What Dreams Forget

James watched Kase stumble across the hall to Addi, Colby, and Tori Lynn's apartment. Once he was safely inside the apartment James shut his own door. James was more than a little buzzed. He was sure he wasn't anymore steady on his feet than Kase had been. In some weird way, having Kase with him this evening made things more bearable. Kase was just as fucking miserable as he was.

In fact, maybe more so, James had at least had the balls to tell Tori Lynn he loved her. Kase was still holding back. Usually it was James who was the fuck up. James laughed out loud. Nixon cocked his large head and stared at him. James looked at the couch and decided that he should just go to bed. He meandered his way down the hall to his room. He headed straight to the bathroom. He ditched his contacts and grabbed his glasses. His toothbrush was sitting in the holder by itself. He glanced around at his bathroom counter. It was clean and free of clutter. James brushed his teeth. He could still smell her shampoo and conditioner.

Damn it he hated this. His counter was normally littered with hair brushes, pony tail holders, makeup brushes, various lotions, and her makeup bag, but tonight nothing. He stuffed his toothbrush back into the holder. He glanced at his watch it was 11pm. Only 346 hours to go until she was home.

James jerked his shirt over his head and tossed it on her side of the bed. He then realized it needed to go into the hamper, no one to steal his shirts right now. Neal moved to his side of the bed and flipped on the lamp. It cast shadows all over his jerseys. Being alone in a room full of his jerseys somehow seemed odd. He glanced at his pillow and saw the jump drive. He then noticed the note. His girl hadn't been to keen on leaving him either. He also realized that he left her at least once a week and she never complained. His girl was trooper. He smiled as he read the note.

Jamie,

I recorded this for you. No one else has it. You can download it on to your laptop and put it on your iPhone or iPad. This way I can sing to you anytime. There are a few other songs with it that I think you will like. Take care of yourself and Nixon. I’ll miss both my guys. It’s just 14 sleeps until I get home. Funny how this apartment became home. I love you. Don’t forget me.

Love,
Tori Lynn

As if he could fucking forget her. He wasn't sure if she truly realized how invested he was in this relationship. He was pretty sure this was the first time he could truly consider himself in a relationship. Sure, he had dated others, but they weren’t her. James grabbed his laptop from it’s case and turned it on. He smiled at the screen saver. He had taken the picture of Tori Lynn one morning when she was writing. Her head was down and her hair was a mess, she had a pencil in her mouth, notebook on her knees, her guitar in her hands, and had one of his Pitt tees hanging off her shoulder. She had been in her own little world.

The winter sunlight had been casting shadows everywhere. It was an amazing shot. He had posted it on his Instagram without hesitation. She had been ready to kill him. Sam had posted the message “Kiss an angel good morning”. It had blown up from there. Sometimes he wished he had kept it to himself. He had a sinking suspicion that after the country music world met his girl there would be a lot more sharing.

James jammed the jump drive into the computer and loaded the files. The first track was the song she’d been working on in the photo. The second track was a version of Avril Lavigne’s Complicated. James laughed through the track. The third track was a cover of Glycerine. The next track was an old Loretta Lynn track. The last track started out crackling. James thought it was odd. He then heard Sam’s voice.

“Tori Lynn, you should play this on tour.”

“No,” replied Tori Lynn “I haven’t played it anywhere other than for him. It’s not a big thing.”

“But it could be if we got the rights to it from the Black Crowes.”

“No,” she said adamantly “It’s just something I sing for Jamie. I want to keep it that way.”

“So first dance at this wedding is going to be 'She Talks to Angels'?” asked Sam

“I didn’t say it was our song. I said it was his song. Now record the damn track!” She answered.

“It’s rolling, baby girl.” he said loudly. James heard Sam much quieter “You’re a lucky son of a bitch, Neal.” before the guitars over powered his voice. James listened to the recording several times. James couldn’t stop the ache in his chest. He loved hearing her voice. He loved hearing his song. But damned if it didn’t reinforce she was gone. James was wallowing in his slightly drunken misery when he heard his phone chirp. He half dived, half fell, across the bed trying to reach it. He saw it was a FaceTime request from Tori Lynn. He hit the button before sliding into the floor.

“Neal, you okay?” asked Tori Lynn noticing he was in a heap in the floor.

“No worries,” he said “That comforter is a little slippery. I usually have you to break my drunk slide off the bed.” She laughed at him. “How’s touring the country?”

“Good. Being on the bus is like being in a rolling man cave. Chase turned the back bedroom into a man cave. So we can play music, watch TV, or play video games. We have 4 bunks but it’s only me, Chase, and the driver. I tend to hang out in the living room kitchen area.” she replied “I’ve managed to stash all my snacks and drinks, and read up on my camera. You know you didn’t have to do any of that.”

