Falling Fast and Breathing Hard

I've been home for a week and adapting to be a mother. It's been going well, despite how hard it is. Luckily, I have Kris for three straight days before they head to Tampa to play the Lightning.

"How is she this morning?" he asked as I began giving Kalea a bath.

Let me tell you, she hates baths.

"Good. She was until now. Sweetie, it's okay. I know it's still weird, but it makes you clean and even prettier, although I don't know how you can get any prettier."

"Of course. Your mommy's right, cutie." he said, touching her cheek.

She latched a hand onto his finger with a look saying, 'Please, help me!' I laughed.

"I'm sorry, but Daddy's not gonna save you."

She looked into his eyes.

"She's right. You're just gonna have to bear it for a few minutes longer."

She pouted. Even at a week old, she has quite the personality. Exactly as Kris said, I was done bathing her and now I was drying her.

"Now, don't you feel better?"

She blew bubbles.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I then proceeded to dress her.

"Ready to eat?" he asked.

"I can take care of that..."

"I know, but I wanna take advantage of the days I'm home and take care of you and Kalea."

"I love you." I said as I picked up Kalea.

"I love you, too." he said, giving me a kiss.

She again pouted and reached for him. If that doesn't say Daddy's Girl, I don't know what does.

"You want Daddy?"

She nodded. I gently passed her over to Kris and she wrapped her little arms around his neck as best she could.

"Higher, Daddy! Higher!" the four year old me exclaimed as my dad pushed my swing.

"I don't know how much higher I can go, honey." he said, laughing.

That's when my mom walked over to where we were with lunch.

"Athena sweetie, you wanna eat? I got apples and peanut butter, a juice box and a cheese sandwich." she asked.

I contemplated for a second. I wanted to swing, but to eat at the same time. My parents seemed to notice the look on my face.

"You can go back once you eat." she said, laughing.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Otay." I said, jumping off the swing.

Later that night, I had a nightmare and screamed. My parents ran into my room really, really fast like the Roadrunner in those Looney Tunes cartoons.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" my mom asked.

"A monster twied to get me."

They sighed and then went over to hug me. I felt better.

"Athena?" my dad asked, still hugging me.

"You know I love you and won't let anyone hurt you."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck not wanting to let go. He was like a superhero and I hoped he would never leave me.

"I love you." I said into his neck.

"I love you." Kris said to Kalea as we walked downstairs.

"What is it?" he asked me.

"I just had a flashback. I'll tell you about it later."

He nodded and kissed my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Breakfast was easier though. He made breakfast while I breastfed Kalea.

"Mmm... what's that smell?" I asked five minutes later.

"A surprise... a sweet one."

"Évidemment."

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to." I said not being able to contain my laughter.

"Just wait till I get in there."

"Whatcha gonna do? I have our daughter over here."

At that time, she was done and I put my shirt back on.

"I'll think of something."

"Bien sûr, vous voulez."

I placed her in her swing and waited. I turned on the tv and put Season One of Haven on. Another five minutes later, I heard him walk into the living room with food. He sat the food down then kissed me.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Ready to eat?"

"Absolutely. What do we got here?"

"Strawberry and banana crepes topped with powdered sugar and Nutella with a side of bacon and orange juice."

"Mmm... I can't wait till she can eat this." I said, taking a bite of a crepe.

"Me either." he said with his mouth full.

I shoved him.

"You are disgusting." I said, laughing.

"Thank you." he said, swallowing.

"You are a dork, you know that? A very hot dork."

He smiled.

"You're a very sexy dork."

"Sexy? Really?"

"Yes. Really."

I laughed into his shoulder. A few hours later, we had eaten lunch and I fed Kalea before taking a well-deserved nap.

I was thirteen and my dad was in the hospital dying of lung cancer and all I could do was pray and hope for a miracle. They just couldn't take away the man who has protected and loved me from Day One.

"How are you holding up?" my friend Rhonda asked as her mom picked me up.

My mom was already at the hospital since visiting hours began an hour ago. I decided to wait till they picked me up. I needed the moral support of my best friend asap.

"Terribly. This is killing me. I can't lose him. He's my dad. It's just not fair." I said with tears falling down like waterfalls.

She moved a seat over and wrapped an arm around me as she let me cry on her shoulder. Another ten minutes later passed until we got to the hospital. I walked into the hospital with Rhonda holding my hand. Her mother was slightly ahead of us looking back at us only once. The tears had stopped but were threatening to pour once we were on my father's floor. Third door on the right. That's where he was skinny as a rail and pale, not at all looking like the father I had grown up with. You can do it. Just walk into the room.

