The Dream

After the long trip to Magnitogorsk, I would be meeting Natalya and Vlad in less th We took the metro early in the morning and got in late at night so instead of waking his parents we just stayed in a motel and waited to go to the house until the morning. Magnitogorsk is a smaller town with only a few stores, restaurants and factories. I could see why Geno wanted to go to America, there was no potential for him to continue growing as an athlete here. Playing in the KHL is kind of the peak for athletes here so it was a huge and smart decision for him to leave and join the NHL. With that being said, he still clearly loves Magnitogorsk and is extremely proud of where he's from. I was showered and put on a light blue floral romper that had a halter neck and back. It's cute but not revealing. I didn't want Evgeni's family thinking I was just a puck bunny whore or anything. I put on silver rhinestone sandals and threw my hair up into a high pony tail. It was straightened and too long, I get closer to chopping it off every day. Geno came out of the bathroom in black gym shorts and a white vneck tshirt. Moscow has and always will be one of my favorite places on earth. It has beautiful architecture and an amazing culture. Everyone I met on my study abroad trip impacted me even with the language barrier and I spent a lot of my free time in museums and touring the historical buildings while the others on the program were going out to bars and tasting authentic Russian vodka. I was definitely the nerd of the group but at the end of the Maymester I was the one that experienced the most in Russia and it was one of the best trips I've ever taken. "Can we please stay in Moscow longer G?"
The view from the giant bay window of his apartment had me mesmerized. It wasn't a huge place but it was in one of the nicest apartment buildings in the whole city and it was only a few blocks from the red square and Kremlin.
"We stay with parents for a few days but then come back. What more you want?" Evgeni answers loudly from the bathroom.
"I want to live here forever."
Even though I was two rooms over I could hear the shower start.
"Come join?" Geno's voice clearly coming from inside the room now. I turn to see him standing in the doorway in only his boxers. The flight from London didn't affect him but, even though it was shorter than the last flight, it still left me feeling groggy and tired. His smile melts my heart and even though he looks irresistible with the afternoon sun hitting him, I felt too tired and ugly to sex him up.
"I'm sorry but I can't leave this view Geno. I love it too much."
I look back out over the city. Desperately wanting to go out and explore. I could hear his footsteps coming towards me but I didn't shift my attention from the view. I feel his hands sneak up the bottom of my oversized tshirt, which is actually his, and wrap around my waist, meeting at my stomach. I feel instantly warmer the minute he pulls me back to him. He rests his head on my right shoulder and we both stare off into the vast Moscow landscape. I'm sure the city didn't have the same effect on him as it did on me but he stood there silently with me for at least ten minutes just looking out the window.
"Go shower. You stink." I say, finally breaking the silence. He picks his head up and I look over at him, both of us smiling, and he brings his head down and kisses me. I return the affection for a few minutes before pulling away from his lips and telling him, once again, to go shower. He reluctantly lets go of me and makes his way back to the bathroom. I walk over to the couch and throw myself down onto it, grabbing the tv remote from the glass coffee table and flipping through the Russian channels. I find one that looks a lot like a Russian food network so I keep it on, too tired to translate, I use it just for white noise. Evgeni wasn't in the shower long, maybe 20 minutes, before I hear the water stop. Moments later, he walks into the living room in just black gym shorts and white ankle socks.
"Wow what a look you got going on G." I say, clearly being sarcastic.
"I change if you want but you wear shorts and tshirt too! Is summer even in Russia!" He says defensively, waving his hands everywhere trying to make his point.
"I don't care what you wear baby I'm just picking on you. Hurry up though I want to go be a tourist."
"I made plans." He says as he comes over to the couch and motions for me to sit up and make room. After he joins me, grabbing my hand in his, he finally spills the beans.
"I rent out ice rink. We go skating together and have dinner. Just you and me."
"Awe Evgeni that's great!"
