“What the hell do you mean she left? How could she leave? It’s a fucking hospital for Christ’s sake. She just got out of surgery.”

“I’m well aware of that, Mr. Seguin,” the doctor said, keeping his voice low so that the people whose attention Tyler had gained wouldn’t get a free show.

At this point, Tyler could have cared less. He led him back into Nicki’s room where they would have a bit of privacy.

“She checked herself out shortly after you left. I would normally call, but she asked me not to.”

“She… what?”

Tyler’s head began to spin, not for the first time that day. Something told him that it wouldn’t be the last, either.

“I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this. If it helps, I would tell you if I knew where she was going. But I’m not allowed to ask,” he said, obviously pitying him.

“I don’t understand. How could you just let her leave? What if something happens to her?”

The doctor sighed and shook his head. “I wish there was something more that I could do. The hardest part of this job is watching good people like yourself and your wife experience the unthinkable. She’s an adult, and she wasn’t in critical condition. It’s hospital policy that if she asks, we have to let her go. I’d start by calling your father-in-law, and any mutual friends. Chances are, she turned to one of them.”

As his mind began to reel, he felt a worry unlike any other. He had been expecting her to maybe take some time to herself, walk around the city, clear her head, and then call him to come get her. But a moment ago, Tyler realized that she didn’t even have any clothes besides the hospital gown that barely covered her backside. There was no way in hell she would be caught dead anywhere in that, no matter how poor her mental state was.

Where could she have possibly gone?

Calling Bill was the first thing on his to do list. Then, if need be, Freddy.

“Okay,” Tyler murmured, grateful for the doctor’s empathy.

“Before you go looking for her, there’s one last thing I’d like to speak to you about.”

“What?” he asked, in a hurry to leave.

“When you do find her, sit her down and talk to her. I know this is the last thing you want to hear after finding out that you can’t have your own children, but there are other ways to build a family. There’s an adoption agency run through a sister company of the hospital that is very, very good at placing both babies and children with caring families. I’m also aware of your financial status as an athlete. That alone opens up so many options for the two of you. I’m going to refer you to a friend of mine. When you decide you’re ready, she’ll gladly help you.”

Tyler took a moment to absorb everything he had just heard. How stupid he’d been to think that this was the end for them. He had been too caught up in his grief to think rationally, to realize that there were still ways to get what they wanted. Now he had to find her. And fast.

“That really means a lot,” he said, reaching out to shake the doctor’s hand.

The man took his offer and nodded his head. “It’s my pleasure. Knowing I can do something to help is the ultimate reward, it’s why I went into this field in the first place. I have your home phone number, I’ll leave a message with contact information. The doctor you’ll be speaking to is Bethany Littlefield, and she’s in the east wing. Good luck, I do hope everything turns out okay.”

“Thanks. So do I,” he muttered.

Once he was out of her vacant room, Tyler was faced with hundreds of different emotions, and millions of different thoughts. So they could still be parents. It wouldn’t be perfect, and it wouldn’t happen the way he dreamed it would have, but that was okay.

Adoption had never appealed to him. The thought of fathering someone else’s child seemed unnatural and uncomfortable. Now, faced with few other choices, the idea of having a child at all was irrefutably alluring. And the opportunity to give a less fortunate kid a good home and a legitimate chance at life couldn’t be overlooked, either.

Purely out of blind hope, Tyler pulled out his phone and dialed Nicki’s number. Maybe this whole thing was easily explainable, maybe there was some rhyme or reason behind her actions that would make him understand.

Her voicemail picked up after two rings. She ignored his call. But at least she had her phone. If something happened, she could get in touch with him. Knowing that much eased his troubled mind slightly, and allowed him to breathe and think his actions through. He had to concentrate a bit more than usual as he looked up Bill’s number in his phone, due to the fact that his brain was slowly but surely shutting down on him completely. Then he realized he had Siri.

After the double ding that told him it was ready for him to speak he said, “Call Bill.”

“Calling, Bill.”

Tyler took a moment to appreciate how far technology had come. His first phone that understood voice commands would have called Evaline or Patrick. This one got it on the first try, and he was astonished. Something about not sleeping for forty eight hours makes everything seem much more interesting.

“Hey kid, how are ya?”

He knew the instant Bill picked up the phone that he had no clue as to what was going on. Tyler groaned and started to feel anxious again. She told her father everything.

“Not so great,” he said hesitantly, not exactly keen on sharing that his daughter had gone MIA. “I, uh, went home to check on Marshall, and when I came back, Nicki was gone. The doctor said she checked herself out, and asked him not to call me. I’m assuming this is the first you’re hearing about it.”

