it for me," he said heatedly, "I swear to God, Josie. You better delete his number, everything. He's a terrible human, obviously."
"But he wasn't!" I said, hysterical, "He was amazing to me! And I believed all of it! I'm so fucking dumb, dad!"
"No you're not," he said quickly, "He's the dummy for doing this to you. He should never have made you fall for him while he was doing this. He's just an idiot."
"I know," I cried, "Can I talk to Callie?"
"Sure," he said before handing his phone off to Callie.
"Josie?" she asked softly.
Hearing her voice made me cry even harder, and she was soothing me, trying to calm me down enough to talk to her, which took a moment or two.
"My sweet girl," she murmured, "I'm so sorry, doll."
"Why do guys keep fucking me over?" I asked sadly.
"I don't know, sweetie...I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why, especially from him. I just can't believe that," she said.
"I don't know what to do now," I whispered.
"You keep living," she said simply, "it'll take time, but you'll heal, and you'll find the right guy and he'll be amazing," she said as I heard a beep on my phone, I pulled the phone away from my ear and saw that it was my buzzer. I gritted my teeth.
"Just a second," I said and clicked over to the other line, "Listen," I snapped, happy that my voice sounded stronger, "Do. Not. Come. Here. Again. Any of you. If any of you try to be let in, so help me God I will call the cops. Leave me alone," I told them.
"Josie! You need to hear me out!" I heard Jamie say with other voices in the background.
"Leave. Now," I said, before going back to my call with Callie.
"Who was it? Was it him?" she asked quickly.
"He wanted to come back up," I told her.
"Absolutely not," she said.
"I think I should leave the apartment," I muttered.
She sighed, "Do you think it's that bad?" she asked me.
"I think they'll keep coming back and trying to get in here," I said, wiping my eyes, starting to feel numb and unable to cry anymore.
"Can you stay with Zoe and Kyle for a little while?" she asked me.
I sighed, "I'd have to check. I'd have to do it when they're on an away game or something."
"Talk to them," she urged, "you know your dad and I will help however you need us to."
I nodded, feeling my head beginning to pound uncontrollably, "I think I need to sleep," I whispered, rubbing my forehead.
"You call me when you get up, okay?" she said sternly.
I nodded, "Okay," I said before disconnecting.
I sat and stared at the blank TV in front of me. Felling numb. I felt drained physically and emotionally and mentally. But I had to call Zoe. I couldn’t stay at the apartment much longer. I knew that.
"Happy New Years Darlin!" she shouted when she picked up after a few rings.
And that set off a new round of tears when I didn't think my body would physically be able to produce any anymore. She was freaking out on the phone, trying to calm me down, asking me what was wrong. It took about five minutes but I finally calmed down enough to form words and sentences.
When I told her what happened...she lost her shit.
"I swear to fucking God, Josie!" she yelled when she was outside and away from the party guests at her house, "I will kill him! Who the hell does he think he is?"
"I don't get it," I told her, whipping my shoes across the apartment towards the front door, "he was perfect," I mused.
"Clearly not!" she said loudly, "What an idiot he is! Nothing would give me more pleasure than to castrate him right now! I will go to his house and fucking cut everything off!"
I rolled my eyes, "No you wouldn't."
"Well no but I'd really like to!" she said.
"Zoe...you know I hate asking you this again..." I said but I let my sentence hang. Feeling like a complete idiot for needing to ask for a place to hide again.
"You can come here any time, you know that," she told me, not evening needing me to say anything.
"I'm sorry," I said wiping my eyes, "I just feel so dumb," I whispered.
"Hey," she said soothingly, "you have no reason to feel dumb. You're not dumb. He's the idiot that messed up, not you. Me and Kyle will always be here to help you out...we're gonna support you all of the time."
I hung up a moment after that. I stood up and went to my bedroom, quickly unzipping my dress and letting it slide down my body before hitting the carpet softly. I changed into a comfy pair of pajamas, tossed my hair up into a bun and then washed my face before going back to the living room.
