AUTUMN LEAVES

Empty white corridors. He turned to his right. More endless corridors lit by blinding neon lights. He could hear his own heavy breathing but nothing else. Turning back, he saw her standing at the end of one of the long halls. The closer he got to her, the further away she appeared. He stood still and watched her. Streaks of bloody tears appeared on her face and dripped on her neck, landing on her golden dress. More stains of blood emerged on her bare legs from under the hem of her dress. She looked scared as she was trying to call him. He could read his name on her lips but all he could hear is his labored breathing.

“Sidney. Sidney, do you hear me? Wake up”, Kris said gently as he shook his unconscious friend in the hope of waking him up. He’s witnessed Sidney have a panic attack seven years ago when he had that terrible concussion and was losing his sanity. But never did he see him pass out. Sidney woke up startled choking on his own breath. He looked around disoriented. White walls and neon lights. He was on a couch in a hospital room at the UPMC with Kris and Phil. “What happened?”, he asked faintly.

“You had a panic attack in the waiting room so we brought you here for some quiet. The second we stepped in here, you just stopped breathing and passed out for like two minutes”, Kris said calmly. “I was about to call a doctor for help. You freaked us out man”, Phil added.

Then it downed on him. Autumn. The accident. “Any news?”, he asked, his voice foreign to his own ears. “No, we’ve been here for a few minutes only, Sid”, Kris said. “She’s gonna be okay though. We all know how great the surgeons are in this hospital. She’ll be out from surgery soon and we’ll be able to see her, okay buddy?”, Phil spoke, unsure of what else to say. Being shocked at Sidney’s reaction to her accident is an understatement. He knew they were close friends, but Sidney was always so collected and kept his emotions under control. He’s never seen him so broken and vulnerable. Except at the Stanley cup party in Nashville, he thought as he started to put two and two together. He had so many questions but now was not the time.

“I don’t know. You heard what the paramedics said”, Sidney said quietly, feeling his heart rate increase again as he recalled the count of her injuries. Head trauma, internal bleeding, ... His heart sank at the thought of the last words he had said to her. He yelled at her, blamed her for everything and told her that nothing could ever happen between them when all he wanted was the exact opposite.

“I know man, I’m worried too. It does sound scary but she’s young and healthy. She will get through this. Mario needs us right now. The man is a mess. I mean I could only imagine what he’s feeling”, Phil said, unbeknown to him that Kris had dragged Sidney into this room so Mario wouldn’t suspect his feelings for his wife.

Kris was able to find paper cups and brought his captain some water. He watched him closely as he took a small sip. “Are you feeling better to go back outside now? Phil is right”, he asked with so much concern for his friend. Sidney nodded. He needed to go outside to see if there was any news from the operating room where Autumn was taken almost an hour ago.

The crowd in the private waiting room seemed to have doubled, with close friends and family arriving. Sidney could barely make Mario’s hunched back. As he approached him, coach Sullivan stood up and gave him his spot next to Mario’s chair. Sidney slumped in the chair and tried to collect every ounce of energy and optimism that he could muster in that moment. He put his hand firmly on Mario’s shoulder. Mario did not move from where he sat with his elbows on his knees and his face hidden behind his hands. “She’s gonna be okay Mario. Have some faith”, Sidney managed to say.

Mario slowly uncovered his face and gave Sidney a sideway look. He shook his head as if to say that he lost all hope. “You don’t understand Sid. It is all my fault. I should have never let her drive home alone in this awful storm. It’s on me. Of course my hockey obligations had to come first. I destroyed a 25-year marriage because of these obligations. Now, I may have killed my wife”, Mario said in defeat as if assuming that Autumn will not make it out of the OR alive. Mario’s words infuriated Sidney so much that he stood up abruptly, not caring if there was 30 people who were about to hear his outburst.

“First of all, she is not going to die. And second, yes, it is your fucking fault. She was sick and you should have never let her drive in that condition. Jesus! I cannot believe how selfish you are acting-”, Sidney’s yelling was cut short when Mike Sullivan and Kris held him back, trying to physically restrain him as he was dangerously angry. Mario hung his head low. Sidney was right.

Suddenly, it hit him that Sidney knew that she was sick. Maybe she told him. They’re good friends after all. Maybe she is sicker than he thought. Maybe she’s pregnant and doesn’t know it yet. Or maybe she does know but chose not to tell him yet. The possibility of Autumn being pregnant hit Mario like a wrecking ball. “Oh god, she may be pregnant”, Mario said covering his face again while shaking his head furiously. The commotion of calming Sidney down died off as everyone heard what Mario had just said.

