You Never Came Back
It had felt like I’d been waiting for years but he finally woke up. My heart was racing as we made our way over to his room, we were finally able to see him and I’ve never been more nervous. I was the last to walk in terrified of what his reaction might be; after all it has been 2 years since we last saw each other.
I stood behind everyone as they greeted him; I felt a tug on my hand and was soon pushed to the front. Our eyes locked and he smiled a bit before turning to Sid.
“What happen?” He asked.
“You tried to fight Chara. Don’t you remember?” Sid looked worried. If he didn’t remember the fight, how much did he remember?
“No,” He shook his head, “Win?” He grinned.
“You’re in the hospital, no you didn’t win.” Autumn said trying to break the news to him as nicely as she could.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” I asked a bit hesitant to talk to him.
“Score.” He smiled, he was handing this a lot better than I thought.
“Yeah bud, you scored. “ Sid smiled as he patted his shoulder.
I was lost in my thoughts as they began talking about the game and the accident. What would happen now? Would we begin to talk again, would we go back to being a couple, or would we go back to ignoring each other at all costs?
I wanted Evgeni back in my life more than anything in this whole world. He was my world and after he left it took months to adjust to life without him. I spent most of my days lying in the bed I once shared with him, I’d cry for hours and either sleep all day or not sleep at all.
I was a 24 year old handling a break up like I was a teenage girl, finally the girls couldn’t put up with my shit anymore so they made me change. It took a while but I finally went back to being the Victoria I was before I met Geno, but there was still something missing, him.
Two years later and I still watched every game, I still thought of him every night, I still kept the things he left at my place no matter how bad I wanted to throw them out. I still had the the picture frames tucked away in a drawer, I never had the heart to rip them up or burn them, they were my greatest memories and I couldn’t let go of them.
That was exactly my problem, I couldn’t let go, not then and not now.
I shook the thoughts out my head only to realize everyone was staring at me, “What?” I asked confused.
“You’re crying.” Steph soothed as she wiped away a tear.
“Oh,” I quickly wiped away the tears not wanting to show how vulnerable I was, “I was just thinking.” I shrugged it off not wanting to make a big deal out of this.
“Victoria talk,” Geno spoke, “Alone?” He looked around the room as if he were asking for permission to talk to me.
“Yeah G, we’re going to head home and sleep, we’ll be back later.” Sid patted his shoulder and they all said their goodbyes before leaving the two of us alone.
It was currently 9am and we had all spent the night here waiting for Geno to wake up, it was understandable how exhausted we all were. Especially me. He patted the space beside him as I made my way over to his bed; I sat down and grabbed his hand. Neither of us said anything, after two years none of us had anything to say.
“Miss you.” He spoke finally breaking the silence.
“I missed you too.” I faked a smile.
I thought of this day a thousand times, the day we’d finally talk again. I was foolish to think it’d be easy, that’s I’d be running into his arms and he’d pick me up and spin me around like in those cliché movies, but I was wrong. All there was, was awkwardness and silence.
I spent months feeling sorry for myself for still missing him, I felt pathetic for not being able to let go, I should hate him for leaving me, for putting me in so much pain, but I didn’t. I constantly wondered if he missed me too, if he ever thought of calling, if he was ever going to come back. I really should hate him because it’s not fair.
It’s not fair.
“Two years you say nothing.” I let go of his hand and stood up, I needed to calm myself down before I blow up on him.
“You didn’t say anything either. You just left G! You left me, and I waited, I waited two years for you to come back but you didn’t. You never came back.” I was crying again.
I was so sick and tired of crying over him.
“You say leave, so I leave.” He threw his hands up in frustration.
“”I didn’t mean it.” I was trying to fight back the tears but I couldn’t. I spent too much time trying to push away all my feelings towards him and now they were all coming back.
“I didn’t want to hurt.” He grabbed my hand and gently pulled me towards him, “I hurt you much.”
“The only thing hurting me was not having you in my life.” I hugged him tightly; I had missed his hugs more than anything.
“And bed.” He gave me a toothy grin.
We both laughed as the tension between us died down.
“I love.” He grabbed my face before pressing his lips against mine.
“I love you so much G.” I confessed before pressing my lips back to his.
“Sleep me.” He moved over to make space for me on the small hospital bed.
I lay down beside him and cuddled into his chest just like I had done many times during the two and a half years we spent together.
“Everything be okay.” He reassured me.
And for the first time in two years I actually believed it would be.