AUTUMN LEAVES
Chapter 32
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you
Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
– “I Surrender”, Celine Dion
___________________________________
By the time Autumn stood at Tiffany’s front door, it was almost dawn. Knocking softly for a few times, she took a step back as the door opened and revealed a tired Nathan. “Sorry to wake you up”, Autumn said with a low voice passing by him to enter the apartment. Nathan stayed quiet as she took off her coat and shoes. He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say to her. “What do you think you’re doing?”, he managed to finally ask her without the need to elaborate on his question. “Can we please talk about this tomorrow? I’m exhausted”, Autumn pleaded. With a heavy sigh, Nathan went to the couch, “Tiff went to bed not long ago. Take the guest bed. We’ll talk tomorrow”, he said grumpily.
Autumn woke up to the heavenly smell of Tiff’s favourite coffee. Changing into some of Tiffs clothes she ventured into the quiet kitchen area to see Nate sitting on the bar studying his coffee and Tiff trying to reach for something in a high cupboard. Autumn appeared at her side and helped her knowing that she was the taller one between the two. Autumn sighed when Tiff gave her a tight smile. She sat next to Nate, who hasn’t looked her way yet. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Nate. It’s not something I was comfortable talking about”, Autumn tried as she put her hand on his forearm. He shook his head, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to”, he pointed while sipping on his coffee, not meeting her eyes.
“I know. I will tell him everything”, Autumn said above a whisper. That got Tiffany’s attention as she joined them on the bar with two mugs of coffee in hand. “You mean you’re gonna tell Mario that you cheated on him with Sidney?! You’re extremely delusional if you think he will forgive you”, Tiff said. “I don’t expect him to ever forgive me”, Autumn said, her eyes getting wet. “I don’t want to stay in this marriage anymore”, she answered. “It’s the least you could do after… sleeping with his almost son”, Nate spoke dryly. “I get it, you’re mad at me but I can’t deal with it right now! I’m sleep deprived, my life is falling apart and the man I did all this for couldn’t care less”, she said angrily, though she did not really mean the last part. She knew Sid cared about her, but did he care enough?
“I need my friends now”, Autumn added with a low voice. “She still remember that we’re her friends!”, Nate snapped. Tiff tried to diffuse the tension by shushing them both. “Sid called me many times. He left me voice and text messages. His persistence was getting annoying. I guess he was really worried. At end I felt bad, so I texted him this morning that you were here”, Tiff told her. “But if I were you, I would call Mario ASAP. He’s been calling me since you haven’t answered your phone”, Tiff said.
“Did you answer him?”, Autumn asked alarmed. “I did. I lied, told him that you were asleep and forgot your phone at the club. But I swear to God Auttie, this is the last time I’m saving your sorry ass!”, Tiff said firmly. “I told him that you’ll call him first thing in the morning. It’s 8 am, call him”, Tiff commanded as she gave Autumn her phone back.
Autumn didn’t have it in her to talk to him, so she texted him instead and told him she was okay and had errands to run and will call him later in the day. “What’s gonna happen next?”, Tiff asked. Autumn sighed and rubbed her temples, coffee was doing nothing for her headache. “I’m gonna come clean and leave him”, Autumn said matter-of-factly. “What about Sid?”, Tiff asked, more cautiously. “I don’t know”, she said as she leaned down on the counter and buried her face in her arms to hide her tears. She felt Nate’s tall shadow near her, rubbing circles on her back. She turned around hugged him as she cried, soaking his shirt. “I’m sorry about earlier, I was angry because you were hurt. Tiff told me everything”, he spoke calmly, his chin on her head.
“I’m always here for you, you know that. No matter what”, he comforted her. “I will destroy that asshole in a heartbeat, just say the word, I mean it. He thinks he could just toy with you and get away with it? Cost you your marriage and then walk away untouched?!”, Nate added, shaking with anger at Sidney.
The trio jumped at the loud pounding on the door. “I don’t know who that might be. Auttie, go to your room just in case. I don’t want you to deal with more angry people”, Tiff spoke with a low voice. Nate had an inkling of who it may be, so he stood behind Tiff as she opened the door. “I’m so glad it’s you! You son of a bitch!” Nate said as he moved Tiff out of his way and grabbed Sidney Crosby by his windbreaker and threw him against the wall.