“Damn right it’s the first I’m hearing about it!” he roared through the phone. “You’re telling me she’s just gone. And she didn’t let either of us know where she was going?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“Fucking ay. I thought she stopped with this bullshit a long time ago.”

“What are you talking about?” Tyler asked, becoming concerned with Bill’s tone of voice.

“She never told you? I figured the two of you told each other everything. She used to run away constantly when she was a kid. Scared the shit out of her mother and me. Now I’d love to take a trip down memory lane, but I’d appreciate it if you got out there and found my fucking daughter before something happens to her.”

Finally, Bill’s harsh military side began to show. It was the first time he’d ever snapped at him, and it only solidified the strong feeling he had in his gut that told him the most important thing was to find her as quickly as he could.

“I will. I’m calling Freddy now,” he said.

“Keep in touch.”

Tyler ended the call, just to pull up Freddy’s number. He held his breath as the phone rang, honestly unsure whether or not he was going to answer.

“What?”

“Freddy, it’s not the time. Where is she?”

“Where is who?”

“Nicki, God damn it.”

The silence on the other end of the line showed that Freddy was just as oblivious to her absence as her father was.

“Ty, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t have long, man. I have to find out where she went. I went home to check on Marshall, came back, and she was gone. The doctor said she checked herself out. I thought she might have called you.”

“Shit,” Freddy whispered. “Have you called Bill?”

“He had no idea.”

“What about Lisa?”

Tyler hadn’t even thought of that. There was no way she could get to Lisa’s on her own. Her car was still at home, and she didn’t have any credit cards. Or clothing.

“I’ll give it a shot. What if we don’t find her?” he murmured, suddenly feeling nauseous again.

The thought of her, all alone somewhere, with nothing but the rag of fabric tossed over her shoulders made him feel like vomiting.

“Don’t say that, man. I’ll do whatever I can. Just call me if you find her.”

“Course,” he promised, bringing the phone down from his ear.

Seconds later, he was on the phone with Lisa.

“Tyler Seguin, don’t you fucking say that to me.”

“Lisa, I’m not fucking around. I don’t know where she is. You were my last hope,” he admitted, fighting back the lump that was forming in his throat.

“Oh, God. I’m coming up there,” she said.

“What about the kids? You can’t just leave them with Zach.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Come on, Lis. You know I want you to be here. But you have to stay. And what if she ends up at your place? I need you to be there. I don’t even want to think about what she’s going to be like,” Tyler said, on the verge of tears. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms, and never let her go.

“I just can’t believe it,” she muttered. “Ty, I am so sorry about all of this. I know how badly you – “

“It’s okay,” he spat out, trying to dodge her pity. “I have to find her.”

“I know. You will. She may be acting like an idiot right now, but she’s smart. She wouldn’t do anything to put herself in danger.”

“No, you don’t get it.”

“Get what?” she asked.

Tyler hesitated, recalling the bittersweet memory. “I promised her that I’d never let her leave.”

He heard Lisa inhale a long, deep breath.

“Hon, you couldn’t have stopped her. You know Nicki, you’ve been married to her for almost a year. If she gets something in her head, there isn’t any stopping it.”

“I fucked up. Bad,” he said, shaking his head in disappointment. “I hurt her, Lisa. I can’t just let this happen.”

“What are you supposed to do?”

“I… I don’t know,” he whispered, feeling more deflated than he ever had.

“Exactly. Do you think she left because of what happened between the two of you?” she asked.

“I have no idea. She wasn’t treating me any differently.”

“I figured as much,” Lisa said, sighing. “Listen, I’m gonna try to get in touch with her. I’ll call you if get through to her. What are you gonna do now?”

Tyler took a second to think. He hadn’t come up with any sort of plan past calling her friends and family, figuring that someone would have known where she was.

“I guess I’m just gonna drive around Boston, see if I can find her. She couldn’t have gone far, right?”

“With no clothes or cash, I’d say she’s gotta be around there somewhere. Hang in there Ty.”

“I’ll try,” he said, positive that if he didn’t find her, he wouldn’t be hanging in there.

Tyler tried to push the negative thoughts from his mind and hung up the phone, speed walking towards the stairs. He barely took the time to hit the concrete steps as he rushed down the stairwell and out of the hospital, into the street where he’d parked his car. Of course, he’d gotten a ticket. He grabbed the orange piece of paper from underneath his windshield wiper and slid into the driver’s seat, jamming his finger when he pushed the start button too hard.

