Suddenly I See

"I.. I'm sorry. I should've called first," Sidney stuttered, stunned and a little jealous of whomever she was dedicating her time to.

"It's ok," Parker closed the door behind her, joining Sidney in the hallway. "It's just an old friend. Would you like to join us?"

A big part of him wanted to join in if it meant that he could spend time with her, but an even bigger part of him was afraid her friend would recognize him, ruining the anonymity that he'd grown to appreciate and enjoy, not to mention the fact that he didn't want to share her attention with anyone else, especially another guy.

"I don't want to intrude on your evening," he reluctantly declined, gripping the box of cookies because he didn't know what else to do as he stood in front of her, berating himself for not calling first.

"You wouldn't be intruding," she responded, smiling as she tried to get him to change his mind. She was surprised to find him at her door, suggesting sharing her cookies together. The thought that he wanted to spend time with her gave her a tiny hint of butterflies, and she knew she probably blushed beyond control when she heard him ask to share the cookies with her.

"We’ll share them another time," he told her, jiggling the box for her to hear what he referring to.

"That'd be great," she nodded again, trying to bite back the giant smile that was started to form on her face."Are you sure you don't want to join us?" She asked one last time, optimistic that her hopeful facial expression would tell him that she wanted him to join.

"Not tonight. Have a good evening."

"Goodnight," she waved as she heard him walked away. She opened her door and closed it behind her, placing her forehead against the door as she sighed. She hadn't heard from Sidney for quite a while and never expected him to show up at her door when she accepted Kevin's proposal to come to her place. As she replayed their conversation over in her head, she couldn’t deny that she was almost willing to tell her company to leave to spend time with Sidney.

"Is everything ok?"

The question jolted her back to reality, reminding her that she couldn't want for one man while another, one with a lot more history, was sitting in her living room.

"Yes." She pushed herself off of the door and walked back into the living room, sitting on the couch next to Kevin. "I baked cookies for one of my neighbors. He stopped by to thank me," she lied, plastering a fake smile on her face.

"You were always such a thoughtful and considerate person,” Kevin complimented her.Listen," he cleared his throat, taking a hold of her hand into his, "I'm back in the area and I was wondering if you would have dinner with me sometime next week?"

Parker couldn't think or speak, only opening and closing her mouth, looking for words as her mind juggled its options and tried to digest all that had happened in the last five minutes. Her first and only love had come back into her life, asking her to dinner. She didn't want to overthink the invitation, and she wouldn't let herself assume that they'd get back together. Hundreds of memories flooded her mind of their years together, and while they were mostly good, their break up had her reluctant to get overly excited. She was still blind and that was the reason he broke it off.

Her mind drifted to Sidney and their growing friendship. She couldn't ignore how excited she felt when he came around, and she couldn't ignore the hint of disappointment in his voice when she told him she had company. But she couldn't put all of her eggs in a basket for a man who was recently divorced, carrying the equivalent of three times her body weight in emotional baggage.

"Sure," she said finding her voice. "Dinner would be lovely."

"Great. I'll call you later," Kevin said as he kissed her cheek, an intimate gesture that had become accustomed to doing and that she used to cherish. He stood to leave, Parker following behind him before they said their goodbyes.

Parker closed the door in a daze. Lying face down on her bed, she weighed her options. On the one hand, she could potentially rekindle her relationship with Kevin and pick up where they left off. He was theoretically all she'd ever known in terms of love and they were inseparable when they were together. But, she liked Sidney in a different, indescribable way. Maybe it was his overwhelming kindness he showed her, maybe it was a sense of his integrity and wholesome character that made a mark on her, but the one thing she knew for sure was the way she never felt like her blindness defined her when he was around. While she didn't allow the lack of sight to drag her down, Sidney made her feel normal, and she never wanted that feeling to cease.

She flipped onto her back, covering her face with her arm, deciding she'd give more thought to her predicament another time. She heard Jersey enter her bedroom, giving Parker her paw after she jumped on the bed.

