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The Moonstone Starlet

Chapter 50

The sun felt hot on her face but a cool breeze still drifted across her skin. She couldn't decide if she was cold or just warm enough, but lay uncomfortable on the back deck not wanting to move. Through closed eyelids she stared up at the mid day sun, watching the red and white flashes in her eyes. Something pressed into her stomach, then again. Four small paws climbed onto her and curled into a ball. Without opening her eyes she felt the soft body of Optimus Prime, Jon's kitten, the more social of the two. It started to purr as she rubbed it's back, kneeding into her abdomen. The sound of children's voices and the dog barking carried over the deck wall. A tennis ball bounced onto the wood, and the scratch of Byfuglien's nails scurried across the planks, then back down the steps into the yard. This was the kind of day they had looked forward to, the lazy days of summer with nothing on the schedule, lounging in their own little paradise. The sound of a plane overhead trickled down through the atmosphere. Elia opened her eyes and squinted up at the trail it left streaking through the sky. For days now she had tracked planes through the sky, dreaming her love was on one, coming back to her.
In the beginning, Elia thought Pat was over reacting. So Jonny wanted to head home and blow off some steam, so what? It was a tough series, a tough loss, he had been playing through a concussion. If anyone understood the impulsive need to escape it was Elia. But as the days passed by it became harder and harder to make up excuses for Jonathan. He wasn't returning texts, he wasn't answering calls or responding to voice-mails. There was no way Jon would do that to her, just end it all without a word. They had too much history together for him to treat her that way. He would be back. He would call.
Whenever she thought of him she impulsively grabbed her phone, checking to see if maybe he had, maybe she hadn't heard her phone. He never did, and today, April 29th, it was starting to sink in. Elia sat up now on the deck, pushing the cat off and crossing her legs. She put her elbows on her her knees and tried to hold in a cry, burying her face in her hands. It was Jonathan's birthday. She had texted T.J Oshie in the morning to remind him, and he responded that he had already talked to Jonathan in the middle of the night. Toews had been ignoring her, he had been ignoring Kane, but he was communicating with other people. She had dialed Jon's number one more time. It went to voice-mail again.
“Hey, it's me again,” she paused, taking a breath. “You know at some point I have to stop...leaving messages and...you know I just have to accept that you aren't going to answer. That you don't want to. So, I'm not going to call again. I love you, and I'll never stop. You know where to reach me. Happy birthday.”
She felt heat wash through her face, and a tide welling in her chest. She tried to hold it in, holding her breath. The salt water started trickling out her eyes, and her face started to crack. She took in a quick breath and her hold broke, her body shuddered and the tears rushed out. The cat heard her whimpering, and jumped up against her chest, licking the salt from her cheeks.
“No cat,” she whined, holding the animal tight against her. It took her a few minutes to regain her composure. Footsteps climbed the stairs on to the patio. Elia sniffled and wiped her face with her hand.
“Miss Downs?” Jack asked, his sister standing next to him with a tennis ball and a stick from the yard.
“Yeah?” she mumbled.
“Will Mr. Taze be back soon?” he asked. Elia looked up at them and sighed.
“I don't think he's coming back,” she said shaking her head.
“Why?”
Kids and their fucking follow up questions, Elia thought. What was something a child could understand that wouldn't inspire another why?
“Well, Mr. Toews had to go back to Canada, where he came from. To visit his parents. And then he got grounded because he didn't clean his room. So he has to stay home and clean his room every day this summer. Think about that when you're at home, and make sure you clean your rooms. You know, I think your nanny said you should be home by one, so let's go. I'll walk you down to your house.”
On the way back through the alley that ran between their houses Elia made a phone call.
“Kaner, can Buff and I come over?”

