Prove Me Wrong.
Jack Daniels & Jesus.
'Kieran's POV'
Easter Sunday was a lot more fun when the Easter bunny was real and there were eggs in the yard to hunt, but now it's just another boring Sunday. Kilian's in Houston, all of my cousins are now grouchy teenagers, and I'm now an "adult" so we don’t even get to color eggs. Holiday's really suck when you get older, or maybe I'm just frustrated as I've been dodging everyone's questions about where Jamie is, and how we are for the past 4 hours.
The where he is part is easy, he's in California with the team but the answer to how we are is a big fat lie. "Oh we're great! We're getting a dog soon actually." I say with a smile plastered on my face, only my parents know that I'm lying, and even they still don't know the details. I really needed a drink after answering my Uncle Pats hundred questions about the Stars and Jamie all day long, he still hadn't quite adapted to being around a professional athlete like the rest of the family.
After the usual church service my whole family retreated back to my parent's house for dinner and to watch the Rangers kick off their MLB season. The men in the man cave as the women worked on dinner, my cousin Sadie and I both wishing we could just go watch the game. Sitting at the bar swirling my well-deserved Jack and Coke Sadie approached me, "You and Jamie broke up didn’t you?" I took a sip and closed my eyes, "Uhh, No. We're just taking a break, we had a huge fight.. You can't say anything Sade," She sat next to me and squeezed my hand, "I won't, are you okay? I'll listen Kiery" I gave her a small smile, "I'm fine, really after next week we're going to talk again. I think we're going to be okay." I took another drink, the liquid burning as it slid down, "Hey mom do you need any more help?" I asked hopping off the bar stool, "No honey, it's almost done." she replied. "Come get me when it's ready?" I asked Sadie and she nodded as I slipped out the door to the back porch.
My bare feet hit the concrete floor as I stepped outside, it was a warm 70 degrees as my maxi dress flowed in the wind my shoulders covered by a jean jacket. I stood at the railing, remembering back to Thanksgiving with Jamie right in this very spot. It was the first time I felt the feeling of want for Jamie, it's where I wanted to kiss him but held back. It was where I fell, head first into the spiral of love. Looking out into our backyard I thought of my childhood, of the Easter's I had spent out here in the past. Kilian and I running around looking for eggs up until we were teens. Both of us overly competitive shoving each other around even in our Sunday best.
Our old treehouse was still standing, wooden with a porch that Kilian and I would stand off of to look at the stars. Neither of us had been in it in years, I'm sure it was infested with bugs and birds. The last time I remember being in the treehouse I was 19 and drunk off my ass, Lauren and I were hiding from Kilian and Lauren's older brother Seth. God, that old tree house held a lot of good memories. In one corner there was my mom's garden, she had just started for the season and I was sure it was going to be great. She took a lot of pride in her garden, it was her relaxation. Everything about my parent's house was happy, it was home for more than half my life. Sure I had memories in Ireland at the old farmhouse but those memories were fading, my life was here in Texas. I wanted to be in Texas for the rest of my life, to raise my own family here.
Sipping my drink I continued to stare off into the blue sky thinking about my future, about my future kids. I could only hope to raise them in a loving home like the one I grew up in with two parents that loved them and each other unconditionally. Weeks ago when Jamie gave me Aggie I saw my last name next to his and had the thought again that he could be the one. Hell even now, as pissed off at him as I am for what he said, I still love him, God do I still love him.
I wasn’t going to give in an ruin the agreement but I knew right then, that I wasn’t going to let Jamie go. I would find more fight within myself to hold onto him. Looking up into the sunny skies, I spoke to God "Please don't let him walk away from me God, we both screwed up. But, I need him, I know I do." I spoke into thin air, if I couldn’t keep Jamie on my own then maybe God could help me out. I finished my drink, and was watching the clouds move throughout the sky when Sadie came to get me, I smiled to the sky one last time and retreated inside to thank God for this beautiful day and for my family, and for my life as a whole over dinner.
LOOOOVVVEEEE <3
3/16/15