I was genuinely super excited. Skating made me immensely happy even though I was very amateur at it, but watching Geno skate was the best kind of therapy. Ever since I was younger I've always loved watching people ice skate. There's just something about it that is so captivating to me, and I knew Geno would pull out all the stops for this date because, contrary to popular belief, he's a huge romantic, so it would make skating even better. Once he finally gets ready we head out for our day. The last time I was in Russia was in May and it was still pretty cold. Now, in July, it feels a little more like summer although it's still no where near South Carolina heat. We walked around the city just looking at everything and talking in Russian, kind of. I figured it would make him happy if I put in extra effort into speaking Russian while we were out, and it did. Even when I couldn't think of a word or when a conjugation was wrong, he didn't care, he would just giggle and respond back, acting like I didn't make a mistake. There's a huge mall that borders the Red Square called GUM that we explored. It has high end shops so the last time I came here I just walked around and then left, but Evgeni insisted that we actually shop. He was off looking at something else when I saw a beautiful dress. I grab the hanger it is on and pull it out from the rest of the clothes. It's a silk-like rose gold spaghetti strapped dress that was shorter and would fit tightly. The back was a lot like a razor back and the front had a v neck that wasn't too deep but was still revealing. It was perfect until I caught a look at the price tag.
"Holy flying fuck" I whisper to myself. I scan the room for Evgeni, I couldn't even find him, so I went ahead and held it up to myself, smoothing it against my body. God damn it, I love it. If only I was fat again, then I wouldn't even be looking at it because it wouldn't fit.
"Ничего себе это ... о мой бог (wow that is...oh my god)."
His thunderous voice startles me and I quickly shove the dress back onto the clothes rack and try to forget about it.
"Какие? Что с этим не так? (What? What's wrong with it?)" he asks, clearly confused.
" Это ..... не мой размер (it's....not my size)" I lie hoping he doesn't realize it. I couldn't make him pay for that. Not for a dress that I'll only wear once or twice. He looks at the dress and then back at me before snatching it from the rack and making his way through the store to the register. I have to basically run to catch up to him.
"Evgeni no! Don't buy it. It's too much money. I'm not even worth that. I'll feel awful. I don't even like it that much." I continue to plead as he ignores me and walks straight up to the cashier. I don't even like when people buy me an ice cream cone, let alone a $1,200 dress. Geno doesn't even flinch when handing the female cashier his card, and we leave the store with that expensive ass dress and whatever else was in Evgeni's bag from his earlier purchase, I'm assuming dress shoes. He has more shoes than I do. As we're walking out, I'm looking straight at the ground, still kinda upset that I made him buy it for me. He must've noticed because he reached for my hand and I allowed it, intertwining my fingers with his.
"For record, you worth it." He says, just loud enough so that I can hear. I raise my head and look at him. He was looking straight ahead and grinning. His eyes now squinting from the sun directly above the square and his hair lightly blowing in the wind.
"Thank you, Zhenya. For this and for everything."
Our time at the ice rink started at 6pm, it was 10 minutes till and I was still standing in the bathroom in my bra and underwear. My hair was curly and loosely pinned up and my makeup was subtle but still made a difference. My lipstick was a maroon color and all that was left was my dress. I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to retrieve it from the chair it was draped over. Evgeni was fully dressed and laying on top of the bed watching TV. He was so sweet not rushing me even though I usually rush him if he's running late. I grab the dress and unzip it and start to slip it on. I glance over and see Evgeni starring. His facial expression doesn't change and he doesn't say anything, he's just checking me out. I decide to be more graceful with how I get dressed since I have an audience and I slowly step one foot into the open dress at a time. I slide it up my body slowly and smooth it out with my hands. It was an amazing dress. I look over and see Evgeni still gazing at me, but now scanning my whole body.
"Are you going to help me zip it up or are you just going to keep looking?" I say with a smile. He happily gets out of bed and walks over to me, spinning me around and grabbing the zipper. He raises it up slowly and connects the small clasp at the top. I turn around to face him. His jaw literally drops and his eyes get wide as he looks me up and down.
"Ok drama queen you act like you haven't seen me in a dress before." I roll my eyes and bring my hand up to his chin, closing his mouth. I put my hands on both of his shoulders and I can't help but smile about how great he is. I lean in and kiss him. It started out as an innocent kiss but it quickly deepened as he wraps his arms around my back and pulls me into his body tightly. I let out a little moan and stop the kiss.
"Zhenya, we have to go." I whisper onto his lips.
"Ughhhhh. Change plans. Stay here."
"Hahahaha Sweet but no! Let's go ice skating."
I break loose from him and head over to the closet to grab shoes. I have no clue what kind of shoes to wear with this dress, none of mine seem nice enough.
"Look in box." I hear Geno say a few feet behind me. There was a black box in the middle of the closet, I ignored it at first but now, knowing it was for me, I'm kind of nervous to see what's in it. After I open it I gasp and put my hand over my mouth, turning to look at Geno. He just looks at me, anxiously awaiting my reaction.
