The Dream

I wake up alone in my hotel room. It is some crummy Days Inn about a half hour out of the city but it's cheap and didn't drain my savings. I never thought I would use my savings to avoid my family and friends but I couldn't talk to any of them, I didn't want to. It's so embarrassing that a photo of your boyfriend with another woman is on the internet after the photos Geno and I have posted together. I mean it's clear he cheated on me, everyone will know and they'd immediately want to talk to me about it but I wouldn't even know what to stay. I feel like complete and absolute shit for ignoring my phone but until I know how I'm going to handle the situation I really want no outside influence or people shoving their opinions down my throat. I sluggishly sit up in bed and grab the hotel phone. "Thank you for calling Domino's!"
"Hi. Yes. Can I please get one extra large extra cheese pizza, some hot wings, like 8 maybe, and do you guys sell beer?"
"No ma'am? We don't."
"Ok then that's it."
I have been back in the US for two days but my phone is still ringing uncontrollably. I am distancing myself from it for a while, especially since I know it's Geno calling and I'm not ready to hear his voice again. I don't know why I feel awful when he's the one who wronged me. The pizza finally gets here and I dig in, leaving very minimum for leftovers. My Fitbit starts vibrating which instantly throws me off. With my phone on silent, the only calls that would make it notify me would be from my immediate family. I look down at it and read the ID then grab my phone to answer it.
"Hey mom."
"Mae! How are you? It's been a couple weeks since I've heard from you."
"Yeah I'm sorry I've been busy. What's up?"
"What are you and Geno up to in Russia!?" For some reason, hearing that from my mother got to me. Tears took over my eyes and streamed down my cheeks in an instant. I haven't wanted to talk to someone about what happened until now, when I had someone, being my mother who I told everything to, asking me to talk.
"Everything's...fine." I choke out. Not being able to hide the fact that I'm a wreck.
"Mae oh my god. What's wrong? Are you okay?! Where are you?"
"Mom, I....we broke up."
There was silence on the other end. She never was a huge fan of our relationship in the first place so she was probably silently celebrating to herself. She finally spoke up, softer than before.
"Are you alright? Are you still in Russia?"
"No. I'm in New York in some cheap hotel. I couldn't come home right away like this."
"Oh dear. I'm sorry Mae. You can come home at anytime you know that. Our door is always open."
"Mom he cheated on me." The crying was uncontrollable again. I had to tell someone I had to hear that it would be ok, that Geno and I would be ok, I had to hear something. Instead I heard silence, so it just kept coming like word vomit.
"He got back together with his ex at a party mom and there's pictures on the internet. Everyone is going to know. And I loved him. I love him. So deeply and it's ridiculous because I thought he felt the same and I wanted a future. We had a future. I transferred to PITT."
"wow." She interrupted, in almost a whisper.
"What do I do?" I plead.
"Mae, please come home. Don't go through this alone anymore. You can't. Please come home."
"Ok. I'll be there soon."

Flying home the next morning was the best decision I've made. My mom is honestly the greatest human. She didn't force me to talk, she didn't even trash talk Geno, she just listened while dad would periodically show up and try everything to make me laugh. I never told him what happened but I assume mom did. I didn't leave the house much but I didn't care. This was what I needed. To be home and surrounded by love. I was so entertained with other things that when my phone buzzed with the reminder I had a flight in 2 hours, I happily silenced it and went back to petting my dog and laughing at my dad's cheesy jokes. I was slowly but surely building myself back up again, and even though he is coming back to Pittsburgh, I still have no interest in hearing from Evgeni.

Geno's POV:

I think this is the first off season that I'm actually happy to be going back to Pittsburgh. I did nothing in Moscow after Mae left except for calling her and trying to convince her voicemail to forgive me. This trip wasn't what I wanted it to be and it was all my fault. I didn't get the chance to tell her the full story, to tell her I pulled away and refused Oksana's advances. I miss her. And I know she's hurting probably more than I am and that makes it even worse. I need to see her, soon.
As I pay the cab driver I look down at my watch, 6:12pm. Why am I so tired? I grab all my bags and get up to the front door, fumbling for my key to unlock it. I wish training camp didn't start in less than a week because it's going to take me a week just to unpack. I finally get the door open and place my things to the side. I am too tired to worry about it now so I advance to the living room to relax for a bit. The light is on which is weird but then I remembered just as I was rounding the corner. I enter the room and everyone begins to yell "surprise!" but then cut the word short when they realize I'm alone. It's a lot of the team and their wives and girlfriends, Nicole and Sidney included. There are gold letter balloons that spell out "congrats" and when you turn to the kitchen you see the spread of catered food, enough to feed a bunch of professional hockey players. I was so upset when Mae first left me I guess I forgot to tell them what happened and that we didn't need the surprise party anymore. I look at Sid, the one who planned most of this and who knew the garage code to get everyone in, and try to explain.
"She get mad and leave. I didn't do it."
I didn't want to say it any louder so when he made a confused face at me I wave to have him follow me into the front foyer. Nicole follows him but I don't care. She was Mae's best friend, I'm surprised she didn't already know.
"Geno what's going on? Where's Mae?" Nicole asks.
"We in Russia and I go to party but she stay home and next morning she sees picture of me and Oksana and you know gets mad and leaves. I call and text but she not answer."
By this time I had tears welling up in my eyes but I didn't have the energy to act like a tough guy. I could hear everyone in the living room mingling and it crushed me that this party is going to waste and that I'd eventually have to tell all of them too.
"G, I'm sorry. I know you had big plans for that trip." Sidney offers comfort in his words that only actually comfort me for seconds before Nicole sharply says,
"Did you cheat on her?!"
"No! I uh just kiss on cheek. She try to kiss me but I pull away tell her no. I try to explain that to Mae but I couldn't find words and she just left."
"I've seen the picture Geno it's kind of hard to testify that you weren't extremely happy to be seeing and kissing an ex girlfriend."
"Was happy to see because friends but I not love her I love Mae! I spend 10 minutes with her, take picture and leave. That's it!" I realize just how much I raised my voice so I calm myself down before continuing.
"Mae not know that I was uh asking to marry her you know. And few days before she freak out about marriage and I not know what to do. When she leave I want to say wait I'm going propose but she leave so fast I say nothing and now she you know not like me anymore."
"Wait did you know that she left Russia?" Sidney asks, trying to process everything, while looking at Nicole.
"No I didn't know she left. I mean the picture is all over the internet so I knew something happened. She just stopped texting me out of the blue and hasn't responded since. I've even tried calling her."
"Geno she has to still love you so just needs time, you have to give her time. Nicole and I can talk to her if you want."
I feel bad putting this all on Sid and Nicole. They came back from Nova Scotia a couple days early just to throw this engagement party and I didn't even remember to cancel it, and now they have to act as mediator between Mae and I. It's ridiculous.
"I....I don't know. I wait couple days and then try to talk to her again."
"Well you know she'll be in the city. She transferred to PITT to be with you so" Nicole said a little spiteful. I don't think that's directed at me but more at Mae for not telling her all of this happened.
"Ok, I sorry. I help clean up party and tell guys."

MAE'S POV:

I hear the news reporter say the "Pittsburgh Penguins training camp is underway" and I immediately look up from my phone. It's been over two weeks since I've last spoke to Geno and especially in the last few days I've been missing him extremely. Avoiding conflict is one of my least favorite characteristics about myself. When faced with adversity I distance myself from the person and just pretend the conflict never happened. Sure, that worked for a few days but it can't work forever. Geno is not someone I can just cut from my life, this relationship is not something I can and want to just give up on. I sit there watching the news footage and when they show Evgeni making shots on Fleury I forget how to breath, a lump forms in my throat, and tears accumulate in my eyes. I reach for my phone and snatch it from the coffee table. I open up his conversation, it's all grey bubbles, texts sent by him, begging me to reply. I quickly type and hit send, preventing myself from backing out.
"Breakfast tomorrow? 9am. Buford's kitchen."
It isn't even a minute before my phone buzzes.
"Training camp ends at 1. Lunch?"
"Brunch. I'll meet you there."
"Ok. Hope you are ok."
I didn't answer. I won't know if I'm ok until I see him tomorrow. It made me smile though, knowing that I get to see him again. Before I can turn my attention back to the news, now covering the weather, Nicole's yellow car pulls into the driveway.
"Oh, fuck" I whisper realizing I never even tried to talk to her the past two weeks. She has to be pissed at me. I meet her at the front door and open it slowly, worried about how I will be greeted. Without saying a word, Nicole runs into me and wraps her arms around me in an aggressive hug. Before I can return the hug she releases me and asks delicately, "Mae...are you ok? Why didn't you tell me?"
We walk into the living room and I sit on the love seat while she sits on the couch.
"I don't know. I'm really sorry I haven't responded to your texts or calls. It was just a lot and I didn't know how to deal with it so I just tried to never deal with it and now you probably hate me." I can already feel the tears coming, I've been so emotionally annoying recently.
"No! I don't hate you! I just feel awful that you had to deal with this alone. I know how much you care about Geno and it sucked to hear what happened and I just wanted to be there for you but I had no clue where you were."
"You saw the pictures didn't you?"
"I mean yeah...but it's not that bad."
I can't hide the surprised look on my face that she thought him cheating on me was 'not that bad'.
"Dude he cheated on me how is that not bad?"
"No Mae! This is why you need to talk to him! It's really not what it looked like and he's real upset about not being able to explain everything to you."
I take a deep breath, not even knowing how to reply when it hit me.
"Wait...how do you know he's upset?"
"What?" Nicole looks confused as to why I'm questioning her but I continue.
"Nicole, how do you know his side of the story? How do you know he's upset?"
"I talked to him the day he came home."
"Why? Did you like go out to lunch or something?"
I wasn't trying to be rude. If we weren't on a break or whatever I wouldn't care that Nicole apparently hung out with him, but the fact that she has been with him during this made me extremely anxious.
"No...we uh....Sid and I threw a surprise party for when you guys came home but he walked in alone and told us why you weren't with him."
"Well what did he say? Why were you throwing a party? You were suppose to be in Nova Scotia for like another four days anyways."
At this point she very rarely looked at me while she was talking. I can tell she knows something.
"He uh...Geno asked us to throw a surprise engagement party for when you came back."
"WHAT!?"
I was standing up and yelling at this point. That's why he was acting weird after we talked about marriage, he was actually going to ask me to marry him. Wow I am the biggest asshole. I should've known better and I definitely shouldn't have doubted his feelings for me. My insecurities showed and I left before I even let him try to explain. I haven't known him for long but I feel like I've loved him forever and that's enough to know that he wouldn't have cheated on me if he was planning on coming back to Pittsburgh engaged. Nicole is blabbering on but I'm running through everything in my head, none of her words registering.
"Shit!" I say loudly. "I'm the one that fucked this up."
As soon as my alarm sounded, I shot out of bed in the best mood. Today's the day I get to see him again, for the first time in weeks, and I get to tell him that I'm sorry and that I still love him. It took me longer than most to finally process all of my emotions and decide how I wanted to address the situation, but I finally knew what I wanted and it was him. It would be several hours before his training camp was done so I went ahead and called about possibly getting my haircut. My stylist said she could take me at ten so I rush out the door and down to the shop.
"Just a trim" I say.
"Are you sure? I've been cutting your hair for a long time and it's always been 'just a trim'. You don't want to change it up?"
Wendy did my first haircut and even after moving to South Carolina I only got my haircut on holiday when she could do it. She always tries to convince me to cut it all off but I cry after getting it trimmed, there's no way I can live through cutting it all off. I look in the mirror at my long, wet, mop-like hair.
"You know what...go ahead."
She stops combing through it and looks at my reflection, looking as surprised as I suspected she would.
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah. Take like 8 inches off. Keep it like a little longer than shoulder length. It'll be cute."
"And you're sure of this?"
"You should probably do it now before I change my mind."
After laughing for a few minutes I watch as she starts to cut and my dead ends (plus some) fall to the floor. I am in such a good mood and I want that shock factor when Geno sees me, besides, change is good right? After about 40 minutes of just cutting and getting the layers right, she finally begins to blow dry it. About 30 minutes later my newly short and nicely curled hair was complete and I feel like a new person.
"Well...no regrets?" Wendy asks while smiling at her work.
"No! Not at all! Thank you so much!"
