Suddenly I See

“What do you think Jersey?How long should we wait before it looks desperately obvious?” Parker asked out loud, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck.The temperature was nice for December, but once the sun set, the cold Pittsburgh weather reared it’s ugly head.She chided herself for waiting as long as she already had, and when Jersey started to pull Parker away from where they stood, Parker knew it was time to go back.

“I guess you’re right,” she sighed, walking briskly toward the door.She had work to do for her students, so she decided she’d busy her mind with that.

“Good evening, Ms. Fisher.”

“Good night, Robert,” Parker greeted the doorman.She adored him because he had been so helpful and understanding when she went through the transition of learning to function without sight.He also always gave Jersey a treat after her evening walk before bed.It was a ritual, and Parker enjoyed that.

They took the stairs, not wanting another elevator debacle.If it wasn’t for the fact that they ran everyday, climbing the twenty-three floors would’ve been brutal, but Jersey kept Parker walking slowly, knowing stairs could be tricky.

Closing her door, she peeled her scarf and coat off, hanging them on her coat rack before heading into her living room.She found her school brief case, felt the titles of the books, and pulled out her Shakespeare anthology book.Her students had just finished Romeo and Juliet, and she decided on A Midsummer Night’s Dream next.As she skimmed through the text briefly trying to figure out her lesson plan, she wondered what it would be like if Puck’s enchanted eye drops actually existed.She could help her new friend through his heartache by turning his vision to someone else.She heard the clinking of the glass bottles in the elevator, and when he explained solemnly that he just finalized his divorce, she guessed that the bottles contained alcohol.She let her mind wander as to why he was recently divorced.Was it his fault, was it her fault, or did they fall out of love?Were there children involved?Her questions were endless.Of course, she barely knew him other than his love for the park.He mentioned that he hadn’t seen her lately.Was he looking for her?Parker shook her head.He obviously wasn’t as interested in their new friendship as she was.She waited for him for close to a half an hour before she gave up.

Sidney awoke with a crook in his neck, having fallen asleep in the most awkward, uncomfortable, drunken position.His head was hanging off of his couch.Wincing as he corrected his neck, cracking it along the way, he surveyed the room.One of his bottles of whiskey was completely empty, lying on its side on the floor.The second was half empty next to an empty glass.He noticed the sun was starting to rise, guessing that it was between six and seven in the morning.He put his head in his hands, groaning at the crippling headache he had.He reminisced about the previous day: the park, the house, the sex, the dinner, the last signature that ended everything, the walk home, the broken elevator with Parker, walking Parker to her door, walking with Parker.

“Fuck…” he lifted his head quickly, feeling nauseous at the sudden movement as his head spun.He was so worried about Sara’s call that he’d forgotten about Parker.He told her to meet him in the lobby five minutes after he left her apartment.He felt guilty.She’d been there for him, even if it was by chance, taking his mind off of his misery with insightful advice.There was an upside.As he looked at his living room, he realized that alcohol wasn’t the upside he needed.

He stood slowly, careful not to upset his stomach anymore than it already was.He walked to the bathroom, leaning on the wall behind the toilet with his hand as he relieved the pressure of his bladder, afraid he’d fall from the dizziness of the hangover.

“I’m never drinking again…” he said to himself in the mirror, examining the dark blue circles around his eyes, the redness and dehydration of his skin, and the cracks on his lips.As he was brushing his teeth, there was a knock on his door, making his head hurt more with every rap.

“Coming,” he called before he wiped his face.When he looked through his peephole, he groaned.He loved his teammates, but he didn’t want to see any of them.

“Hey man,” he said flatly after he opened his door for Marc.

“You look like shit,” Marc looked at Sid in horror.

“I’m aware.Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there?” he left his door open as he walked back into his apartment to change.He wanted to shower.He reeked of booze, and the smell was making his stomach turn.He unbuttoned his dress shirt and threw it in his closet, stretching his neck and shoulders.

“I just wanted to come check on you to make sure you were ok after last night,” Marc explained from the doorway.When Sid looked at him, ready to yell that he wasn’t ok, that it was senseless for Marc to check on him, that he’d be a wreck forever because he couldn’t see a future without Sara, but when he saw how concerned Marc looked, he decided against it.

“I’m not ok,” Sid said as he pulled an old tee shirt on followed by a hoodie.

“I could tell.You drunk dialed me a couple of time last night.”

Sidney thought about last night, what he could remember, anyway.He didn’t remember calling anyone.

“Sorry.I don’t remember anything.I polished off a bottle and a half of whiskey,” he said from inside his closet, changing into a pair of basketball shorts.He knew he should go to the rink and practice, sweat out the alcohol by skating or working out, but his stomach told him he needed to stay in close proximity to a toilet.

“We could tell.If it makes you feel any better, Vero wants to kill Sara for what she’s done,” Marc said as Sid exited the closet, making his way out toward the living room.