James smiled at her. Damn, she missed seeing that in person. “I know I didn’t have to. But I wanted too. Is that blanket right? They didn’t have the red one.”

“Yes, it’s the same one I drag around your apartment.”

“Good. My apartment is too quiet, and I can see my entire bathroom sink. I don’t like it at all.” replied James.

“Well I can’t find mine!” yelled Chase across the bus.

“Chase says hello.” said Tori Lynn turning the camera towards Chase. Chase waved and continued talking into his Xbox head set.

“Who's he busy blowing up??” asked Neal

“Thomas Rhett!” called Chase “I am kicking Thomas Rhett’s ass!” James laughed. It was a lot like being on the plane to and from games. Except they were all in suits and ties. James took in Chase’s state of dress or lack there of. Maybe they should institute an everybody has all their clothes on rule.

“I can see the wheels in your brain shifting gears.” laughed Tori Lynn turning the camera back towards her. She made her way back to the sitting area in the front of the bus. “Your sulking again.”

“I just miss you.” He replied.

“I miss you too, Neal.” she answered “I am still going to kick your ass over the card.”

“I thought my card was sweet.” he said smiling at her.

“You know exactly what I am talking about, James Deter Neal. You promised.”

“And I didn’t technically break my promise. That isn’t my card, it’s yours.” he answered “You do not have to use it for anything. Put it away for emergencies. It just makes me feel better that you have it.”

“Are you ever going to listen to me?” she asked quietly.

“I listen to everything you say. But I leave a lot open to my interpretation. I won’t apologize for trying to take care of you.”

“I’m putting it in the bottom of my guitar case.” she replied.

“It’s yours to do with as you want.”

“What if I buy my own tour bus with it?” she quizzed.

“If that is an option and gets you off the half naked Chase bus, I'm down. Make sure the master bedroom bed is long enough for me.” he answered “Oh, and see if we can get satellite so I can watch sports.”

“You are ridiculous, James Neal”

“It won’t be long until you need your own bus. I'm not sure if we do that or if the label does it. But when it’s time, we’ll get one that me and Nix can hang out on in the off season.”

“What makes you think I am going to bring you on tour?” she teased

“Because it’s been 5 hours and you already miss me.” he retorted.

“Is that so?” she questioned.

“Yes, Ma’am.” he replied seriously “So you’ll be home in 345 hours. I’m thinking I’m gonna be miserable the entire time, and that you rock because you never whine or bitch when I leave. I am totally going to whine, bitch, and pout every time you leave me.”

“Just remember, I am coming home to you.” said Tori Lynn “I’m just out working just like you.”

“Tori Lynn, I did a lot of bad shit on the road.”

“Not since we’ve been together.” she said emphatically “I don’t want anyone else.”

“No, not since we’ve been together. Hell, not since I laid eyes on you.” he replied “I can still see you from that first night. I think the minute you wrapped your arms around me and asked me to stay that first night caused my brain to short circuit. I haven’t looked at anyone since.”

“You were drunk. I was worried about you driving home. Don’t make it sound like I was all over you.”

“Who’s telling this story?” laughed James “I thought you hated me until that point.”

“I hated 'The Real Deal'.” replied Tori Lynn. She watched him yawn. “You have morning skate. You need to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’ll be in Pittsburgh. I figure I can roam freely in my Pitt hoodie.”

“My Pitt hoodie.” he stated yawning again “I fucking hate this.”

“It’s not even been 24 hours, Neal.” said Tori Lynn shaking her head.

“Babe, it’s already too damn long.” replied James.

“Love you, Neal.” she said.

“I love you too.” He responded.

“Jamie?” she questioned.

“Yeah, babe?” he asked.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For encouraging me to go. For listening to the music incessantly. For the tour presents. For the countdown until I am home. For just being my Jamie and loving me.”

“I fucking love you, Victoria Lynn Hall. I’ll stand beside you, behind you, or in front of you depending on what the circumstance calls for. Now go to bed. You’ll have a giant Russian on your door step in Pittsburgh.” Tori Lynn smiled at him before she said good night for the final time and disconnected the call.

James rolled over in his bed. He laughed when he noticed the white t-shirt she had in her hair laying on her side of the bed. It made her pillow smell even more like her. James turned the music she recorded on. He sat the laptop on her side of the bed. He pulled her pillow closer. Jesus the guys would make fun of him if they saw this. But he decided he didn’t give a fuck. When he woke up it would be 238 hours until she was home.

Notes