Three days later Elia was still at Kane's condo. Pat didn't mind her staying at his place, and he didn't mind hanging out with her all the time. But it worried him. The first day she lay in bed the whole afternoon, getting up only to take the dog out. When Patrick decided to go pick up food she came with, telling him she didn't want to be alone. He decided to call in reinforcements.
Kane and Elia were lying in his bed watching One Tree Hill on Netflix when he heard a knock on the door. Byfuglien started barking and ran ahead of him towards the front of the condo. Pat followed behind her, picking her up to move her out from in front of the door. He opened it, letting in Dan Carcillo and setting the dog back down.
“Hey man,” he said, stepping back from the door. Dan walked in and nodded to him.
“So what happened? Jon broke up with El?” He asked quietly.
“Not exactly, he just stopped talking to her.” Pat responded in a whisper.
“He tell you anything?” Dan asked, frowning.
“No, but...” Pat ran his hand through his hair, his eyebrows lifting. “I think he just realized he couldn't handle a relationship with her, he was starting to get really jealous. I think he just freaked out. And now he doesn't know what to do because he doesn't know how to admit he's wrong about something.”
Carcillo was shaking his head in anger. “I don't care if he is the captain, I will fucking murder him.” Pat didn't try to argue with him. He kind of felt the same way. Elia was still in the same place when they walked in to Pat's bedroom.
“Hey El,” Dan said. She turned to look at him, smiling briefly and sat up a little higher against the pillows.
“Dan the man. What's up?”
“Not much, what have you been up to?” he asked her. She put out her hands, gesturing to the room. This. This was what she had been doing. Dan met Pat's eyes, reading the message loud and clear. They needed to get her out of the rut some how.
“Hey, do you want to go play some music down in one of the subway stations? Remember that one time we did that and wore wigs and stuff?” Carcillo asked. Elia could never resist scheming, especially if it involved dressing up.
“I don't think that's a good idea. Technically you're supposed to have a permit to perform at the stations and I can't get into any more trouble with the po-lice right now.” Elia said, not taking her eyes off the tv.
Dan sat down in the bed next to Elia. Pat returned to his spot on the other side. Dan looked at the television. Two twenty something actors pretending to be sophomores in high school were lying on a bed together.
“What, I just don't feel like making out, that's all.” The boy said.
“You realize you just said that, right? Since when?” The girl said.
“Since you got my jersey number tattooed on your ass.” He replied.

Dan gestured his hand toward the television. “What the hell is this shit?”
Patrick sighed, “One Tree Hill, we're almost through the entire first season. It's a long, long season.”
Elia shushed them, “This is a pivotal moment for Naley, can you please stop talking?”

Both the guys stopped talking, but Dan also decided to grab the Roku remote. There was no way he was going to sit there and watch some stupid teen drama. Elia would whine, and complain, and punch him in the chest, but he really didn't care. He didn't think it was good for her to be watching that crap either.
“Here we go. A quality television show,” he said, starting a new show on the Netflix.
“The Walking Dead? Nooo,” Elia protested as the show started.
“Have you seen it before?” he asked. Kane had watched it with Amanda a few times, but Elia had never seen it.
“I've read the script for the pilot episode though. They wanted me to be on this show. But it was so bad I almost threw up in my mouth. And I was like fuck this noise.” she said.
“You could have been on this show? That would have been so awesome!” Dan and Pat both agreed. Elia thought about it for a moment. Maybe it would have been awesome. She would have moved to Atlanta before the 2010 Stanley Cup. She'd never have gotten into it with Brad, she'd never have gotten so close to Jon. She would still be drifting through a life surrounded by fame driven actors and endless parties, seeing everything through a drunken haze. She had been living in a constant storm, and Jon had become the light that guided her through. The tears were coming back now, swift and strong. She rolled over on the bed, burying her face in a pillow and started crying.
Dan and Pat looked at each other, not sure what had just happened. Carcillo mouthed, “Do something!” to Pat, but Kane just shrugged.
“Hey, El? Elia?” Dan said, trying to lift her up by her shoulders. She mumbled something into the pillow.
“What was that?” Dan asked. She pushed herself up, still covering her face, until she was sitting. Dan pulled the pillow from her face, and looked at her red eyes and damp hair sticking to her cheeks. It was horrible to witness a girl cry, incredibly uncomfortable, and normally he would have just left the room. But this was Elia. She pushed her hair out of her face and tried to steady her breath.
“What do you do when the person you want to share everything with is the one that hurt you? And the person who gives you the strength to deal with the world doesn't want to talk to you anymore?” She said, before her face shattered once again. Dan pulled her against his chest and held her tightly while she cried again.
“I spent a lot of time thinking the same thing.” Pat started to say. “About Amanda. She showed me I could be a better person. Just because she's gone doesn't mean I want to go back to the way I was. I like who I am now. I don't want to be out drinking every night trying to pick up a new girl every night. Maybe I'll get her back, maybe I won't but I'm still going to try and be better. For me, and my family, and friends and teammates. Jon didn't make you anything, he just showed you what you were capable of.”
Elia turned to look at Patrick, letting go of Carcillo. They had both been growing up. She knew what he was saying was true, even if it wasn't going to sink in right away. They kept watching the episode of the Walking Dead, and although Elia complained frequently about poor dialogue writing, they continued on to the next episode.
The show was temporarily taking Elia's mind off of Jonathan. The trio made up their own survival plan, an emergency contingency if they were to ever find themselves in a zombie apocalypse situation. The entire plan hinged on Elia buying a helicopter and everyone learning how to fly it. They could meet at Trump Tower, take off in the Helicopter, and fly to Elia's island. None of them knew for sure how far a helicopter could fly for without refueling, but Siri said it was 745 miles. Refueling was something they were going to have to figure out.
“Who else on the team would we invite?” Carcillo asked.
“Bolly.” Elia suggested.
“No way,” Pat said, laughing.
After a lot of debate they decided on Hossa and Keith. Hossa because he was awesome at everything, and Duncan because they thought he had essential survival skills. Elia knew Jon was good at things like building fires and fishing, as well as leadership skills. It would have been advantageous to have him on their apocalypse team. Actually, Marchand even more so since he could hunt. It didn't matter anyway, the whole thing was stupid and unrealistic. Thinking of Brad put another thought into Elia's mind.
“What if I'm just really bad at sex?” she asked out loud. Patrick and Dan stared straight ahead, avoiding making eye contact, not sure how to respond.
“I mean, Brad cheats on me, my best friend has sex with me then can't even speak to me, oh my god what if I just suck?”
“I think that is over simplifying the complexities of relationships a little,” Patrick tried to say, but Elia was freaking out already, rambling about her lack of rhythm and other imaginary problems. She turned to look at Dan and put her hand on his leg.
“Dan will you have sex with me and tell me if I'm bad at it?” she blurted out.
“Shiiiiiiiiittt...” Dan said, letting out a long exhale. He looked Elia up and down, shaking his head. He quickly stood up and walked to the other end of the room.
“Dan come on, if you were my friend you would do me right now!” Elia implored.
“I've got to go. Feed my neighbors cat.” Dan muttered.
“You can't use that on me!” Elia yelled. Patrick started laughing as Dan walked quickly out of the room. Elia lay back on the bed, crossing her arms and staring at the ceiling.
“El I think you're losing it.” Pat said, looking over at her. “We need to get out and do something. You've been shut up in the apartment too long.”
“I'm fine.”
“Then why are you hiding in my room? And trying to get on Carcillo's D?” He pulled out his cell phone. “Look, my buddy up at UW Madison texted me. He says everyone is going big for Cinco de Mayo, the bars are having specials, all the frats are having parties. Let's head up there and party like it's 2009.”
“Frat parties? What are we, twelve?” Elia asked pretentiously.
“You went to frat parties when you were twelve?” Pat asked, getting annoyed.
“It's a figure of speech. Okay, fine, whatever, let's go to 'sconny.”