"Evgeni you did not." I look down at the shoes and back at Geno, who had nothing but a smile on his face after realizing I love them.
"Evgeni you did not get me Christian Louboutins! What the fuck!? You're the best boyfriend ever!" I say as I run to him and hug him tightly. He picks me up off the ground and spins me a little, laughing in my ear.
"I know you like so bought before dress but dress matches so" He says while leaning against the door frame and waiting for me to put them on.
"Evgeni I told you I wanted these before we even started dating. You remembered?"
"Yeah I listen!" He answers proudly.
It was true. I was talking to the guys a few weeks into the internship and when they asked me what I wanted to do with my first doctor paycheck I told them I wanted to buy louboutins. Seems superficial but I love the shoes and I rarely ever buy anything nice for myself. When I spend money it's on food, loans, or gas. I thought after I got my first real job it would be cool to reward myself for my hard work and just blow the whole thing on one pair of heals. I was talking to several of the guys though and I'm sure if you asked them they'd have no clue but Geno remembered from all that time ago. I finally get them on. The So Kate Glitter Mesh Pumps in rose gold, of course with the signature red leather sole. They match the dress perfectly and make me as tall as Evgeni. I smile down at them and then look up to see him a few inches from me.
"This is too much G. I feel like I'm your hooker or something like you're paying me to date you and it's weird. I don't love you because your rich but people are going to think I do with all of this." I could've went on but he grabbed my face in both his hands and brought my forehead to his lips, kissing it tenderly before saying "Я не забочусь о других. Я знаю, что мы любим друг друга и что вы любите меня. Счастливого два месяца (I don't care about others. I know we love each other and that you love me. Happy two month anniversary.)"

It was a KHL rink, full sized and freezing cold. Evgeni held the door open for me as we walked into the large arena. All the seats were empty and the only lights on were the ones over the ice. There is a round table and chairs at center ice. The table is already set with plates and a vase of white roses rests in the middle of the table.
"Wow Evgeni this is amazing." I whisper.
He opens the gate to the players bench where there are hockey skates awaiting us. I love my shoes but god I was happy that I didn't have to walk on the ice in them. We didn't talk much as he laced up his skates and then helped me with mine. I walk up to the gate and take the first step out onto the smooth ice. It took me a couple warm up strides, the tight dress wasn't helping, but as soon as I start to get the hang of it I hear Geno hit the ice and skate quickly away from me. "Show off!!!!" I yell after him as he skates full speed around the rink, then a few circles around me, and finally stopping in front of me. It is weird seeing him on the ice dressed in something other than hockey gear. It is a good weird though because he looks incredibly hot. He is wearing a light grey suit with a white undershirt and a dark red bow tie, the skates were the icing on the cake and I honestly wanted to take him right there on the ice. He smiles at me and holds out his hand and I take it and begin skating next to him. He was pulling me around more than I was actually skating but I am not about to complain. When we made it back around to the players bench, I open the gate and walk over to the other end of the bench. There were a couple hockey sticks leaning against the wall. I pick two up and look over at Geno, who was sitting on the half wall looking at me.
"How about a little one on one?"
He smirks at me and jumps off the wall, skating over and grabbing the stick from me.
"Three years super league, you know?"
I laugh as I grab a puck and get back on the ice. I skate up to him, both of us holding a stick,
"Three years of free lessons from my uncle, you know?"
He laughs and turns to skate away. He's on his way to the net when he taps his stick on the ice and yells "Me! Me!" I drop the puck and pass it to him. It could've been passed quicker but I am mediocre at hockey, even after my few lessons. He takes the pass and makes the goal, doing a mini celebration and skating up to me, doing a hockey stop and spraying me with the ice. I wince at how cold the ice is on my bare legs.
"Asshole!"
He reached his hockey stick around my back and hit me in the butt with the blade.
"C'mon!" He yells while skating away. I push off and skate up to the net. I tap my stick on the ice and Geno passes the puck to me from behind the net. I go top shelf with it and even I was a little surprised when I actually scored the goal. Geno throws his arms up, "that's my girl!" We play for a while, even playfully checking each other. I kept telling him to be a man and hit me but he would respond "too small! I hurt!" I start to smell food and I didn't realize I was so hungry until now. I guess I was so busy with the game I didn't even notice someone brought out our dinner.
