Never Again

** PATRICK'S POV **


"Babe, are you ready to go?"

Over the past three weeks, Lacey and I had become significantly closer to each other. I spent every free minute that I could by her side in the hospital and I even took three days off from hockey to reinforce to her that I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to take more time off, but she just wouldn't let me. She would watch the games with me on her little television and every single time, the team lost. Lacey wanted me to get back on the ice as soon as I could because she thought that I could help the team, and despite me telling her that my absence wasn't changing anything, she still insisted I return. I didn't want to, but when the hospital's psychologist informed me that she was feeling legitimate guilt and responsibility for the Hawks losing streak, I decided to make my return. I didn't want to leave Lacey's side, but I didn't want her to be living with that guilt either, so I complied with her wishes. Much to her delight, we got two wins back when I played again, with me getting 6 points in two games. From that point on, she all but kicked me out of her room every time I had a morning skate or a game.

Despite my happy place in life right now, I was starting to get a little restless at the hospital. Lacey was originally supposed to be discharged only three days after the accident, but due to her unstable state of mind, the doctors suggested that she stay a little bit longer to allow for her injuries to heal more and for her to work with the psychiatrist. At first she was skeptical of the idea and she just wanted to go home, but her mom and I convinced her to stay. As much as I wanted to say that she could go home and that I could fix her myself, I knew that would be unrealistic. It was too soon in our relationship and I didn't want Lacey to live in fear that every man would physically abuse her for the rest of her life, so I agreed with the decision to keep her. Thankfully, three weeks later, with the help of her mother who called her everyday and with the help of the doctors, she no longer feared my touch and my dedication to her has brought us closer together. We've been officially dating for a month, and for just on time for our one month anniversary, Lacey was able to go home.

Although the worst of her injuries were two broken ribs, she was still struggling to move around because the doctors had to re-break them after they didn't set properly the first time. Lacey's voice brought me back to the present, "yeah, I'm more than ready to go home. Help me up?"

I walked towards her bed where she was sitting up in one of my shirts and yoga pants. Her shirts fit her just fine, but they were too hard for her to put on by herself and being the only person around her constantly, I was unable to help her dress in them. As much as I wanted to help her and as happy as I was with her progress, I was afraid that me seeing her in nothing but her bra would make her take a few steps back so instead I offered her my old baggy Blackhawks shirts to make dressing herself less painful. Besides, I loved seeing her in my clothes. It made it more real that this beautiful girl was mine. She wore a different one of my shirts every day, except for the days that her friend Grace came by to visit. Grace and I had become close over the course of her few visits, and we exchanged phone numbers in case anything like this ever happened again. She encouraged Lacey to keep talking to the psychiatrist and to keep opening up about her experience, and without Grace, Lacey wouldn't be in the place that she's in now.

"Do you want your wheelchair or do you want to walk?" I asked her. "Walk, definitely walk. If I have to be in a sitting or lying down position any longer than I already have been, then I'll be damned." I let out a chuckle and placed my hand on her lower waist, being careful not to apply any pressure near her ribs. Her arm came around my neck for physical support, and I took hold of her hand for emotional support. She took a deep breath and she slowly stood up, and in this position, we left the hospital for good.

♦ ♦ ♦

Once we got to my apartment, I got her settled on the couch and handed her the television remotes. I was going to bring her to her place, but at request of the Chicago police, we decided that she should stay with me for a few days. Alex was still on the loose and the impression that I got from the police chief is that they had no idea where he is. They wanted Lacey to be with someone virtually 24/7 and preferably out of her apartment, since that's where he would look for her first. After talking to Lacey about what she was the most comfortable with, she decided that she would go back and forth from my apartment to Grace's, so that way Grace could keep her company when I had away games. We started at my apartment because Grace was going out of town for work for a week, thus making me the only person she knows besides her employer in the city. According to Grace, her school and her boss were giving her a three week leave of absence without penalty, but we haven't told Lacey that yet. She loves her school and she loves her job, and we didn't want to hinder the progress that she was making in the hospital by upsetting her further. As I handed her the remotes, I took advantage of our close proximity, placed my forehead against hers and I asked her "do you need anything? Water, food, blankets, anything at all? Painkillers?" She leaned in ever so slowly and placed her lips on mine, mumbling a "no" while still against my lips. Sadly, she pulled away, but kept the closeness by moving her hand from the back of my neck to my cheek. "I'm fine, Patrick. Really. Thank you for everything that you've done for me these past few weeks." I moved my lips up to her forehead and planted a kiss on the skin there, "anytime, babe. Anytime."