I took a seat on the couch and turned the TV on. They were showing a replay of the ball drop up in New York City, I looked at my phone and saw that it was just after 2am. Happy New Years to me.
I changed the channel to some home reno marathon that was going on and left it there as I scrolled through my social media, trying to take my mind off of everything. But it was actually impossible. How could I take my mind off of everything that had happened to me? I couldn't, there was no way to do it.
I was looking at images and posts of friends and family smiling and celebrating with their loved ones and it was almost too painful for me. But I just didn't know what else to do in that moment. I locked my phone and put it on the cushion next to me on the couch. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on my knees watching the show.
Eventually, I managed to drift off to sleep.
I looked over myself in my full length mirror on the back of my bedroom door. I was wearing my short sequined semi-see through dress that was low in the front but had long sleeves to balance it out. It reminded me of the outfit Britney wore in her Toxic video to be honest, which I paired with some strappy silver high heels.
My phone buzzed, so I looked down at it and saw that Tyler had texted me saying they were downstairs and to hurry my ass up. I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I grabbed my clutch and left the apartment.
I saw the limo out front and walked to it just as Jamie opened the door of it and stepping out of it, wearing a black tux.
"Hey," he breathed when I was close to him.
I smiled and threw my arms around his neck, "I missed you!" I whispered.
He held me around my waist very tight and squeezed, "I missed you too, Josie," he told me, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
I pulled away from him and smiled before I placed a small kiss on his lips. I pulled away from him slightly, but he pulled me back to him and deepened the kiss a bit. It wasn't until Tyler yelled at us that we pulled apart from each other.
"You look beautiful," he murmured to me.
"You look very handsome, Jamie," I told him, as I passed him to get into the limo, where he slid in next to me.
"Hey, everyone!" I called once I was sitting.
Almost everyone was there. Spezza, Demers, Sharp, Rous, Jordie, Cody and the ladies were there too, all dressed to impress. We all happily chatted together about our holidays and how excited we were to be going out for the night.
We got into the club right away and were escorted into the V.I.P section. We all picked out our seats on the plush couches with me sitting next to Jamie and Tyler. Tyler popped the first bottle of champagne and started pouring it for everyone and we all clinked our glasses together with a cheer.
I kept looking up at Jamie every so often, sometimes we would catch each other looking and other times I would look at him while he talked to some of the others around us. He looked so happy being there, sitting next to me, sitting with our friends celebrating the New Year. I wanted to tell him how I was feeling so badly, I almost didn't want to wait until midnight, I wanted to tell him and then go to his house and be with each other. Just us.
I wanted him to know that I wanted to start the year off with him; I wanted to tell him that I was in love with him, and that I wasn't afraid of being with him anymore. That this was it for me. He was it. He was everything I had ever wanted. He had been who I was looking for.
It was 11pm and I was leaning against Jamie and he had his arm around me, resting on the back of the couch but his fingers were grazing my shoulder. We had been drinking casually since we had gotten there, no one was trashy drunk but we were all definitely feeling good and having a good time.
We were laughing at a story that Sharpie was telling us from his time up in Chicago, I leaned forward to the table to grab my drink when I heard Jamie's name being called. I looked over and saw this girl walking towards him with a big smile and her arms out stretched. She was tiny, like toothpick size. She had bottle blonde hair and big blue eyes. I looked from her to Jamie and saw Jamie with his mouth opened, looking shocked. I looked to Tyler next to me and saw him looking the same way as Jamie. Actually, most of the guys had that same expression.
"Hey, baby," she said to him, leaning down to hug him and then she kissed him, placing her hand on the back of his neck and basically shoving her tongue into his mouth. I looked away as I start to feel my eyes burn with tears.
"You should have told me you were coming out! I would have just gotten a ride with you instead of taking an Uber!" she laughed.
I looked back over at the interaction just as she stepped in between me and Jamie and began to sit down, "Do you mind? Move please," she said turning her head to look down at me.