After sticking his finger in his mouth to soothe the throbbing, he threw the car into drive and began his search through the nearly empty streets of Boston. He began to have flashbacks of the night she was stabbed, and his panic grew thirty fold. The girl he married was smart enough to never do something like this on her own. But neither of them were the same people any longer, and he had no idea what to expect.

He scoured every single street that he knew of. Once. Then twice. And then a third time. As he turned back towards Mass General, he finally felt the mental and physical exhaustion of the last two days take over. It had won the fight, and he was beginning to fall asleep at the wheel. Tyler pulled messily into a parking space, jammed a quarter into the meter and high tailed it to the Dunkin Donuts on the corner of the street.

Luckily, there were only two customers in the store. Both of them looked homeless, or close to it, and either didn’t recognize him or didn’t care. The teenager working the register, however, picked up on him immediately. It wasn’t the first time he’d been in there to take advantage of the perks they offered him.

“I’ll take the strongest coffee you have,” he said, yawning as soon as he finished his order.

“What size?”

“Large. Hot.”

It was a challenge to keep himself upright as he waited for his coffee. A glance up at the donut shaped clock told Tyler that it was nearly midnight, and that he’d been driving for close to three hours. Not once had he seen Nicki, nor had he spoken to anyone that had. If he hadn’t been so tired, he would have been an utter disaster.

“Here you go, Mr. Seguin,” the boy said as he placed the Styrofoam cup on the counter.

Tyler threw a ten into the tip jar and nodded. “Thanks, kid.”

As he walked out of the coffee shop and back to his car, Tyler briefly pondered when he became old enough to start calling teenage boys ‘kid’. The thought worried him slightly, but quickly his anxiety over Nicki’s well being came rolling back in like storm clouds.

The drive home was lonely and hopeless, that is, until he pulled into the driveway.

Someone had been there. He wasn’t sure how he knew it, but he did. Tyler left the car idling in the driveway and sprinted towards the front door, which was locked, the way he’d left it. After fumbling with his keys he got the door open and called into the house.

“Nicki?! Babe are you here? For God’s sake, please tell me you’re here.”

Some rustling came from the kitchen and Tyler instantly perked up. He darted through the foyer and towards the noise, only to be greeted by Marshall, sitting in the middle of an otherwise empty room.

“She’s not here, is she buddy?”

Marshall stared up at him, his tail giving the tiniest big of a wag at the sound of Tyler’s voice. Nicki wasn’t there. Suddenly, the emptiness of the house became oppressive, and he began to suffocate. He ran back outside and fell to his knees on the already dewy lawn. Heavy pants shook his chest as he tried to adjust his breathing. There was nothing that he could do to ease his nerves, to distinguish the impending sense that Nicki wasn’t okay.

Inside of his pocket, his phone began to vibrate.

“Hello?”

“Hey hon. Any luck?” Lisa asked.

“No,” he said, sighing. “You obviously haven’t had any either.”

“She didn’t answer my calls. I left ten different voicemails. Ty, I don’t want to worry you any more than you already are, but it didn’t even ring. She either turned it off or it’s dead.”

The nauseating knot that had been forming in his stomach tightened, causing him to lurch forward.

“Oh, God,” he whispered, barely able to comprehend how much worse the situation had just become.

A small beep interrupted Lisa’s answer, and Tyler pulled his phone from his ear to look at it. Bill was calling him.

“Lisa, hold on. Bill’s calling me. I’ll text you,” he promised before switching lines.

“Did you find her?”

“No, I didn’t.”

Bill exhaled a long, frustrated breath through the phone. Tyler couldn’t have agreed more.

“Fuck. What do we do? I’m considering calling the cops,” he said.

“I think you have to wait thirty six hours for that,” Tyler explained, recalling the crime shows that Nicki made him watch time and time again. “Thirty six hours from now, it might be too late.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, Bill. I don’t want to think it, but what am I supposed to do? I don’t have any options right now.”

“Fine. I know, kid. You’re probably twice as worried as I am. Try and get some sleep, I know it’s been a couple of days for you.”

Tyler knew that he needed sleep, badly. But one glance towards his darkened, desolate house told him that he wouldn’t be getting any there. Not without Nicki. Not while he was wondering every second whether she was even alive.

“Hey, Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think… do you think I could stay at your place tonight?” he asked shamefully.

To Tyler’s surprise, a light chuckle traveled through the phone. “Of course you can. Come on over. And bring the dog.”

“Thank you so much,” he said, finally feeling a hint of relief.

