Just You and Me, Kid

It was three days before Kasperi found the motivation to leave his house, and it was only to buy more vodka. He considered buying some groceries, but who needs food when you can get pizza delivered straight to your door? Pizza delivery guys never cared if you were in your pajamas, or if you hadn’t showered, or if you’d broken the heart of the only girl you’d ever loved by keeping a secret from her.

‘I should have told her’ was like a bright neon sign taking up most of the space in his thoughts. No matter what he tried to distract himself with, it was there, flickering in the background. He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice his birthday was coming up. But what did it really matter at this point? He wouldn’t be spending it with Satu, and that’s all that he could see.

The next morning, Kasperi got a text from his little brother wishing him a happy birthday. He actually smiled, even though he felt like crying.

‘Thanks bro’ he replied.

‘Maybe we can hit the puck around later?’ Konsta texted back a few minutes later.

That was the nudge he needed to help him get out of the hole he’d been living in. A gentle reminder that there were still things in this world Kasperi cared about besides Satu.

‘That would be great,’ he smiled as he texted back. Kasperi rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. He thought about actually making breakfast this morning (afternoon?) and how he’d like his eggs. He was toweling off after his shower, still thinking about whether he should scramble or fry his eggs, when his phone rang.

It was an unregistered number from the US. He bit his lip and stared at it as it rang, contemplating if he should answer or not. What if it was the Penguins calling about his performance at the prospect camp last week?

“Hello?” He held it up to his ear, expecting to hear GM Rutherford, or one of the assistant GM’s maybe.

“Is this Mr. Kapanen?” A slightly familiar voice asked.

“This is Kasperi,” he replied, and the voice on the phone chuckled.

“That’s right, I forgot he has the same name as you. Well, I’m calling you about a different Kasperi.” He suddenly realized who this was. That morning in Hannah’s kitchen with the waffles, and Beth who looked too thin, and her weird boyfriend, and that doctor… “This is Dr.
Rothstein, we met last week In Pittsburgh. I have the results of your test. Are you ready to hear them?”

Kasperi had been waiting for this moment since Beth first told him she was pregnant back in November. Yes! Yes he was more than ready to know if he was the dad or not! But this is not how he pictured finding out, standing naked in his bedroom holding a towel after getting out of the shower.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. “Yes.”

Dr. Rothstein wasted no time getting to the results. He was a busy man, and didn’t need to draw this out any more than necessary. “It’s a match. You’re the baby’s father. Congratulations?”

“I, uh, thanks,” he replied, sounding small.

“I hope this didn’t ruin your day- oh, it looks like it’s your birthday!” Dr. Rothstein laughed again as he looked over the test results. “What a pleasant surprise. Happy 19th birthday!”

“Thanks.”

“Well, I’d say talk to you later, but hopefully you won’t be needing my services again. If you do, you know where to find me.” With that, he hung up before Kasperi got a chance to say anything.

‘I know where to find him?’ He thought. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ he fell back onto his bed, still wet from his shower, not caring that his sheets were getting soaked, and curled up in a ball. Just when he thought things might be getting better, this happened.

At least he knew. That was the one bit of consolation he took from it. “Happy fucking birthday to me; I’m a dad.”


Several hours later he found himself on the ice with his brother. It was hard to focus on anything, especially the puck, and Konsta was starting to notice.

“I know it’s your birthday and all, but you don’t have to be this easy on me,” he said with a bit of an attitude.

“What?” Kasperi asked.

“You’ve let me steal the puck from you at least four times. And it wasn’t even that hard.”

Kasperi hadn’t been going easy on Konsta, he just couldn’t pay attention. And for some reason, Konsta’s innocent smile and childlike demeanor made something crack in Kasperi’s heart. ‘Some day, I might be doing this with him-my son. The way my dad played hockey with me when I was little.’ And for a moment, an overwhelming sense of filial obligation warmed him from the inside, momentarily pushing out the morose thoughts of Satu.

“Konsta, come here,” he skated toward the bench and sat down with his little brother. “I need to tell you something. I just found out this morning, even though I’ve kind of known for a while, but I need to tell someone. Although, you’ll find out soon enough.”

“Is it about the Penguins? Did prospect camp not go well?” He asked and made a face, “or did they trade you?”

Kasperi shook his head. “No, it’s a little more complicated than that. You see...last year I met this girl, and, sometimes, when two people like each other a lot, they-”

“Oh my God Kassu, I know what sex is,” his brother rolled his eyes. “Dad had the talk with me months ago,” he added smugly.