Sidney had no time to react as Nate, a much bigger man than he was, punched him square in the face, sending him straight to the floor with a single swing. Sidney was on the receiving end of countless punches. He never walked away from a fight, but this was different, this was personal and he thought he deserved it a little bit. Standing up, he saw that Nate was still angry and Tiff was trying hard to hold him back.
“You thought that she had no father or brother to kill you if you hurt her! You thought Sid Crosby can do whatever he wanted with no consequences?!”, Nate barked at him.
Autumn came back to the living room after hearing Nate yell. “Nate! What did you do?!”, she exclaimed once she saw Sidney’s face. His nose was bleeding, his lips looked bloody and his left cheek red, but will certainly turn blue within a few hours. She rushed to Sidney’s side to inspect the damage. She needed to stop the bleeding. “Sid, go sit on the couch, don’t touch you face. Tiff get me clean cloth with water bowl and some ice, and your first aid kit”, Autumn requested, with her authoritative doctor tone. Tiff hesitated to leave Nate’s side, worried he may pounce on Sid again. “Nate, get an ice pack and water, I will get the rest”, Tiff commanded firmly, much to Nate’s dismay.
When Sid sat on the couch, Autumn tilted his head back on the backrest and gave him tissues to hold to his nose. She looked closely at his face. “good, there’s no need for stitches. Your lips are okay, any blood in your mouth?”, she asked him as she felt his hand catch her wrist, nodding slowly. “Open your mouth”, she sighed worried that Nate may have knocked a tooth but was relieved that it was just a small cut to the inside of his cheek. Releasing her hand from his, she got to work with what her friends brought. She cleaned him up and gave him some ice to put on his cheek. “You need to rinse your mouth with some saline to avoid any infections. Come with me”, she said softly, as she went to the bathroom with Sidney trailing behind her. Nate huffed when Sidney passed him, their eyes meeting. Nate was clearly displeased that Autumn was tending to Sid’s needs.
In the bathroom, Autumn produced some saline packets and dissolved them in a cup of water, with Sid standing closely behind her. He did as asked and rinsed few times, blood coming out every time he spat. “Wounds in the mouth heal fast, it’s-”. “I know”, Sidney interrupted her as she was trying to reassure him. “Not my first time”, he said quietly as he sat on the edge of the tub.
Tiffany appeared in the doorway, “I have to get to the hospital, I’m late for my shift. Do you need anything before I go?”, Tiff asked Autumn who shook her head in response. “Nate is leaving with me. You two should talk”, she added before leaving.
Autumn could hear Nate complain in the background, clearly unhappy to leave. She looked back at Sidney who was quietly holding the ice to his cheek. “I think it’s been 10 minutes, give it a break”, she said, finding it hard to look at him. He nodded as he stood up, leaving the ice pack behind.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know Nate would do that”, Autumn whispered, walking away from him. Sidney followed close behind her and gathered her tightly against him, kissing her cheek and smelling her neck. “I was so damn worried after you left”, he breathed in her ear. “Autumn, I want you, I want us”, he whispered as he heard the distinct sound of Autumn crying, he knew that sound all too well and that fact hurt him.
He turned her around and held her face in his large hands, wiping her tears with both of his thumbs. “I promise you that I will do everything I can, I will spare nothing. I don’t want to see you cry ever again, do you hear me?”, he said, his deep voice slightly cracking. “Look at me, baby”, he asked her softly. When she did, she saw the sincerity in his wet eyes.
“I slept for like an hour last night, Autumn. I thought about everything and do you know what I concluded every single time an idea popped into my head?”, he continued. “that I will stop at nothing to be with you, Autumn. Do you understand?”, he asked to make sure she gets the message this time and doesn’t run away again. She nodded but did not say a word, she just let him hug her against his chest.
“We were both upset too upset to think clearly last night”, he spoke as he stroked her hair and her back. As they sat in the living room to talk, Autumn opted to sit in front of him, ignoring his inviting open arm. When he started to talk, Autumn held her hand up. “Sid, please, before you say anything, hear me out”, she spoke and Sidney nodded.
“I’m sorry that I left you the way I did last night. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it. I do love you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you”, Autumn said. “I refused your proposition because I need to draw a line at the awful things I’m willing to do to be with you. Sid, I don’t recognize myself anymore”, Autumn continued with a lump in her throat. Sidney looked at his hands, feeling guilty that this wonderful woman has changed because of him, and she clearly regrets it.
