AUTUMN LEAVES

Sidney took a deep breath as he mulled over his next move. His mind was racing at the thought of being face to face with Mario for the first time since the truth was revealed. He was not given much time to prepare what to say. He needed a quick solution. He would normally seek Mario’s advice when facing a tough decision, and Mario would so brilliantly find the ultimate solution for every one of his problems. He’s lost that privilege now. What would he say to him, to the man he betrayed, to the man who loved him as a son?

His father was right, an apology is a start. But an apology is never going to cut it. What else could he do? He reasoned that at that moment, he won’t have to say much given that they won’t be alone. His mother and Taylor joined him and his father as they left the room.

Mario was chatting casually with Jim Rutherford when Sidney caught his eye. His mentor looked him up and down, and Sidney noticed the immediate frown appearing on his face. Swallowing hard, he approached the two men. “Sid, it’s so good to see you back on your feet, son!” Jim exclaimed as he shook Sidney’s hand and patted his shoulder lightly.

“Same here,” Mario said, his stance austere and detached. Extending his hand to Sidney, the captain hesitated before shaking his hand. He felt that Mario squeezed his hand rather firmly, or maybe it was his imagination. Sidney retracted his hand and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Let’s get going, gentlemen. Sid is tired and needs to get home,” Trina said to diffuse the tension. Jim nodded while looking between Mario and Sidney. As the group walked down the hallway, Jim whispered to Sidney.

“I know that his daughter did this to you, son, but don’t take it out on Mario. He feels horrible as it is. He’s trying to deal with the aftermath. He is evening divorcing his wife. Given how much Lauren hates Autumn, I’m guessing his daughter’s wellbeing had to take a priority. Well, I guess as a father, I understand him. You should too,” Jim said in low voice, making sure no one was within earshot.

Sidney wanted to almost laugh at Jim’s analysis of the whole situation, but couldn’t. “You’re right, things will go back to normal eventually,” Sidney said, though not believing any of it himself.

A single cameraman was allowed in the main lobby where hospital staff has gathered to wish Sidney well. Once at the front door, Jennifer gave her final directives to the group before stepping outside. Sidney was floored at the scene before his eyes, at the number of people who waited for him on such a cold December day. Setting aside the whole Mario situation, he stood still for a few moments to take it all in, the signs, the flowers, the screaming kids and the cheerful fans. He was surrounded by one of the reasons he loved the game of hockey and the city of Pittsburgh.

Sidney focused on controlling his emotions as he approached the crowds to take pictures and sign autographs. He mostly wanted to thank them, but couldn’t find the right words. He could hear Mario’s voice thanking the fans as he shook some hands among a sea of people. Sidney busied himself with the fans to take his mind off Mario’s tall shadow behind him.

“We’re obviously very happy that Sid is okay. It was a stressful time for his family and his Penguins family. Thank you all for your support, we appreciate it,” Mario addressed the crowd loudly.

Sidney couldn’t help but feel that pang of guilt Sidney. Though he knew Mario was likely putting up a front for the media and the fans, his words did not hurt any less. He said “we” appreciate it. Mario was including himself in this statement, and Sidney wished it was true. He wished that none of the past year had happened, that he had never met Autumn, that he had never wanted to make a donation to her unit at UPMC. He wished Mario had stayed with Nathalie, he even wished he loved Lauren the way she wanted him to. None of this would have happened had he not walked into Mario’s office on the day he met Autumn. If practice had run late that day, none of this would have happened.

Sidney realized that no matter what the outcome of this mess would be, whether he will stay with the team or not, whether Mario will ever talk to him again or not, he will never be able to live his life with no regrets. In fact, regrets will be all that remain in his lonely, empty life. No Autumn and no hockey, that was the worst possible outcome. No Autumn was guaranteed now, as for hockey, it would be up to Mario. But it didn’t look good either, Sidney thought as he finally made it to the car that was taking him home.

*****

“Nathalie? What are you doing here?” Trina asked from Sidney’s doorway, a few days after her son was released from the hospital.

“I know you probably don’t want to see me, or any of us, after what my daughter has done. But Trina please, we go way back, Sidney is like a son to me, you know that. I’m here to …well, to apologize to you all and to see how Sid is doing. If you don’t mind?” Nathalie spoke with a tear in her eye.

“Come in,” Trina said, nodding weakly. “Sidney is in his office, I will go get him.”

Nathalie nodded as she made her way to the living room. It was not her first time in Sidney’s home, hell she helped him decorate the place.

“Sid,” Nathalie whispered when Sidney walked in. She wiped her tears and approached him slowly, unsure if he will let her hug him.

When Sidney smiled softly at her, Nathalie gave him a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Sid. I never thought Lauren would…I’m so sorry. I’m so glad that you’re okay. Our boy is okay. Mario said that you will be able to skate in a few months!”

