Rhythm of Love

NOTICE! READ THE NOTES.

[Monologue #3]

Don't ask me what's wrong. Don't pretend you care. I know that you will let me wither away. All I ever see are foot steps in the sand and they don't lead to me. They go up to the mountains. Far, far, far away from me. It sounds just like a fairytale.

"How was Dad when you went to visit him?" I curled my fingers around my coffee mug. I was wearing a long-sleeve cashmere sweater that I received as a gift from Daniel. I couldn't let go of it ever. Not because of the fact that he had given it to me, but because it was soft and warm. It was all there was left of him.

Al's Diner seemed to serve the best coffee. I would come here to study, to have friendly dates. It was almost perfect for any occasion, just like the one today. The type of days where I hated myself and not wanted to end it all were usually my good days. This was a good day.

"He seemed to be alright. You could tell that he wasn't one hundred percent though." Jesse explained looking down. I could tell he was very confused. We were all confused.

"Hey Jess, we'll have to get through it as a family. Don't worry." I was busy comforting him when mentally I was not stable. Who was I to talk?

He let out a sigh. "I guess you're right."

* * *

I sat on the stool by the isle. I watched my mother package some food in a plastic container for my father. He wasn't a big fan of the hospital food. My mother's Sheppard's Pie was always my dad's favorite growing up. It was good, but not better than her spaghetti.

"Do you want to come to drop off the dinner for your dad?" My mom asked, looking over at me. My mother was so petite. I would wonder why I was tall. Then again, I had a tall dad and a tall brother.

"Yeah. I can drive you." I told her as I got up. I walked over to the counter by the sink and grabbed the keys for the truck.

* * *

I could hear the seagull's squawking. It was really annoying, but comforting. I watched the sunset over the tree line. Oyama was nice, (The upper Kelowna part I live in). My butt was seated on the man-made beach, down by the lake. I looked down the beach further to see a group gathered around a fire. It was quite obvious that they were under the influence. Their laughs sounded so happy. Soon enough, the group looked over at me. I was alone, by myself, down by the lake.

I looked at my bottle of Budweiser and noticed that I was nearly halfway from finishing it. The water was so calm. The trees and sun reflected off of it; almost like a painting.

Have you wondered why nobody liked you? The answer was probably because you were like me. You enjoyed to push people away, it grew into a hobby for you. Finding love would never happen, but you got lucky once. Just once in your life you get a chance to live, but it all gets taken away with one blow by a complete stranger.

A man was walking over to me. Everytime I tried to be alone, someone would come and ruin it. Life was shitty sometimes-- a lot of the time. A tall man, black hair, shorts, a beer in his hand, and wearing a shirt was coming my way. This was Carey.

"Rydell, why are you always alone?" He asked with a laugh. I looked up at him with an unimpressed look. I didn't have a reaction. Sometimes people just didn't understand other's situations. This was one of those times. My father was battling cancer. I was a depressed freak. I secretly didn't enjoy Carey's presence, but who was I to tell him to go?

He took a seat next to me, earning a small glance from me. "Sorry. Why don't you join my friends and I? We're having a few beers around the fire." He tried again.

"Not really my scene. I'm fine here with my beer." I held up my bottle to him. I gave him a small inconvincing smile. It was obvious I wasn't necessarily happy with myself or my life.

"Then what is your scene?" He asked looking at me. I was stared off into the distance. I hated eye contact with him. He reeled me in and I would get lost in his eyes. There was really something about him that stood out. I had a hard time figuring out what it was.

"You're friends aren't me. I don't know them. They look rich and preppy. I'm just normal me. I break dance, I sing acoustic guitar depressing stuff. I'm not one of your friends." I ranted before taking a sip of my beverage. I was turned over to him; facing him.

"I like the normal you. The deep-singing, nice dancer, dog loving, small town girl is awesome to me. I think they'll like it her too." He smiled, as we brush shoulders slightly. Butterflies came in my stomach. No one has said something like that since Daniel. Carey was so friendly and nice. It was different and I enjoyed it, but I couldn't let him get close to me.

"You don't even know me." I muttered. I always managed to make myself seem like a complete bitch. No wonder I no longer had many friends. That's why everyone screwed me over in the end. I wasn't in denial anymore.

"You're right." He agreed. "I'd really like too though."

I noticed his friends looking over here now. "Your friends are staring at us."

"Yeah, probably wondering what's taking so long. I told them that you would be hanging out with us." He sheepishly grinned. I put some of my hair behind my ears. Who does he think he is? We aren't meant to be friends. Our lives are so different. I'm bland and weird. He's friendly, attractive, nice and just perfect. I didn't want to ruin his wonderful life.

"--Don't you have a girlfriend or something?" I barked, surprisingly. I didn't even process saying so. God, it was just the natural human in me to be a jerk. Being an asshole was the proper move to make in a time like this though. I couldn't let him think that he was getting through me.

He didn't leave. Oddy enough, I saw a very small smile from him. Any other guy would have left, getting the rude hint. But he didn't go. He stayed here, with me. "No, but do you have a boyfriend or something?" He mimicked.

We were now both staring at each other. "N-no." I stuttered, nervously.

"Then we have nothing to worry about." A smirk slipped out of his mouth. I figured that he was smooth by his looks. "--But I know when a girl needs her space. I'll leave." He got up and dusted off his ass, causing some sand to fall down. I looked up at him, so confused.

One last smile. "See you around," Was all he said before giving me a wink. Woah. What was that all about? I loved the mysterious aura.

* * *

I was grocery shopping with my mother in the city. We both needed a little time away from town. We were both beaten down from the last couple of days. She wheeled the cart down the aisle, browsing the products on the shelves.

"I think that boy next door likes you." My mom blurted out. I tried to make it seem like nothing, because it was nothing.

A fake laugh. "What makes you say that?"

Her sweet, innocent smile came on. "I don't know. Some people around town say they see you two together sometimes." She paused silently as she grabbed spaghetti noodles. "They say you actually look happy." What people seen us together? What do you mean actually look happy? Carey and I were strangers to each other. We didn't know anything about each other. I could be a murderer for all he knows.

"What do you mean, 'actually look happy'?" I asked, confused.

"Rydell, it's obvious that since you and Daniel broke up you were never happy. I think a lot of people knew that. It's been a year. I think it's time to move on." She explained.

She had no right to bring that up. No one had the right to bring that up. I had to watch him suffer. "Mom, you can't say that. You don't know what me and him went through together. He was my everything. It hurt to see him go. You don't know what it's like having the one you love being slowly taken away from you." I argued. I knew this was no way to talk to my mother, but I couldn't hide it anymore. Her sadden expression guilted me.

These people in the same aisle stared at us. "I do know what it's like. Your father is slowly going away. It hurts me so much."

"Mom, I'm sorry. I think I just need a little time alone." I spoke, quieter. "Here are the keys." I gave her the keys to the truck and I left the building.

I wanted out. I was done.

Notes