"What do you think, Jersey?" She sat up to face her dog, holding up both palms. "Sidney?" She wiggled her right hand, "or Kevin?" She repeated the action with her left. Without hesitation, Jersey smacked her right hand.

"Sidney, huh?" Parker shook Jersey's paw when she slapped Parker's hand again. She didn't think too much of the fun gesture; it was the same one Jersey used if she needed to go outside. Standing from the bed, the two exited the bedroom and headed for the door.

"Maybe if you're lucky, you'll see him on the way outside," she told Jersey as she put the harness on. "Or maybe I'll get lucky," she said under her breath to herself as she put on her winter apparel.

"Hustle!"

Sidney sat on the bench observing as some of his teammates were punished with speed drills after coming to practice with the lingering effects of their celebration from the previous night.

"Hey man. Vero and I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight if you're available," Marc slapped him on his padded back.

"Sounds good," Sidney replied as he focused on the drills.

"I'll call you later," Marc waved as he headed back to the locker room.

Sidney got lost replaying practices, line combinations, and plays in his head as he listened to the sound of skates on ice. While they won their last game, they were going through a nasty slump that the team hadn't experienced in a long time. He went back to the locker room to watch tape, thinking he knew what was going wrong in their game. He was so engrossed in his task that by the time he decided to finish up, it was already close to two in the afternoon. He showered, slathering his shoulder with topical pain medication from a big hit a couple nights back, and dressed, only noticing he had a missed call when he pulled his phone out if his gear bag. It was from Maggie's phone, presumably from Phoebe calling to talk, a daily tradition they started. He listened to the voicemail when he got to his car, which was a lot of muffled sounds and voices until he heard Maggie telling Phoebe to talk.

"Sinny? Can I come pway wif you and Awiel? But mommy, I wanna tawk to Sinny. Ok, bye Sinny!"

He chuckled to himself as he heard Maggie directing the message in the background, telling Phoebe that Sidney and Ariel would talk to her later and to say bye.He smiled as he pulled out of Consol's garage toward the apartment.

A week earlier, Maggie had dropped Phoebe off at Sidney’s place to spend the day with him before they drove back to Long Island. He figured they'd spend the day at the park or watching a couple of Disney movies. He also picked up some coloring books, crayons, glitter, paint, and heavy-duty construction paper for her to use if the park and Disney movies didn't suffice. He and Phoebe had just put The Little Mermaid DVD in when he heard a knock at his door. He opened it, surprised to see Parker on the other side, holding a thermos.

"Hi," he greeted her, knowing she could hear the gladness in his voice.

"I brought coffee," she said holding the thermos up. "I thought we could drink this while sharing the cookies," she suggested.

"Cookies? Sinny?" Phoebe ran to the door.

Sidney caught Phoebe in his arms, flipping her over and onto his shoulders before he looked back at Parker, who looked bewildered and embarrassed, probably similar to Sidney the previous evening.

"Parker, this is my niece, Phoebe," he told her, watching as Parker’s face relaxed as she registered the situation.

"Phoebs, this is my friend, Parker," he tickled her, making her giggle loudly on his shoulders.

"Should I come back another time?" Parker asked, not wanting to ruin his time with his niece.

"Absolutely not."He gently grasped Parker's wrist, pulling her into his apartment.

"You didn't bring Jersey?" He asked as he pulled Phoebe off of his shoulders to direct Parker over to the couch.

"I have my collapsible stick in my back pocket" she showed him. "I wasn't sure if you'd be ok with Jersey in your home."

"She's welcome anytime." In a way, he hoped Parker would understand that the open invitation was also aimed at her."I hope you like The Little Mermaid," he chuckled, taking the thermos out of her hands and into the kitchen.

"One of my favorites," she smiled, listening to Phoebe hum to the tune of the opening credits. She peeled her stick out, placing it on her lap as she sat back against the cushions.

She was slightly startled when she felt the couch dipped heavily beside her, and all at once she was hit with the most delicious fragrance she'd ever smelt. It was crisp and fresh mixed with musk and a hint of something earthy; the combination was intoxicating.

"Coffee and cookies," Sidney handed her a mug and a cookie.

