Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

October 25, 2014

Dear Diary,

I am home now, and have been for a week or so, but it’s weird. Things are not by any definition ‘normal.’

It’s weird. I thought that once he knew he wasn’t the father of the twins he would fall apart and hate me and I would melt away into a puddle of self-hate, but it’s not like that. When I found out that he knew, I was immediately devastated and waited for everything to come crashing down around me. But once I got past that I realized a huge weight has been lifted from me. I don’t know if maybe this is just the ‘calm before the storm’ or whatever, but I actually feel better, about that at least.

I still can’t look at Sid without feeling like he’s judging me. I know he’s probably not, but he has to be questioning his decision to marry me.

“Emme,” he said during dinner the other night, drawing me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him and tried to smile.

“Are you going to eat anything?” He asked, and I looked down at my plate, completely untouched.

“Yeah, I was just thinking…”

“About what? You can ask me anything. Remember, Elaine wants us to be open about everything, even if you don’t think it’s important.”

“How did she tell you that…you weren’t….” I couldn’t say it.

He sighed and took a deep breath before answering. I feel like that’s his way of not getting mad at me. “She came over after we’d brought you to the hospital and said she thought she knew what had caused your, um, emotional breakdown. And then she told me that you were… very anxious about the fact that I am not the father of the twins.”

He was quiet for a minute.

“But how did she tell you that it was Brandon and Geno?” I mostly wanted to know if he knew we’d had sex in his kitchen, and shower.

“That part was difficult. I didn’t expect them to have two different fathers, so that was hard to get over. But, then I asked her who,” he paused, “Who their father’s were, and she told me.”

“And you don’t have any questions about that?” I asked.

He looked up suddenly, the emotions he had been trying to hide from me now clearly displayed in his features. “Yes, of course I have questions about why you had sex with Brandon and Geno.”

He stumbled a bit on Geno’s name, like it hurt to say.

“You can ask me anything. I really don’t have the right to hide anything else from you,” I was still calm, surprisingly.

“We don’t have to talk about this.”

“Yes, we do.”

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Okay, um, with Brandon did that have something to do with your cat?”

I nodded. “It just sort of happened; I was visiting Pancake and then we ended up watching a movie, and then…”

“I don’t need to know that part,” he stopped me. “What about Geno?”

I could tell this really hurt him, knowing I’d slept with someone so close to him.

I thought about it for a minute, and then told him the truth. I left out the part about it happening on the kitchen counter, though. I didn’t want Sid to have to think about that each time he was in the kitchen, or saw a granite countertop.

He was quiet for a while after I finished telling him everything, and I realized I had started to cry a little.

“I know this probably doesn’t make it any better, but this all happened before we were dating,” I knew that wouldn’t cheer him up, but at least he would know that I hadn’t cheated on him. Well, I had, but he didn’t need to know that.

-

Sid was quiet for the next few days and it was making me anxious. When I finally asked him what he was on his mind, he said he was just thinking about what I’d told him. I left it at that, because that was a reasonable explanation, but I knew there was more.

The next day he sat down next to me on the couch where I was reading a book.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I think I would like Geno and Brandon to be a part of Teddy and Annie’s lives.” He looked a little sad as he said this. “I know that, if I was in their position, I would want that.”

I smiled. Sid always knew what the right thing to do was, and I knew he would always do it even if he didn’t want to. (that’s one of the reasons I love him!)

“I think they would like that a lot,” I felt like I was actually starting to cheer up.

“I know it’ll be harder for Brandon, but I’ve talked to Geno and he’s going to spend as much time as possible with Teddy. Actually, he’s coming over soon,” he checked the time on his phone.

I was not ready to see Geno with Teddy. It was hard, and I cried (of course) but it was also one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. It was so different from seeing Brandon with Annie because we both knew Brandon was not going to have the same role in Annie’s life that Geno would have in Teddy’s. Geno and Sid were friends, and he lived down the street, and his girlfriend was my best friend; it’s almost perfect. Brandon, however, lives on the other side of Pennsylvania, plays for a rival team, and I’m pretty sure Sid hates him. And then there is the fact that, even though we will never admit it, Brandon and I will always be more than just friends.

That night I fell asleep easily and for the first time in a while didn’t have any nightmares about Sid leaving me, or kicking me out.

Instead I had a cute dream about Geno teaching Teddy to speak Russian, and Teddy learning to play hockey from his dads.

Halloween is in a few days and I’m looking forward to dressing up the twins! Caeleigh helped me pick out cute costumes for them, I just need to narrow it down to one costume each (we have like eight).

And Sid and I need costumes, too. I forgot about that.

I think things are actually going well.

I don’t know. We’ll see. This still might fall apart.

Sincerely,

Emme


__________________________________________________________________________

November 8, 2014

Dear Diary,

The Pen’s Halloween family skate was so cute! So many little kids dressed up in adorable costumes.

That was also my first time ice skating in a long time. Probably since April.

It was really nice to see everyone again. I still haven’t gone to a game this year, and I haven’t done anything with the wags this season, so I haven’t seen too many of them.

Geno and Caeleigh spent a lot of time with Teddy, and it was nice to not have to watch both twins at once, but it was also a little sad seeing the three of them together. It looked so perfect, like they belonged that way.

-

Two days ago I very unexpectedly and embarrassingly got my period. For the first time in over a year. I’d forgotten how these things work.

But I guess that means I’m not pregnant. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to make sure.

I wasn’t terribly excited about the idea of having another baby anyway, so I’m not that disappointed. Sid, however, looked like he was going to cry. Well, at first he was really grossed out. He was the one who had noticed it, and awkwardly pointed out to me that I had a spot on my skirt.

“I think you might have sat in something,” he whispered in my ear, even though we were alone in our house.

I turned my skirt around so I could see it, but as soon as I saw it immediately recognized what it was. Kind of reminded of the first time I got my period in 7th grade; that was so embarrassing.

“Oh, um, no I don’t think that’s what this is,” I replied and went upstairs to change and tried to find a tampon, which I didn’t have any (literally, nothing). So I called Caeleigh.

“Are you sure it’s your period?” She asked.

“Yes Caels, I’m positive.”

“But you’re supposed to be pregnant,” she sounded sad.

“I guess I’m not. Can you just bring me some tampons? We can talk about this later.”


So, I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant, but I will find out tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

So, things are getting back to normal, maybe? We'll see.

But Geno teaching his child Russian is actually one of the cutest things ever. Or just Geno with kids/babies. : )

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Suggestions?