Living on a Dream
Part 5
Shawn and I sat in the school cafe catching up.
"Meet any interesting people, well besides bat woman." I laughed, she really did seem crazy. Interesting wasn't the word to describe that situation. "You can say that." I thought about Jamie and Tyler. Not much stops my mind from wandering to Tyler. "Any boys?" he laughed. He did that because he didn't know. And I wasn't about to say anything. I just laughed, shaking my head. When he didn't question any further I was relieved. "You aren't saying much, Riley. Are you okay?"
"Yeah I just have a final in a couple of days and I'm thinking about that." Liar. I really am lying a lot. "Sorry I should have came on the weekend like I said."
I grabbed his hand from across the table. "No, I'm glad you're here. My little slice of home" I smiled. It was true, seeing him made me happy. Hearing his accent just brought me back to the middle of New York. He ran his other hand through his slicked back hair.
"I'm glad too. I just want to enjoy the day with you." I hoped I could quiet my mind to enjoy as well. "You know I love you, right?" That word just shot right through me. It always caught my heart and now, it just went in my chest and out my back. I just smiled. I couldn't lie, not again. I saw in his eyes that he was hurt I didn't say it back. He just ignored and put on a brave face. I just gave him a small smile. We sat in silence as we ate our sandwiches. It was a kind of awkward silence we never had between us before. It hurt.
It was now 8:30 at night on a Wednesday. Shawn sat on the couch with C.J and Charles while Diana and I were in the kitchen. I told her about lunch and how Shawn still loves me. "So you do love Tyler" was the first thing she said. "Of course not, how could I be?"
"A kiss can do wonders. When you know, you just do. Charles told me he loved me in three months."
"Took Shawn and I a year" I rolled my eyes.
She shrugged, "different for everyone?" I took an apple from the fridge and left the room. Tyler did give me feelings, but was it really romantic? The range of emotions I felt was confusing and jumbled up. My thoughts made no sense and my heart silently battled my brain.
Someone knocked on the door. Of course Diana was reaching for the bat. "Don't you dare" I pointed at her. She stood up from laying on the floor. "I got it" Charles opened the door to Jamie and Tyler standing there with smiles. Just when my brain stopped, they were there. "Diana invited us" Jamie held up a bottle of vodka. I gave her a stare of death. She totally disregarded my feelings. "Wait, why did you reach for the bat?" C.J asked with a raised brow. "I forgot" she shrugged.
"Bat?!" Tyler shouted. Diana laughed, "oops."
"She almost killed me" Shawn added and everyone laughed. He came over to me and placed his arms around my waist. We weren't affectionate since this morning when we kissed. I leaned into him as an automatic reflex. He kissed the top of my head and held me close. It felt nice. "Can we talk in your room?" he whispered to me. Everyone else started to drink and have fun. I noticed Tyler was distracted watching Shawn and I leave. I closed the door behind us. This wanting to talk gave me an uneasy feeling. It was never a good sign when someone wanted to talk to you in a different room. I scratched my arm nervously. He didn't say anything for two minutes which scared me more. The anticipation was too much to handle. I wanted him to say something. Shawn sighed loudly and turned his head to the side. "Look at me. What's up?"
He slowly turned his head and opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. I mouthed the words 'tell me.'
"That guy kept staring at you. Did something happen?"
"Nothing significant."
He shook his head. "But something did."
"Why does it matter, Shawn?"
"It matters to me." He paced from the window to the middle of the room a few times. It made me nervous again. "It shouldn't" I said softly. He looked up from the floor to me. "I know we broke up, but it just hurt."
"I can't control how he looks at me. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt."
"Do you even love me anymore?" he asked abruptly. I stayed silent. I couldn't tell him I love him. I fell out of love, which I didn't think would happen. He was supposed to be my forever. Life works in unexpected ways. Sometime- well most of the time, it doesn't work in your favor. There are curve balls along the way. It teaches you things even if you don't know what that is in the moment. I'm not sure if this was a lesson in any sense of the word. It was more like fate intervening. He dropped his head. "I think I can accept us not being together." It was my fault in the first place. I moved, which messed things up. Would we still be in love if I stayed?
"Is it because of him?" He asked. I honestly wasn't sure. It was probably because of not seeing Shawn in almost two years.
"It's not him."
"Well whatever the reason, I still have love for you. I probably always will. I thought I'd be in love after this day." I didn't know if I could deal with Shawn still being in love with me.
I stepped towards him and engulfed him in a hug. Maybe life was giving me a pass. I didn't have to worry.
After the get together on Wednesday night Tyler and I talked for the first time in two weeks. We established a friendship. It was for the best to put any feelings aside. I finished all my finals so Tyler decided to take me out for dinner. I was actually excited to get a chance to sit down again. Hopefully we get a male server.
I slipped on one of Diana's black slip dresses and white Vans. I took my floral bomber jacket out of my closet and threw it on my bed. I knew I'd get cold at some point. Tyler shot me a text that he was waiting outside. I ran out quickly since I still needed to brush my teeth. It took me a few minutes, but I ran out the door. I walked over to his car and got in. I've never been in a luxury car before. "You look great" he scratched the back of his neck. "Me? Look at you." He wore a black button up with the sleeves rolled up and grey slacks. He was making this friendship thing hard. We drove around for twenty minutes before reaching the hottest restaurant in Dallas. "Why are you doing all this?" I turned to him with awe written all over my face. So much for not dating. "Cause you deserve it after finals. Now, come on in." He rested his hand on my lower back and lightly pushed me forward. Chills ran down my spine. He led me to a one sided booth in the back. We were under a neon purple light that was scattered through the establishment. We sat down and left room between one another. 'Just friends' I kept telling myself in my head. This was going to be a long night. "It's nice to be out. The last two days I had my head in a whole bunch of notes."
"I don't know how you do it" he took a swig of soda. "It must be annoying not to be able to live" he laughed.
"Tell me about it" I rolled my eyes for dramatic effect.
"You're cute" he laughed. Was he serious? My jaw dropped in shock. He needed to quit playing. "Really Ty?"
"Sorry" he ran his hand through his hair, embarassed. I just ignored him and he didn't mention it again. I wanted to forget that I never felt anything more toward him. And then of course I had to get cold with no jacket. I forgot it at home when I knew I would need it. "You look cold.." he picked up his jacket from the booth and opened it. "Here, take this.." he wrapped the grey sport jacket over my shoulders. "Better?" he smiled. I nodded and thanked him. I was just glad he didn't cover me with his body. Just as I thought that, he inched closer and put his arm around me. My cheeks burned. I just wanted to turn and kiss his soft lips. That night replayed in my mind. Feeling his body warmth brought me bad. I needed to do something about this. I needed to tell him how I felt. It could make things a lot easier for my mental state. I moved away and told him what was on my mind. Here goes nothing. "I can't do this." I left the resturant and walked out to the front enterance. So much for telling him like it is. I took a deep breath, adjusting Tyler's jacket around my shoulders. "Riley!" His voice rang out from behind me. "What's up?" He was now in front of me. My eyes were looking down at my feet. He placed his thumb under my chin and picked my head up to look at him. I shook my head away. There was thunder in the sky, the clouds opened up. Rain drizzled down drop by drop until it poured. Great.
"Riley?" He grabbed my hand and again I shook him off. "Talk to me."
"Fine" I lifted my head. "Stop doing this! You say you can't have me falling for you, but you do things like this." My breathing was fast, my hands were shaking. Just then Tyler grabbed me and pulled my body to his. Our lips smacked together and we started to kiss. My hands went to his face and gripped it. He had me. I was hooked again.
