Easier to Lie
I wake up, startled by a weird noise but refuse to open my eyes, I know what happens if I do that; I’ll feel the full weight of my hangover. Instead I reach to my left to find Tomas and roll towards him, I curl into his side awkwardly as he snores…. Wait Tomas doesn’t snore.
I pop my eyes open to find it still pitch black outside, the man next to me is definitely not my boyfriend, and I am definitely not at home; its 4 am. “Shit” I mummer trying not to wake up the weird man in the bed next to me, I carefully slide out of the bed and fumble through the dark room tripping on God knows what trying to find my clothes, a string of curse words falling from my mouth in a hushed tone as I search for my car keys trying desperately to pull up my pants and almost falling over an Xbox?
I manage to make it completely out of the front door running a hand through my hair before throwing up in the bushes “Get it together Em” I mumble to myself turning on my phone it doesn’t take long before the missed calls show up across the screen all from Tomas making the bile rise to the back of my throat again. I press play on the first one and dig through my purse for gum as I get situated in the car
“Em, call me back” short sweet and to the point, my mind is clouded enough that I can’t quite remember why his tone would be so clipped until I play the second messaged “Em, baby I know you’re mad at me, but please call me back” the entire previous evening comes back in a rush, the fight, the storming out “no” I murmur closing my eyes and resting my head on the headrest of my driver’s seat, the 4th message starts.
Somehow his accent seems stronger when his voice comes through the line “Miláčik, come home” it breaks my heart, mostly because he hasn’t called me that in a while. The first time I remember asking him for something unique to call him, something in Slovakian that could just be our thing and I loved the way the word rolled off the tongue, in the 3 years we’d been together the only time we used that nickname was after a particularly bad fight, or as a joking way to get the other to do something.
I refuse to listen to the fifth message; the guilt already built up coupled with his 4 previous messages has me already driving on autopilot back to the house. I stagger through the door making my way to our bedroom and collapse on the bed on his side, he stirs opening his eyes mumbling something in Slovakian I don’t catch. “Emily” he says in a wash of relief when he finally focuses on me and I feel the speech I’d planned on the drive over crumble into a mess of sobs. “Shh, no don’t cry, I didn’t mean anything I said. Our fight was stupid and I’m sorry” he says kissing my temple as he wraps an arm around me.
I open my mouth to speak and cry harder, the concern in his eyes is making this even harder, I have to tell him what happened it’s the right thing to do. But, as I stare into his trusting and concerned brown eyes I find myself wanting to lie, God how it would be so much easier, if I could just talk myself out of knowing what happened, make both him and myself believe it never did, but it’s too late for that, I clear my throat and wipe my eyes on the tissue he offers me.
“Tomas, if you never forgive me, I would not blame you. I just want you to know that” I say quietly and I feel his thumb wipe away the tear sliding down my face, he clears his throat like he’s going to say something and I stop him and start quietly “Miláčik……”
Song Easier to Lie by Cassadee Pope, requested by @dbrunner24
I apologize about how short it is, I promise to write a really long one in the near future. I've just been extremely distracted with having to do mandatory overtime at work, and trying to plan a surprise 25th anniversary party for my parents. I am always open to requests,and I will try very hard to be more prompt on any requests I get as well as on writing some of my own ideas!