I decided to leave Lacey alone for a couple of minutes to let her unwind and gather her thoughts. I haven't really been to my apartment in a few days, and I took advantage of this free time to clean out the guest room for her. I changed the sheets, fluffed the pillows and dusted the room. I also took advantage of this time to text Grace without her noticing.

[i] Me: Hey. When should I tell her what happened to her after she was knocked out? I don't know if I should do it today or wait a few days for her to get settled. [/i]

I went back to cleaning the room when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

[i] Grace: Probably today. Knowing Lacey, she's as settled as she will be with you. I know it seems fast, but she's falling in love with you, and you make her feel comfortable. Also knowing Lacey, she'll accuse us of lying to her if we don't tell her right away. [/i]

I was hoping that she wouldn't say that. I've been trying to think of a way to tell Lacey what happened to her for the entire time that she was in the hospital. It wasn't a conversation that I was looking forward to having. Hell, I practically got down on my knees and begged Grace to tell her, but she said that Lacey would likely start crying and that she would seek the comfort of my arms. As much as I didn't want her to be right, she probably was, so I reluctantly agreed.

[i] Me: Are you sure? 100%?

Grace: Might as well start the healing process right away, Pat. I'm about to board my flight though so let me know how it goes. By the way, everything you asked for is under your bed. Your key is also there. [/i]

I had completely forgotten that I asked Grace to swing by my apartment and bring a few things to prepare for Lacey's arrival. Thank God she reminded me, or everything would have gone to waste.

[i] Me: Will do, thanks Grace. [/i]

Thankfully, just as I had planned, a brief peek in my living room had confirmed that Lacey fell asleep. I knew she hasn't been sleeping well at the hospital, and they gave her a very high dose of painkillers just before leaving to make her trip home as pain-free as possible. I smiled at the sight in front of me. Lacey, in her sleep, was almost more beautiful than when awake. She looked so pure and innocent-- her mouth hung open a little bit, and she was hugging one of my pillows tightly to her chest. Her breathing was even and quiet, making it impossible to resist planting another soft kiss on her forehead. I draped a blanket over her figure, and made my way to my bedroom to get all of the things I got for her.

Underneath my bed I found a big box of things which wasn't usually there, so I assumed that the box contained my surprise. I pulled it out, opened it, and smiled again when I saw how perfect everything was. Inside the box was one simple red rose for the month that we dated, with a teddy bear holding a heart. It sounds cheesy, but I couldn't resist. I noticed how Lacey always clutched something to her chest when she slept, so I figured I would get her something to remind her of me when I was on the road. On the heart that the bear held, there was a clear plastic slot where I had inserted a picture of the two of us that Grace took at the hospital. I even went as far to spray it with my cologne, so it would smell like me. There was also a red blanket that her parents insisted on sending because it was her favorite as a child. They hoped that it would bring her some comfort here in Chicago after everything that had happened. I also bought a 'welcome home' balloon that I was planning on attaching to the tray I would bring her dinner on. Grace was nice enough to leave me the recipe for her favorite meal, so I decided to make it on her first night back. Finally, there was a small, silver necklace of the Chicago Blackhawks head, but in guardian angel form. It had wings on the side, and I had the words [i] I'm always with you [/i] engraved on the back so that way, whenever I had to leave her side, she would know that I'm thinking of her. I brought what I needed to the kitchen with me and silently began cooking.

♦ ♦ ♦

After I had cooked the spaghetti, just the way that Lacey likes it, I placed two painkillers, a glass of water, a plate of food and a vase with the rose in it on the tray and I silently made my way back to the living room where I had already placed her old blanket next to the couch where she still slept, as well as the inflated balloon. I put the tray down on the table and tip toed next to her, and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. "Lacey, sweetheart, it's time to wake up. Dinner's ready." She tightened her grip on the pillow, and mumbled "five more minutes." She had been sleeping all afternoon and I worked hard for this evening, so I attacked her face with little kisses-- on her forehead, her cheeks, her temple, and her chin. "Are you sure you don't want to wake up now? Spend some time with me and eat this delicious spaghetti dinner before it gets cold?" At the mention of spaghetti, she opened her eyes and looked at me. "Did you say spaghetti?!?" "Yes, Grace showed me how to make it. Here, I'll help you sit up."

"No, I got it. I want to get up on my own. I have to go to school on Monday anyway, so I only have two days to get myself moving."

