March, 11 2014

Dear Diary,

I went back to the doctor two days ago for some more testing and another ultrasound. According to the results of my blood test, my (new) doctor thinks they could be due around June 15th. I asked for copies of the ultrasound to send to Sid. She said it looks like I’m having one girl and one boy and they are both healthy. (yay!)

“Have you contacted the doctor that prescribed you the medication?” My doctor asked.

“No, I haven’t been back to Pittsburgh.” I replied.

“You could file a malpractice lawsuit for what she did,” she said, “and you probably should.”

“Does this mean I’m not actually allergic to condoms?” I asked her, wondering if my doctor had tricked me into taking the medicine.

She laughed, “no you are, and it isn’t as rare as you might think. I don’t know why your old doctor didn’t prescribe you spermicide instead. With a normal birth control pill it is very effective.”

I thought about that as I left the hospital. I texted Sid that we were having a girl and a boy and told him I would get him the ultrasound images once I got home.

I was deep in thought as I waited for the bus, so I didn’t notice him at first.

He was sitting across the bus stop from me, and as soon as I saw him I knew he had seen me. I looked around to make sure there were people near us, and there were several old ladies.

“Hey,” he said walking over to me.

“Hello,” I said looking down as he sat next to me.

“I heard you were in Chicago now. Pittsburgh too much for you?” He said trying to look at me.

“No,” I didn’t look at him.

“I just got here, and I’m still trying to figure out my way around. It’s a little bigger than where we’re from,” he joked, but I still kept my head down.

“Were you just at the hospital? I thought I saw you walking from that direction. Is everything okay?” He asked.

“Yes. Just a check up.” I replied.

“Hey, I know you have a new boyfriend and everything, but we should catch up sometime. Text me or something if you still have my number,” he said standing up. “I think this is my bus, but it was nice running into you.”

I looked up to make sure he was gone.

The single tear that had escaped my left eye was starting to freeze so I wiped it off.

I realized I had missed the bus I was waiting for so grabbed a cab.

I was about to text Sid, but I stopped. I don’t want to worry him.

Why is he in Chicago? Is he stalking me?


Sincerely,

Emme

_______________________________________________________________________

*May 17, 2013*

Dear Diary,

There are no words for the emotions I am feeling right now.

I feel so violated and used, and horrible. I just want to disappear!

Last week Cam talked me into taking some ‘sexy pictures’ for him. He promised they were for him only, just so he could look at me when he was away on his internship this summer.

I was wearing some fancy bra and matching thong he’d bought online. He said I wasn’t being sexy enough so he kept pouring me shots.

I guess I eventually opened up, and he thought it would be a good idea to take a video of me too. Without telling me.

He had also been drinking, but he knew what he was doing. He pushed me back on the bed, and tied my hands to the headboard. I struggled against him and tried to get my hands free, so he slapped me. I don’t recall why, but I laughed. I think it was because I was so shocked that he had done that.

So he hit me again, harder. I was so drunk I kept laughing. I couldn’t feel it that much, I couldn’t really feel anything.

He hit me several more times and then started having sex with me. It probably would have really hurt if I hadn’t been so drunk.

I don’t remember too much after that, except him hitting me, and my head slamming into the head board.

When I came to I wasn’t tied up, but my wrists hurt. I was still wearing that stupid bra, but I couldn’t find any of my clothes. Or Cam.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon and I come home from work to find my facebook page has been hacked. By Cam.

He posted the video and some of the pictures on my page from my account, and then he pretended to be mad about it. He said I was cheating on him or something. He had angled the camera so you couldn’t see his face or tell who he was, but you could definitely see me.

How could he do that to me?

It was hard, but I ended things with him.



Why did I ever put up with him? It’s been three and a half years and I’m just realizing how much of a jerk he is.


This is so embarrassing! I graduate tomorrow, and then I hope to get as far away from here as possible.

Sincerely,

Emme

P.S.: I deleted my facebook account, but he still has those pictures on his computer.

Notes

This is identical to chapter two of 'Redemption of a Puck Slut.' Just warning those of you who read both you so you don't waste your time reading both chapters, though you can if you really want to.

Feedback and suggestions welcome!