Tiffany, who was keeping it together so far, couldn’t contain her tears any longer. “Oh my god, Mario! What do you mean she may be?” As Mario was trying to vocalize an answer, a nurse came into the waiting room. “The doctor sent me to inform you that the surgery is going well. We were able to locate the source of the bleeding and it is all under control now. Once the surgery is done, Dr. Hannigan will talk to you personally, Mr. Lemieux. I’m sorry, but it’s not my place to answer your questions at this time. Usually you would have to wait for the doctor to give you the news, but since it’s Dr. Scott in there, he did not want you to wait too long for the good news.”, the nurse said compassionately.

“So, she’s okay? She’s gonna make it?”, Mario asked hurriedly. The nurse nodded to everyone’s relief. Sighs of relief and murmurs of “thank god” filled the room. Everyone was patting Mario’s back as Sidney collapsed against a wall with Kris at his side. His shoulders were shaking as he laughed softly while wiping off the wetness from his eyes. Mario came their way and extended his hand towards Sidney to help him stand up.

Sidney started to feel bad about the way he spoke to Mario. It was disrespectful and unnecessary, given the situation. “I’m sorry, I was just worried and-”, he did not get the chance to finish his apology as Mario cut him off. “Did she mention anything about being pregnant?”, he asked him in a shushed voice, not wanting everyone in the room to think that his wife would tell Sidney something that important before telling him, her husband.

“No. I just know that she threw up, that’s all.” Sidney did not want to give away much for obvious reasons. “Do you think she is?”, Sidney asked. “Maybe”, Mario said briefly, sorrow evident in his voice. The relief that Sidney felt after the nurse’s news started wearing off quickly to be replaced by a new worry instead. She may be pregnant, or may have been before the horrific car crash. She may have lost a baby. Mario’s baby. It was a devastating thought. He could only imagine how Mario must be feeling.

The events of the night taking a toll on both men, they both sat on nearby chairs, waiting impatiently for the doctor to give them an update. Sidney was so jittery, shaking his legs erratically as Mario was spacing out. Tiffany was pacing while talking to herself. “Tiff, could you please sit down, you’re making me more anxious with your pacing”, Sidney said with some irritation that he did not really mean. Tiff ignored him completely, not even bothering to look at him.

The crowd was thinning out as it was nearing midnight. The news that Autumn was going to be okay comforted their friends and family. Sidney, the Letangs, Tiffany and Nathan were the last people left when the doctor had finally finished the 2-hour surgery. He reassured Mario that she will make a full recovery. Autumn was lucky to get away with just a minor concussion and bruised ribs from the air bags. Once she was transferred to the private hospital room, her husband was allowed to go see her.

When Mario entered her room, he couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of his unconscious wife. She was lying peacefully in a blue hospital gown, covered by a blanket from the waist down. The large bandage on her forehead and the dark bruise near her left eye were the only evidence of the accident. Mario turned to Dr. Hannigan who was still checking her vitals.

“Did you do any blood tests?”, he asked with a low voice. When the doctor nodded, he inquired further. “Did you do a pregnancy test?”, he asked. “Yes, Mr. Lemieux. It is a routine test that we have to do since we’re giving her strong painkillers and antibiotics to prevent any infections in her wounds”, he answered professionally, though still not getting what Mario is really asking. Mario was getting impatient. “And? Is she pregnant or not?”, he asked a little irritated.

“No, the test came back negative. Your wife is not pregnant”, the doctor said unsure whether it’s the answer her husband was looking forward to hear. “Do you know if she was before the accident? Do you think she may have had a miscarriage?”, he asked, worry evident in his voice.

“She couldn’t have been, Mr. Lemieux. The hormone we test for in her blood would normally still be present for long enough after a miscarriage. We also performed a full checkup and imaging since the bleeding was internal. Her uterus did not show any signs of pregnancy nor miscarriage”, the doctor said reassuringly.

Relieved, Mario thanked the doctor and shook his hand. He was left alone with his sleeping wife. He sat by her side, holding her cold hand. He was told that she should be waking up shortly from the anesthesia. He lost track of space and time as he contemplated her face, from her lips to her nose, to her eyelids that rested on her unusually pale cheeks. He noticed Tiffany sitting on the other side of the bed, checking Autumn’s chart.

“Hey”. He heard his wife’s raspy voice. He turned to see that she was awake and smiling softly at him. “Oh honey, thank god you’re okay. I thought I lost you”, he said breathlessly as he kissed her hand, afraid to hurt her if he tried to hug her. She looked confused as she looked at Tiff then back at Mario.

Mario was so emotional that he couldn’t find his words. He went to get the doctor since his wife regained consciousness. They needed to do more concussion-related tests when she is awake. In the meantime, Tiffany filled her in on the accident and her injuries. “You got us all so worried, you idiot! Please watch where you’re going next time, okay?”, Tiffany scolded her between tears. Autumn nodded as best as she could with how sore she was feeling. “What time is it?”, she asked. “It’s almost 1 in the morning. You got out of surgery about an hour ago. Everyone left except for us”, Tiff said motioning to where Mario was sitting. “Nate is here. Also, Catherine is still here with Kris. She wants to see you. She was so worried. They’re allowing two people at a time. When Mario comes back, I will go get her.”