“I don’t regret it. I don’t regret loving you, if that’s what you’re thinking. I regret the things I did because I loved you. Cheating and lying that is”, she clarified. “I don’t know how you don’t see it, but we can’t be together unless we both come clean to Mario, there’s no other option”, she added firmly. “I know that and we will tell him. But…”, Sidney started to say but she interrupted him.
“There is no but!”, Autumn said standing up, realizing that nothing has changed since last night. “Hey, calm down, l didn’t interrupt you, so let me talk now”, he said with his captain voice. Autumn knew that he meant business but she needed to say one more thing before he made any decisions about their future.
“Before you say something you may regret, you need to know that...”, she said, struggling to finish this sentence. “Sid, I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum, but it all boils down to what you want more and I love you too much to make you choose between me and your relationship with Mario, or your career for that matter. I can’t ask you that. The ball is in your court. So, please before you decided, ask yourself this”, she spoke as she wiped her tears, turning away from him, too scared of his answer.
“Am I worth your career, your reputation, Mario’s trust?”, she asked but was met with a deafening silence. “Don’t answer that. I’m sure that I’m not. I will never accept that you risk everything for me only to wake up one day and regret it all. You will resent me and I will hate myself for it”, she said hurriedly, thinking if she answered for him, it will hurt less.
“May I speak now?”, he spoke from behind her, trying to remain calm, her words infuriated him. She whispered an okay but remained glued to the window, not looking at him. “You’re an idiot”, was all he said. “Excuse me?”, she exclaimed incredulously as she turned to look at him. “Didn’t you hear what I had just told you in the bathroom? Why is it too hard for you to believe?”, he said walking towards her.
“Because you just said “but” !”, she replied. “You wouldn’t let me finish!”, he shouted back, getting impatient. Sidney ran his hands in his hair, “look we’re both tired and screaming at each other. How about we sit down and you let me finish my sentences for a change?”, he suggested.
As they sat next to each other this time, Sidney held her hand, his bruised face close to hers. “I’m willing to tell Mario. That means I’m willing to deal with the consequences that will come with that”, he told her. “I called my agent at six in the morning, scared the shit out of him”, he continued with a chuckle. Autumn’s eyes were so wide. This was for real, she thought. “Sure it is”, Sid said, as she realized that she spoke out loud. “I asked Pat to fly in as soon as he can. He’ll be here this evening. I will discuss with him my contract and the options that I have”, he said with a serious tone.
“You mean, you’re considering leaving Pittsburgh?”, she asked with wide eyes. “When we tell Mario, I don’t think he would want to ever see me again. It’s safe to assume that he would find a way to kick me off the team”, Sid said, sadness evident on his battered face. “You think Pat can find something in your contract to stop Mario from firing you?”, She asked, her heart breaking at the thought of Sidney leaving the Pens. Because of you, she thought.
“No. I want to leave the team before Mario could fire me. Besides, I can’t stay here, regardless of what Mario decides. I can’t just play for his team after what I did to him”, Sid said decisively. “Where would you go? Which team will be able to afford you?”, she asked as she laced her fingers with his. “I have few ideas, but Pat would know better and will find out for me. If I had a say, I think Montreal is a good option. It’s second best, it’ll do. Money won’t be an issue, I can ask for a lower salary, an amount that the team can afford”, he spoke.
“No, you’re too valuable of a player, I mean any team would do anything to get you, even if they have to trade five players for you”, she said, shaking her head. While what she said was true, it still warmed his heart how big Autumn thought of him. “I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime, trust me. And now, I will have you too. I can never ask for more”, he told her lovingly. Autumn remained silent, trying to process it all. Clearing his throat, he spoke, “now the real question is, if say a trade worked out, to Montreal or who knows where, would you come with me? Would you leave Pittsburgh, your job, your sister and your friends behind?”
“Sidney Crosby, are you asking me to ride off into the sunset with you?”, she asked smiling for the first time that morning. “I guess I am”, he answered returning the smile. She crawled into his lap and hugged him closely, hiding her face in his warm neck. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth, Sidney. I can practice medicine anywhere and we’ll make new friends. It won’t be easy, but we will make it work, as long as we have each other”, she spoke without any hint of hesitation.