“Sara didn’t do anything wrong,” Sidney almost yelled defensively in an attempt to protect Sara, but brought in the reigns.He’d known Vero longer than he’d known Sara, and she’d always been a good friend, like a big sister to him.

“She purposely met you at the house, knowing you’re in a fragile state, and lured you into having sex with her, leaving you to wake up alone.You don’t see what’s wrong with that?” Marc questioned.

“Look, I appreciate that you two look after me, but it’s complicated and between Sara and I.I’ll figure it out,” he said, leaning back on his couch, looking at the ceiling.

“I know how stubborn you are, so I’ll let it go, but I need to know something,” Marc started.“Who’s Parker?”

Like earlier, Sidney whipped his head down to look at Marc.How could he possibly know about Parker?

“You were talking about a girl named Parker last night.About her being an upside?What the hell does that mean?”

Sidney sighed before he started to recount the story to Marc.“Parker is a girl I met in the park two months ago…”

“Parker from the park.Has a nice ring to it,” Marc joked, trying to make Sidney laugh.

“Well, her guide dog got away…”

“Guide dog?She’s blind?” Marc questioned eagerly.

“Would you let me talk?Christ…Anyway, I was feeling really low, watching the parents and children at the playground.Out of nowhere, this dog rattled me out of my thoughts as she sat at my feet.When I saw she was a guide dog, I took her for a walk to find her owner.Parker was sitting by herself on this trail, waiting for her dog to come back.When I returned the dog to her, she asked if I’d walk with her incase her dog ran off again, so I did.I didn’t see her anymore at the park.Then last night, I saw her run out of a car, which I thought was a date, but it turns out it wasn’t.Some kids tripped her in the lobby, making her fall, so I helped her into the elevator, which broke down half way up.We talked for a bit.She’s nice, easy to talk to, especially since she has no idea who I am other than my first name.She could hear that I was upset, and told me there was an upside to everything.I walked her to her door and was supposed to meet her in the lobby so she could walk her dog, but I got distracted by Sara’s missed call.”

When he looked to Marc, he saw his friend smiling, and Sidney didn’t understand.

“You went looking for her last night,” Marc told him.

“What do you mean?”He went looking for her?When?

“When you were talking to Vero, she said all of a sudden a flip switched with you.You were pining about Sara, then you were running down the stairs looking for someone named Parker, and that when you got outside, you walked around the apartment complex looking for her, only giving up when the doorman told you she waited for a half an hour and then went to bed.You were on your way to her apartment until Vero talked you out of it.You don’t remember any of that?”

Sidney gulped, wide eyed, completely surprised that he blacked out.Even though Vero stopped him once, did he do anything else?

“I need to apologize to her,” Sidney said to himself, rubbing his face in frustration.

“Vero?She’s fine,” Marc waved it off.

“No.Parker.She waited for a half an hour for me?” he asked incredulously, hoping that Marc exaggerated the time.

“Vero had you on speaker phone.That’s what the doorman said,” Marc shrugged, rising from the couch to leave.

“Are you coming to practice?It would probably do you some good.We can keep a bucket close just incase,” Marc suggested, knowing what excessive whiskey felt like the morning after.He waved for Sid to get up before he walked to the door, opening it, waiting for Sid to get up.

“I hate you right now,” Sid huffed as he walked to the door.As the two entered the elevator, Sid thought about seeing if Parker was home later, if only to apologize to her for his ungentlemanly behavior.

“Good morning gentleman,” Robert said as Marc and Sid exited the building.

“Oh.Mr. Crosby, I wanted to let you know that I gave Ms. Fisher your message this morning,” Robert smiled pleasantly at Sidney.The doubly problem was that Sidney didn’t know who Ms. Fisher was or that he left her a message, and his facial expression exuded that.

“Parker, sir.I told her per your instructions that you were terribly sorry for messing up, that you’d make it up to her with coffee this afternoon because she was your upside,” Robert read off of a piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket, handing it to Sidney after.

“Thank you,” Sidney said politely as he walked toward Marc’s car, not reading he piece of paper until he was seated and strapped in.

“I’m sorry I fucked up.You’re so nice and I’m a fucking asshole.When I said I found my upside, I meant it was you,” Sidney read his sloppy handwritten note out loud as Marc drove toward South Pointe.Marc laughed hard, tears streaming down his face.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” Sidney asked defensively.

“You handwrote a note to a blind girl, practically flirting with her about being an upside?God damn man, how drunk were you last night?” Marc asked as he wiped the tears out of his eyes.

“Too drunk,” Sidney laughed finding the irony sadly comical, enjoying the coolness of the window as he placed his forehead against it.

“Meara, this dress is too tight.What size did you get?”Parker was trying on a bridesmaids dress for her brother’s wedding.

“I don’t know.A size two?What size do you wear?” Meara tried to zip the dress from behind a little too forcefully.