"Ready to eat?" I say to Geno as I take his pass. "Да." As he skates past me I lean into him bumping his shoulder. He spins around to face me and I slam my stick on the ice, throw off my fake gloves and hold both of my fists up. "You have to fight me first." He flashes me a half smile before dropping his stick and squaring up. After skating around each other for a little, I skate up to him and punch him in the stomach harder than I meant to.
"Ow! Actually hit me!"
"Duh? It's a fight punk."
He bends down and attacks my waist, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up over my shoulder.
"Evgeni stop!" I scream in between laughs.
"It's fight punk!" He replies. He skates around with me over his shoulder for a few more minutes, just laughing, before finally dropping me by the table. After catching our breathe we sit down at the table. There's a serving bowl of cabbage rolls and another bowl filled to the top with mashed potatoes, a pitcher of water, and a plate of brownies that were making it difficult for me to actually eat dinner before dessert.
"This is my favorite meal G. How'd you know?"
"I call your mom" He spoons a cabbage roll and then a spoonful of mashed potatoes onto my plate and then onto his own. I smile as I take the first bite. I love my mom's cabbage rolls but these were twenty times better. By the end of the night I probably ate three servings of the Russian cuisine and a few brownies before finally admitting that I ate too much. I look down at my stomach and I have a major food baby, a downside to a tight dress because I can't hide my extended stomach. We probably sat there, at center ice, for hours just talking. I can't even guess what time it is now but I was definitely ready to sleep.
"Tired?"
"Yeah G a little."
"Magnitogorsk tomorrow" he grins and stands up, holding out his hand. I take it and join him standing on the ice. We skate over to the gate at the players bench and after putting our regular shoes on, we leave the rink and go back to Evgeni's apartment. The whole ride home I struggle with keeping my eyes open. The minute that we get into the apartment I make Geno unzip my dress and I throw on a tshirt and collapse in bed. I'm nearly asleep when I feel Evgeni snuggle into bed and up to me, slowly wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. I feel his lips against my cheek and I muster a small smile. Tonight was perfect, Evgeni is perfect, and I can't wait to meet his parents.

After the long trip to Magnitogorsk, I would be meeting Natalya and Vlad in less than a day.
We took the metro early in the morning and got in late at night so instead of waking his parents we just stayed in a motel and waited to go to the house until the morning. Magnitogorsk is a smaller town with only a few stores, restaurants and factories. I could see why Geno wanted to go to America, there was no potential for him to continue growing as an athlete here. Playing in the KHL is kind of the peak for athletes here so it was a huge and smart decision for him to leave and join the NHL. With that being said, he still clearly loves Magnitogorsk and is extremely proud of where he's from. I showered and put on a light blue floral romper that had a halter neck and back. It's cute but not revealing. I didn't want Evgeni's family thinking I was just a puck bunny whore or anything. I put on silver rhinestone sandals and threw my hair up into a high pony tail. It was straightened and too long, I get closer to chopping it off every day. Geno came out of the bathroom in black gym shorts and a white vneck tshirt.
"Wow glad you dressed up too babe." I was serious this time and actually a little annoyed but he just started laughing.
"They're my parents I know them already!"
I roll my eyes and throw my makeup bag back in my carry on. If he didn't have to dress up then I definitely wasn't spending an hour on my makeup. We finally get everything loaded up into the car that Evgeni rented. It was a BMW, all black, and small but fast. As we ride through the town he grew up in, Geno points out his favorite stores, places he went to as a kid, and he even told some stories about his childhood. It is cute seeing him so happy. I reach over to where his hand is resting over the middle console and grab it, holding it tightly and watching him go on and on. We ride past the apartments his family use to live in.
"I live there my life and nice but small. When I'm in NHL use rookie money to buy mom house."
"Oh wow. You're a good kid G, that's sweet."
I already knew that about him from articles on the internet but that didn't mean I was less impressed with him. Even at that age he was mature enough to take care of his family first.
"Live with Gonchar so no house for me but family need bigger house in Russia."
I started rubbing my thumb back and forth on the dorsal side of his hand, so that he knows how fondly I feel about him. It was only a few minutes later that we were pulling into the driveway of the Malkin home. It was a modest size but obviously a newer build. The front door was a dark wood and added an extreme elegance to a rather ranch styled house. Before we were even out of the car, the door opens and Natalya and Vlad come rushing out. Evgeni opens the car door and gets out, giving them both big hugs and speaking to them in Russian. I suddenly feel extremely nervous. I quickly run through all the Russian I know in my head. It's not enough. I am so zoned out that I don't notice Geno come over and open the passenger door for me. I slowly get out and before I can even say a word Natalya hugs me tight. She says it's nice to finally meet me and I thank her for letting me come. Now the smile wasn't so forced as I greeted Vlad with a hug. I could tell they didn't care that I was American or that my Russian might not be perfect. Geno wasn't lying when he would tell me they'd love me instantly because I already feel like they do and I've only said two sentences to them.