Mario entered the room hurriedly behind the doctor. Dr. Hannigan performed the routine tests for concussions, bringing some dark memories to Mario. He watched Sidney go through these for months on end. He hoped that Autumn’s injury would not be that bad. Once the doctor was done writing down his assessment, he explained that, as they suspected, it is a mild concussion for the moment. Once Autumn is rested for the night, they will perform an MRI in the morning to rule out any other possible consequences of the trauma. The doctor gave some instruction to the nurse on how often to administer the painkillers and other medications that were pumped into her system through an IV.

When the doctor left, Tiffany went to give an update to the small group in the waiting room. “She’s awake and doing well”, she said cheerfully. Sidney stood up and waited for Tiffany to say more. “She has a minor concussion, they will do more tests tomorrow morning. But overall, she’s okay. Oh, and she’s not pregnant”, she said with a smile. She collapsed into a chair and exhaled a sigh of relief. Nate went to see her as Catherine was getting impatient. “Can I go see her now?”, Catherine asked. When Tiff explained that when Nate comes back she can, Catherine looked at Sidney. “Sid, do you want to go before me? I don’t mind going after you.”

Sidney shook his head. “It’s alright, go ahead.” Sidney stood up and collected his jacket, phone and wallet. He looked about ready to leave. Tiffany gave him a weird look. “I’m going to the cafeteria to grab a bite”, he said. Kris wasn’t having it. Sidney still looked very distraught to him. He followed him down the hall that leads outside of the quiet private wing where Autumn’s room was. “Sid, wait up”, Kris said as he jogged to catch up to his friend.

“I could use a bite too. We’ve been here for a while”, Kris said. In reality, Kris had a feeling that Sidney was escaping a situation where he has to see Autumn. Once they got to the almost empty cafeteria, Sidney stopped in his tracks. He stood still, looking completely lost. He looked around at everything except the food. He headed to a somewhat isolated table in a corner next to a large glass window, with Kris hot on his heels.

“I’m gonna grab a sandwich, what can I get you, Sid?”, Kris asked. Sidney shook his head no. Kris sighed and sat on the chair facing him. “You don’t want to see her”, Kris said in a deadpan tone. “I can’t. I… I’m the last person she wants to see, trust me”, Sidney said quietly as he mindlessly played with the edge of a napkin. He was not going to elaborate on that to Kris. “Sid-”, Kris tried to talk but was cut off. “Please Tanger, not now. I can do without your lecturing”, Sidney said defeated.

“That’s not at all what I was doing, Sid. I saw how hard this whole thing has been for you. It’s obvious that you still have feelings for her. But it’s not the time to scold you about it. I understand how you must be feeling. I mean, I can’t begin to imagine how I would react if it was Catherine in there fighting for her life”, Kris said with so much sympathy for his friend.

Sidney was embarrassed by his lack of self-control. More than this, he certainly did not want Mario to pick up on how much Autumn’s condition affected him. Though, his reactions to Mario’s recklessness earlier may have triggered his mentor to suspect something.

Meanwhile, Autumn was still processing all that’s happened. Her mind was hazy, her head was throbbing. Her chest hurt. But the pain was still bearable with all the drugs she was on. “Cath, go home to your son. I’m okay”, Autumn said softly to her friend. Catherine nodded, “you should try to get some sleep. I will come see you tomorrow, okay?” With a kiss on her cheek, Catherine left the room.

Catherine found her husband sitting alone in the waiting room. “Where’s Sid? He should go see her now because she needs to rest.” Kris was not sure what to say. He hasn’t told his wife about Sid’s feelings for Autumn. “He’s in the cafeteria. I’m gonna go see her before we head home”.

Tiff was by Autumn’s side, with Mario on the other side. They all looked towards the opened door as Kris entered. Tiff was surprised that it was Kris and not Sidney. She noticed the slight disappointment on Autumn’s face, as she realized that Autumn may have been expecting him as well. Kris came and left. Mario’s daughters spoke to her briefly on the phone. Few of Autumn’s UPMC colleagues also came to check on her briefly. She kept glancing at the door. In her hazy state, she noted that Sidney did not show up. He did not come to see her or check on her. No one even mentioned that he was there.

That thought brought back all the memories from the ring ceremony. The way he cradled her face and kissed her so deeply, so passionately. The memories of his touch, his lips and the feeling of his breath on her skin were still so fresh in her mind, as were his final words.

But she could have died tonight and he did not even bother to come see her. Despair washed over her as she barely tried to listen to Mario and Tiff tell her all about her recovery plan.

Notes

Hey peeps!

I had this chapter written for a while now but was feeling lazy to put on the final touches!
Anyways, here it is. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for reading!

Charlie :)