AUTUMN LEAVES

“The Tampa Bay Lightning are great contenders this year and they are proving it game after game...”. Autumn heard the voice of an ESPN host in the background. She took a deep cleansing breath, Sidney’s scent filling her nostrils. She turned into his heavy arms smiling at the sight of him still sleeping. She took the opportunity to contemplate him, smiling at how beautiful he truly was. His long dark eyelashes rested on his flawless skin. Her eyes shifted down to his chiseled chest then back to his perfectly sculpted lips. Closing her eyes, she felt a shiver run through her as she replayed all the things that those lips did to her.

When she reopened her eyes, he was staring back at her with a panicked look. She watched him as he sat up abruptly and started running his hands through his messy hair, saying nothing at all. She got up in turn, hugging her naked torso, feeling very exposed all of a sudden. She remained quiet watching him get off the couch from where he was glued to her just a moment ago. He started pacing, naked and all. Shaking his head, he kneeled beside her, staring at the couch and shaking his head again. He tugged at his own hair, putting his face flat on the couch, exhaling unsteadily.

“What have we done?”, he said with a hoarse voice. She found it almost comical that he just realized what they did. He looked up at her, “What have we done?”, he repeated, with a small voice. She met his gaze with wet eyes. What have they done? She bent down and hurriedly collected her discarded clothes and hugged them to her naked body, in an attempt to cover herself. He diverted his eyes from hers and rubbed his freshly-shaved face so hard that it turned an angry shade of red. When she looked at him, she was alarmed by the stern expression on his face. Standing up, he put back his shorts on, not bothering with his boxer briefs.

“You should leave. We cannot do this”, he said, somehow missing the fact that they already did this. She did not know how to respond. She felt small, cheap even. She couldn’t contain her tears, covering her mouth with her hand to muffle her sobs. With his back turned to her, she put her clothes on with lightning speed. Sidney was staring blankly at the TV that was still playing hockey highlights, his hands balled into fists. It was dawning on him how he has just betrayed Mario in the ugliest of ways. He was in love with his wife. He begged her not to marry him. He was sneaking into her hospital room to sleep next to her. Now, and to top it off, he fucked her. He was angry and disgusted with himself. He heard her sobs in the background but tried hard to avoid looking at her crying. He couldn’t help seeing her cry, and she will end up in his arms again.

Her sobs were briskly quieted by the loud crash of glass against the TV screen. The colored crystals of what used to be a bohemian vase were shattered all over the floor. She jumped from her spot clutching on to the fabric of her hoody that was now covering her chest. When he turned towards her with eyes red from anger and unshed tears, she was scared that he would break more things. But he didn’t. He looked at her instead, from her frizzled hair to her disheveled clothes and tear-stained face. He can’t be angry with her. How could he? She was the love of his life. He had to summon all self-control not to run to her and gather her in his arms.

“I can’t do this to Mario. He’s like a father to me”, he finally chocked out, his voice filled with regret. “I know”, she managed to say while wiping her eyes and trying desperately not to fall apart in front of him. She looked down and realized that shatters of glass surrounded him on the carpeted floor where he stood barefoot. Her nurturing side kicked in as she glanced around the room trying to spot his ugly yellow crocks that she knew would be around, busying herself with a mindless task to numb her pain. She picked them up sluggishly and looked at him, silently telling him to put them on. That simple gesture in the middle of the crisis they were in made Sidney realize how much Autumn cared about him and that fact made him hurt even more. Once he put on his crocks, Autumn turned on her heels and headed for the door. He watched her walk away from him, yet again.

She heard his footsteps close behind her. “Autumn.” She turned around to see him standing behind her, visibly upset and miserable, just like she felt. “Just know, has this been a year ago, I would have never let you walk out that door”, he said softly to her. “Never”, he repeated, swallowing the lump in his throat. She looked down, more tears escaping her eyes. “But we’re a year too late”, she whispered grief lacing her voice, finishing his sentence for him. With that she left, closing the door behind her, leaving him planted in his spot, with all kinds of regrets. Regrets of what could have been and of what it can never be.

He entered his living room to see his broken face on the cracked TV screen, giving an interview following their latest game loss. He laughed gloomily because broken was exactly how he felt. Broken and hopeless when it came to Autumn. He had tried so hard to avoid her, but to no avail. Every time she was near him, he surrendered to his feelings for her. He gave in to her when she kissed him at the museum. When she was injured after the accident, he almost let everyone know that he loves her. And today, he did not even think of stopping her. Only this time, it was worse. He had crossed every line possible.Was he done trying to forget her though? No, he was not. She’s Mario’s and even if she decided to leave Mario, she will always be Mario’s ex. She will never be someone Sidney Crosby, hockey player extraordinaire with the squeaky-clean reputation, could ever be with.