Madison Wisconsin was only about two and a half hours from Chicago, more or less depending on traffic. Forgetting that other people had jobs and lives, they left around six in the evening and hit a parking lot on the Kennedy. Pat surfed the internet on his phone as Elia cursed indiscriminately at the cars around her.
“I fucking hate being behind trucks. I can't see anything... Mother fucker do you want to get in this lane or not, I'm letting you in! Don't make me regret this. Goddamnit this fuckhead doesn't have brake lights goddamn. This guy needs to get off my ass there is no where for anyone to go. Dude has no chill...I'm somewhat concerned this car could run out of battery before we get to Madison if we sit in traffic too long.”
Kaner turned on the radio, hoping to find something fun to get her pumped up instead of angry.
“You think I'm pretty, without any make up on,
you think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong,
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, dooown.
Before you met me, I was alright but things were kind of heavy,
you brought me to life,”

“FUCK YOU KATY PERRY!” Elia shouted, hitting a different preset station.
“Damn, why do you hate Katy Perry so much,” Pat said apologetically. He knew they were twitter feuding but that was a loud outburst.
“I don't hate her, I strongly dislike her...That song reminds me of Jon.” Elia muttered. Pat frowned. He should have realized that. The current station was in the middle of a song already.

“Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong,
where are the plans we made for two?
If happy ever after did exist,
I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairy tales are full of shit,”

Elia screamed and hit the Sync button on the control panel. “I will not be heartbroken. Heartbroken doesn't look good on me. Car play some fuckin' 'Ye!” she yelled. Her voice rang out strong but her face tight, struggling to maintain the front. She bit her lip hard, keeping the pain within from coming out. The sync system repeated the command back to her and started playing Kanye West Homecoming.