"Can I have a cookie?" Phoebe asked, climbing on the couch on the other side of Parker. Taking a bite, she waited for Sidney to respond to the little girl.What she heard of their interaction was precious, and while she only knew his side of the story concerning the reason for his divorce, she thought his ex-wife was mental.

"She's asking you, Parker," Sidney whispered in her ear. His breath on her ear and neck gave her goose bumps, and she subtly rubbed her arms to hide them, hoping they went unnoticed.

"Oh.. Did you ask uncle Sidney if it was ok?"

"She can have one or two," he said, handing a couple to Parker to give to Phoebe. "Phoebs, do you want some chocolate milk?"

"Yeah!" She shouted, running to sit closer to the TV.

The three of them watched the cartoon in silence, Sidney and Parker snickering at Phoebe when she would sing off tune, making the lyrics up as she went. It brought back childhood memories for Parker, singing Disney songs for talent shows in pre-k and kindergarten. She didn't even realize that she was humming the music with Phoebe, occasionally singing out loud, forgetting that she wasn't alone.

"Awe you Awiel?" Phoebe sat next to Parker, looking up in wonder.

"I think she is," Sidney answered, surprised at how well Parker sang the songs. He laughed hard at Phoebe's expression, mouth ajar, eyes big and wide.

"She's looking at you completely star struck," he described to Parker, who turned multiple flushes of pink and red, smiling with embarrassment.

"Well, go on Ariel. Keep singing," he nudged her with his shoulder.

"That's ok," she laughed nervously.

"Awiel! Sing!" Phoebe demanded excitedly.

"Ok," she surrendered, taking in a deep breath before joining Phoebe in the sing along.

Once the movie was finished, Phoebe wanted to paint a picture of the three of them. Parker helped Sidney cover his coffee table in newspaper, knowing paint would be everywhere.

"Awiel, sit wight hew," Phoebe asked, pointing to the space next to her.

Knowing how independent Parker tried to be, Sidney wait to see if he needed to intervene at all as he sat down next to Parker on the floor.

"Why don't you come sit next to me?" Parker suggested to Phoebe, figuring it would be easier and safer than Parker trying to figure out where Phoebe was.She patted where she thought a space was available next to her until she patted Sidney's thigh.

"Sorry," Parker whispered as she pulled her hand back.

"It's fine," he grunted loudly as phoebe flopped onto his lap, laughing as he tickled her.

"She's such a big fan of yours that she forgot about her uncle Sid," he squirted paint out for them, pinching Phoebe playfully with his other hand.

"I wuv uncle Sinny!" She shouted before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

The three were quiet for a moment, concentrating on their paintings. Sidney looked up to check on Phoebe, who was staring at Parker.

"What are you looking at?" Sidney whispered to Phoebe while he painting plays he'd been thinking about in his head.

"Sinny, Awiel is pwetty," she whispered loudly, looking at him for confirmation.

"Yes she is," he agreed as he looked at Parker. She was painting something he couldn't decipher yet, but he could see that she was blushing as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Phoebs, paint Ariel a picture that she can keep."

Phoebe instantly started painting, yawning intermittently as her naptime approached. She finished the painting shortly before falling asleep on Sidney, who was busy with his playmaking and defensive plays.

"I'm going to go lay her on my bed. Be right back," he told Parker as he carried Phoebe away.

After using one too many wet ones to clean phoebes hands, he tucked her into his bed, praying that she didn't wet herself. It wouldn't have been the first time if it happened, and he didn’t have a protective mattress cover on this bed. Returning to the colorful coffee table, he picked up the painting that Phoebe did for Parker. It was a painting if three stick figure mermaids under water.

"What did she paint?" Parker asked, rolling the newspaper to clean up the work zone.

"Uhh. I think it's the three of us as mer-people. Although, she painted you to look like Medusa," he laughed lightly.

"I've never had so many identities in one day.”

"I'm think she was trying to replicate your wavy hair.She thinks you’re pretty, so I doubt she purposely drew you as a monster," he explained, hanging the painting on his refrigerator.