“So, what do we do now? When do we tell Mario?”, she asked nervously. “Can this wait until I work things out? I mean Mario won’t be back anytime soon, right? You won’t be pretending or lying to his face. He’s away for like two weeks. Plus, it’s not a conversation to have over the phone”, Sidney reasoned. “He will be at the owner’s meeting in Montreal, then will go to California for a business deal with a communication company, then to Toronto for hockey hall of fame related business. He’ll be back in…. 16 days”, she said. “Good that should give us enough time to plan how everything will go down.”
“You just speak to him on the phone or text, whatever”, he suggested.
He looked down and pecked her on the lips. “Soon enough, we will be together, it will be just us, can you believe it?”, he contemplated. Autumn nodded, “It sounds too good to be true though”, she said with an uneasy sigh. “What’s wrong?”, he asked sensing some hesitation.
“I just… you’re willing to move to a new city, abandon your teammates and your home. If what we did comes out, your fans will hate you, everyone in this city will hate you. It’s just hard to believe that you would do all of this for just a woman”, Autumn voiced her doubts.
“Just a woman?! What is your deal, Autumn? Are you purposely trying to get me mad?!”, he shouted at her, in disbelief. “Do you believe me when I say that I love you, or not?”, he asked aggravated. “I do…”. “Then do me a favor, stop questioning my intentions”, he said more calmly, looking her in the eyes.
She stood up and started pacing in front of him. “And you won’t regret it? You won’t blame me if you do? And what if ‘we’ didn’t’ work out?”, she asked, her voice filled with worry. “I won’t blame you because I will never regret it. The only thing I will regret is if we didn’t try to be together, this, I will regret for the rest of my life. I can play hockey for a different team, but I won’t love anyone else but you, Autumn. Get that through your head already”, he said as he stood and held her at arm’s length. She nodded and caressed his face gently.
“I love you, Sid. I’m not doubting you, it’s just everything is happening too fast. But like I said, I’m ready to do whatever it takes to be with you too. So, let’s work on a plan that will cause the least damage to everyone involved”, she said with a small smile. “Friends, the team, the fans”, she listed. “Mario and my family”, he added. “Your family”, Autumn whispered, feeling stupid at forgetting this detail. She loved his family and they loved her, as Mario’s wife. How will they take this news?
“They will never approve of us”, she stated sadly. “No, they won’t”, Sidney answered honestly, dreading to tell his family almost as much as telling Mario. “But, it’s nobody’s business, not even my family. They will get used to the idea, eventually”, he stated. “Are we really doing this?”, she asked with a sparkle in her eyes. “Yes, we are”, he confirmed with his wide signature smile. “You wouldn’t believe who I ran into when I left your place last night”, Autumn said with a chuckle, as she told Sidney all about her bizarre encounter with his presumably ex-girlfriend.
*****
“Don’t you have to go to work today?”, Sidney asked lazily, as the couple cuddled on Tiffany’s couch. “No, thank god”, she said with a happy sigh. “Good. Wanna take a nap?”, he said wiggling his eyebrows at her. “unbelievable! Here I am worrying about how we’re going to uproot our lives in two weeks, and all you think about is this?!”, she said in disbelief, swatting his chest playfully.
He caught her hand quickly, “hey! You and your friends have got to stop abusing me!”, he warned. “I’ve been nice so far”, he said sternly, though unable to hide his smile. “Is that a threat? What are you gonna do, Crosby?”, she sassed as she leaned down slowly and bit his hand that was gripping hers. He had her pinned underneath him within a flash of a second. He cradled her face and captured her lips with his in a deep kiss. When they stopped to breathe, Sidney grinned at her, “so damn hot, baby. And what’s even hotter is that you’re all mine now,” he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. “All mine”, he repeated. “I love you”, she whispered back before he kissed her once again.
“Let’s go get some sleep. We can think after, my brain is fried”, Sidney said right as he picked her up in his arms and headed towards her room. “Just to sleep I promise”, he reassured her. “But maybe after, who knows, I may find the energy to do other things”, he added cheekily, as he placed her down on the bed. For the first time, Sidney and Autumn lied next to one another, in the same space, and did nothing but sleep.