Shit.

I wanted to wait until after dinner to tell her about her three week leave, so that way she could be all full and happy when I tell her, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak, when I was cut off by Lacey's excitement. "Oh my God Pat, look at the balloon! Aww, you're so sweet, thank you." She leaned over and pressed three quick, happy kisses on my lips and squeezed my cheeks together with her hands at the same time. As she was about to pull away, I pressed my face back down on to hers, smiled into the kiss and wrapped my right arm around her lower back. I did this because I noticed that she was only half sitting upright, and I knew that she was in pain so I wanted to help bring her upright without her thinking that I was actually helping her. I rubbed my hand from her lower back to her upper back, lightly pressing her upwards in the process and I had successfully gotten her to sit up without her noticing my help. I had also successfully gotten her mind off of school, and I went back to my original plan of giving her the news after her meal. "Look, beside the couch. Your parents sent you a little something, too." She tilted her head in order to avoid moving her ribs, and let out a little squeal. "Oh my gosh! My old blanket!" I got up, reached for the blanket so she wouldn't have to and set it over her body enough for it to cover her lap, then I reached for the tray and placed it over her legs. "Here, Lace, eat up. You have to be hungry." With a final kiss on my cheek, she started eating. "I am, thanks. You're the best."

♦ ♦ ♦

After I had cleared all of the dishes and put them in the dish washer, I took Lacey's blanket and draped it over both of our bodies on the couch. I gently brought her legs over my lap, so she was sitting sideways leaning against my chest and I was facing the television. I put on her favorite movie, A Walk to Remember, and hit play. Again, I wanted to make sure that she was as happy and as comfortable as she could possibly be before I had to tell her what happened. I felt her wrap her arms around my body, and she pressed her head against my shoulder. I laid a kiss on the top of her head, placed my hand on her back and pulled her in as close to me as I possibly could. I had waited so long in the hospital to be able to wrap her in my arms and show her how much I care about her, but every time that I tried she would tense up and I was able to feel how uncomfortable she really was, so I had to stop. Now, she was comfortable enough for me to hold her against me without objections, and I fully planned on taking advantage of that fact.

I had zero interest in the movie and the characters on the screen, but I could tell that Lacey's focus was completely on the movie. I spent the time looking at her face pressed against my shoulder, and occasionally allowing my lips to plant soft kisses against the top of her head and squeezing her knees. Eventually, I let my hand roam to her back and I soothingly rubbed it up and down, hoping to make her as happy as I possibly could. I kept doing this for the rest of the movie and I lost myself in my thoughts. How the hell am I supposed to tell Lacey that she was about to be raped by her ex-boyfriend? How am I supposed to tell her that the things she loves doing, school and work, have to be on hold for three weeks until she gets better? Most of all, how in the hell am I supposed to get her to tell me the reasons [i] why [/i] Alex attacked her? I had no idea where to start, I was never good at talking to girls. Usually, the extent of any conversation I would have with women was "get on your knees", "faster", or "God, that was good." I never had to say "Hey, your ex boyfriend almost beat you to death and raped you while you were unconscious. Do you know why? Also, we're forcing you to take time off of work and school. Hope you're doing okay with all of this."

I was brought out of my thought bubble by Lacey's thumb tracing the outline of my lips, with her big eyes looking at me with concern in them. "Pat, are you okay?" I ran my fingers through my curls and tried to mask all the fear on my face that I was feeling inside. I brought my lips down to her temple, and just let them linger there. "Yeah, I'm okay. Are you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Tell me what's bothering you, baby, and I'll do my best to make it better, I promise. Are you in pain? Do you need your medicine?" Her silence frightened me, so I moved my head back a few inches in order to look at her in the eye. "Talk to me, Lacey."

"Kane, you know what we have to talk about."

Uh oh. Last name. That's never good, whether it's coming from Jon, Coach Q, my parents, or in this case, my girlfriend. Last names meant serious business.

"Pat, you know what the elephant in the room is. Just tell me."

"Well, Lacey, the elephant is likely grey, with a large trunk, and even larger feet." My answer merited a light slap to my chest, which brought just the [i] tiniest [/i] smile to her face. Mission one: get Lacey to smile. Status: Complete.

"You know what I mean, Patrick."

"Are you sure that you want to know everything, baby? If you don't want to know, then that's fine."

"I need to know, to protect myself from it happening again. Please, Pat?"

"Okay".

Here goes nothing.

Notes

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