Glancing at the mess on his carpet, he spotted the black torn piece of lingerie among the shards of glass. He delicately picked it up and wrapped it around his fingers, inspecting it closely. Sophisticated yet somehow simple, just like her, he thought. He was in too deep and he knew it. He was not supposed to fall for her, or anyone for that matter. He contemplated drinking his problems away, but knew that it won’t solve anything. Instead, he’ll busy himself with what he does best, hockey. Hockey has always been the answer to everything. His shot could use some work, so does his speed.

She wouldn’t be impressed with my play when she comes to games, he thought. Not every damn thing is about her, he reminded himself angrily. He headed to his kitchen with long strides, the only evidence of their romp still in his hand. He opened his garbage and stared at it for a long time. He brought the panties to his face and inhaled her or what’s left of her, retelling himself that this would be the last he will. Memories of her body came rushing back to him. The sound of her coming apart under him was the best thing he’s ever heard. While the hour spent on his couch was hot and satisfying, it was not enough for him. Not after wanting her for so long or after knowing how good it felt to make love to her. If anything, it left him wanting more. What they just did would never be enough for him. But it had to be, he thought, as Autumn’s panties landed at the bottom of his garbage can.

*****

The hot water was scalding Autumn’s skin, but she couldn’t step away. She needed to wash away any remnant of him on her body. When there were no more tears left in her eyes, she sat on the ceramic of her walk-in shower, hugging her knees to her chest, hiding in shame behind the steam. Mario doesn’t deserve this, she kept telling herself over and again. Standing up, she decided to finish showering and lie down. She was exhausted and very sore. As she was soaping her body, her hand reached for where she was sore the most. She closed her eyes and lightly ran her fingers along her folds, replaying all the things that Sidney did to her. Not her husband. Sidney. She covered her mouth as another sob escaped. She would have never guessed that she’d be the type of woman who cheats on her husband. It shocked her that she was even capable of doing such a disgusting thing.

Later and from under her blanket, she heard their gate open and a car park. Autumn froze. It was still early for Mario to come back home. She was not prepared to face her husband yet, not after the fight they had or what she just did with his protégé.

Mario peaked his head in their bedroom to find his wife under the blankets, not moving. Fearing that he may wake her up, he sat quietly on one of the chairs next the large window facing their backyard where he waited patiently for half an hour. Realizing that Mario was not going anywhere, Autumn stopped pretending to sleep and rose from the bed to face her husband. He looked tired and defeated. “Hi”, he said tentatively. Autumn couldn’t meet his gaze, she was too ashamed to look at him after what she just did.

“Hey”, she answered looking at her feet where she sat on the edge of the bed. She covered her face with her hands and broke into tears. Mario was at her side in a split of a second. “Hey. It’s okay don’t cry, I’m sorry”, he said regretfully as he tried to pull her hands away from her face. Her face was crimson and her eyes extremely puffy. “No!”, she said loud enough for him to hear. Standing up, she continued, “Mario, I’m sorry. I’m the one to blame here. I…”, she didn’t know how to finish this sentence. “I’m so sorry Mario. I don’t deserve you”, she said covering her face, opening the floodgates once again. If only he knew how sorry she was and what for.

“Autumn stop, please look at me”, he pleaded. She shook her head with her back turned to her husband, still incapable of facing him. He sighed and decided to speak his mind anyways. “I was upset all morning, couldn’t work. Listen, I should have been more honest and transparent with you regarding that topic, and for that I take the blame. That being said, you should never walk away from a conversation this important. The way you handled it is not going to solve our issue here”, he said firmly. “I’m sorry that I’m not ready for kids right now, but this is how I feel. I am aware that this is a decision that we both should take, but at the same time, you should be more considerate of my feelings. That’s all I’m asking”, he said with a hopeful voice.

She did not answer; instead, her quiet sniffles came as a response. Mario sighed heavily, realizing that his wife was still upset. “How can we move on from this?”, he asked, desperate for her to speak. “I’m not ready to have children either”, came her weak response. Mario was relieved that they were at least on the same page now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you with what I said earlier”, she added.

She felt him behind her, his arms came around her pulling her into him. He kissed her shoulder where he rested his chin. Not wanting to talk about this dreaded subject anymore, he asked her if she was up for a sushi lunch since he picked it up on his way home. Autumn knew that was his way to cheer her up, knowing how much she loved sushi. Things were almost back to normal at the Lemieux’s. The couple spent the rest of the day watching TV and talking about everything except their fight.

As Autumn lied in bed at night next to her sleeping husband, she was consumed by her thoughts. I don’t deserve Mario. How long can I keep what happened from him? He deserved better than this. Was honesty the best way to go?

Notes

Hello!

I hope you like where the story is going. Infidelity is unfortunately common. Though I must admit, it is a very difficult topic to write about. Not wanting to make excuses for the characters but at the same time, there's a reason behind everything we do, good or bad.

The three-headed monster strikes once again! I hope the Pens continue on this path to a three-peat!

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Charlie :)