Captive

I wasn’t sure for how long I motionlessly watched the stillness of nature as it graciously accepted whatever winter threw its way. All I knew was that Sidney was still upstairs, giving me my space, or perhaps avoiding me. My cheeks have finally dried, but the saltiness in my eyes desperately needed washing.

Taking the spiral mahogany stairs one small step at a time, I paused on the first landing, my eyes going to the couch below, the one we almost christened last week if it weren’t for my hesitation. My stomach tightened at the memory of his touch, sending a rush order to my feet.

I had no game plan. I had no idea about what I was going to say. All I knew was that I needed to see him, to be near him. The bedroom door was open. The second I stepped inside, I was greeted with the smell of his shampoo. He sat on the edge of the bed phone in hand, with his bare back hunched over. I made no attempt at being quiet, and he had yet to acknowledge my presence. I crawled behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist until my fingers reached his firm abs. I lodged my face between his shoulder blades and tried to steady my breathing. He twitched beneath my fingertips, then let out a breath and straightened up.

I mapped his stomach, feeling the raised edge of his scar. I trailed soft kisses over his spine, with my fingers absentmindedly stroking the numb skin that the explosion has left him with. His phone fell with a thud on the carpeted floor. He turned halfway, forcing my mouth away from his skin.

From the side of his face, I could see a few water beads rolling down from his dark hair to his cheekbone. His eyes were fixed on the blue bedspread as I shifted back slightly. He swallowed and picked at a lint.

“Do, um, do you, um,” he started then cleared his throat. His voice was hoarse.

I covered his hand with mine, making him finally look at me. “Do I what?” I asked gently.

He turned his hand and laced his long fingers with mine. He swallowed again.

“Sid, I know you mean well. I’m not upset, and I’m sorry if my reaction seemed, um, a little negative. I was just a little overwhelmed when you laid out our life plan and –”

“Do you love me?”

“Huh?” I think my eyes turned into the size of a golf ball. “What… what do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question. Yes or no?” He monotonously said.
“Do you?” I asked, my voice went to a barely detectable decibel.

“So, your answer will depend on mine?”

I was at a loss. Overwhelmed cannot even begin to describe how I felt.

He pulled his hand away and stood in his almost-naked glory. “Why are you so terrified to answer?”

“Because you… you know the answer. I’ve put it all out there weeks ago and…,” taking a deep breath, I rubbed my eyes and continued, “and when I did, you just rejected me in the most painful of ways.”

I covered my face with my hands, feeling so exposed – vulnerable, one would say.

“That night at your parent’s house,” he said, his voice still tense.

“Yeah. And then it took you weeks to change your mind and what did I do? I let you back in at the speed of light.”

“And you’ve been hesitant about us ever since; even a little distant with me at times,” he stated, looking at his feet.

“Can you blame me?” I pleaded with him to understand and not pull away.

“Do you know when I knew?” he asked, looking me in the eye.

“Knew what?”

“That I loved you.”

My heart was drumming in my ears at an unhealthy rate. I shook my head. He kneeled and rested his arms on the bed, never breaking eye contact. I instinctively moved closer to him and willed myself to keep my impulses in check.

“Do you remember that night we went back to the cell to find two beds?”

I nodded and couldn’t suppress my smile. He was hurt that I asked for another bed.

“You acted like a fool, as if I would ever consider getting rid of my personal heater,” I said, tearing up and smiling fondly all at once at the memory. I lied on my stomach and faced him, my elbows supporting me. I took his hands in mine again.

“To be honest, it was much earlier than that. It’s just that, that night, I allowed myself to accept my feelings for you,” he said softly.

I looked at our joined hands and saw water drops. It could have been my tears or his, but it didn’t matter, and that was the whole point. He was a part of me. He was my heart. I bent down and rested my cheek on our hands. He mirrored my action, resting his cheek on my hair.

“Our third day in prison, when you put me in bed, covered me with a blanket and slept on the floor.” Releasing me, he pulled his hands free and cradled my wet face. “Then we slept next to each other for the very first time and… you made sure I didn’t fall,” I said between tears, my smile unfaltering. “I love you with everything I am, Sidney.”

He released a shaky breath, his lips twitched before he crushed them to mine. He climbed on the bed, and when we were both on our knees, he hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You were right earlier,” I whispered in his embrace. “We are no ordinary couple. My love for you is inexplicably deep that I would stop at nothing to be with you.”

“Me too, Mia. We’ve been through so much that I can’t even picture a life without you. You saved my life in so many ways.”

“You did too,” I spoke into his shoulder.

“I love you,” he said, with his fingers under my chin, looking deep into my eyes. “Will you stay with me?”

I pulled away a little, understanding full well what he was really asking.

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

“Mia, I would never –”

I shook my head, “let me finish,” I said with my arms still around him. “Nothing about us is normal and I don’t expect it to ever be. Normal is overrated anyway,” I said with a shrug.

“You love keeping me on my toes, don’t you?” he said with a wide grin.

“Life would be so boring otherwise,” I said with a chuckle.

“Life can never be boring with you,” he said with a lopsided grin. “So, you would come with me to Pittsburgh when all is good?”

“Let’s get there first. One day at a time, remember?” I said and his face fell for a split of a second. Then, I mouthed ‘on your toes’ before he swiftly threw me on my back and hovered over me, his body dangerously aligned with every inch of mine.

Notes

I hope everyone is well and safe :)

Charlie