"Hungry?" Her English is broken but I can't help but grin knowing that she was trying for me.
"Да" I reply. She takes my hand and leads me towards the house. I look back at Vlad and Evgeni unpacking the car. G looks up for a second and flashes me a smile when he sees me being dragged along by his mom. We enter the house and she begins to show me around. It is very neat and organized. Everything clearly had its own place in every room of the house. All the beds were made and the floor was obviously recently swept. I wonder how this clean gene skipped Evgeni. He isn't super messy but I definitely find myself making the bed and cleaning up after him more often than not. I join her in the kitchen where she's making borscht. I had a feeling that's what would be served since it's Evgeni's favorite. She asks me about our time in Moscow as I begin to help her chop beets. The more I talked to her the easier speaking Russian became. I had to ask her to repeat some things but she didn't seem to mind at all and even said my Russian was better than she expected. I can hear Evgeni and Vlad walking in and out of the house while bringing in the luggage and I was anxious to have Evgeni back by my side. They finally come into the dining room next the the kitchen and sit at the dining room table. They were deep in conversation but they weren't talking loud enough for me to translate. I ask Natalya how she is feeling, knowing that they weren't able to travel because of her health. She assured me she was fine and the illness was gone, it just took a lot to recover. Geno didn't tell me a lot about it but I guess it was a severe case of pneumonia. She finishes the cold soup and I set the table, both of us eventually joining the guys. We spend the evening talking and eating. It was a lot easier to keep the conversation flowing with Evgeni there to translate when I would get lost. They told me stories about him as a teenager and even him now and how goofy he is. I couldn't help but crack up. It was amazing the love this family had for each other. We talk for about three hours at the table, they continue to ask me questions and I had a lot of questions for them too. I look over at Evgeni who is smiling back at me. Without looking away he mutters, "Извините, я устал. Мэй, ты готова спать? (Sorry, I'm tired. Mae are you ready to sleep?)" I shake my head yes and thank Natalya for the borscht. We dismiss ourselves and I follow Geno into the guest room. I immediately take my outfit off and change into clothe shorts and a t-shirt while Geno takes off his shirt but leaves on his gym shorts. I climb into the queen size bed and wait for him to join me. He walks up to the side of the bed and kisses me on the forehead.
"Good night babe."
"Wait what? You're not staying in here?"
"No I sleep on couch. Only a few nights you be fine."
"But why?"
"Were not married. Parents don't like it."
"Awe Geno, come on!"
"Don't know what to tell you. You should marry me."
His eyes grow wide and I realize what he just said. I hope he didn't mean it like that, more like a joke, I just didn't want to sleep without him. We've only been together two months, I'm only 21, he can't actually be considering us getting married. Say something, anything. We are both just there, starring at each other.
"Geno, I--I can't marry you rig--"
"It's...fine. Is joke. Goodnight." He cuts me off, waving away my answer and moving towards the door. I want to tell him that I love him but I can't even get out the words before he is gone, gently shutting the bedroom door behind him. Why was this such a big deal? I mean our whole relationship has always progressed fast and when we said I love you it was no big deal. Why was this different? Why do I feel sick to my stomach about one stupid question? Probably because I knew the answer I gave wasn't the answer he wanted.