Without hesitation I slid into Tyler pushing him further down the couch. I sat looking straight at the table trying to think of an exit strategy. Trying to think of a way to put even more physical distance between me and Jamie.
What in the hell was going on? Was...was she his girlfriend? Of course he had a girlfriend. Of course she would show up. But why wouldn't he tell me that? He had opened up to me and told me so many things, but he kept this to himself? Why? Was I actually some sort of puck bunny that just hadn't given into him yet in his mind? Was she?
"Are you one of Tyler's friends?" she asked me, over emphasizing the word 'friends.'
I looked at her and shook my head, "No, I'm not."
She shrugged and looked back over to Jamie, I looked up at Tyler and he was watching me with intensity, I stood up quickly, "I have to go," I announced.
Tyler grabbed my hand but I pulled away from him and quickly left the section, but not before I heard Jamie yelling after me. I quickly left the club and kept walking towards my apartment building, which was about a twenty minute walk. I heard someone run up behind me breathing heavily.
"Josie!" Tyler said when he caught up with me.
"What?" I asked, never breaking my stride.
"Josie, hey," he said, grabbing my arm and stopping me, "I'm so sorry, Josie. No one knew she would show up."
I looked up at him wide eyed, with sudden anger coursing through my body, "You knew about her?" I asked him quietly.
He went pale, and he was opening his mouth trying to come up with something to say to me, "Tyler did...you knew about her and Jamie?"
"Josie," he started, "It's not that simple okay? Jamie didn't want us to tell you about her, he wanted to figure out what was going on with you before rushing into things with you. Jamie really cares about you."
"So what?" I asked him harshly, "He would come and hang out with me and then go somewhere and fuck her?" my anger was starting to rise, "And what, Tyler? You didn't have the decency to tell me that Jamie was playing me this whole time? That he was hanging out with some other girl too? You couldn't tell me that? You couldn't spare me from the embarrassment of that? In front of everyone? In front of people that I considered to be some of my best friends?"
"Jamie begged me not to tell you, Jo. He doesn't want to lose you, okay?"
"If he likes me as much as you said he does then why didn't he break it off with her to see where shit would go with me?"
"It's pretty much been over with her for a while, Josie! He hasn't seen her in a month! I don't know how she found out about tonight, or how she even got into our section!"
"You know what?" I said backing up from him, "I'm done. I don't care. Just leave me alone, tell Jamie to leave me alone. Tell everyone to leave me alone. I don't want to see any of you guys. You've all lied to me for months."
"Josie, please, just come back and Jamie will explain everything."
I shook my head, "Leave me alone, Tyler. All of you."
I turned away from him and began walking, "Josie!" he asked running to me.
"I swear to God, Tyler," I said as I continued to walk, "Follow me, or try to touch or talk to me, I will scream bloody murder."
I kept walking without him following behind me and made it back to my apartment. I slammed my door shut once I got to my apartment and locked it behind me. My phone had been buzzing ever since I left the club; I finally looked down at it and saw 10 missed calls from Jamie and countless others from the rest of the guys as well as 26 texts from Jamie and more from everyone else. I didn't even bother to look at them. I leaned against the door and slid down so I was sitting on the floor. I was wiping furiously at my face to stop the tears but they kept on coming.
How did this all happen? I really really cared about Jamie. I opened up to him so much and about things that I had never told guys before, but he couldn't tell me that he had been dating this girl? Even if it wasn't serious he should have told me! Tyler or one of the guys should have told me!
My phone started buzzing again so I looked at it and saw that it was my buzzer and I knew there was a good chance that it was going to be Jamie and probably Tyler too.
I picked my phone up and answered it, "What?" I asked, wiping my nose.
"Josie, please just let me up! I just need to talk to you!" Jamie said from the other end hurriedly.
"No," I answered before hanging up.
It rang again instantly, "Jamie just drop it," I said once I answered it seeing that it was the buzzer again.
"It's all of us!" one of the guys, Jordie I think, said into the speaker.