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you
Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
– “I Surrender”, Celine Dion
___________________________________
By the time Autumn stood at Tiffany’s front door, it was almost dawn. Knocking softly for a few times, she took a step back as the door opened and revealed a tired Nathan. “Sorry to wake you up”, Autumn said with a low voice passing by him to enter the apartment. Nathan stayed quiet as she took off her coat and shoes. He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say to her. “What do you think you’re doing?”, he managed to finally ask her without the need to elaborate on his question. “Can we please talk about this tomorrow? I’m exhausted”, Autumn pleaded. With a heavy sigh, Nathan went to the couch, “Tiff went to bed not long ago. Take the guest bed. We’ll talk tomorrow”, he said grumpily.
Autumn woke up to the heavenly smell of Tiff’s favourite coffee. Changing into some of Tiffs clothes she ventured into the quiet kitchen area to see Nate sitting on the bar studying his coffee and Tiff trying to reach for something in a high cupboard. Autumn appeared at her side and helped her knowing that she was the taller one between the two. Autumn sighed when Tiff gave her a tight smile. She sat next to Nate, who hasn’t looked her way yet. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Nate. It’s not something I was comfortable talking about”, Autumn tried as she put her hand on his forearm. He shook his head, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to”, he pointed while sipping on his coffee, not meeting her eyes.
“I know. I will tell him everything”, Autumn said above a whisper. That got Tiffany’s attention as she joined them on the bar with two mugs of coffee in hand. “You mean you’re gonna tell Mario that you cheated on him with Sidney?! You’re extremely delusional if you think he will forgive you”, Tiff said. “I don’t expect him to ever forgive me”, Autumn said, her eyes getting wet. “I don’t want to stay in this marriage anymore”, she answered. “It’s the least you could do after… sleeping with his almost son”, Nate spoke dryly. “I get it, you’re mad at me but I can’t deal with it right now! I’m sleep deprived, my life is falling apart and the man I did all this for couldn’t care less”, she said angrily, though she did not really mean the last part. She knew Sid cared about her, but did he care enough?
“I need my friends now”, Autumn added with a low voice. “She still remember that we’re her friends!”, Nate snapped. Tiff tried to diffuse the tension by shushing them both. “Sid called me many times. He left me voice and text messages. His persistence was getting annoying. I guess he was really worried. At end I felt bad, so I texted him this morning that you were here”, Tiff told her. “But if I were you, I would call Mario ASAP. He’s been calling me since you haven’t answered your phone”, Tiff said.
“Did you answer him?”, Autumn asked alarmed. “I did. I lied, told him that you were asleep and forgot your phone at the club. But I swear to God Auttie, this is the last time I’m saving your sorry ass!”, Tiff said firmly. “I told him that you’ll call him first thing in the morning. It’s 8 am, call him”, Tiff commanded as she gave Autumn her phone back.
Autumn didn’t have it in her to talk to him, so she texted him instead and told him she was okay and had errands to run and will call him later in the day. “What’s gonna happen next?”, Tiff asked. Autumn sighed and rubbed her temples, coffee was doing nothing for her headache. “I’m gonna come clean and leave him”, Autumn said matter-of-factly. “What about Sid?”, Tiff asked, more cautiously. “I don’t know”, she said as she leaned down on the counter and buried her face in her arms to hide her tears. She felt Nate’s tall shadow near her, rubbing circles on her back. She turned around hugged him as she cried, soaking his shirt. “I’m sorry about earlier, I was angry because you were hurt. Tiff told me everything”, he spoke calmly, his chin on her head.
“I’m always here for you, you know that. No matter what”, he comforted her. “I will destroy that asshole in a heartbeat, just say the word, I mean it. He thinks he could just toy with you and get away with it? Cost you your marriage and then walk away untouched?!”, Nate added, shaking with anger at Sidney.
The trio jumped at the loud pounding on the door. “I don’t know who that might be. Auttie, go to your room just in case. I don’t want you to deal with more angry people”, Tiff spoke with a low voice. Nate had an inkling of who it may be, so he stood behind Tiff as she opened the door. “I’m so glad it’s you! You son of a bitch!” Nate said as he moved Tiff out of his way and grabbed Sidney Crosby by his windbreaker and threw him against the wall.
Sidney had no time to react as Nate, a much bigger man than he was, punched him square in the face, sending him straight to the floor with a single swing. Sidney was on the receiving end of countless punches. He never walked away from a fight, but this was different, this was personal and he thought he deserved it a little bit. Standing up, he saw that Nate was still angry and Tiff was trying hard to hold him back.
