The Compromise

After lunch Jess excused herself to go to the bathroom, instead using that time to text James to let him know she was home as he had requested. She opened up her messages and saw one from him that had been read. Confused, she knew she hadn't seen that and remembered leaving her phone downstairs when she went to change. Sidney saw it. It didn't give anything particular away, but it definitely indicated that she went to him.

Sidney didn't say anything to her. She felt her lunch coming back up and made it to the toilet just in time. She sat against the cool tile resting her head in her hands, she didn't hear Sid open the door nor did she realize she had been crying loud enough for him to hear and come to her aid.

"Jessica," Sid started as he knelt in front of her. She jerked her head up and came face to face with his concerned look.

"I don't deserve you Sidney."

"What are you talking about?"

"I lied to you. Earlier. I went to see James. He texted me saying he needed me. He was a mess. He said the holidays were rough and he needed someone to cry to. So I went and let him cry on my shoulder."

"Ok."

Jess chewed on her quivering lip. She couldn't keep everything from this beautiful man who has been so patient and understanding as she made mistake after mistake. "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say? Am I angry that you lied. Of course, but I am keeping calm about it. It's not like I can do anything about it now."

Sid sat back against the front of the sink across from Jess. She hadn't calmed down, tears were still pouring out. "Why are you still crying?"

Jess closed her eyes, and fell against her knees again. "I kissed James."

Jess kept her eyes closed, she couldn't face him. She didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes because she could already feel it in her heart.

"Get out, please," Sidney whispered. His voice was filled with tears and he moved quickly to get Jess out of sight.

When she knew he had left the bathroom she pulled out her phone and called Sarah.

"Hello?"

"Can I come stay with you?" Jess asked tearfully.

"Yeah, sure. I'm not home right now though. I can be there in twenty."

"I'll be there in an hour. I have to pack," Jess said.

"Jess, everything alright?"

"Sidney just kicked me out." Jess hung up then and turned to get clothes for the week and her school supplies. She didn't see Sidney. She didn't want to try to find him. She deserved what she got. She never deserved him no matter how much everyone believed they were meant to be.

****

Sarah climbed out of James' bed jostling him awake in the process. "Ugh, what is going on?" James moaned into his pillow. He was spent. They spent the last two hours in bed and he wanted to continue to stay there.

"Jess just called and asked to stay with me. All I know is that Sidney kicked her out." Sarah looked around for her sweater James had thrown when he ripped it over her head, and found it wedged behind the nightstand on his side of the bed.

"Shit hit the fan. I knew she wouldn't be able to hold back in telling him!" James groaned as he sat up and watched Sarah get dressed. "That's gonna make for an awkward first practice."

Sarah stopped tying her boots and looked at James, "You are gonna have to talk to him before that James. She can't be staying on my couch for the remainder of the school year!"

"Maybe she will find somewhere to rent."

"She isn't going to be able to afford rent in the north hills. I only do because my parents help me on other necessities. She is doing this alone, she needs every penny she makes!"

"She could stay in the spare room here if that would be better."

"That will only make this worse. You need to talk some sense into Sid so that these two are back together before practice begins. You hear me?"

"Fuck it's hot how demanding you are," James said. Sarah cracked a smile, leaned over James and kissed him.

"Get dressed. You are going to see Sid now."

"Fine, but I'm coming over to your place after and hope that Sid comes with me to bring Jess home."

*****

Sid stood against the door to his office, listening to Jess move around the kitchen. He needed to say something to her before she left. He quietly opened the door and slinked into the kitchen as she was putting her school books in a large shoulder bag. Her face was still red and puffy.

"You're right, you know," he said as he stood on the opposite side of the island. She looked up startled and stood stalk still and quiet as he spoke. "You don't deserve me. But he doesn't deserve you either and I hate the thought of you running to him. Did you want that kiss to happen?"

"No! I didn't. He was saying all these kind things and it made me confused because he seemed contradicting and I did it just to be sure. Just to know that he can't tempt me."

"Tempt you? Has he ever since we've been together?"

"Never. You're it for me. But you're right. I don't deserve you. I could live a thousand lives and never deserve a second of time spent with you. So I'll go and be out of your way. You are free to love anyone you want."

"FUCK Jess! I don't want to love anyone else! I want you, but you've hurt me so much! And I can't keep getting burned like this. I can't take it."

"I'll go then. Give you space. I don't want to be the reason for a bad start to the season for you. I'll be at Sarah's place if you need me. But you probably won't, so. Oh, I left your ring upstairs in the box. It's on your dresser," Jess rambled on while finishing up packing her bag. She started towards the garage door to go out to her car when Sid stopped her from going any further.

"Stop."

"You told me to get out Sid. I'm respecting your wishes."

"You're not going to fight for us? Tell me I'm wrong? Refuse to leave?"

"You want me to go, so I'm going to go." She finally looked at him, like really studied his features. The conflicting feelings were evident on his face, but he didn't stop her from going to her car again. "I'll get the rest of my things this weekend. I...I love you. And I'm truly sorry this happened."

She turned, climbed into her car and gave Sidney one last longing look before leaving him as he requested.

*****

"A lot can happen in three months you know," Sarah said to Jess as the pair wandered through Ross Park Mall.