I rolled my eyes and let them up, knowing they wouldn’t give up until I talked to them, and I didn't need them buzzing every single person in the building until someone let them up.
I stood up and continued to wipe my face, but the tears kept on coming down my face. I unlocked the door and walked to my living room, taking a seat on the couch.
Within minutes the boys came bursting through my door. Tyler, Antoine, Spezza, Sharp, Demers, Jordie, Cody...and finally Jamie.
They all came into the living room and stood around me, all speaking at once with Jamie standing off looking at me. I stood up, facing them.
"All of you shut the fuck up!" I yelled, causing them all to shut their traps, "Now sit down because I'm the one talking!" I said, moving around the group as they all sat down without another word.
"Josie..." Jamie said, trailing off.
I shook my head, "Sit down, Jamie."
He considered me for a moment more before sitting down with everyone else.
I stood in front of these talented and strong men, but they looked absolutely terrified of me.
"This is the absolute last time I plan on seeing any of you in person if I can help it," I started, "I will refuse to speak with you, text, hang out...everything. I'm done with all of you, with the team. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life," I said, looking directly at Jamie, and watching as his eyes filled with tears, "All of you knew what was going on behind my back. Not once did anyone try to let me know. Regardless," I said, raising my hand when Tyler went to speak, "of how long people hadn't spoken to each other," I said wiping my face, "I thought you were my friends," I said with my voice cracking and a sob coming out.
"We are your friends, Josie," Cody said softly.
I began shaking my head, "No, you're not. None of you are. Someone should have spoken up and said, 'Hey Josie, just so you know, Jamie and this girl were hanging around when you two met, maybe that’s something you should know.' That would have been helpful! Instead, y'all keep your mouths shut like children, not wanting to be the one to step up and be honest with me about shit that would affect my life! Why? Because he's the Captain of the fucking team? Well guess what? I don't give a fuck about who he is, or what team you guys play for or anything! I care about the fact that people that I trusted..." I broke and began sobbing, trying my hardest to catch my breath.
My eyes began blurry and suddenly arms were around me. Hugging me, holding me, smoothing my hair. After a couple minutes and calming myself I pulled the hands off of my and stepped back.
"How could you guys do this to me?" I asked with my voice cracking almost the whole time.
"It was over," Jamie said quietly.
I snapped over to him, "Clearly," I said coldly.
"I hadn't talked to her in a month, Josie...I hadn't seen her....anything. When we first met I tried to stop all communication with her...I wanted to be with you," he told me.
.
I shook my head the moment he started talking, "Did you talk to her and tell her that it was over? Did you tell her that or did you just stop talking to her and hope that she took the hint?"
He looked away from me down at the ground, which was the answer I was looking for, "Did you sleep with her since we've known each other?" I asked him.
The guys began looking around the room awkwardly, Jamie never looking up at me.
"God damnit, Jamie!" I snapped, getting him to look at me, "That wasn't rhetorical. Did you sleep with her?"
"Yeah." he breathed, "the night we met, she came over. That was the last time, months ago. Josie...I care about you so much, and you're right, I should have told you. But we hadn't talked in so long that I thought she got the point. I don't want her," he told me, walking towards me slowly.
"Well you don't want me either Jamie. You don't do this to someone you care about. This should never have happened," I said.
Everyone was silent. No one tried to argue with what I was saying; I think they all knew I was right.
"I want you all to leave," I said quietly, "I want you all to go and never come back here. Just do this for me."
"Josie...we can’t just erase you," Tyler started.
"Please," I begged, "Just go," I whispered.
Sharpie patted a couple of the guys on the back and whispered to them, finally they started leaving. Tyler started to say some other stuff but I shut him down before he could. Jamie was the last one to leave; I was following him so that I could lock the door behind them all.
He turned and faced me, tears welled up in his eyes, "I'm sorry Josie. I don't want to lose you."