“You thought that she had no father or brother to kill you if you hurt her! You thought Sid Crosby can do whatever he wanted with no consequences?!”, Nate barked at him.
Autumn came back to the living room after hearing Nate yell. “Nate! What did you do?!”, she exclaimed once she saw Sidney’s face. His nose was bleeding, his lips looked bloody and his left cheek red, but will certainly turn blue within a few hours. She rushed to Sidney’s side to inspect the damage. She needed to stop the bleeding. “Sid, go sit on the couch, don’t touch you face. Tiff get me clean cloth with water bowl and some ice, and your first aid kit”, Autumn requested, with her authoritative doctor tone. Tiff hesitated to leave Nate’s side, worried he may pounce on Sid again. “Nate, get an ice pack and water, I will get the rest”, Tiff commanded firmly, much to Nate’s dismay.
When Sid sat on the couch, Autumn tilted his head back on the backrest and gave him tissues to hold to his nose. She looked closely at his face. “good, there’s no need for stitches. Your lips are okay, any blood in your mouth?”, she asked him as she felt his hand catch her wrist, nodding slowly. “Open your mouth”, she sighed worried that Nate may have knocked a tooth but was relieved that it was just a small cut to the inside of his cheek. Releasing her hand from his, she got to work with what her friends brought. She cleaned him up and gave him some ice to put on his cheek. “You need to rinse your mouth with some saline to avoid any infections. Come with me”, she said softly, as she went to the bathroom with Sidney trailing behind her. Nate huffed when Sidney passed him, their eyes meeting. Nate was clearly displeased that Autumn was tending to Sid’s needs.
In the bathroom, Autumn produced some saline packets and dissolved them in a cup of water, with Sid standing closely behind her. He did as asked and rinsed few times, blood coming out every time he spat. “Wounds in the mouth heal fast, it’s-”. “I know”, Sidney interrupted her as she was trying to reassure him. “Not my first time”, he said quietly as he sat on the edge of the tub.
Tiffany appeared in the doorway, “I have to get to the hospital, I’m late for my shift. Do you need anything before I go?”, Tiff asked Autumn who shook her head in response. “Nate is leaving with me. You two should talk”, she added before leaving.
Autumn could hear Nate complain in the background, clearly unhappy to leave. She looked back at Sidney who was quietly holding the ice to his cheek. “I think it’s been 10 minutes, give it a break”, she said, finding it hard to look at him. He nodded as he stood up, leaving the ice pack behind.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know Nate would do that”, Autumn whispered, walking away from him. Sidney followed close behind her and gathered her tightly against him, kissing her cheek and smelling her neck. “I was so damn worried after you left”, he breathed in her ear. “Autumn, I want you, I want us”, he whispered as he heard the distinct sound of Autumn crying, he knew that sound all too well and that fact hurt him.
He turned her around and held her face in his large hands, wiping her tears with both of his thumbs. “I promise you that I will do everything I can, I will spare nothing. I don’t want to see you cry ever again, do you hear me?”, he said, his deep voice slightly cracking. “Look at me, baby”, he asked her softly. When she did, she saw the sincerity in his wet eyes.
“I slept for like an hour last night, Autumn. I thought about everything and do you know what I concluded every single time an idea popped into my head?”, he continued. “that I will stop at nothing to be with you, Autumn. Do you understand?”, he asked to make sure she gets the message this time and doesn’t run away again. She nodded but did not say a word, she just let him hug her against his chest.
“We were both upset too upset to think clearly last night”, he spoke as he stroked her hair and her back. As they sat in the living room to talk, Autumn opted to sit in front of him, ignoring his inviting open arm. When he started to talk, Autumn held her hand up. “Sid, please, before you say anything, hear me out”, she spoke and Sidney nodded.
“I’m sorry that I left you the way I did last night. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it. I do love you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you”, Autumn said. “I refused your proposition because I need to draw a line at the awful things I’m willing to do to be with you. Sid, I don’t recognize myself anymore”, Autumn continued with a lump in her throat. Sidney looked at his hands, feeling guilty that this wonderful woman has changed because of him, and she clearly regrets it.
“I don’t regret it. I don’t regret loving you, if that’s what you’re thinking. I regret the things I did because I loved you. Cheating and lying that is”, she clarified. “I don’t know how you don’t see it, but we can’t be together unless we both come clean to Mario, there’s no other option”, she added firmly. “I know that and we will tell him. But…”, Sidney started to say but she interrupted him.