"I’d like to have the painting if that's ok?" She asked as she wiped her hands down with a damp washcloth he handed her.

"I know I can't see it, but the painting means something to me. It represents the fun I had today.I’ve never been a Disney princess and a mythological monster at the same time before," she joked when he didn't answer her right away. "I'm glad you invited me in," she smiled.

"I'm glad you showed up at my door,” he returned, wishing she could see how content he was around her.

"The paint takes forever to dry. I'll bring it over when it's ready." He knew the paint would dry quickly, but keeping it temporarily would be a great excuse to get into her apartment.

"Sounds good," she nodded, handing him the wad of newspaper.

"I should get going."

He wracked his brain to find a way to stall her, wanting to spend some time alone since Phoebe was sleeping.

"Will you walk me to the door?"

"Of course," he answered, handing her the thermos and walking stick.

"Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?"

"I'm ok," she gestured to the walking stick, extending it after she waved to him.

“Wait,” she said aloud, turning around to walk back to his door.

“Did you forget something?” Sidney asked, confused by the sudden change.She had her walking stick and thermos.He didn’t see her bring anything else.

“No, but I wanted to tell you something.”She wanted to get something off of her chest, something that she thought the entire time spent with Sidney and Phoebe.“Forgive me for this, because I know it’s none of my business, but I think your ex-wife is an absolute fucking moron,” she told him, using his eloquent vernacular.She turned quickly to walk away, never the type of girl to make any sort of verbal or physical move, blind or not.

He watched her from his door until she walked out of sight, smiling brightly like a fool.Heading back inside, he went to finish cleaning up after checking on Phoebe, who was sprawled out sucking her thumb. Before he threw the wad of newspaper in his trash, he remembered Parker painting something abstract. He unrolled the paper, finding what looked like a mixture between a paisley pattern and a biomechanical tattoo design. Fixing a couple of wrinkles, he hung it up on his refrigerator next to Phoebe's, fully intending on leaving it there.

Parker held her phone out, listening to Siri ask repeatedly if she could help her.She wanted to tell Siri to call Sidney.She had started making pizza crust from scratch, and contemplated calling him to join her for an early dinner and maybe a movie.

“Call Sidney.”She held her breath as the call connected, ringing a couple of times before getting his voicemail.

“Hi, it’s Parker.I was just calling to ask if you wanted to stop by, maybe bring me my painting?Talk to you soon.”She hung up, rolling her eyes at how awkward and eager the message sounded.She felt for her dough roller, taking her uncertainties out of the dough.Sprinkling flour over the dough, she continued flattening it until she head a knock at her door.She had to remind herself not to run, not even sure it was Sidney knocking, but she’d been kidding herself to say she wasn’t hopeful.Opening the door, she waited for him, or whoever was knocking to speak.

“Is that flour?”

She exhaled when she recognized his voice, but didn’t anticipate that she’d be covered in various pizza ingredients.

“It is,” she wiped her face to dust off any flour, only making it worse without realizing it.“I’m making pizza,” she started, only to be cut off when Sidney closed the door behind her, walking her into her own kitchen.

“Good, because I’m starving,” he told her, wiping the flour off of her forehead.

“And, I brought Phoebe’s painting for you.I had it framed,” he set the painting on her counter away from the pizza mess.

“You didn’t have to,” Parker smiled.

“No, but I wanted to.I’ll hang it for you later.”

They worked around each other, making the pizza together, listening to the quiet music Parker played from her iPod dock.It was something Sidney hadn’t heard before, and definitely not the type of music he enjoyed listening to.It wasn’t quite house music, but it definitely had flavors of electronica with keyboards and synthesizers.

“What band is this?”

“M83.They’re my favorite,” she told him as she smoothed the sauce over the dough crust.“They’re coming here to do a show in a couple of weeks, but when I went to buy tickets, they were sold out.”

“What a shame,” he muttered, masking the idea that presented itself in his mind.“Maybe you could win tickets” he suggested.Using his name, he’d get her tickets, because the truth was that nothing is ever sold out if you were the right person or had connections to the right person.

Notes