"There were so many chances, Jamie. And I know it may not seem like a big deal...but it is to me. Especially how I found out. That broke my heart, Jamie. It's the fact that you couldn't tell me at the beginning that you were hanging around and sleeping with some girl...and the fact that you didn't end things with her. How could she have known? She's just a girl that was in love with a guy and he didn't have it in him to confess the truth.
"I shared so many things with you. Things that...things that I never told anyone. So the fact that I trusted you more than I trusted a lot of people in my life...that's how much I trusted you. And in the span of ten seconds you broke that trust," I told him, feeling my stomach drop as I saw the tears fall from his eyes.
"Please leave, Jamie," I said to him.
He shook his head, "I don't want to leave it like this."
A sob escaped and I covered my mouth while I cried again, "You have to, Jamie. I'm sorry. I can’t do this."
"Please," he begged.
I shook my head and held onto the open front door and looked away from him, "Go," I whispered.
Jamie stood there for a couple moments longer, but I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.
"You said you wouldn't abandon me, Josie," he said quietly, sadly, "You're throwing me to the wolves," he said, re-hashing the conversation where I realized that I was falling in love with him.
I shook my head, not being able to forgive him just yet, "You abandoned me when you didn't tell me about her," I answered him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
I couldn’t look at him. I didn't want to. My heart was physically breaking in my chest.
He sighed a little before I heard him walk away. I closed the door and locked it, before I went over to the couch and collapsed on it crying. I didn't think I would ever get over the pain.
I grabbed my cell phone and dialed my dad's number, hoping he would answer it but it finally went to voicemail and I couldn’t help but cry into the receiver.
"Daddy," I started with a sob, "he broke my heart," I cried as I laid on the couch on my side curled up, "he was with another girl and no one told me! Oh my God, dad. I can’t believe this has happened to me. Please call me."
I disconnected and dialed Callie, but her's went to voicemail as well, "Callie, please call me. Everything's ruined, I hate him so much," I cried, "Please call me, Callie. Please."
Finally, I tried their landline, but I figured they'd be out at Nanny and PopPops like they did most years for New Years, but maybe they'd be home for some reason. They weren't, of course.
"Dad or Callie, please call me," I said through massive sobs, "Please. I need you."
I disconnected that call and watched as texts began coming through from the guys, every minute or so one of they would try to call me. I got fed up and went to each of their contacts and blocked each of them.
Rouuuuuuuuuus - Blocked.
DaddyDemersssssss - Blocked
The Sharpie - Blocked
Jordo - Blocked
Gingy - Blocked
SeggySeg - Blocked
My Benn ♥ - Blocked
My stomach was in knots as I laid on the couch and cried hysterically. I felt like it had been hours and hours that I was laying there, still in my sparkly dress, still in my high heels and hair and makeup. Finally my phone rang and my dad's photo flashed across it.
"Daddy," I cried as soon as I picked up.
"What the hell is going on there, Josephine?" he asked urgently.
"He was seeing someone," I sobbed, not being able to compose myself, "he was seeing someone when we first met! He slept with her the first night we met, and had been talking to her! I can't believe he did this to me," I said covering my mouth as I continued to cry.
"I'll kill him, Josie," he growled.
I shook my head, "No, please, dad. Don't come down here. I can't right now," I said.
"Well, I'm sure Zoe would take care of it for me," he said heatedly, "I swear to God, Josie. You better delete his number, everything. He's a terrible human, obviously."
"But he wasn't!" I said, hysterical, "He was amazing to me! And I believed all of it! I'm so fucking dumb, dad!"
"No you're not," he said quickly, "He's the dummy for doing this to you. He should never have made you fall for him while he was doing this. He's just an idiot."
"I know," I cried, "Can I talk to Callie?"
"Sure," he said before handing his phone off to Callie.
"Josie?" she asked softly.
Hearing her voice made me cry even harder, and she was soothing me, trying to calm me down enough to talk to her, which took a moment or two.
"My sweet girl," she murmured, "I'm so sorry, doll."
