sometimes, we are like stars. we fall to make someone's wish come true - unknown


I came back downstairs a little while later after I had semi unpacked some of my things from my luggage. I was only there a few days but I wanted to make it a bit more home-y.

I went into the living and smiled over at Tyler who beckoned me to go over to him, which I did and sat down next to him on the loveseat.

"What's up?" he asked me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

I shrugged lightly, "Not too much, you?"

He side eyed me, "You gonna talk to him?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes, "Well shit...I don't really think I have too much of a choice, ya know? I don't think he'll let it go too quickly. Might as well get it over with."

"Josie," Tyler said with a sigh, "don't push yourself into doing stuff. No one is gonna think any differently if you don't talk to him today or at all while you're here. He'll get the hint; he'll eventually leave you alone."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "You think so?"

His face went slightly red and he shrugged, "I mean...you never know."

"Well I know," I told him, "I know he wouldn't give it up. And I can't hide too well up here."

Tyler pursed his lips, "You do whatever you wanna do."

I stood up, "It has nothing to do with wanting to; it has to do with me just needing to get it over with so I can actually enjoy my time up here."

I looked down at Tyler and saw him with a small encouraging smile, "He's out back somewhere."

I bit my lip and nodded once before leaving the room. I walked into the back of the cottage and started walking to the lake, trying to find him. It didn't take long; he was sitting on the dock with his feet hanging over the edge.

I walked over quietly and sat down next to him, but with a decent amount of space between us.

He looked at me and smiled, "Hey," he said quietly.

I nodded once and looked at the water moving slowly in front of me, "What did you need to talk about?" I asked him briskly.

He sighed, "I needed to explain things. Explain that I never meant to hurt you. Honestly I didn't. And I know you hate me, and I understand that, and I could never blame you for that. I'm just..." his voice trailed off and I looked over at him.

He was looking down at the water and moving his legs back and forth, and I could see that he was frowning. He looked like he was concentrating on something, maybe trying to find the words he wanted.

"I'm just really sorry," he said quietly, he took a deep breath; "I never meant to hurt you. And I know there were millions of times to come clean, but...honestly, I didn't think there was anything to come clean about, only because I wasn't dating her," he said, finally looking at me, I wanted to look away from him but I couldn't, "We weren't in a relationship, Josie. And I regret sleeping with her that night. And I regret talking to her. I hung out with her maybe three more times after we met. But every time we hung out, I only ever thought of you. I wanted to leave wherever we were and go and hang out with you," he had fully turned his body to face me, sitting cross-legged on the dock facing me. I hadn't moved to face him that way.

I sighed and looked out at the water, feeling a chill once the cool wind hit me, "I mean..." I drifted, before looking at him, "I appreciate that, Jamie. I really do. But you don't get it," I told him, "That night...I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Every single bit of trust that I had in you was gone in seconds. Like I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you. And it doesn't make a difference if you hung out with her one time, five times, or one hundred times, I don't care," I stressed, "I just wish you would have told me! That's the part that bothers me. If you had told me up front, maybe I wouldn't have fallen as hard as I did. I just wanted you to be honest with me."

"But if I had told you, you might have wanted nothing to do with me," he said.

I shook my head, "That's not true, Jamie! I would have still wanted to be around you! Just because you were semi-dating someone else didn't mean that I wouldn’t have wanted to spend time with you! I just would have known about what else you have going on!"

"But I didn't want anything going on with her after I met you!" he said, exasperated. He looked at me like he was confused because I wasn't getting what he was saying. But oh, was I getting it.

"Then you should have ended it!" I said angrily, "And you're here, looking at me with this dumb confused look on your face, but I'm the one that didn't know shit about what was happening! I'm the one that was left confused and hurt and angry and alone after everything that you did to me, Jamie!"

"I tried to end it!" he cried, "I was left alone too, Josie!"

"You didn't try to end it!" I accused, fully facing him, finally, "You could have if you wanted to! There was nothing stopping you! She didn't have a gun to your head! And you were left alone because of something you did! Not me! So don't you dare try to blame that on me!"

"We weren't dating, Josie!" he said loudly, "Me and Ashley weren't together. I didn’t love her. She wasn't my girlfriend. She was delusional, Josie! She thought we were in a relationship, but we never were! She wanted more than I did, especially after we met!"

"No," I said standing up, "she was just someone you would fuck because I wasn't giving it up."