“There is no but!”, Autumn said standing up, realizing that nothing has changed since last night. “Hey, calm down, l didn’t interrupt you, so let me talk now”, he said with his captain voice. Autumn knew that he meant business but she needed to say one more thing before he made any decisions about their future.
“Before you say something you may regret, you need to know that...”, she said, struggling to finish this sentence. “Sid, I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum, but it all boils down to what you want more and I love you too much to make you choose between me and your relationship with Mario, or your career for that matter. I can’t ask you that. The ball is in your court. So, please before you decided, ask yourself this”, she spoke as she wiped her tears, turning away from him, too scared of his answer.
“Am I worth your career, your reputation, Mario’s trust?”, she asked but was met with a deafening silence. “Don’t answer that. I’m sure that I’m not. I will never accept that you risk everything for me only to wake up one day and regret it all. You will resent me and I will hate myself for it”, she said hurriedly, thinking if she answered for him, it will hurt less.
“May I speak now?”, he spoke from behind her, trying to remain calm, her words infuriated him. She whispered an okay but remained glued to the window, not looking at him. “You’re an idiot”, was all he said. “Excuse me?”, she exclaimed incredulously as she turned to look at him. “Didn’t you hear what I had just told you in the bathroom? Why is it too hard for you to believe?”, he said walking towards her.
“Because you just said “but” !”, she replied. “You wouldn’t let me finish!”, he shouted back, getting impatient. Sidney ran his hands in his hair, “look we’re both tired and screaming at each other. How about we sit down and you let me finish my sentences for a change?”, he suggested.
As they sat next to each other this time, Sidney held her hand, his bruised face close to hers. “I’m willing to tell Mario. That means I’m willing to deal with the consequences that will come with that”, he told her. “I called my agent at six in the morning, scared the shit out of him”, he continued with a chuckle. Autumn’s eyes were so wide. This was for real, she thought. “Sure it is”, Sid said, as she realized that she spoke out loud. “I asked Pat to fly in as soon as he can. He’ll be here this evening. I will discuss with him my contract and the options that I have”, he said with a serious tone.
“You mean, you’re considering leaving Pittsburgh?”, she asked with wide eyes. “When we tell Mario, I don’t think he would want to ever see me again. It’s safe to assume that he would find a way to kick me off the team”, Sid said, sadness evident on his battered face. “You think Pat can find something in your contract to stop Mario from firing you?”, She asked, her heart breaking at the thought of Sidney leaving the Pens. Because of you, she thought.
“No. I want to leave the team before Mario could fire me. Besides, I can’t stay here, regardless of what Mario decides. I can’t just play for his team after what I did to him”, Sid said decisively. “Where would you go? Which team will be able to afford you?”, she asked as she laced her fingers with his. “I have few ideas, but Pat would know better and will find out for me. If I had a say, I think Montreal is a good option. It’s second best, it’ll do. Money won’t be an issue, I can ask for a lower salary, an amount that the team can afford”, he spoke.
“No, you’re too valuable of a player, I mean any team would do anything to get you, even if they have to trade five players for you”, she said, shaking her head. While what she said was true, it still warmed his heart how big Autumn thought of him. “I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime, trust me. And now, I will have you too. I can never ask for more”, he told her lovingly. Autumn remained silent, trying to process it all. Clearing his throat, he spoke, “now the real question is, if say a trade worked out, to Montreal or who knows where, would you come with me? Would you leave Pittsburgh, your job, your sister and your friends behind?”
“Sidney Crosby, are you asking me to ride off into the sunset with you?”, she asked smiling for the first time that morning. “I guess I am”, he answered returning the smile. She crawled into his lap and hugged him closely, hiding her face in his warm neck. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth, Sidney. I can practice medicine anywhere and we’ll make new friends. It won’t be easy, but we will make it work, as long as we have each other”, she spoke without any hint of hesitation.
“So, what do we do now? When do we tell Mario?”, she asked nervously. “Can this wait until I work things out? I mean Mario won’t be back anytime soon, right? You won’t be pretending or lying to his face. He’s away for like two weeks. Plus, it’s not a conversation to have over the phone”, Sidney reasoned. “He will be at the owner’s meeting in Montreal, then will go to California for a business deal with a communication company, then to Toronto for hockey hall of fame related business. He’ll be back in…. 16 days”, she said. “Good that should give us enough time to plan how everything will go down.”