"Why do guys keep fucking me over?" I asked sadly.
"I don't know, sweetie...I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't understand why, especially from him. I just can't believe that," she said.
"I don't know what to do now," I whispered.
"You keep living," she said simply, "it'll take time, but you'll heal, and you'll find the right guy and he'll be amazing," she said as I heard a beep on my phone, I pulled the phone away from my ear and saw that it was my buzzer. I gritted my teeth.
"Just a second," I said and clicked over to the other line, "Listen," I snapped, happy that my voice sounded stronger, "Do. Not. Come. Here. Again. Any of you. If any of you try to be let in, so help me God I will call the cops. Leave me alone," I told them.
"Josie! You need to hear me out!" I heard Jamie say with other voices in the background.
"Leave. Now," I said, before going back to my call with Callie.
"Who was it? Was it him?" she asked quickly.
"He wanted to come back up," I told her.
"Absolutely not," she said.
"I think I should leave the apartment," I muttered.
She sighed, "Do you think it's that bad?" she asked me.
"I think they'll keep coming back and trying to get in here," I said, wiping my eyes, starting to feel numb and unable to cry anymore.
"Can you stay with Zoe and Kyle for a little while?" she asked me.
I sighed, "I'd have to check. I'd have to do it when they're on an away game or something."
"Talk to them," she urged, "you know your dad and I will help however you need us to."
I nodded, feeling my head beginning to pound uncontrollably, "I think I need to sleep," I whispered, rubbing my forehead.
"You call me when you get up, okay?" she said sternly.
I nodded, "Okay," I said before disconnecting.
I sat and stared at the blank TV in front of me. Felling numb. I felt drained physically and emotionally and mentally. But I had to call Zoe. I couldn’t stay at the apartment much longer. I knew that.
"Happy New Years Darlin!" she shouted when she picked up after a few rings.
And that set off a new round of tears when I didn't think my body would physically be able to produce any anymore. She was freaking out on the phone, trying to calm me down, asking me what was wrong. It took about five minutes but I finally calmed down enough to form words and sentences.
When I told her what happened...she lost her shit.
"I swear to fucking God, Josie!" she yelled when she was outside and away from the party guests at her house, "I will kill him! Who the hell does he think he is?"
"I don't get it," I told her, whipping my shoes across the apartment towards the front door, "he was perfect," I mused.
"Clearly not!" she said loudly, "What an idiot he is! Nothing would give me more pleasure than to castrate him right now! I will go to his house and fucking cut everything off!"
I rolled my eyes, "No you wouldn't."
"Well no but I'd really like to!" she said.
"Zoe...you know I hate asking you this again..." I said but I let my sentence hang. Feeling like a complete idiot for needing to ask for a place to hide again.
"You can come here any time, you know that," she told me, not evening needing me to say anything.
"I'm sorry," I said wiping my eyes, "I just feel so dumb," I whispered.
"Hey," she said soothingly, "you have no reason to feel dumb. You're not dumb. He's the idiot that messed up, not you. Me and Kyle will always be here to help you out...we're gonna support you all of the time."
I hung up a moment after that. I stood up and went to my bedroom, quickly unzipping my dress and letting it slide down my body before hitting the carpet softly. I changed into a comfy pair of pajamas, tossed my hair up into a bun and then washed my face before going back to the living room.
I took a seat on the couch and turned the TV on. They were showing a replay of the ball drop up in New York City, I looked at my phone and saw that it was just after 2am. Happy New Years to me.
I changed the channel to some home reno marathon that was going on and left it there as I scrolled through my social media, trying to take my mind off of everything. But it was actually impossible. How could I take my mind off of everything that had happened to me? I couldn't, there was no way to do it.
I was looking at images and posts of friends and family smiling and celebrating with their loved ones and it was almost too painful for me. But I just didn't know what else to do in that moment. I locked my phone and put it on the cushion next to me on the couch. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on my knees watching the show.
Eventually, I managed to drift off to sleep.
OMG omg please update
1/1/18