March 5, 2016
A few days later…

It is a bright and early morning in over the Monarossabergie House. The residents of the house though are slightly split: Joseph Cramarossa is in his room while Brandon Montour and Nick Ritchie are in the kitchen. Nick is sitting on the countertop, munching on his exquisite all-American breakfast while Brandon is standing at the back of the room, working on making his coffee.

Brandon pulls his mug from the coffee machine once it is filled up. He then reaches up to open the cabinet that is above him and opens it. He peers inside, pulls out a small, rectangular cardboard box, and brings it down. He opens up the box, quickly noticing that it is empty.

He frowns at it. “Aw man. All the sweeteners are gone.” He proceeds to toss the cardboard box into the trash can that is nearby him.

Nick perks up from his breakfast plate with his fork filled with eggs in his hand. “Oh, you can use my sugar if you’d like.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Brandon gazes back into the cabinet. “There’s gotta be another box of sweetener inside here…” He sifts through the other boxes, recognizing and not needing all of them that come into view.

Then his hand hits the back of the cabinet, including an unfamiliar box.

“Huh.” Brandon pulls the box out into the light and peers down at it. It is a box of sugar packets. “I completely forgot about these!” he exclaims.

He flips the lid over, revealing a neat row of sugar packets.

“Sweet, these’ll work!” He then picks out a packet, tears it open and pours the white, grainy substance into his cup of coffee.

After pouring milk into his coffee, Brandon joins his best friend around the island. He sits on the bar stool next to him and takes a sip of his coffee. His eyes immediately light up.

“Whoa!” He turns to his roommate. “This stuff is good!”

Nick gazes at him sleepily. “But you always have coffee.”

“No, no, no, I mean, I’ve always had coffee, but I’ve never had coffee THIS good!” He raises his mug ahead of him. “The sugar packets make it great!” He then takes a gulp of his drink.

And another.

And another.

And another.

Nick steps down from his bar stool and takes hold of his now empty plate. “I’m gonna take my post-breakfast nap now.” He then lumbers over to the kitchen sink, dumps his plate in there, and trudges off to the living room to take a nap on the sofa.

Brandon continues chugging down his coffee, not taking a break from it. His eyes widen with excitement with his eyebrows raised.

Then someone else comes into view: Joseph. He is wearing his ceramics smock over his clothes; in his clay-covered hands is an equally clay-edged bowl. He passes by the countertop, taking sight of Brandon guzzling down his coffee.

“Wow, calm down, it’s just coffee,” he tells him flatly with an odd look. He then steps over to the kitchen sink and beings filling up his bowl with tap water.

Brandon then plunks his empty mug against the granite countertop. “More!” He then hops off from his seat, rapidly pours more coffee, sugar, and milk into his mug, then sits back down and continues gulping it down.

Joseph turns off the water and spins around, seeing his roommate excitedly drinking his coffee. “If you’re gonna drink more coffee, you’re gonna launch off your seat.”

Brandon brings down his mug a bit with his eyes on his roommate. He then giggles before continuing chugging down his coffee.

He shoots him an incredulous expression. “You’re acting like you’ve never drunk coffee before.”

Brandon then slams his mug down and shouts in an infantile tone: “THIS STUFF IS SO GOOD!!! IT’S SO GOOD, JOEY!!!”

He immediately widens his eyes at him. “I would like to wake up now,” he mutters.

“But you know what else is good?” Brandon continues on. “MUFFINS!”

Joseph makes a disgusted look. “You’ve never eaten muffins— It’s not part of your diet.”

“Yes, I do! I have ALL the muffins!” Brandon throws his hands into the air.

“Well you can’t have muffins here because there are none,” he tells him while padding through the kitchen.

Brandon keeps his eyes on him as he is crossing the dining room. “Yes there is! There has to be!” He then places his hand on his chest. “I am Monty Muffins, king of the palace! And YOU” --he points to his roommate-- “are my servant!” He slams his fist against the countertop’s surface. “BRING ME MUFFINS!!!”

Joseph gawks at him with a hint of thrill in his eyes. He then dips his head, chuckling. “Monty Muffins…” He continues strolling off. “I’m gonna call him that from now on…!”

“COME BACK HERE WITH MY MUFFINS!!!” Brandon yells at him.

Joseph immediately halts in his tracks at Brandon’s loud command. He then whirls around to face him with a sharp expression. “Get your own muffins.”

“I want YOU to bring me muffins!” He jabs his index finger toward him.

“You’re not even supposed to have that stuff. We have a game tonight.”

“I am Monty Muffins and I want muffins!” Brandon begins shaking his fists in unison up and down in the air. “Muffins! MUFFINS!!!”

“And I want earplugs to get away from you,” he mutters with a roll of his eyes. He then hurries off to the other side of the house and into his room.

In his room, Joseph places the bowl of water on his ceramics table. He then wipes his hands on his clay-splotched smock and pulls out his smartphone. He opens up his Twitter app and tweets: Anyone care to bring @brandon_montour muffins?

“Muffins!”

Joseph jolts up, getting startled. He spins around, spotting Brandon standing behind him with a childish grin.

“Brandon, get OUT!” he snaps, pointing ahead of him, where his door is located.

“Not until YOU bring me muffins!” Brandon snaps back in his new puerile tone of voice, poking a finger at his roommate’s chest.

Joseph bares his teeth with his hands as fists, attempting to suppress his rising irritation. “I’m not bringing you muffins and that’s FINAL!”

“NO!”

“YES!”

“NO!”

“YES!

“NO!”

“Why the heck do you want muffins?” Joseph blurts out, throwing his hands from his sides. “You’re on a diet!”

Brandon stares at him like as if he is speaking Greek. “What diet?”

He gapes at him. “You forgot your—?” He stops his question as his mind puts light on an aspect of his predicament.

“I want muffins!” Brandon commands in his same rhythm as his other same commands.

“You’re not acting like yourself,” Joseph points out lowly as he dips his head with his eyes on him.

“You’re supposed to bring me muffins!” he barks at him.

Joseph then narrows his eyes as the only explanation of this comes to mind. “Icemare…,” he growls.

Ding dong! the doorbells sounds.

Brandon’s eyes immediately light up. “Muffins!” He rushes out of the room and down the hallway.

He skids in front of the front door and throws it open.

On the other side is a short fangirl with dark brown hair and a large smile. She gasps at the site of the San Diego Gulls’ superstar. “MONTY?” Hearts begin floating off from her.

Brandon peers down at what she is holding: a box of muffins. “MUFFINS!!!” He snatches the box from her grasp and speeds off into the living room.

Joseph then steps in the doorway. He gives the visitor a dark expression. “Thanks.” He then proceeds to swing the door close.

Yet the fangirl catches the door, holding it in place from closing on her. “I am Jasmine, founder and president of the Monty Fan Club For All Ages. I saw your tweet about Monty wanting muffins, so I decided it was my duty to bring him muffins!”

“That’s the last thing he needs,” he remarks flatly.

She tilts her head. “Well, you asked if anyone wanted to—”

“That was sarcasm.” Joseph then peers behind his shoulder and cranes his head, catching sight of Brandon excitedly unboxing the muffins in the dining room.

He turns back to face the guest. “How’d you know we live here?”

“The president of the Monty Fan Club For All Ages never reveals her secrets,” Jasmine replies sternly.

“The club doesn’t even exist.”

She gasps at him. “Yes, it is because I’m president!”

“If the club existed, then I’m president because I’m the one who has to put up with him.” He then pushes himself off from the door and ambles into the living room. “Monty, if you want to be able to skate tonight, you should—”

He immediately halts in his tracks at the sight of the main room of the house: There are muffins placed on most of the furniture, including on Nick’s head, like as if they are decoration.

“At least he’s not eating them,” Joseph mutters to himself. He then snaps his eyes down at his sleeping roommate.

In his sleep, Nick is pawing at the muffin on his head in an attempt to grab it and eat it.