Today is Geno's day with the cup. Even though I'm happy to be back in Moscow I had more fun with Evgeni's family in Magnitogorsk than I expected. The few days we had there we spent watching home videos, Natalya taught me how to cook some traditional Russian meals, and I ended up friending Denis (Geno's brother) on Facebook because he wanted to continue to see the funny memes I post (it is true, the memes I share are hilarious). Even though I had fun, I still feel that his mention of marriage drove a wedge between Geno and I. It's like we're backtracking in our relationship. We still say I love you but the heat isn't there and we've only slept together once since coming to Russia and he didn't seem eager at all the increase that number. These thoughts stay in the back of my head as we're walking to the Red Square to meet the keeper of the cup. We take pictures in front of the most historic and beautiful places in Moscow, like Saint Basil's Cathedral and the Kremlin, with the Stanley Cup. I decided to wear something simple for the day, light wash jeggings, a white v neck, and black vans. Geno is in Khaki pants, a black tshirt, a Stanley cup champion SnapBack (worn backwards of course), and black and white vans. Most people would say Geno dresses slack but I think he looks incredible in anything. After taking the pictures, we went to the hockey museum in Moscow where Evgeni did a meet and greet signing and everyone that came was able to see the cup, and then we went to dinner with some of his friends from the KHL. They spoke in Russian majority of the meal and I couldn't help but smile at how happy he seemed to be reunited with them. I was so tired I barely participated in the conversation, not having any energy to translate. It is around 9pm when we finally get home. I am exhausted which is weird because Evgeni did way more than I did and he seemed fine. I go into the bedroom and change so I only wore an oversized Penguins hockey tshirt, too lazy to even put on any sort of pajama pants. I walk back out into the living room to see Geno, still with his shoes on, starring out of his large apartment window. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing him on the lips tenderly. His hands grip my face and the kiss deepens for only a second. Even though I was tired, I wanted to be with him so badly, so when he pulls his lips away I moan.
"Go to party tonight?" He asks softly.
"No I'm too tired. I know I said I'd go but I don't even want to put make up on."
"Then don't. Beautiful anyways."
His thumbs began to stroke my cheeks.
"It's ok Geno. I don't have to go. I trust you and you deserve to have fun."
His grin widens and he kisses me again on the lips.
"I love you" he whispers.
"I love you too Zhenya. Be safe please."


I wake up to the sound of Evgeni's soft snore. I didn't even hear him come in last night so I had no clue how late the party ran. I try my best to make no noise while creeping out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. I open the fridge and scrummage for food. We have a little less than two weeks left before going back to the United States and we were both unmotivated to grocery shop again, figuring we could eat out for the remainder of the vacation. I grab the box of Frosted Flakes from the top of the fridge, take out the bag, and start eating what's left of the dry but sweet cereal as I plop down onto the living room sofa. I unlock my phone and scan through all my social media. After scrolling through my timeline on Instagram I jump to the discovery page. After a few scrolls I see it and my heart instantly drops to my stomach. I sit up straight and start telling myself it's not him. It can't be him. My eyes begin to fill with tears as I click to expand the picture. The caption reads: "Evgeni Malkin clearly having a good time at his Stanley cup party in Russia." It was him. And it was her. His on again off again ex from forever ago, Oksana Kondakova. I cover my mouth with my right hand, trying to muffle the sobs as tears stream down my face. They had such a long history, breaking up and getting back together at least five times and I never bothered talking to him about it because I figured they didn't even speak anymore, especially not after I came into the picture. There he was, his arm around her and his lips on her temple, wearing the same thing he was wearing when he was with me. She had an arm around him, smiling slyly with her other hand resting on his abdomen. I could throw up. Why? How? What? I didn't even know what to do or what to say to him. I mean was it just a peck for the picture or did it turn into something more? I look at the time on my phone, it was only 9:18am, so I probably have a couple hours before he even wakes up. I finally close out the app, lock my phone, and throw it onto the chair across the room. I run my fingers through my hair. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? The crying becomes uncontrollable and I can barely see through the tears. I've never been this fucking upset in my life. How the fuck do you handle something like this because I have no fucking clue. After a few minutes of losing all control over my emotions I finally feel like I am able to stand up and I walk quietly up to the bedroom door. I peer in at him, still sleeping soundly, and I wonder how quickly I can pack up my stuff. Leaving Russia was the only answer right now. I can't talk to him because I'm afraid I won't like what he'll have to say. I cant imagine us ending, I don't want to, but could I really stop loving him? I sure as hell didn't want to. I just want to hit him in the face and yell but at the same time I wonder if it was my fault. My thoughts are making no sense, life is making no sense. Maybe I scarred him when I said no to a marriage and this was his way at getting back at me. My head has so many thoughts that it begins to hurt. "Fuck it" I whisper, going into the bedroom and beginning to throw some of my things in a carry on. I have to leave and he can just ship me the rest of my crap, I don't care. I set the first bag down by the door and go in for a second, this time choosing a suitcase. After cramming everything I could into it I wheel it to the door next to the carry on duffel bag. I made very little noise and I'm confident he didn't wake up, I'm in the clear. Shit, my phone. I briskly walk into the living room and snatch up my iPhone. As I turn to make my escape, I see through my tears a tall lanky guy standing in the doorway of the bedroom.