The sun was starting to set when they finally pulled up to a red brick duplex just a few blocks from University Ave in downtown Madison. Elia had pushed hard for them to stay in a hotel, but Pat insisted on staying with his “bros” at their rental house. Nobody answered when they knocked on the door, so they let themselves in. The college experience had been atypical for Elia. She had never actually attended frat parties, or house parties really. It wasn't until after she turned twenty one that she had started drinking, and by that time everyone was going to bars. Her friends had never done the college slum rental scene, affording nice condos in Chicago and paying someone to clean them. This was a true American college bro house. Five college hockey players living together, gear everywhere, towers constructed out of beer cans, old disheveled couches and posters on the walls.
They walked through the house to find a group out in the backyard listening to music and playing flippy cup on a folding table, surrounded by tiki torches. A keg was sitting on ice in the corner of the patio. Elia was greeted by a shirtless man in plaid shorts who introduced himself as Scott, one of the residents. He didn't hesitate to hug Elia, sloshing a cup of beer all over the ground as he reached around her. The rest of the guys were less forward, Joe, Eric, Aaron, and Trevor. A few guys that didn't live there, and several girls just hanging out. Patrick knew quite a few of them already, giving them high five hand-shake fist pound greetings. Scott graciously offered to pump the keg for Elia while she poured herself and Kane a solo cup of Miller Lite.
The party progressed, with a few more showing up as the night went on. Elia sat in a folding chair next to a table, drinking faster than she intended and not really socializing. She felt out of place, like a dreary cloud on a sunny day. Parties had always been uncomfortable for her, and the ache inside her ribcage didn't help. She didn't realize how much she had drank until she stood up to go to the bathroom and the ground tipped and turned beneath her. When she got back outside Scott had put a shirt on, and Aaron was rounding everyone up to walk to a bar. They walked a few blocks to a place called Kollege Klub, or as everyone else referred to it, the KK. A girl named Kaitlyn started chatting with Elia, sweetly trying to include her the fun. Haven't you heard? I am dark and gloomy, an anchor that will sink your fun, Elia thought to herself. Boys fall for my face then run away as fast as they can. Stop thinking like that. I can't. Then pretend.
“Want to do a shot with me?” Elia asked, taking Kaitlyn's hand and walking up to the bar. The group did a round of Jameson together, and Patrick started making out with a random girl in the corner by the ATM. Elia tried playing wingman for Kaitlyn, who she discovered was trying to get with Scott, but he was interested in a girl named Ainsley, who was dating a guy on the college soccer team. The group dynamics were of some interest to Elia, distracting her from her own dating woes. Scott was too cocky, and would never be able to give Kaitlyn what she needed. He would always be too in love with himself. Plus, Elia thought Trevor was into her. She tried explaining this to the girl, but Trevor played goal and Scott was a center.
Kaner was sitting at the bar an hour later, starting to fall asleep and Elia sat down next to him. She nudged him with her elbow and he straightened up a little, his eyes glossed over and red. He needed to get out of there before something stupid happened. Elia had Joe help her get Kane standing and heading out of the bar.
The next morning Elia woke up being spooned by Kane on a mattress on the floor in one of the bedrooms. The room looked worse in the light, which was streaming through the sheet duct taped up to the window. A box next to the mattress served as a night stand, covered in old plastic cups growing various forms of mold, a bottle of lotion and a bowl encrusted with macaroni and cheese. She started to think about how long it had been since the sheets were washed and then stopped herself. Best not to go down that road. College boys shouldn't be allowed to live unsupervised.
She got up to get a glass of water, feeling the blood rush from her head when she stood up. She looked down a the shorts and shirt she was wearing, neither of which were hers. That last shot was probably a bad idea. Quietly she headed down the hall towards the kitchen, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge, then deciding to grab one for Kaner too. On her way back down the hall she ran in to Kaitlyn coming out of Scott's room. Elia gave her a thumbs up and whispered “Nice!” to her as they walked in opposite directions.
Pat was sitting up and checking his phone when she got back to their room. He gladly took the water, chugging half of it right away. Elia leaned up against him, checking over his shoulder and reading his text messages.
“Tell Jacky I say hi.” she said. Pat looked sideways at her, smiling. They had no boundaries between them.
“You want to talk about how you're feeling?” he asked her. Elia shook her head.
“Not yet,” she said weakly. Pat turned to kiss her on the cheek.

