Redemption of a Puck Slut: Part II

December 21, 2014

Dear Diary,

My cat died. I’ve been crying all week and Sid is terrified that I’ll ‘relapse’ or whatever. He’s been very supportive, but the one person who has helped me most is Brandon. Pancake was kind of the thing that brought us together, and now that she’s gone it’s like that connection is gone.

When I told him that, Brandon laughed. “Emme, we have a baby, don’t you think that’s a stronger connection that a cat?”

“Yeah, I guess, but she was kind of how it all started,” I explained, but he laughed. “Aren’t you sad at all? My cat used to live with you.”

“Yes, I am sad; she used to keep my feet warm at night, though if I ever moved she would bite me,” he replied, and I laughed a little because she used to do that to me too.

“Brandon, you always know how to cheer me up,” I sighed, and got sad again, but not about my cat. “When am I going to be able to see you again?”

“I don’t know,” he was quiet for a minute. “The Flyers don’t play the Pens again until the end of the season.”

“I miss you, and I’m sure you miss Annie, so I hope we can see you soon.”

“I do miss her, but I miss you more. Thanks for the Christmas card, by the way. I have a feeling Sid didn’t know it was for me because he signed it ‘look forward to seeing you’ and then his usual signature. He must get tired of writing that,” Brandon mused.

“I take it you don’t have too many people asking for your autograph in Philly?” I asked.

“No, but at least they’ve stopped booing me.”

“They used to boo you? Why?”

“Because I’m from the Penguins, and I also replaced their second line center who got traded suddenly. I guess the fans weren’t too happy about that.”

“Wow,” I replied as I tried to take this in. “I’ve been booed before, it’s not fun.”

“What? When?” He was starting to sound mad.

“In Chicago, the first time I skated they booed and a few people had signs that said ‘go home slut’ or whatever.”

“Who the fuck boos and ice girl?” Brandon sounded really mad now, and it was kind of hot; knowing that he got mad about stuff like that for me.

“It only happened once, if that makes you feel better.’

“Yeah, a little,” he sighed, and apologized, and said he had to leave for practice. I could tell he didn’t want to end our conversation, and neither did I. I never knew when we were going to be able to talk again, so I hated saying goodbye.

-

I figured out what to get Sid for Christmas: a dog. Because I can’t give him a baby (yet), a puppy is the next best thing (right?). He needs something that’s his that he can take care. I didn’t know what kind to get, and I didn’t want to surprise him with this kind of thing, so I talked to him about it a few days ago.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” he looked at my skeptically, but I could tell he really wanted it. “You’d end up taking care of it a lot, and when I’m gone you’ll be here with a puppy and two babies, are you sure you could handle that?”

“Caeleigh will be here, and I don’t have to take care of Pancake anymore.”

“A dog is a lot of responsibility,” he started to say, but I cut him off.

“Sid, you sound like my mother! I know a dog is a lot of work, but think of everything you’ll get in return,” I could tell he was starting to come around, and eventually he said he’d think about it.

I guess I have Pascal Dupuis to thank, because he talked Sid into agreeing to get a puppy! So we are going to the pound tomorrow to pick one out.

Very excited!!

Sincerely,

Emme


__________________________________________________________________________

December 26, 2014

Dear Diary,

Before opening presents Christmas morning Sid said he’d give me mine later. I just assumed it was something he didn’t want me to open in front of his parents and my mom, and I immediately thought it was lingerie or something (I don’t know why I thought that Sid has never been the type of guy who does that.) But I’ll get to that later.

Everyone loved the puppy. We ended up getting a chocolate lab mix and Sid named her Sophie and she is so adorable!! She has been a handful, but it’s been fun.

His parents and sister and my mom got here on the 24th and Trina and my mom immediately took over the kitchen. Sid and his dad watched some football game that I wasn’t interested, so Taylor and I looked after the twins and Sophie. It was nice to be able to catch up with her and talk about college and stuff.

“Can I ask your advice on something?” She asked apprehensively.

“Sure what is it?” I thought it was going to be about school or something, but nope.

“I um, I kind of have a boyfriend,” she smiled, and I was reminded how much she and Sid are like. “And I don’t know how to tell Sid about it.”

