For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth. - n.t

The next day, early in the morning, I packed a suitcase and brought it down to my car, thankfully not seeing any of the guys in sight. I quickly went to my car and loaded it and began the short drive to Zoe and Kyle's house.

I pulled into their driveway 15 minutes later and got out with a heavy sigh. I couldn’t believe I was doing this again for the second time in less than a year. I was hiding out at their house until I found a different place to live.

I rolled my luggage behind me and knocked heavily on their door, listening as their two dogs began barking.

"Shush!" I heard Kyle yell from inside, but they kept barking, "Shut up! Oreo, Lolly! Quiet!" I heard him yelling, getting closer as he got closer to the door.

Finally he opened it and he smiled sadly at me, "Hey, JoJo," he said.

I nodded and walked in when he opened the door wider for me, "You okay?" he asked, putting an arm around my shoulder after he closed the door.

I looked at him and laid my head on his shoulder, "No," I said quietly.

"It'll be okay," he told me gently, "I'll take this to the spare room," he said, letting go of me and taking my luggage handle and leaving me.

I sighed as the dogs were jumping at my feet and Zoe came from the basement, "Hey, darlin," she said with a small smile.

Looking at her made the tears well up in my eyes and the sobs began coming out.

"Oh Josie," I heard her say as she came up to me and hugged me tightly, I wrapped my arms around her waist and held onto her. Felling like she was my lifeline. I buried my face into her neck where he dark curly hard was resting and sobbed into it.

She rubbed my back and whispered some words of comfort to me. I wasn’t paying attention to the words; I just kept picturing his face in my head. I kept hearing his laugh ring through my ears. I wanted to hear his voice whispering to me. I wanted his arm around me, holding me.

"Come on," Zoe urged, letting one of her arms fall from my shoulders while keeping one wrapped around me, leading me to the spare room her and Kyle had in the house.

Kyle had left the door open and my luggage was sitting by the closet, she walked me to the bed and sat us both down.

"You need to sleep," she whispered.

I silently began wiping my eyes and nodded, "I know," I muttered.

She pushed some hair back from my face and sighed a little, "Lay down, Jo. Come out when you're ready, okay?"

I nodded as she stood up and headed for the door, "I'm sorry," I managed to get out, while staring straight ahead of me at the dresser with the T.V on top of it.

"Hey," she said from the doorway, I looked over at her through blurry eyes, "You never have to apologize. This wasn’t your fault, Josie. This was an idiot that didn't know what he had," she said sternly, I looked away from her again, "Get some sleep," she said before I heard her close the door.

I laid back on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

--

When I woke back up it was getting dark out, I looked at my phone and saw that it was almost 5pm and that I had been sleeping for almost 8 hours.

I got up and left the room quietly, when I was almost at the living room, I heard Zoe speaking.

"I don't know Mr. B," she said with a sigh, I knew instantly that she was talking to my dad, "she's been sleeping and she was really upset when she got here, I didn't want to press her too hard so quickly."

She was silent so I knew he must have been responding, "Yeah," she agreed, "I think she needs some time off too. I dunno, I'll talk to her when she gets up."

I walked into the living room and got her attention, she looked sadly at me and nodded, "She actually just got up. I'm gonna give her some food and I'll have her call you in a bit," she told him, he answered her back, "Alright, talk to you later," she said before pulling her phone away and handing up.

"Go and get changed into some PJs," she said, standing up.

I sighed, "You're not my boss," I told her.

I peeked over at her and saw her grinning at me, "There's my girl," she cooed making me crack a small brief smile, "I'm just finishing dinner, so get some comfy clothes on," she said before leaving the room to go to the kitchen.

I sighed and turned around, heading back to my temporary room. I opened my luggage and the first thing I saw where Jamie's pair of Dallas Stars sweatpants and shirt that he left at my house under my sink. I chucked the stuff onto the bed and changed quickly, I brought his stuff out when I came out. Zoe was just settling down in the living room when I came back in.

I tossed the clothes on the couch next to her and slumped into the chair next to the couch, "I need those away from me," I said, eyeing his things.

She looked over at them and sighed, "Do you want me to call him?" she asked quietly.

I nodded as she pulled her phone out and stood up, "Where are you going?" I asked.

She looked at me, "I was...going to call him from my room," she said slowly.

I shook my head, "Call him here. Can you put him on speaker?" I asked.

She bit her lip, "Josie...that's not a good idea."

"Please," I begged, with my eyesight getting blurry because the tears began forming again.