“You don’t have to thank me. We’re family.”

Tyler ended the call with a smile on his face. Even in the direst of circumstances, he always had his family, new and old. It was so easy to forget, and so hard to let them help. But whenever he did, he never regretted it.

He ran back inside to pack a bag with everything he needed, including his suit and tie for the game the next day, although he hadn’t the slightest clue how he would be able to perform if Nicki didn’t get in touch with him. It killed him to wonder why she even would have left in the first place. If she needed time, she could have just asked him. His first conclusion was that she was unhappy with him, because Lord knows she should have been. But the way she cuddled and kissed him like the world was ending that night told him otherwise. None of it made any sense.

It was nothing short of a hassle getting Marshall into his car without scratching the paint or ripping the leather. He was getting older, and his hips were giving out on him more and more. That fact alone made Tyler even more thankful that he had a low rise car, and not the Range Rover he’d sported when he first got drafted.

When he got to Bill’s house, he realized just how long it had been since the last time he was there. The last time he’d visited there was when he and Nicki shared the news about the baby; it seemed like decades ago. Everything now was so drastically different. And Tyler wasn’t welcoming the change at all.

Bill opened the door before he could even knock, and helped him with Marshall, who was already face to face with Lucy. They exchanged barks and sniffed each other before apparently deciding that they could coincide.

“I’m glad you came,” Bill said as he closed the door behind them. “To be honest, we need an extra body in this house right now. Something about her being gone made me realize how lonely it is with just the two of us.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get used to lonely,” Tyler muttered. Lonely had been his most frequent feeling over the course of this whole disaster.

Bill shook his head and led Tyler into the living room, where Diane sat in a chair, knitting. The TV was on, blaring some stupid reality show about people cutting down trees. Tyler almost laughed, thinking back to all of the times Nicki had poked fun at her father’s choices in entertainment. It got caught in his throat, however, and was replaced with a lump the size of his fist. He’d never been so worried about anything in his entire life. So, they’d lost the baby. It was a tragedy, one that he wouldn’t forget in ten lifetimes. But she was the most precious thing he had; if he lost her, he lost everything.

“I’m so sorry for you, Tyler. Neither of you did anything to deserve this. It really kills me to see it taking such a toll on your relationship.”

Tyler forced a small smile before allowing his lips to assume their natural position in a frown. Diane rose from her chair and placed a heap of yarn on the table next to her. She approached him timidly, like she was afraid that he was volatile. When she realized he wasn’t, she wrapped her frail arms around his waist.

“You’re welcome here anytime, sweetie. I made the bed upstairs for you, and left some towels on the vanity. Is there anything you need? Some tea, maybe?”

Finally, a real smile warmed up Tyler’s face. Diane was more caring to him than his own grandmother, and was just as sweet.

“No, thank you though. I think I’m just going to go right to bed.”

“Alright. We’ll be up for a while, let us know if you need anything,” Bill offered, giving him a gentle pat on the back as Diane let him out of her embrace.

He wished there was something he could say to them to show his gratitude. Not only was he a bit handicapped when it came to expressing emotions, he had also used up the last of his coherent sentences.

Tyler managed to get out a “Goodnight,” and climbed the stairs slowly, holding onto the railing for dear life.

Marshall decided to be brave and followed him into the uncharted territory. Normally when he was in people’s houses for the first time, everything was fair game for sniffing, exploring, and chewing. Maybe the presence of another animal, older than he, calmed him down. Whatever the case, Tyler was glad that he wouldn’t be chasing him around the house trying to get a shoe out of his mouth.

After draining the coffee from his system that he’d polished off in minutes, Tyler attempted to brush his teeth and splash some water on his face, in the hopes that if he followed his normal nightly routine, he might actually fall asleep.

When he stepped into Nicki’s old room, he was nearly knocked over by the rush of memories that came at him like a stampede. He remembered the first time he’d ever been in there, how impressed he’d been by how neat and elegant it was for a nineteen year old. Tyler recalled watching her as she got ready for her own surprise party, naked in front of her vanity, and thought of how she’d barely changed at all up until she got pregnant.

And then there were the fondest memories, like being with her on the bed, feeling her nails defiling his skin, and helping her with the last of her boxes the day she’d moved into his apartment. The fast, demanding pace of Tyler’s life made him forget and overlook all of those times, deeming them unimportant compared to what was happening in the present. But, if anything, the memories were the most important thing. Eventually, they were what would make up his lifetime. When he got old, there would be no hockey, there would be no stress over trying to have children or decisions that might affect the course of his life. There would only be him and his memories. And hopefully, Nicki would be there to reminisce with him of all the incredible times they’d had together.