There wasn't much relaxation time that morning. Aaron wanted everyone up and ready to leave by 8:00 a.m. Elia had thought they would go back to sleep until at least noon, but this was Cinco de Mayo. Apparently a big drinking day in Madison. The guys had even made t-shirts, complete with everyone's name on the back.
“Cinco por dos es igual a diez?” Elia asked, reading the shirt she was handed. “Five times two equals a ten?” The guys around her grinned, nodding. Aaron and Scott high fived each other.
“It might be misogynistic but it's also clever. I'll wear this if I can cut the sleeves off.” Elia stated.
The first stop on the itinerary was a party at Kappa Sigma. It was packed with people before nine a.m. Pat and his friends started by shotgunning a couple beers. Elia wasn't sure she wanted to start drinking that early, but figured there wasn't much else to do and grabbed herself a bottle of Leinenkugel Red. She kept her sunglasses on, blending in with the college girls. Kane was getting drunk fast, and starting to act like an asshole. Every time a girl walked up to talk with him, he would rate them on a scale of 1-10, pushing away women that didn't make the cut. His friends were egging him on, laughing and slapping him on the back.
“Kaner what are you doing?” Elia shouted over the crowd into his ear.
“Don't worry about it,” Pat replied, rubbing her head with his hand. She smoothed her hair back out, frowning. The day continued to be a shit show, with Kane and his friends lording over the party like they owned the place. Eventually they were kicked out, and headed down the street to a sorority party at Kappa Kappa Gamma. The sorority girls had a cooler full of very strong jungle juice that tasted sweet and toxic, but Elia chugged it down. The group was kicked out of that party even faster after a few punches were thrown between Kane and some girl's boyfriend. His friends had to drag him out, and they walked down the road back to KK. Everyone was hammered now and it was only mid afternoon. Surprisingly the bartenders kept serving them and shots were passed around yet again.
Here she was again, running around aimlessly, drinking until the world started to spin. She wanted to stand still and see the world clearly, and she had wanted to do it with Jonathan. But he didn't want to do it with her, and now everything was back to the way it had been. Like standing on a boat rocking in the waves, wishing to be on shore. She was going to cry again, she could feel it. She walked towards the girls bathroom, but there was a line, so she ran out the door and walked down the street. It was disorienting to be out in the sunlight after being in the dark bar. It didn't seem right that it was still daytime. She turned and headed down another street, walking quickly to nowhere. Everything started turning blurry. She blinked and it all became clear for an instant. As the world blurred again she gave up, sitting down in some grass and putting her head down on her knees.
“I'm not going to do this,” she demanded of herself, choking back a cry. She took several short, shaky breathes before holding in the air. If no air came out, no sound could come out. Anger started to boil inside her now. Anger at having to feel this way. Anger that it was because of him. She patted her front pockets looking for her phone before realizing she was sitting on it and pulled it out of her back pocket. The number she dialed went to voicemail, predictably.
“I'm sick of trying to play this cool and chill, because I don't feel calm or collected or any of that and I'm not feeling understanding, because I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. How could you do this to me? Was this some kind of elaborate revenge plot to get back at me for all the practices I ruined?” Her voice was deep and becoming more of a shout, “Because you fucking got me good Toews. I thought you were my best friend, I let you see all of me, and after all that you're just another man that's betrayed me. I told you if I fell I was all in, and you let me. And the worst part of all is that I will never stop loving you and I will never stop waiting for you to come back, and I hate that most of all. I—” the voice-mail cut her off. She had reached the maximum length allowed. “I am not going to wallow because you told me I was better than that. And I hate that I owe it to you,” she finished quietly to herself. She lay back on the grass in the warm sun and stared up at the sky. There wasn't a cloud to be seen, nor planes, only the passing of a bird here and there.

Her heart was beating strangely. It felt like rapid fire, short and quick. Beat beat beat. Beat beat beat. She opened her eyes. It was dark, the grass around her damp. It wasn't her heartbeat, it was her phone vibrating against her sternum. She sat up, grabbing the phone and answering.
“Huh?” she said, yawning, feeling like she might throw up.
“El, where are you?” Pat's voice said on the other end. She looked around at the grass, and the trees. Streetlights in the distance.
“I don't know, I think I fell asleep in a park, or somebody's backyard, or a soccer pitch. Or a sod farm.”
“Okay, log into the Mamabear app on your phone and stay where you are. I'll come find you.”

Twenty minutes later Kaner sat down beside her. She had fallen asleep for almost six hours. Pat had passed out too, first at the bar then at the house. When he woke up without her he almost had a panic attack. They sat silently together for a while, listening to the crickets.
“Paddy cakes?” Elia asked.
“Yeah?”
“I'm ready to talk now.”

Notes

Sorry for the long delay, I got addicted to the Wire

Comments

Well. There goes my reason for coming to the site. Brava on being done! Hope you find inspiration to write another story.

DELETED DELETED
4/27/15

omg its done.... what am i gonna read now :( So good girl!

hockeygirl07 hockeygirl07
4/26/15

What an amazing story. I can't believe it is over.

runawaycherry93 runawaycherry93
4/26/15

aweeeeeeeee

hockeygirl07 hockeygirl07
4/26/15

That was beautiful!!! Made me teary. Is this the end?

KWeber8771 KWeber8771
4/26/15