She sighed to herself as she sat back down, "You need to be quiet though," she warned me.

I nodded as she held her phone out in front of her and cleared her throat. The ringing began but it only took him three rings to answer.

"Is she there?" he asked as his way of greeting.

Zoe rolled her eyes, "Well, hello to you too, Cap," she said darkly.

He sighed, "Zoe, I'm sorry. But I need to talk to her if she's there."

"She's not here," she said firmly.

"Tell me where she is," he begged, "Please, her car isn't at her apartment, is she okay at least?"

Zoe scoffed, disgusted, "As okay as she can be after all of that bullshit."

"Zo, you need to hear me out too, I haven't talked to Ashley in a month and I haven't seen her in a while! I want to be with Josie, Zoe! You have to believe me!" he said. He sounded terrible. His voice sounded a little raspy and tired, like he didn't sleep.

Zoe groaned and rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Jamie, honestly. All I know for sure is that my best friend called me a 1:30 in the morning, sobbing uncontrollably, rambling on about how you broke her heart. So, forgive me if I don't give a fuck about what you have to say about it," Zoe snapped. I looked at her, wide eyed. She looked back at me a raised her eyebrows to me, questioning me. I diverted my eyes and looked away from her and the phone.

"So, the only reason I called was to say that I picked up some of your shit from her apartment and she asked me to give it to you," she told him.

"I need to see her," he said, pleading.

"No," Zoe said, "So it's either that I toss it all in a box and I meet you at your house like adults, or you be a baby and then I have to leave it at your fancy house burning in a box. Whatever you wanna do, Jamie, you just let me know."

"Zoe!" I mouthed.

Zoe looked at me quick and shook her head.

"I want to make this work, Zoe!" Jamie said.

"Me too, so tell me what it's gonna be, Hockey Star," she said.

It was silent on his end for a minute, "I'm at home," he said quietly.

"Okay," Zoe said nonchalant, "I'll be there in an hour. And no. She won't be with me," she said before hanging the phone up.

I sat back in the chair and looked down at my lap, I heard Zoe sigh deeply.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I shook my head and let the tears fall, I heard her get up off of the couch and she sat on the arm of the chair I was on.

"Just missing him?" she asked me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, nodding, "Yeah...maybe listening to the conversation wasn’t the smartest idea," I said.

I looked up at her and saw her smiling sadly at me, "It'll get so much better, Josie. Really it will."

"I just hate him," I said, beginning to cry, "I hate him but I miss him already...why did it have to be like this? Why did it have to happen to me?"

"I don't know, Darlin. I'm sorry that it does have to happen to you...I’m really sorry about this one especially...he seemed so perfect for you," she murmured.

I laid my head on the back of the chair as Zoe smoothed my hair, "I thought he was too," I whispered.

"You can stay here as long as you need to...we'll find out when they're gone for some games and we'll go and grab your stuff, okay?" she told me.

I took a ragged breath and nodded, "Thank-you."

"Hey," she said, causing me to look up at her, "you're so incredibly strong, you proved that to all of us and yourself when all of this other shit went on with David. You're stronger than you know, and this will prove it to you even more. I know it's gonna hurt, but you're gonna persevere, and you're gonna have such an amazing life. This is such a small little bump, and you're gonna come out on the other side even stronger than before."

"I hear what you're saying," I said slowly, feeling my throat beginning to tingle, "I...um..." was all I managed to get out before I turned into a puddle of tears once more. I couldn't stop myself, the cries just seemed to be ripping through me and I couldn’t even begin to stop them.

Zoe held onto me and let me cry. I felt so inconsolable. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

"It's okay, Josie. It's all gonna be okay," Zoe kept repeating to me.

I finally calmed down a little bit, "I hear what you're saying...I just don't feel like I'll get there," I told her, covering my mouth when a sob broke through.

"You'll get there, Josie," she whispered, keeping a protective arm around me, "you'll get there and you'll be happy, I promise."

I squeezed my eyes shut and let the emotions come over me. I didn't understand how I would be able to feel okay again. I felt like I never would be able to feel okay. Like my heart and soul were irreparably broken. I felt like there was never going to be anything in my life to make me feel any type of happiness again.

I wasn't sure if it was true or not. Maybe, someday, there would be something to make me feel whole again.

But...in that moment, sitting on a chair in Zoe and Kyle's living room sobbing without feeling any sort of comfort...feeling like my heart had been ripped clean out of my body...there was nothing that would ever happen to change my life. Nothing was ever going to happen to make me feel okay or whole again.

Notes

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