“Aww that’s so cute! Is this your first serious boyfriend?” I asked, glowing at the thought that she saw me as an ‘older sister’ type figure.

“Yeah, so I’m really nervous about telling Sid. My parents know, it was easy telling them, but Sid’s so protective.”

“Yeah, I know,” I laughed. “So what is he like?”

“He’s really nice, and he’s in the same class as me,” she blushed.

“Does he play hockey?”

“No, and he’s not even a hockey fan really.”

“That’s good, I guess. So you know he’s not just dating you because he’s some rabid fan of your brother’s. He knows, right?”

“Yeah, and he doesn’t care, as far as I can tell.”

“And what’s his name?”

“Calvin-”

“Who’s Calvin?” Sid walked in. I hadn’t even heard him coming up the stairs.

“Good luck,” I whispered to her before leaving.

I waited down the hall for a few minutes to see if she told him, and to make sure he didn’t threaten to hurt Calvin if he broke up with Taylor or anything like that.

He asked me about it as we were going to bed. He seemed kind of upset that he was the last person she told.

“She was scared you were going to freak out, and I completely understand. You’re kind of protective of her,” I explained.

“That’s because she’s my baby sister; I just want to make sure she isn’t dating some jerk.”

“Okay, the fact that you refer to her as your baby sister means that you probably don’t see her as the responsible, independent young lady that she is,” I smiled, and I think I saw a hint of a smile on his lips. “Don’t you trust her to not date some creep?”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. “I guess. I just didn’t realize she was old enough to date. I keep forgetting she’s in college, let alone not 10 years old.”

“It’s okay, I know you don’t see her as much as you would like to, but you have to trust her,” I sat down next to him and gingerly put my arm around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. I was surprised he let me do it, and when he didn’t push me away I tried to lean in to kiss him, but stopped me.

I pulled way, feeling sad and rejected, but he surprised me by pushing me back on the bed and kissing me. I didn’t realize how much I missed his soft lips until they were pressing against mine. As he started to take my pajamas off I looked up at him questioningly.

“It’s fine, we’ll be quiet,” he replied with a smirk and continued.

Something tells me Sid gets turned on by the fact that we have to sneak around when his parents are visiting. The same thing happened this summer, and I didn’t notice it at the time, but he definitely has the complex of a teenager trying to get away with it without being caught.
And I think it’s hot.

Nobody said anything the next morning, so I assume we did get away with it. Though how could we not; Sid’s house is giant and none of them were anywhere near us.

While exchanging gifts I kept thinking about how Sid had told me he would give me mine after everyone left and I had no idea what it might be.

It’s probably not a dog, because we just got Sophie.

But other than that I didn’t have a clue as to what it could be.

When he still hadn’t given me anything that evening, a couple hours after my mom, his parents, and Taylor, had left, I was starting to think that maybe he hadn’t actually gotten me anything.

He left after dinner for the start of a three day road trip without saying anything about it and I was practically in tears. I know it’s lame to be crying about not getting a Christmas present, but he said he’d gotten me something so I was really excited about it.

I was putting the twins to bed after feeding them and started singing to Annie, something I never do. I was halfway though ‘you are my sunshine’ when I heard someone sniffling behind me.

“Sid, did you forget something?” I turned around, but it wasn’t Sid. Brandon was leaning up against the doorframe, tears streaming down his face.

“Would you like a tissue?” Was the first thing I thought of saying to him for some reason.

He laughed and I gave him the tissue box and put Annie’s bottle down. I handed him Annie and, seeing her in his arms will never not make me cry, so I started crying too.

“See?” I said through tears, “we’re perfect for each other, crying together on Christmas.”

He sat down next to me on the couch and I curled up into him, resting my head on his shoulder to look down at our daughter. And then it hit me. He was Sid’s Christmas present to me.

“How did you get in here?”

“Sid gave me a key. He didn’t tell you I was coming?”

“No,” I smiled, and suddenly loved Sid more than ever. It’s like he knew exactly what I wanted, even if I didn’t know I wanted it. “How long are you staying?”

“Until tomorrow. We have a game in Columbus tomorrow night so I’ll meet up with the team there.”

“So my husband asked you to spend the night, alone, with his wife?” I was shocked.

“Yeah, pretty much. And he thought I’d like to see Annie, so he flew me out here,” Brandon was still looking down at Annie, watching her cute sleeping face.

“He flew you out here?! Wow, I guess the Christmas spirit really got to him after all,” I smiled, thinking of how un-Sid like this was. (There has to be a ‘catch’ right?) “All of the guest bedrooms are made up so take your pick and I’ll put now sheets on for you.” I got up and walked over to the linen closet in the corner of the nursery, looking back at him as I waited for his answer.

“Actually could I, um,” he looked up at me with those sad puppy-dog eyes and I knew there was no way I could say no to whatever it was he was about to ask me. “Could I sleep with you? I just mean in the same bed, not like ‘sleeping together,’ like actual sleeping.”

I stared back at him for a moment, weighing the pros and cons. “If you can promise there will be no sex, then yes.”

“I promise; I couldn’t do that to Sid after all he’s done for me,” he replied with a slight smile. “I’m just lonely, and I miss you.”

“Okay, but we’re not sleeping in Sid’s bedroom, I’d feel really weird,” I said as I got out the sheets that used to be on my bed, thinking of how ironic it was that we would be sleeping in my old room.

“Yeah, me too. So I heard you got a puppy?”

“Yes, that was my present to Sid this year; I figure if I can’t give him a baby, he can have a dog instead.”

Brandon’s face fell as I said this, and I realized I hadn’t told him that Sid and I were trying to have a baby.

“So, you and he have definitely worked things out?” He asked, and I could hear the disappointment he was trying to hide.

“Yeah, it’s better that way, if he and I are together. And,” I contemplated not saying this next part, but I said it anyway, “I love him.”

Brandon nodded, as if this only confirmed what he already knew: that it was his fate to always be ‘the other guy’ in my life.

“Want to help me make the bed? Then we could watch a movie or something.”

We ended up watching ‘Pride and Prejudice’ (the one with Kira Knightly) because Jane Austen had always kind of been our thing.

For the first time in what feels like forever I fell asleep in his arms. He was stroking my hair gently and I drifted to sleep to the sound of his breathing. To my surprise, he got up with me every time the twins woke up. He said he wanted the ‘whole experience’ of being a dad or something.

I made him buckwheat and blueberry banana pancakes for breakfast, of course.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked after pouring him some orange juice.

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” He looked concerned, probably because I looked worried.

“Last night you said you wanted to get the whole dad experience or whatever, does that mean you don’t think you’ll have any more kids?”

He thought for a minute, but shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Even when you’re older and over all of this?”

“Emme, I don’t think I’ll ever be over all of this. I don’t want to be,” he looked so forlorn and tragic that I had to take a deep breath to keep from crying. How does he live like this?

“You would be so much happier if you moved on and found a nice girl, unlike the last two you’ve fallen for.”

“But I can’t move on, we have Annie. You and I are always going to be connected in some way. And I can’t cut you out of my life without also losing her.”

I sighed and leaned back in my chair as I realized he was right. I just want him to be happy, but that is impossible, apparently. I obviously can’t ask him to just forget about Annie and I almost regret telling him about her, for his own sake. Then he could move on, forget about me.

He spent the rest of the day with Annie until he had to leave. I tried to leave them alone and give him some space with her, instead attempting to train Sophie. She’s cute, but not very bright. I think she already likes Sid better and knows I’m more of a cat person. Okay, maybe she is smart.

Before Brandon left he kissed my cheek and I hugged him, maybe a little longer than I should have.

“I love you,” I said quietly, as if I didn’t want Sophie to hear and tell Sid.

“I love you too, no matter what happens,” he looked down at me, and I could feel tears forming at the corners of my eyes so I pushed him out the door before he could see me cry again.

But I’ve been crying since he left an hour ago, and I want to curl up and sleep but I have to feed the twins, and Sophie, and I guess I should eat eventually too.

Why does he have to look so sad?!

Sincerely,

Emme

Notes

I actually got a tiny bit emotional while writing this. I know, I'm lame.

I will try to update once a week, but it's the end of the semester and I have final papers to write, and I might be getting a new job soon, so it's likely I will have less free time. But I will still write, don't worry!

Thank you to everyone who commented! I haven't had time to get back to everyone, but I do appreciate it! : )