It's exactly 1pm when I walk into Buford's Kitchen. I grab my phone out of the pocket of my dark wash jegging capris and look for a message from Geno indicating whether he is here or not. Since there isn't one I shoot him a quick 'I'm here' which gets a response almost immediately.
"Late. Be there in a few."
I tell them there's two of us and they lead me to the corner booth at the back of the restaurant, obeying my request. That was a thing that had to be done when Geno and I ever went out to dinner because if not we felt eyes on us the whole meal and he also hates when our dinner is interrupted for pictures. To be honest, I didn't mind that sitting in the corner was a thing with him because it made it feel like he wasn't a hockey superstar but rather just a normal guy, like we were a normal couple. After the young woman puts the menus down, I stay standing and say in a hushed tone, "hey so don't make a big deal out of this but the guy I'm meeting here is Evgeni Malkin. I'm going to run to the restroom so if he comes in just send him back ok?"
I can tell that she didn't hear anything past Evgeni Malkin.
"Ok?" I ask again, waiting for a confirmation.
She shakes her head and turns away, walking back to her podium at the front of the restaurant. I go to the bathroom and stand in front of the large mirror, first focusing on my crazy short hair, which would take a while to get used to, and then adjusting my black v-neck shirt. Even though Geno has seen me with no makeup and just a tshirt on I still felt self conscious, like it was our first date or something. I look down at my feet and wiggle my exposed toes. I've had these black strappy sandals since I was 16 but they're still in decent shape. "Alright...here we go" I whisper a pep talk to myself as I walk out the door and back to the table. As I get closer, I see him just sitting there, waiting. My heart begins to race and I can't help but grin wide as I approach the table. He is on his phone, probably texting me that he's here, not even paying attention. I get to the table and let out a light "hey Evgeni," trying not to reveal how thrilled I truly am to see him. His head snaps up from his phone and as soon as his eyes lock with mine he jumps out of the booth and wraps his arms tightly around my waist. I can't fight it. Being wrapped up in him for the first time in weeks made my knees weak and my eyes water. God, I missed him. I wrap my arms around his neck tight and we don't say anything, just stay like that for what feels like hours before finally I feel him begin to pull away from me. He grabs my head with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tear drops from my cheeks. His eyes don't look anywhere but at me. We're in public but it feels like we're in private, like we're the only ones on the whole earth. I knew our picture was probably being taken at this very moment but I didn't care. I want everyone to know that we were back, and that we were going to be better than ever. I run my hands slowly from his neck down to his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his 'penguins hockey' shirt.
"Zhenya. I'm...I'm so sorry."
"No. I am sorry. Is my fault you left."
I gently grab his forearms and tug just enough to drop his hands from my face, then I node towards the table and we both move to sit down across from each other. The waitress quickly approaches, probably worried that once we start talking she'll never be able to intervene to take our order. Geno and I clearly feel the same urgency, skimming the menu for only a few seconds before going ahead and ordering the first thing that sounds good to us. As soon as she steals our menus back and leaves we focus back on each other. I want him to speak up first so I just play with the silverware resting on the white napkin to my right until his thick accent fills the air.
"Mae I miss you. I not mean to hurt you. Oksana is nothing. Kiss was nothing. I pull away and tell her no. I love you."
I take a deep breath, his sad brown eyes captivating my soul while simultaneously breaking my heart. I want to make him work for my forgiveness but I think he knows he already has it.
"Evgeni, I wish I was better at this. I shouldn't have left you in Russia without hearing what you had to say. I panicked and ran away like I always do but I don't want to do that with you. I want to fight, I want conflict, I want discussion because at least it means we're getting better at this, at us, you know."
He just keeps nodding along, agreeing to everything that I'm saying.
"I think we're moving too fast and it scared me so I found any excuse to end it but I don't want to end it. I love you. I just...don't propose to me...not yet...because I don't want to say no to you."
His eyes grow wide and his voice gets a little higher as he exclaims, "how you know I want to marry!?"
I can't help but chuckle at how shocked and betrayed he's acting.
"Nicole told me about the surprise engagement party."
"О мой Бог (oh my god)" he groans while rolling his eyes.
"No, no. G it's fine. It's no big deal. I just want to wait until I graduate and have a career, ya know? It's just timing, not you."
He smiles sweetly at me, his dimples prominent. As the waitress sets down our breakfast, I say with a sly grin "Besides, you have a lot of ground to make up with my mom. I might've trash talked about you to her a little."
"Trash talk! Why? She not like me already!"
I take a bite of my omelet before responding, "Oh calm down! Just use your good looks and charm and you'll win her back in no time."
We laugh for a quick minute before the mood gets serious again.
"Come over after this?" Geno asks.
"Huh, I don't think that's a good idea. I need to take it slow, G. How about we do dinner tomorrow and then go from there?"
"Okay."
I can tell my answer frustrated him but I didn't want to mess things up like I did before. I want to make sure we're 100% before we go back to where we were. He quickly brushes it off and the smile returns to his face. Without even looking up at me he mutters.
"By the way, new hair is hot. I, uh, like a lot."
"Hahahaha thanks G. I'm glad you like it." We sit there, eating the best breakfast I've had in a long time and talking about everything from training camp to Breaking Bad, the show I recently binged watched on Netflix, just enjoying each other's company.
The more minutes that pass, the more I realize, we're going to make it. Thank god.

Notes