Tyler pulled down the comforter and sheets, which remained the same as they were the day Nicki left. The pillows were arranged the same way she had them, and her childhood teddy bear was positioned in the center of them. He picked it up as he slid under the covers and held it up to his face, examining the places where the combination of Nicki’s rough handling and time had frayed and dissolved the exterior of the toy, exposing the soft fluff on the inside.

For a moment, he held it close to his chest, trying to feel her there with him. It happened easily, with the help of being surrounded by the things she once surrounded herself with. As a tear slipped down his face, Tyler decided to do something he hadn’t even thought about since he was a young, young boy.

He prayed.

** * * * *

Tyler gasped as he was awoken and shot straight up. At first, the only thing he noticed was the presence of a large mass at his feet, and two smaller ones curled up against his legs. Apparently, all of the animals sense that he needed comforting and joined him in bed.

After the initial shock of being torn from his sleep, he heard the cause of the disturbance. His phone was ringing on the bedside table. It was still dark out, but there was no clock in the room to check the time. Tyler held the phone up to his ear without even checking who it was.

“Hello?” he asked hurriedly, hoping he might hear Nicki’s voice on the other line.

“Ty, she’s here. I’ve got her,” Lisa said.

He let his head fall back against the headboard and sighed.

“Thank God,” he muttered, still half asleep. She was okay. Wait. Was she? “Is she alright? And how the fuck did she get out to Michigan?!”

Now he was wide awake. The initial relief had set in, but was now replaced by some crossbreed of fury and confusion.

“Looks like your sister picked her up from the hospital, gave her some clothes, and got her a plane ticket. Without telling any of us.”

“Candace?” he practically roared into the phone.

“That’s the one.”

“I’m going to fucking kill her,” he said through clenched teeth. He’d never been so mad at her in his entire life. “Can I talk to Nicki?” he asked, suddenly calmed by the thought of her voice.

His only answer was a long bout of silence.

“Lisa?”

“I’m here,” she said. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Ty. She doesn’t want to talk to you. She won’t.”

“What? What did I do?”

“I don’t know, she isn’t saying much.”

There was nothing that could have been done to keep the moisture from falling down his face.

“I don’t get it,” he murmured, hoping to disguise the fact that he was about to break down completely. “Why is she doing this to me?”

“Sweetheart, your guess is as good as mine right now. I’ll try talking to her again in the morning.”

“I’m coming out there,” Tyler said.

“Tyler, I love you. But if you came here right now, you’d be spending the night on the front steps. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t do anything, she’s my best friend. And if she needs some time without you, then I’m going to do everything I can to give her that.”

“So… what do I do?” he asked, never feeling lower than he did at that very moment.

“First of all, I would call your sister. I’m sorry hon, but there’s nothing you can do but wait, and hope whatever this is goes away on its own.”

Tyler ended the call without saying goodbye. His phone slid from his ear down his neck and landed on his chest. He stared up at the dark ceiling, mulling over all of the regrets he had, and all of the broken promises that he hadn’t been able to keep.

Before he called Candace, he had to let Bill and Diane know that she was okay. He squeezed his way out of bed, taking care not to kick any animals on the way. Tyler felt a bit awkward going into their room while they were sleeping, and softly knocked his fist on the doorframe a few times before entering, hoping that it would wake one of them up.

“Tyler, is that you honey?” Diane asked, sitting up.

“Sorry to wake you up,” he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Lisa just called me, Nicki’s with her.”

“Oh, thank heavens,” she whispered. “Bill, Bill sweetheart.”

“Eh, what?”

“Nicki’s okay.”

“What? How do you know that?” he asked gruffly.

“Lisa just called me,” Tyler explained from the doorway.

Through the shadows, he saw Bill jump. “Jesus kid, you almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“So is she coming home now?”

Tyler looked down at the ground, unable to face Bill, even through the darkness.

“No. I don’t know when she’s coming home.”

“She didn’t say?”

Each of his questions was like a punch to the gut.

“She wouldn’t even talk to me.”

Notes

Hi everyone!!!! So this was another shorter chapter, again supposed to be part of a longer one but in order to get it up today, I just posted this much of it! Will get cracking on the next part ASAP!

And I just want to take a second and say thank you to all of my readers, but ESPECIALLY those who comment! I literally cannot tell you how amazing it makes me feel to see that people really care about this story and I can't get enough of your reactions and opinions!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH :) <3