“You just speak to him on the phone or text, whatever”, he suggested.
He looked down and pecked her on the lips. “Soon enough, we will be together, it will be just us, can you believe it?”, he contemplated. Autumn nodded, “It sounds too good to be true though”, she said with an uneasy sigh. “What’s wrong?”, he asked sensing some hesitation.
“I just… you’re willing to move to a new city, abandon your teammates and your home. If what we did comes out, your fans will hate you, everyone in this city will hate you. It’s just hard to believe that you would do all of this for just a woman”, Autumn voiced her doubts.
“Just a woman?! What is your deal, Autumn? Are you purposely trying to get me mad?!”, he shouted at her, in disbelief. “Do you believe me when I say that I love you, or not?”, he asked aggravated. “I do…”. “Then do me a favor, stop questioning my intentions”, he said more calmly, looking her in the eyes.
She stood up and started pacing in front of him. “And you won’t regret it? You won’t blame me if you do? And what if ‘we’ didn’t’ work out?”, she asked, her voice filled with worry. “I won’t blame you because I will never regret it. The only thing I will regret is if we didn’t try to be together, this, I will regret for the rest of my life. I can play hockey for a different team, but I won’t love anyone else but you, Autumn. Get that through your head already”, he said as he stood and held her at arm’s length. She nodded and caressed his face gently.
“I love you, Sid. I’m not doubting you, it’s just everything is happening too fast. But like I said, I’m ready to do whatever it takes to be with you too. So, let’s work on a plan that will cause the least damage to everyone involved”, she said with a small smile. “Friends, the team, the fans”, she listed. “Mario and my family”, he added. “Your family”, Autumn whispered, feeling stupid at forgetting this detail. She loved his family and they loved her, as Mario’s wife. How will they take this news?
“They will never approve of us”, she stated sadly. “No, they won’t”, Sidney answered honestly, dreading to tell his family almost as much as telling Mario. “But, it’s nobody’s business, not even my family. They will get used to the idea, eventually”, he stated. “Are we really doing this?”, she asked with a sparkle in her eyes. “Yes, we are”, he confirmed with his wide signature smile. “You wouldn’t believe who I ran into when I left your place last night”, Autumn said with a chuckle, as she told Sidney all about her bizarre encounter with his presumably ex-girlfriend.
*****
“Don’t you have to go to work today?”, Sidney asked lazily, as the couple cuddled on Tiffany’s couch. “No, thank god”, she said with a happy sigh. “Good. Wanna take a nap?”, he said wiggling his eyebrows at her. “unbelievable! Here I am worrying about how we’re going to uproot our lives in two weeks, and all you think about is this?!”, she said in disbelief, swatting his chest playfully.
He caught her hand quickly, “hey! You and your friends have got to stop abusing me!”, he warned. “I’ve been nice so far”, he said sternly, though unable to hide his smile. “Is that a threat? What are you gonna do, Crosby?”, she sassed as she leaned down slowly and bit his hand that was gripping hers. He had her pinned underneath him within a flash of a second. He cradled her face and captured her lips with his in a deep kiss. When they stopped to breathe, Sidney grinned at her, “so damn hot, baby. And what’s even hotter is that you’re all mine now,” he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. “All mine”, he repeated. “I love you”, she whispered back before he kissed her once again.
“Let’s go get some sleep. We can think after, my brain is fried”, Sidney said right as he picked her up in his arms and headed towards her room. “Just to sleep I promise”, he reassured her. “But maybe after, who knows, I may find the energy to do other things”, he added cheekily, as he placed her down on the bed. For the first time, Sidney and Autumn lied next to one another, in the same space, and did nothing but sleep.
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
Notes
Hiya,
Thank you for reading my story, I hope you're still enjoying it!
That was a long chapter, I just realized, oh well..
How will these two face all the inevitable adversities? Will their love survive it all?
Looking forward to your feedback!
Charlie
I hate how they’re putting it all on autumn. Sid is at fault as well and Mario is just being a jerk. I was hoping Mario would be a bit nicer and understanding seeing as how it’s everyone vs autumn right now. Kinda still wishing Mario had his own story without the cheating young wife, maybe a faithful young wife
8/17/18