"I just appreciate you going in on a place with me. I hated the thought of moving back in with my parents and leaving another school. I like my job," Jess was as sincere as she could be. And Sarah was right, so much had changed. By the request of Jess' parents she began seeing a therapist. She threw herself into her job, she was ahead of her grad school classes and she was anticipating a beach vacation with her college friends at the start of summer break.

She cut ties with Sidney and he threw himself into the game he was in Pittsburgh to play. She would get some little updates from James whenever he'd stop by to see Sarah, but most times they were together she was at his place. And who could blame her, she roomed with his ex-girlfriend. She was feeling much better, more free, and embraced being in her early twenties still. For awhile she felt like she lost herself in the romanticism of a relationship and that in itself could be unhealthy. She jumped from one serious relationship into another without a break and she knew that was a mistake.

She was lost in thought when Sarah said, "Oh I saw this fabulous wine rack at crate and barrel! I don't know the price, but if it's not completely outrageous like everything else wanna go halvsies?"

"Sure, but if it is way overpriced maybe target has one that we could get?"

"Sounds good to me! Let's hurry, game time is at 1. I want to be in front of the tv with a glass of wine in hand at 12:55."

Jess laughed at Sarah's enthusiasm and knew she could have been at the game, sitting with the other WAGs, but that would mean James would have to introduce her to his family, and according to them both they weren't ready for family introductions. They were being selfish they claimed. Jess was happy to have Sarah be home to watch the game with her for once. The guys have been on a major winning streak throughout the month of March and she was looking forward to celebrating a victory with Sarah at home that afternoon.

They opted against the $300 wine rack and settled on a more affordable and significantly smaller rack from Target. They got the box in the backseat of Sarah's Passat and hurried home in time for the pregame interviews.

"I have to admit, Jess, you really have come around. In the seven months I've known you, you have gone through a lot. I'm proud of you. And it's impressive that you can sit here and watch these guys without longing for a certain brown haired, brown eyed man who many people on the inter webs believes to be a-sexual. Now that you're out of sight."

"A-sexual?" Jess asked as she ripped open the wine rack box to begin assembly.

"Or gay, whichever."

"Just because I'm no longer with Sidney doesn't mean I can't love the sport. And these guys are the team I grew up with, it's just natural I continue being a fan."

"Okay, be frank, since you've found this new lease on life, how good was he in bed? Not that I want to know. We have done enough sharing of men, but he just seems too proper. Very plain, vanilla sex."

"You, the woman having all sorts of kinky sex on a regular basis, wants to know about my now nonexistent sex life?"

"Humor me," Sarah said as she took a swig of wine.

"Far from vanilla. Kinda miss it."

"Sex with Sidney or sex it general?"

"Sex, in general. But he was pretty damn impressive."

"Ohhhhhhh! We need to get you laid. But not tonight. James is sneaking over later so we can't go out."

"I'm not going to hook up with some random guy at a club. That's icky!"

"Yeah, okay. But not tonight. Plus tomorrow you have a drive to wheeling and I gotta make sure James is home before his family wakes up and notices he is not there."

"Why don't you just meet his mom? She is pretty awesome. She will love you."

"No, no. She loves you, miss prim and proper. I'm kind of a badass rebel who inspired that man to get a full sleeve. I'm sure she isn't too keen on that one."

"I'm happy he can express himself with you. When we were together he was afraid I wouldn't like things and held back from doing what he loved."

"You were also only 20 and it was the first guy you let see your goods."

"Truth. Now shut up, the game is about to start." Jess focused on the directions in hand to assemble the rack as the National Anthem blared through the speakers of the television. The girls fell silent as the game got underway and as Sarah focused on the action, Jess chose to put her tool kit to good use. So she wasn't looking closely at the television as the puck that Orpik shot towards the Islanders goalie deflected off the post and jumped up into Sid's face.

She didn't react fast enough when Sarah gasped at the screen and covered her face in horror. She only saw the blood stained on the ice and the trainer helping Sid off the ice while he held a towel up to Sid's face.

"What the hell happened?" Jess asked frantically. She looked back and forth between the television for a recap and Sarah to get something out of her. She was texting on her phone and ignoring jess. When she finished she looked back at Jess with worry etched on her face.

"Sid took a puck to the face. I don't know. I texted James asking him to get back to me with whatever information he has after the game."

"What should I do? Do I do anything? I should call his mom. She is probably in town right now. Oh God, no I can't call her. I will just have to wait to hear what James tells you." Jess couldn't watch the game or read the small print on the directions. She started to pace the small living room as she wondered what was happening to Sidney. She pleaded internally that he would appear back on the bench ready to play.

Jess managed to get a grip and sat back down to finish her project, having a sharp ear on the television set. She was acutely aware of what was going on and all the commentators were saying was that Sid wasn't coming back to the game. 'Just tell me he is okay, and I can get on with my life,' she thought to herself.

What felt like days later, but was only a couple hours, the game ended with a win for the Pens, thusly putting an end on a perfect month for them despite the injury sustained by their captain. And league leader in points and scoring. Jess had finished the wine rack despite her distraction and checked her phone to see three texts from a number she didn't recognize.

"Jess, it's Taylor, Sid's sister."

"He is at Mercy Hospital in surgery."

"He will find a gun and shoot me, but you need to know that he misses you so much and after the game today was going to come find you to talk. Told me this last night. When I know what room he is in I will tell you."

She read and re-read the last text. Sidney missed her. That didn't mean he wanted to get back together. But Taylor said he missed her. And that gave her the first light of hope in nearly three months.

Notes