AUTUMN LEAVES

Hiding in a bathroom stall for the past five minutes, Autumn tried to steady herself with both of her hands on the glossy walls. She was angry with herself and mostly disgusted by her actions. Sob after sob wracked her body. She ended up on the floor after emptying her dinner in the toilet bowl. She hazily heard someone enter the bathroom. She kept hiding as she fought for air, almost choking on her own tears. She prayed that the person who entered will not notice her pathetic state.

She tried her hardest to stop crying. She needed to go back to the party before someone takes notice. How can she look Mario in the eye after what she just did? Covering her face with her hands, she started to take steadying breaths. He doesn’t know what you just did, and Sid will never dare to tell him. He will never know. You will not tell him because it will never happen again, ever. It was a mistake that meant nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She jumped when she heard what seemed like the sound of a door lock. She wiped her eyes and nose as best as she could and decided that she can’t hide in the stall all night. She’ll blame her crimson face and puffy eyes on allergies. Upon gaining some composure, she opened the door to face the last person she expected to see. Sidney.

Is he here to pick up where we left off? One look at him told her that it was not the case. His expression screamed anger. The way his whole body fumed with rage sobered her up from the shock of seeing him that soon after their encounter. He did not speak a word and yet, his heavy breathing and the fury in his dark eyes said it all.

Autumn got defensive as she felt a blame coming her way. “No, you don’t get to say it’s my fault”, she said with the hoarse voice that all the crying had left her with. He heard how broken she sounded, but his features stayed hard. He would not try to comfort her. Not now. He was pissed at her for starting this whole mess and for leaving him the way she did. The second he stepped outside the museum, he realized that facing her is the only thing that would make him feel better.

“You can’t do that. You can’t follow me and kiss me and –”, he rubbed his face as he turned away from her. “You can’t give me hope. You can’t give me this meaningless and likely false, hope”, he added. She saw the pain on his face through his reflection on the bathroom mirror. “I’m sorry. You’re right”, she said between sniffs and tears.

“You know how I feel about you. It’s so fucking unfair, Autumn! You just made me feel as though you cared about me, but for what? So you can go back home with him? In his bed? No, I’m sorry, YOUR bed? He’s your fucking husband. Where does that leave me, huh? What about me?!”, his voice has risen many octaves.

“I should be the angry one, not you! All these months, you could have said something. But of course the insecure Sidney Crosby had to wait 72 hours prior to the wedding to confess his undying love for the woman he supposedly cares about so damn much”, she shouted back, angry that he acted like the victim. He was bracing himself with both arms on the sink with his back to her as he listened to her rant.

“I liked you, but you acted like a jerk. At first, I thought you were not interested in me the same way I was in you. But you know what? With time, I learned your process Crosby. I know you now. I know how you function and how you think. You’re nothing more than a commitment-phobe. You know, I even looked up the medical term for it. Ironically, it’s gamophobia.”

His head hung low above the sink as he took in her harsh words. “It’s not like you gave me a chance before you went running to Mario.” He straightened up and turned to face her, still mad. “One second you were in my arms and the next you were in his. You did not give me a chance to even pursue you.”, he shot back.

“Are you blaming me for not giving you a change? What about that women that I assume you hooked-up with that night? No one forced you to do that, the same way no one forced you to leave me in the middle of a dance like an idiot begging you to kiss her”, she said furiously as he played the victim card once more.

He sighed deeply as he leaned on the sink for support. “None of this matter now anyway. We can never ever happen. You’re Mario’s wife.”, he said, averting his eyes from hers. “Just leave me alone, that’s all I’m asking. I will keep on avoiding you like I’ve been doing for so long now. You should do the same. It’s for the best.” He did not sound convinced with what he’s suggesting, but he did mean it nonetheless.

Seeing how upset he was, Autumn resigned and nodded her head in agreement. She did not want to keep arguing with him. She feared looking at him. His jaw was clenched so tight, the veins in his neck very prominent, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes said it all. He was done with her. He wanted nothing to do with her, not even her friendship.

Though she knew that he was undeniably right, she couldn’t help but feel the loss of something that they could never have. She had no right to feel this way but sadness and disappointment were evident on her face as Sidney unlocked the bathroom door and stormed out without looking back.

She did not have enough time to dwell on what has just happened as another wave of nausea hit her. She ran towards the open stall. Once done, she cleaned up and tried to fix what’s left of her smudged make-up. All she needed was to go home and curl up under the safety of her blankets, away from reality and all the hurt that came with it.

As she walked out of the bathroom and into the hall of the art gallery that was secluded from the ballroom, she surveyed the area and was relieved that it was pretty much deserted. Her heart was beating so fast as she entered the ballroom after what felt like hours. In reality, it was less than an hour. “Hey, where have you been?”, Mario asked the second she appeared at the table. “Is everything alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost”, Mario asked. “I’m sick. I was in the bathroom throwing up. Must be that weird Thai food I had for lunch”, she lied. “I know you have to stay, but I really want to go home. Do you mind if I take the car and you call the service to get back home? I don’t feel like waiting for Henry to get here on this short notice.” She did not have the energy for idle chat, not even with their usual sweet driver. She just wanted to be left alone.

“You should not drive alone in this shape. I’ll take you home”, Mario suggested. “No. You have obligations still. I feel better, I can drive I promise. Don’t worry about me.” Mario knew better than to argue with her. Once she decides on something, it is almost impossible to change her mind. She was his beautiful confident but overly stubborn wife.
She bid everyone at the table a goodnight, noting that Sidney’s chair was still vacant.

As he was walking her to the parking lot, Mario couldn’t help but feel that there was something off about his wife. She wouldn’t look him in the eye for one. She also looked too distraught for someone who just has a stomach ache. “Sweetheart, weren’t you feeling sick few days ago too? Do you think it could be more than just an upset stomach?”, he asked carefully.

“I... I don’t think so.” She paused, a little alarmed, as she silently started to do her period math. “I don’t think so”, she repeated, still not looking at him. He thought that her short answer should do for now. Tomorrow, when she feels better, they can talk about it and maybe he can convince her to take a test. Mario decided that it is too early to freak out about this, especially with how stressed she looked. Once he’s asked the valet to bring their car, he turned towards his tired wife, holding her at arm’s length. “Call me when you get home. Drive safe okay? The weather is not so great.” She nodded faintly as she gave him a quick hug.

Once she was behind the wheel, she exhaled unsteadily as tears clouded her vision. She hated herself for lying to Mario. She hated the fact that he may be right about her recurrent nausea. She hated how her life took a turn for the worse because of Sidney Crosby. But mostly, she hated the finality in Sidney’s voice. We can never ever happen. She hated how much it affected her. The flow of her tears mirrored the stormy rain in the dark Pittsburgh night.

The heaviness in her head was enough to block out the scene unfolding in front of her at the intersection. The last vision that went through her mind before her world went into silent darkness was Sidney’s dazzling smile and the echoes of his voice as he told her: “You look spectacular tonight, every man in the room is envying me right now”.

Notes

Hiya everyone!

Yes I'm alive, thanks for asking :D
Sorry for the wait, life happened. Hope you like the new chapter. I have so much in store for you :D Stay tuned for the next chapter. I'm almost done writing it ;)

As always, thanks for reading and for your invaluable feedback :)

Stay warm in this blizzard if you live in the great white north!

Charlie :)