Kasperi sometimes forgot his brother wasn’t five years old any more. But this could still be a ‘teachable moment’ and he chose his words carefully. “Well, we were kind of stupid and didn’t use protection a couple times….and, now you have a nephew.” Kasperi bit his lip and avoided Konsta’s shocked stare.

“Wow…” Konsta thought for a moment. “So, is he going to live with you?”

Kasperi shrugged. “I don’t know, probably not. His mom and I were never really together, and I think he’ll just stay with her.”

“How old is he? And what’s his name?” Konsta was filled with questions. “When can we see him?”

“He was born in June, so he’s about two months. I haven’t actually seen him, so I don’t know. And, she named him after me. His name is Kasperi Finn Eldridge,” he grimaced at the sound of himself saying his own son’s name. It didn’t sound right. It felt foreign on his tongue, and harsh.

Konsta, however, thought it was hilarious. “So, you and he have the same first name?” He nearly fell over he was laughing so hard, and Kasperi couldn’t help but smile. “So what are we going to call him? Kasperi jr? Little Kassu?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it. I kind of like his middle name though.”

“Finn?” He laughed. “That’s kind of dumb. Come on, we still have twenty minutes of ice time left.” Konsta skated off to find a puck, and eventually Kasperi followed him. ‘That went pretty well,’ he thought, and already he was feeling better about having to tell his parents. Now, he just had to figure out how to tell them….

Kasperi hadn’t been to his parents house for dinner in what seemed like ages. Once he got his new place, he thought he’d be over there all the time, for free food mostly. Regardless, he fit in at the table like he’d never left, and teasing his little sisters was still second nature.

“Since it’s your birthday, I got a cake for you,” his mom said. As she brought the cake out, with 19 candles flickering on top, he wondered if he was too old to make a wish when he blew out the candles. Because he knew exactly what he’d wish for.

“It looks delicious, thanks,” he said to his mom after blowing out the candles. He had just taken a bite when his brother decided to speak up.

“Guess what?” He said to their parents. Kasperi shook his head and tried to get him to stop, but he was still eating cake and couldn’t say anything. Konsta smiled, not in a devious way, but because he was happy for his brother, and he wanted to tell their parents Kasperi’s news. “Kassu has a kid.”

It was quiet for a moment. Kasperi swallowed, even though his throat had gone dry. His mother dropped her fork. His father lowered his head and sighed.

“So you got the results back?” He asked his son, and Kasperi nodded. He felt like he was in trouble, like he’d stayed out too late, or got a bad grade. But a thousand times worse.

Tears streaming down her face, Petra left the room. His sisters stopped giggling and asked what was going on. Konsta realized that he shouldn’t have said that, and poked his piece of cake with a fork while pouting.

Sami cleared his throat and explained (most of) what was going on to his sisters, and they seemed happy. Mostly because they wanted to babysit him, and dress him up. They wanted to see him, and asked Kasperi over and over again when they could see their nephew.

But he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he was even going to be a part of his sons life, or if he was even legally his father yet. There were a lot of things he needed to figure out, and he knew he wasn’t going to find the answer at the bottom of yet another bottle of Koskenkorva.

He pushed his chair away from the table. “I have to go. Tell mom I said thanks for the cake.” Kasperi left in a hurry. He didn’t really want to go home, but he had to get out of there. His dad looked so...not quite disappointed, more like, resigned. As if he were thinking, ‘I’m not even 45 yet, and I’m already a grandfather.”

Kasperi drove around for a while and tried to clear his head. Nothing really made sense any more, except hockey. That was the one thing he had left that he could count on. Even if he wasn’t playing for the Penguins next year, he would be here, playing for Kalpa. And he was okay with that.

It was pretty late when Kasperi returned to his apartment. He decided to hop in the sauna for a while, hoping to get lost in the heat. Thoughts of Satu and little Kasperi melted away in the heat, leaving him with an empty, incomplete type of feeling. When he emerged, he took a long cold shower and tried to numb what was left of his senses. He was about to stumble into bed when he noticed he had a voicemail. He almost ignored it and left it for the morning, but, for some reason, he thought it might be Satu.

“Kasperi, this is Jim Rutherford. The assistant GMs and coaches and I have talked about your performance at prospect camp a lot, and honestly, we were quite impressed. We would all like to see you make the team this year and there is no doubt this team needs a good winger like you. See you at training camp! Oh, and, by the way, happy birthday, kid.”

Notes

Finally we get the results of the test!
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Sorry for the delay. I hope you like the chapter!
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