“I wear a size four or six.Who wears a size two?” Parker questioned harshly to herself as she tried to shimmy out of the dress.

“Why are you so irritable today?” Meara asked, taking the dress from Parker to rehang it.She’d never seen Parker so moody in the eight years that she’s dated Parker’s brother.

“I’m sorry.I don’t even understand why I’m so irritable,” Parker put her head down, not sure if she wanted to admit the reason to anyone, let alone herself.

“I met this guy a couple of months ago.He was really kind and friendly.He walked Jersey and I out of the park at my request.” Parker started, knowing Meara wouldn’t judge her.

“That was the day that Jersey ran off, right?”

“Yeah.Anyway, I didn’t think anything of it because he was just a Good Samaritan helping someone out.But I ran into him again last night.He helped me when some kids tripped me in the apartment lobby.We got stuck in the elevator, talked for a while,” Parker said, starting to blush from embarrassment before she continued.

“He asked about my blindness, and when I told him it wasn’t that bad, that there was an upside to everything, he asked about my ‘date’ that he thought I was on.He told me he just finalized his divorce, but that he was looking forward to finding the upside I talk to highly about.And when I told him he’d find it, he told me he thought he had.I guess I thought he was talking about me as the upside for some reason,” Parker huffed, realizing in hindsight how ridiculous her reasoning sounded.

“He walked me to my door, and when he went to walked away, I asked if he wanted to walked with Jersey and I.”

“Parker, this is like the beginning of a Nicholas Sparks romance novel.Why are you upset?,” Meara asked, not realizing Parker wasn’t done.

“He told me he’d like that, that he’d meet me in the lobby in five minutes, but never showed up.I waited in the lobby for a while before I went outside, telling the receptionist that if anyone asked for me, I’d be waiting outside.He never came,” Parker sighed, feeling just as confused as she had the previous evening.

“Then he’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve your friendship,” Meara said plainly as she ushered Parker to stand, helping her to step into another dress, zipping it so it fit perfectly.Parker felt around herself, examining the neckline.

“Meara, this neckline is too low.I feel like my boobs are going to fall out if I bend over,” Parker said as she instinctively covered her chest with her arm.

“Its perfect.Any lower and we’d have a problem.But this isn’t too revealing, trust me.You have great boobs” Meara pulled Parker’s arm down.“And the black looks so good against your skin tone,” Meara said as she took a picture to send to Parker’s brother.

“Maybe if I send this to your asshole friend, he’d change his tune,” Meara said in a cunning tone.

“He apparently looked for me after I left last night.He left a message with the doorman.He said he was sorry and that he wanted to take me out for coffee to make it up to me.He also said I was his upside…”Parker felt bashful all of a sudden, like it was a cruel joke to her.

“He better mean it, because if he fucks with you, he’ll have to answer to your brother and I, and he doesn’t want to fuck with Jeff,” Meara warned as she unzipped the dress, handing Parker her jeans and shirt before walking out of the dressing room.Parker dressed quickly, wondering if she’d actually be getting coffee this afternoon with Sidney.The idea of being held up again was too much to think about.

When Meara dropped Parker off at her apartment, having to go back to work for a meeting, Parker made her way in, being extremely cautious of children this time around.Usually children would stay away when she had her walking stick.

“Good afternoon Ms. Fisher,” Robert greeted her like always.

“Same to you Robert,” she smiled at him.

She opened her door and walked into her bedroom, collapsing onto her bed as Jersey jumped up to greet her.

“We’ll go out soon,” she petted Jersey, kissing her somewhere on her body before getting up to find Jersey’s harness.She knew she’d fall asleep in if she didn’t get up.

“Ok, right leg,” she kneeled down, putting her hand out for Jersey’s right foot, slipping it into the harness before going to the other side.

She almost jumped out of her skin when there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” she asked, putting her ear close to the door for the answer.

“It’s Sidney.”

She opened the door, but before she could get a word out, Jersey was barking and whining loudly at Sidney, presumably dancing around him like she did to all of her favorite strangers.

“You’re like her favorite person.I think she likes you more than she likes me,” Parker told him as she listened to the two interact, Sidney trying to calm her down while he loved on her.

“I doubt that,” he said as he stepped into her house.

“We were just going for a walk…”

“May I come?” Sidney interrupted, wanting her to say yes.He felt like such an imbecile the way he handled himself the previous night.He prayed that Robert didn’t give too much of his drunken behavior away.She made him feel good, more than any of his other friends or family.She was truly an outside looking in based on what he told her.Parker was the only one who could give him an unbiased opinion, which was exactly what he needed.

“That’d be lovely,” Parker answered, surprised by his interruption.

“Are you going to stand us up again,” she jabbed, hoping that he would find her funny, and when she could hear the smile in his voice as he answered, “No,” she knew there wouldn’t be any awkwardness between them.

Notes