“No, he’s eating them—” He rushes up to Nick. “No! Stop it—!” He snatches the muffin from his paw and sharply turns to Brandon, who is placing a muffin on one of the numerous lamps. “Monty, put the muffins away!”

“But I wanna show Maxi my decorations!” Brandon yammers, letting go of the muffin for it to stay on the lamp.

Joseph holds his breath back at the name of his long-lost best friend, Max Friberg. He then lets his fleeting wave of emotion pass by before saying brusquely, “You can’t show Maxi your decorations: he’s on the other side of the continent...!”

Brandon then rushes over to the box of muffins that are on the dining table and pulls out another muffin. He then begins running around the living room and dining room with his muffin the air while making airplane sounds: “Woooooo! Vrrrrrr!!!”

From the step of the foyer, Jasmine is looking out at her favourite Gulls player acting like a toddler. “Aw, he’s so cute!” she exclaims with her fists against her chest and hearts coming out from her eyes.

On the other hand, Joseph is giving him the death stare. “I don’t know who’s worse: Bryan or Monty,” he mutters to himself.

Jasmine whirls to him as the last bit of hearts drift from her. “I’ve never seen someone use a muffin like that! So cute!!!”

“I guess this is better than him eating them,” Joseph points out in the same tone.

Brandon, who is now in the kitchen, puts down his muffin on the countertop and grabs a sugar packet from sugar packet box. He begins downing the sugar straight from the packet.

“Or not—!” Joseph shoves the muffin he has from Nick into Jasmine’s arms and sprints over to his roommate. “Brandon, what are you doing—?” He halts next to him. “Give me that—!” He snaps his hand at the packet in an attempt to nab it.

“No!” Brandon clutches the box of sugar packets and the lone packet in his hand against his chest. “That’s my food!”

Joseph slides in front of him with a cynical expression. “This isn’t food! It’s sugar!”

“But I’m hungry and I want my food!”

Jasmine skips over to the two and holds out a muffin to her favourite. “You can have a muffin!”

Brandon peers at the muffin, before turning his head away from it with a prideful expression. “Muffins are friends, not food.”

Joseph lets out a groan while rolling his eyes.

From the living room, Nick gradually rises to his feet and trudges over toward the kitchen. “That was a nice nap... Time for my pregame lunch.”

Joseph gives him a sharp look. “Oh, good morning, sleepy.”

“It’s the afternoon, twelve-eleven,” Nick points out matter-of-factly as he passes by him.

Brandon marches up to his roommate and proclaims, “I am Monty Muffins, king of the palace. And YOU are my servant. Bring me muffins!” He stands superiorly next to him, even though he is a few inches shorter than him.

Nick grabs the muffin that is on top of the refrigerator and gives it to him. He then opens the fridge and pulls out a sandwich on a plate. He closes the fridge and lumbers over to the countertop.

“We gotta leave in nineteen minutes,” he announces sleepily as he plops himself in front of the island. He then begins eating.

Joseph whirls to Brandon. “Yeah, you hear that, Monty, we have nineteen minutes to—” He immediately pauses as what he is saying processes in his mind. “NINETEEN MINUTES!? Ritch!” He spins to face his other roommate. “We got nineteen minutes to get him back to normal!” He points to Brandon, who is behind him. “We can’t take him like this!”

Nick peers at Brandon with an indifferent expression. “He seems fine to me.” He resumes eating his lunch.

Joseph shoots him a flat expression before turning to his other roommate. “If we lose, it’s your fault.”


A few minutes later in the serene neighbourhood streets of Del Mar, a familiar Jeep flies by.

“I am Monty Muffins!” Brandon’s voice is heard calling out from the vehicle.

Following the Jeep is a black car.

“We’re going to the Gulls’ secret headquarters!” Jasmine’s voice is heard from the car. “I’m gonna keep you guys updated, so stay with me!”

Notes

E.11 "I Am Monty Muffins!"
Part 1/5
Episode 11/20