"Hi Daddy." I said in a quiet voice.

I may be thirteen, but I still call him daddy.

"Hi, sweetie." he said in a very weak voice.

He may have had a smile on, but I knew how much pain he was in. I let go of my best friend's hand and sat next to my dad and took his hand.

"Good morning." I said, smiling.

"Good morning. How's my girl?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm just worried about you, that's all."

"Athena, don't you worry about me. I know you don't wanna hear this, but I'm gonna be gone any day now and feel better. Just remember I'll always watch over you."

By then, I had my head close to his and he stroked my cheek.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby girl."

I wiped my tears, but I knew more were coming. I looked to the other side of my dad and saw my mom with her head in her hands. Rhonda and her mom were still in the doorway solemn as could be. It was nearly nine am and I was still tired, but I was gonna spend all day here till visiting hours were over. Come three in the afternoon, my father stopped breathing. Doctors and nurses rushed as my mom and I watched in horror. What I did not realize was that my dad signed a DNR aka Do Not Resuscitate. He was dying and I nor my mom nor anybody could do anything about. Just seconds later, his heart monitor went flat and my mom and I bawled.

"Why'd ya have to leave, Daddy? Why? I hate you, Cancer! I hate you so much! You can go to Hell!" I said practically screaming.

"Athena, come on. It's okay." my mom said, grabbing me.

"No, it's not! Daddy's gone. How am I supposed to live without the man who I thought was invincible? How?!"

I finally stopped crying and tried to breathe. I thought I had at least another day to see him, instead I had to settle for five-and-a-half hours. My superhero was gone.

I woke up in a cold sweat while in Kris' and I's bed. He must've laid me here since I fell asleep on the couch. Tears were running down my face and my vision was blurry. I wanted to yell for Kris, but I knew I'd wake up Kalea in the process. Not even a minute later, he came and noticed my unsteadiness.

"Athena? Athena, what's wrong?"

I didn't respond. I just looked at the same spot I was when I woke up.

"Baby?" he asked, sitting beside me.

I turned and collapsed into him crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare. An awful, awful nightmare. I dreamt about the day my father died."

"Oh my God." he mumbled, stroking my hair.

I cried even more.

"Why did I have to? Why? I mean... I dreamt about a day when I was four and my dad was pushing me on the swing then that night, I had a nightmare and he told me he loved and that he'd never let anyone hurt me. I dreamt that you told Kalea you loved her today. I shouldn't have had it. It's bullshit. It's been forever since I dreamt about that. It happened nearly nine years ago, Kris. Nine. Years. Ago."

"Me saying that just triggered it. It sounds like you're scared about Kalea losing me. You had that great memory and then that day you lost your father."

"Yeah, that's gotta be it. You know what I called him since I could talk?"

"Hmm?"

"My super hero. I thought he was invincible. What I find interesting now is that I consider you my superhero." I snuggled into him, wiping my tears.

"So, I'm your knight in a hockey jersey and ice skates and superhero?"

"Yeah, pretty much. You're many things to me."

I saw him smile and let go. He moved in front of me and kneeled.

Oh my God. Is this what I think it is?

"Athena Sky Halloway, I never expected us to have such a connection in just a week, nor did I expect me to fall so fast and for this relationship move the way it has. I can't imagine life without you. Will you marry me?" he said, taking the box out of his pocket.

My heart pounded and I teared up a little this time for a good reason. I know we've known each other for about a year, but we also have a week-old daughter together. Wow. I was not expecting this... well, at least not now.

"Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" I practically squealed.

He slipped the gorgeous ring on my finger before picking me up and hugging me. He then kissed and spun me around. I giggled nearly the whole time.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you, too."

"How long were you planning this?"

"Over the past couple weeks. I talked about it with everyone, but Duper really helped me out."

"I gotta thank him next time I see him."

I kissed him this time.

"Let's go tell Kalea." he said.

"Let's."

Finally realizing what time it was, I knew her nap was about over. She was waking up herself when we walked into her nursery.

"Hi, baby girl. You ready to wake up?"

She just blinked and smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I picked her up and held her gently in my arms.

"Daddy and I have some news."

"Your Mommy and I are gonna get married! How does that sound?"

She giggled.

"That's gotta be her saying that's wonderful."

"It is wonderful."

"So, so wonderful."

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
So high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

Notes

Lyrics and chapter title courtesy of Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler.