1 month later…

I wish I could have told you that I packed up the house Jordie and I owned and quit my job. But I didn’t. I chose my job over Jordie and for the past 3 weeks I did not regret it at all. I worked almost 15 hour plus days and completely committed myself to my work.

I had spoken to Jordie once and it was to tell him my decision. I could tell he was crushed. To get myself to forget Jordie I stopped watching the games, deleted all my hockey apps on my phone and had planned to move out of the house and into an apartment very soon. I gave Juice to Jamie and he said when he got a chance, he would try and get Juice to Jordie in Montreal. My schedule was work, home, sleep, and repeat. And if I remembered, I would eat sometime in-between that. I was focused on becoming the greatest book publisher ever and going farther up in my company.

This week at work isn’t as hectic as the past weeks and I find myself becoming bored and heading home earlier then usual. I am super exhausted. I knew I had to clean up the house and probably start to pack up my things to move out so I decided after my nap, I would start on that.

This week Jordie comes back to Dallas to play them and I know I can’t avoid him forever and that has been on my mind a lot and what I would be able to say to him. I didn’t want to feel guilty for what I did but I do, a lot and its seriously bottling up inside me that I can’t get it out. Laying in the bed that I had spent so many nights with Jordie, brings back way too many memories to let me sleep and I just stare up at the wall. I know once I get out of this house, I will start to feel better and be able to move on from Jordie. My mind drifts back to the note he wrote me and the two options he proposed. What would have happened if I moved to Montreal? I thought. Would I be happy? Would I be working? I would be with Jordie. Would he have FINALLY proposed? I guess I can’t dwell on the what have been and move on. I wanted this life, I want to be successful in my career. I chose this. But if I did, then why is it so hard for me to let go of Jordie?

My phone buzzing on the side table brings me out of my thoughts. Its my best friend from Calgary (home) calling. “Hello,” I answer.

“Hey Ell, how are you?”

“I have been better Tay,” I sigh. “How are you?”

“I have some exciting news to tell you that I hope brightens your spirit,” she sounds excited on the phone. Taylor had been my best friend since we were 13 and in public school. When I went to school at UVic, we remained close as she stayed in Calgary for school and ended up meeting T.J Brodie, a Calgary Flames player and they have been together for 6 years.

“Okay, what is it?”

“T.J proposed!!!!” she squeals over the phone. “He put the ring on Bruno’s collar and I saw it dangling there and there was a tag engraved saying ‘Will you marry daddy and I?’ I couldn’t believe it,” Taylor goes on and on about the engagement and I tune her out. Taylor’s life seems to be going swimmingly right now and I can’t seem to find any happiness in my life anymore. The person I love beyond words is in a different country and I left him to suffer through that alone. I haven’t had any motivation for work this past week after working my butt off the past 3 weeks I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. I am living in the house that brought me so much happiness and now heartache. I gave away the dog that snuggled at my feet on those long road trips and would keep my feet warm instead of having Jordie to do that.

“Ell? Ellie? Are you there?”

Ellie didn’t realize she had been crying. She wipes her tears. “Sorry, yes Taylor?”

“Will you?” Taylor asks.

“Will I what?”

“Ell were you even listening? Will you be my maid of honour?” Her questions stuns me.

I gulp. “Of coarse Tay!” I try to sound excited and convincing.

“Oh my goodness this means the world to me. Can you come visit soon so we can plans things? TJ wants to have it this summer. He said like first weekend of August. Is that good for you and Jordie?” I can’t believe I forgot to tell her about Jordie. “How is he by the way with the trade and all?” She asks completely oblivious.

“Uhhh Tay, Jordie and I aren’t together right now.”

“Wait, are you not in Montreal with him right now?” she asks.

“No, I’m in Dallas. I chose to stay and work on my career.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she sounds disappointed.

“I’m sorry I threw myself into my work the past three weeks to try and forget about him. I gave Juice to Jamie who sent Juice to Montreal. I’m selling the house and moving into an apartment in two weeks. I guess I forgot to call.”

“You mean you forgot to tell me you made the worst decision of life when you stayed for some stupid career over the love of your life? You, of people Ellie I would think that you wouldn’t do that.”

“Its not some stupid career, its the one I have been dreaming about my whole life.”

“And you are trying to tell me that Jordie isn’t the man of your dreams?”

“You don’t even know what we have been through the past so many months.”

“Wasn’t your fights because of that stupid job of yours? You could find that job and more in Montreal. You didn’t even give Jordie a shot,” she whispers the last line.

I don’t expect you to understand-” I start.

“You don’t expect me to understand? Ellie of all people I should understand. TJ and I just got engaged, I’m going to be marrying into the NHL WAG life. I know that you want something other than hockey and you want to be independent but guess what? You don’t get to have that right now because your main priority should have been Jordie this whole time. Jordie is your thing outside of hockey. He is yours and you ruined that when he had to do the scariest thing and move across the country away from not only you but he had to leave his brother and best friend. He is now all alone in a new city because his girlfriend was so f***ing selfish and picked her career over him.”

“HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULDN’T DO THE SAME. HE SAID HE WOULD PICK HOCKEY OVER ME,” I wail out.

“Thats bullsh** and you know it. He has to say that. He probably had to tell you to stay so he wouldn’t feel guilty in making you leave. That does not mean you go and listen to him. He wanted you to go to Montreal with him. You guys were meant to be and I just don’t understand how you didn’t realize it sooner,” she huffs. “I gotta go, I will call you soon.” she hangs up and I am left with silence. Too much silence.

The days dragged on and soon enough the day I never wanted to ever come, came. Jordie would be in town tonight and that terrified me so much that I called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day. I hadn’t texted Jordie asking if he wanted to come by the house to pick up things or to sign the real estate papers even though I know I should have. I knew he was going to be at Jamie’s at some point today so I laid in bed watching out the window that looked across the street to the other Benn house.

Hours ticked by and I dosed off and on while watching Jamie’s house and the tv. I finally realized that Jordie isn’t going to come and got out of bed to fix my grumbling stomach. I was wearing an oversized t shirt and my hair was in a knot on the top of my head. I started on making some pasta to fix my hunger. I was checking the noodles when I heard whispering “she usually goes to work pretty early in the morning,” one whispers.

“Her car is in the garage still,” the familiar voice states and I freeze knowing full well who this is. Jordie. I gulp and want to run and hide and cry at the same time.

I look out of the kitchen to see two Benn boys looking around the house. “Hello,” I state making them both jump and mutter profanities.

“I thought you would be working,” Jamie tells me.

“I called in sick today,” I reply. “Whats up?”

“Jordie was in need of more of his things,” Jamie says no words coming out of his brother.

“I moved and packed most things upstairs in the spare bedroom,” I tell them.

“I’ll go look,” Jamie pats his brother on the back and heads up the stairs. Jordie looks around uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact with me.

“I was making some pasta if you want some,” I say moving into the kitchen to check the noodles again. I can hear Jordie follow me.

Jordie clears his throat, “We already ate, but thanks.”

I don’t say anything right away.

“So you have my stuff packed away already?” he asks.

I shrug not facing him. “I couldn’t look at it anymore.”

“I don’t recognize the place anymore,” he states.

“I’m moving out in 2 weeks to an apartment.”

“Oh.”

“Is Juice okay?” I ask still turned away from him staring at the pasta and sauce I was boiling.

“Yep, he likes Montreal.” That kinda stings.

“Good, good. Do you?”

“Like Montreal? Its different, more hockey focused. But the team is great, very welcoming.”

“Thats good,” I turn to the sink to drain the pasta and I sneak a quick glance at him from the corner of my eye and almost drop the pot. Holy my eyes tear up just for one quick glance.

“How are you doing?” he rests against the counter across from me.

“This is my first day off in 3 weeks.” I state.

“Don’t work yourself too hard,” he comments and I almost want to tell him off. I’m not yours anymore.

“I won’t, it has been good for me,” I squeak out.

“Don’t lie to me Ellie. The least you could do is not lie to me.”

“What do you want me to say Jordie? That I regret staying here in this shitty house and in this shitty city where everything, EVERYTHING reminds me of you? I don’t want to give you that satisfaction of that because I made this decision and now I have to deal with the consequences. Work is the only thing going for me right now because thats all I have been doing to get my mind off of you. You in another country by yourself trying to figure the new city out without my help and I don’t want to think of that. The trade f***ed me up and I can’t think straight anymore. On one hand I miss you more than I want to breathe and on the other hand I know this is good for my career but what is my career if I’m working all the time and have no one to celebrate my achievements with. My own best friend thinks I made a mistake and now won’t talk to me because of what I did. I can’t win in this situation.” I cry out to him leaving the pasta and the sauce and sliding down the cabinets and hitting the floor. Jordie stares at me for a second before joining me on the floor sitting right beside me but not touching me.

“You have lost so much weight,” he comments touching my thigh and quickly pulling back.

“Thats what you have to say to me?” I blurt out.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Do you think I made the right decision?” I ask.

“I’m bias Ellie. But as someone who is chasing their career right now and wanting to excel in that, I would say no. But as someone who has missed you more than I thought I could ever imagine, you made the biggest mistake of your life. But I can also tell you that this mistake can be changed for the better.”

“And how is that?”

"When Jamie came in and said I was in need of some things, one of those things is you," Jordie fidgets around and grabs something from his pocket. It looks like a box. “You could marry me.”

Notes

I don't know if I like the ending??? Thoughts? Comment below! Requests? Comment below!!!