"I didn't say that!" he said, standing up as well.

"She didn't know, though, Jamie!" I shouted, not caring that everyone could probably hear us, "She didn't know that there was nothing going on between you guys! She didn't know that you didn't have feelings for her! She did for you, obviously. She cared about you and wanted to be with you, and you didn't do anything to try and change her mind!"

"I didn't talk to her for a month!" he shouted back to me.

I rolled my eyes and ran my hands down my face, "Jesus Christ, Jamie! You're a God Damn professional Hockey player! There were days when we didn't talk because you were busy! You travel, you practice, you have games! She probably didn't think anything of it when you two didn't talk because she's not an idiot!"

"And what are you saying? That I am an idiot?" he asked.

"No!" I yelled, with tears flowing down my face, and I heard footsteps on the dock and I knew we would be separated soon, "I'm the idiot because I fell in love with you!" I yelled pointing at him, watching as his face fell, watching him go pale.

I turned on my heel and walked right into Tyler's chest, "I'm so sorry, Tyler," I cried, as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and led me back up to the house.

"Don't apologize," he said soothingly, "you're not ready to talk to him yet, and that’s okay."

"I want to talk to him," I said honestly, as I sniffled, "I want to talk to him but I don't want to. And I don't know why. Why am I feeling like this?"

He opened the sliding door and we walked into his kitchen, "Because you're in love with him," he said simply, leading me upstairs to a different room than where I was sleeping.

My chest tightened and I began crying harder, "I don't want to be," I sobbed, as he opened the door to what looked like his bedroom.

He walked me over to the bed, "You can't help your feelings, Josie. I'm sorry I made you come here."

I shook my head, "You didn't," I said, calming myself down, knowing that Tyler was with me, "I wanted to. I just didn't know it would be so hard to be with him. Or near him."

Tyler sat next to me and pulled me into him, "I know, Josie. It'll all be okay, I swear. Jamie is...well, Jamie. He's angry at himself for what happened. He cares so much about you," he said, "he wants to be with you," he stated rubbing my back, "Really, he does. He's just frustrated at himself for all of this."

I sighed and wiped my eyes, "I just wish he would have told me," I whispered, "everything would have been fine if he had just told me about her. I still would have wanted to be with him," I told Tyler quietly, "I would have still wanted him. And then maybe he would have really ended it officially with her or whatever, and we would have been together..."

"But he didn't," Tyler said, bluntly making my heart ache, "Jamie was an idiot and didn't do things the way he should have. But it's been done, Josie, it's happened and there's no take backs. It happened and it's shitty but no one can take it back. He wishes he could, I know that, and I think you know that.

"But you guys arguing," he said, moving his arm from around me, standing up from the bed, and then crouching in front of me with his hands on my knees, "isn't helping anyone. You know Jamie feels the same way about you, he loves you too. He wants to be with you, just like I know you want to be with him too. So why don't you both be adults and get shit done."

I shook my head a little, "It's not that simple, Ty-"

"I know," he said, cutting me off, "I know it's not. But you forgave me and the guys like it was nothing," he pointed out.

I smiled sadly, "I wasn't in love with you guys, no offence," I said, patting his hand.

He smiled at me, "There's my sarcastic Jo," he said squeezing my knee.

I laughed quietly, "He broke my heart," I said quietly.

Tyler looked at me sympathetically, "I know, JoJo. But he wants it to work out again, and you do too. You're just so God Damn stubborn."

I scoffed, "No I'm not."

He raised his eyebrows at me, "Exactly."

I sighed and shook my head, "I get it," I told him, "But...today was too much...I think for both of us. All of the guys and me showing up, especially since he didn't know. It was a shock for all of us, and I don't think either of us handled it well."

Tyler chuckled, "Well no shit. You need to be telling Jamie all of this, not me."

"Not tonight," I told him, "That was too much, everything has been too much. Maybe tomorrow."

He smiled and stood up, "Do you wanna come back down with us? I swear I'll keep him away."

"I don't know," I said honestly, "I think I'll go to mine and Cody's room and sit and think and whatever."

Tyler sighed and nodded, stepping back from me, "Alright, well come down and visit if you feel like it. It's getting dark enough now, I was gonna start a fire" he told me.

I smiled, "Thank-you, for everything, Ty. Maybe later I'll come down."

He smiled, "Of course, I'll see you in a bit," he said before leaving the room.

Notes

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