"Mae?" He says, his voice still groggy.
I can't move. It's like someone poured concrete over my feet and I am now stuck here permanently. My mouth instantly becomes as dry as a desert and I can feel my heart exploding. He glances over at the door seeing the luggage bags, then looks back at me completely puzzled.
"What? What's that?" He points in the direction of the door.
"Evgeni I'm going home." I manage to choke out, tears still forming a waterfall down my face. He begins to move closer to me but I move swiftly and avoid him, racing to the front door.
"Mae? What I do? I don't understand."
My bottom lip shakes and I can feel my body giving in to the rage I didn't know I was feeling until now.
"I don't fucking know Geno! Why don't you ask Oksana, you asshole?!" I was already yelling so loudly, the whole city could probably hear.
"Mae, is not like that. Just friends. She only at party for ten minutes then leave."
"Oh so since she was only there for ten minutes you HAD to get that picture kissing her because WHO KNOWS the next time you'll see her huh?!"
He moves closer to me but I back up to the door and point my finger at him, "don't come any closer to me Evgeni, just don't." I am more aggressive than I wanted to be but I am more hurt than I thought I was.
"Mae, it was nothing! I love you! Not her. I sorry I can't explain I mess up."
"Did you do anything more with her than that kiss on the temple?"
When he just continued to look at me I kept pressing.
"Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin, did you cheat on me?"
His eyes were now glossy as tears streaked down his cheek. There was my answer.
"Fuck you Evgeni." I turn to open the door when he grabs my forearm, I shake him loose.
"DON'T touch me Geno! Don't touch me!"
He takes a few steps back before matching my volume and yelling "I sorry! Okay? I was drunk too much. Was just a kiss! Meant nothing, picture means nothing. You mean everything."
I can tell he's hurting but he did it to himself. Drunk or not he knew he was coming home to me and that he fucked up.
"It's because I said that thing about marrying you isn't it?" My volume lower now, my hand still on the doorknob.
"I uh--I"
"You freaked out didn't you? Geno iI want to marry you, I did anyways just not any time soon. That's just something we should've talked about... that you're just going to have to wait"
"You are young! Very young okay? I can't wait I almost 30!! Want family and wife. You don't even live in Pittsburgh."
"So that's why you were with her last night? She's older? She's ready to settle down and give you what you want? Well congratulations Geno. You know I might be young but I'm not immature. You could've talked to me and we could've came up with a compromise or something."
He stood there silent. So I kept going.
"Jesus Christ Geno. I am so in love with you I'm transferring to PITT. My parents are so pissed about it they're not even going to let me move back in with them. They thought I was throwing my life away for you. Let's be honest, if you NEEDED me to marry you I would tomorrow, I would have your kid tomorrow Evgeni. You are--were my everything. I would sacrifice anything to be with you and I thought you were the same but I was wrong."
I can tell he's searching for words but I didn't bother waiting. I grab my bags and leave, my shirt now soaked with my own tears. I catch a cab to the airport, book the first flight back to the US and wait to take of. The plane was flying to Charlotte, North Carolina. I have no clue where I'm going after that I just can't stay here and I can't go home. I look at my phone. It's almost boarding time. I sift through the endless texts Geno has sent me and I check my missed calls, 17 times he's called me. I don't understand where we went wrong. I feel like him cheating on me is 100% my fault. I should've asked him about marriage before, he's older and I know he wants a family I just had no clue he wanted it so quickly. I don't know what to do. Do I just forgive him and forget about Oksana or do I just forget about him all together? I can't forget about him. I adore him. I need time away, from everything and everyone. I board the plane and realize I'm going to be stuck in my own head for the whole 14 and a half hour flight. I must've cried all my tears because for the first time since I saw that picture this morning my eyes are dry. For the first time in half a year I felt miserable. Evgeni took my life and made it whole and then shattered it all into pieces after one night. I shouldn't have let him have so much power over me but I thought I could trust him. The saddest part of it all was that even though he was the one that shattered me, I could feel myself longing for him to come after me and to be the one that puts me back together. I'm so embarrassed and vulnerable, I need to go where no one knows me, where I can be completely alone and find myself again. I need to go to New York City.

Notes

I had to rewrite this chapter like 6 times (((((

Will hopefully update quicker since university is over