Sidney nodded and sat down on the couch with Nathalie at his side. Trina excused herself as she had a few errands to run with her daughter. Once they were alone, Nathalie held Sidney’s gaze. “It’s all my fault, Sidney.”

“Why would you say that? It’s not your fault Nathalie. It’s nobody’s fault,” Sidney said.

“But it is. And I need you to hear me carefully, Sid. I need you to know the truth. It’s the only way guilt won’t eat away at me,” Nathalie said nervously. After taking a couple more breaths, Nathalie confessed. “It was me who sent the USB key to Mario.”

Sidney scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “What USB key? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I… thought you knew. I … um… someone had told me that Autumn was cheating on Mario,” Nathalie said uneasily.

“Who told you?” Sidney asked surprised.

“It’s not important. I didn’t believe it at first, so I sort of looked into it and I was angry. I wanted Mario to know but did not want to be that person, you know, the jealous ex-wife who lost the love of her life to a woman half her age. To a woman who was cheating on him with… well, you, Sid,” Nathalie said, not meeting Sidney’s eyes to which he was thankful.

Sidney waited impatiently for Nathalie to continue. “I sent an anonymous letter to his office to tell him the truth about what was going on behind his back. I knew that it would affect you on the long run, but you have to understand Sid, no matter how much I love you as one of my own, what you and that women were doing was wrong,” Nathalie said with a low voice.

“So, I had to do something, I couldn’t take Mario being clueless about your affair. I couldn’t talk to you about it either, you were too blinded by her,” she added. Sidney’s head hung low as he nodded at her last statement. He looked up at Nathalie when he felt her hand squeeze his. She was the woman who took care of him, prepared him food, and helped organize his schedule, his whole life really. She was the voice of reason he needed when things got rough. She was the shoulder he cried on when facing all the pressure an 18-year shouldn’t have to deal with. But she was also the woman who told Mario and Lauren everything.

“I don’t blame you, Sid. You and Mario were both so taken with her charms,” Nathalie said with a shake of her head. “Mario said she left town, I couldn’t have been happier. It’s best for the both of you.”

Sidney covered his face with his hand to hide the hurt he felt at the mention of Autumn leaving him. “She was not worth it,” he whispered as his wet gaze met Nathalie’s.

Clearing his throat, Sidney no longer wanted to discuss Autumn. “So, you told Mario and Mario told Lauren?” Sidney asked uneasily.

“No, it was Autumn who had told Mario the truth,” Nathalie said. Sidney looked shocked at the news. He couldn’t figure out when Autumn would have had the time to do that. Was it after the incident? He must have looked so confused so Nathalie spoke, “I don’t know the details and I didn’t ask, but what I do know is that Abby received what I had sent to Mario and then… she um…gave it to my daughter instead. I mean how would I know that Abby would give it to Lauren and not Mario,” she added, looking at her hands.

“Abby said she didn’t want to pry into our family’s private matters. She felt horrible after what Lauren has done. And well, I feel this way too,” Nathalie confessed. “I triggered all this mess, I mean how could I have foreseen this?” Nathalie continued. “I guess you know the rest of the story,” she finally said with a shrug.

Sidney remained quiet as he listened to Nathalie lay everything out for him. “You know what the worst part was? I had no idea that my own daughter would be capable of hurting you or anyone for that matter. You were like a brother to her, Sid. Mario and I didn’t know what was happening with our own child.”

“Where is she now?” Sidney asked gruffly.

“In California with her father. She is under probation of course, but thanks to you not pressing charges, she will not go to prison. She’s going through rehab now, getting treated by the best psychiatrists in the country. I’m joining them today. The girls will be staying with Kris and Catherine until I’m back.”

Sidney kept silent. While it wouldn’t be reasonable to blame Nathalie for what happened to him, he couldn’t help but feel upset and disappointed with how, of all people, a woman he loved like a mother ratted him out. And in some twisted way, he experienced a taste of what he had put Mario through.

Conflicting emotions ran through his mind. “I don’t blame you, if that’s what you wanted to hear, Nathalie. I had no right to do what I did to Mario. I regret it, I do. You may not believe me, but we had…I had planned on coming clean. None of this would have happened if I had been honest with him – and with myself – from the minute that… Autumn… walked into our lives.” He swallowed hard at the mention of her name. Then something crossed his mind as he watched Nathalie wipe her eyes.

“Wait, is Mario upset with you?” he asked.

“He doesn’t know. I didn’t tell him. How could I, Sid? He will forever blame me for what our daughter has done. It’s best if that he doesn’t know.”

It was a new lie, Sidney thought, another lie that Mario would eventually suffer from.

Notes

More things are getting revealed! I hope you liked this chapter... stay tuned.... more to come!

Happy Weekend!

Charlie