My Knight in Shining Armor

Tyler Seguin finally turns from the window. He comes down the steps, just as Queen Taylor comes into the room, strutting her curves and lady parts. Her lips are pursed together as she attempts to play her villain role and showing little concern.

“Is everything alright, my prince?” Taylor asks, fanning herself and looking annoyed.

“Yes my Queen.”

“Well, I should think so, in a few moments we shall marry and you shall instantly become the most richest and most powerful husband and man in the land.” She cocks a pose, putting her hands on her hips.

“Yes, my Queen. Very exciting.”

“And then tonight you shall join me in my bed.”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“Then, we’re going to do it.”

“Yes.”

“And we’re not just going to sit in bed and open gifts and talk about how much fun the wedding was. Okay? We’re. Doing. It.”

“Yup.”

“Alrighty, then…” the Queen begins to turn to leave, heading for the door, but she halts and spins back to him. “Of course we’re going to open some presents. But then we’re going to do it!”

“Got it.”

Taylor exits the room, resuming in her journey down to the foyer, where the wedding would be held.

After a little bit, finishing up getting dressed with help from his servants, he is escorted down to the foyer of the castle, where Taylor is now awaiting him. One of the people assigned to him, his servant, fixes his tie and then pushes open the doors. They slowly creak open and then Tyler is forced forward into the room and placed in front of Taylor his bride-to-be and future wife. She reaches out and grabs his hands into her own.

The ceremony begins, while…

At the same time, Jonathan is racing to the rescue, knocking out guards and kicking butt.

“By all the stars above,
I’ll save my one true love!” Jonathan sings, as he hops up the steps and turns the corner, heading down the hallway, which leads to the foyer where the wedding is taking place.

“Hey look,” one guard points out.

“Oh wow its him!” a second guard exclaims.

“It’s Jona-!” Jonathan kicks them and knocks them out, as he continues on. He twirls his sword in his hand, as he walks on, full of confidence.

“I shall not be denied,
Until he’s by my side!
I suggest you fall...”

A third guard falls as told.

“Thanks.” Jonathan sheaths his sword and darts forward.

Meanwhile back in the main foyer room where the wedding is happening, Tyler faces Queen Taylor. The priest is halfway through his speech and the vows.

“I love you so Tyler Seguin,” she says to him, brushing a stray curl of her hair out of the way.

“I-I--” Tyler stutters, trying to find the words to say. There is really no way out, he has to rely on his hope that Jonathan Toews will come find him and save him. Where’s Jonathan?

“And so, on this glorious day, we celebrate the union of our greatest king,” the guy is saying.

“STOP!! Tyler, don’t marry her!” a deep, booming, monotonic voice shouts.

“So sorry to interrupt…” Tyler glances back toward the doors, perking up, where he spots Jonathan standing in all his knightly glory, holding his weapon out in front of him. He is smiling and his teeth sparkle white and clean, glistening like his sword. Behind him, the two guards are incapacitated and knocked out.

“Jonathan?!” Tyler gasps.

“My man,” Jonathan winks and dips his head in gentlemanly respect to Tyler, who smiles and blushes deep red, as Brad Marchand unsheathes his sword to the left side of his Queen, “Alright, alright, hold on, now Bradley and I can surely fight all night long, to an even draw if that’s what you want, and you can send all your men to help him, if you so desire, but I’ll fend them all off, cause here’s the thing,” he drops his sword on the ground, with a loud clang, before he begins again, launching into his long cliche speech, “I love him, Taylor he’s the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of in the eve and you can even offer him fame and you can offer him great fortune, but only I can offer him great love and that is what he chooses!” He says all of this while coming down the aisle toward them.

There is a dramatic pause, as he begins to bow.

“Actually,” Tyler begins to say.

“Hmm,” Jonathan lets out, curiously looking up at him.

“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, ever since she kidnapped me and...I’m gonna go with the fame and fortune. Seems like an easier life, you know? Oh, I’m really sorry Jon, I hope we can be friends?”

Jonathan looks up at her with shock. Utter and complete shock. Before long, Brad comes forward and knees him in the stomach, sending him to the ground, winded and out of air. He lies on the ground, gasping for air and defeated.

“Opps. Hold that thought, darling,” Queen Taylor says to him, as they return to holding hands with one another. Tyler nods and remains standing awkwardly in place.

“Goodnight sweet prince,” she says, coming down to stand over him, as he begins to sit up and recover. She kicks at his face, but barely gets him. “Dammit, Bradley, would you just do that for me please?!” She walks back onto the stage.

“Night, night,” Brad growls and lifts his foot up and brings it down on Jonathan’s face now.

****

Some time later, Jonathan awakens in his cottage, finding himself lying on hay and with a massive headache. He moans and tries to sit up, but finds it excruciatingly difficult. The door swings open and a man enters, heading over to him. This man is a blond haired squire for him. He is wearing a white long-sleeve shirt with a black vest, black pants and black boots. His shirt is untucked and a few buttons are undone at the collar.

“Jonny, get up!”

“Oh, Valeri…” the knight groans. “What--?”

“I found you not looking good on the steps of palace. You were barely...uh...conscious and sobbing...uncontrollably. I shocked at own strength, when I able to pick you up you and carry here.” He raises his head up high and proud. “I do good!”

“Yes, Val, yes. Good boy.”

“You no get Tyler?”

“No. No, I didn’t save Tyler. He’d rather be with that wickedly awful Queen who kidnapped him and doesn’t love him, like I do.”

“You find love elsewhere. I help you!”

“No, that’s okay, Val.”

“Yes, Val help. Val help Jonny - er, Jonathan - get love and get back on feet!” Val reaches out and helps Jonathan to his feet. The knight wobbles a little bit, but is led over to a bench and he sits down. He pulls his boots on and watches Val scurry off. The bilingual Russian kid returns a few seconds later, having fetched a pail of fresh water for the man.

“You’re a good man and assistant, Val, but...I don’t know…”

“Jonny, listen,” Val states. “I may...uh...have found solution for you. I find Prince Patrick Timothy Kane Jr. of Valencia.” He steps to the side, after putting down the pail.

The door opens and Patrick Kane, an average-sized male with flowing blond locks for hair, enters the place. He is wearing princely type clothes (black and red in color), distinguishing him from a normal peasant type. He is wearing a red cape, which hangs off his shoulders and dangles behind him. He smiles and comes forward toward Jonathan, who cocks his head and raises his eyebrow up in a slant.

“Val, is this supposed to be Tyler’s replacement?” the brunette knight questions, getting to his feet. He puts his hands on his hips, as Patrick comes forward. “I’m not interested. I can’t just move on so fast like that. He’s kinda cute...but eh...and besides, I don’t normally do blonds…” He eyes the newcomer up and down.

“If I may speak, Sir Jonathan, I’m simply here to help you out, not to fall in love with you or anything. You must get back on your feet and be a knight once more!” the blond Prince says. “Also the Queen has taken over my kingdom of Valencia and I need your help!” He signals Val to leave. The squire for Jonathan leaves them, obeying.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” Jonathan sits back down, shaking his head. He puts his feet onto the table top, leaning back like a slob.

“Sir Jonathan, I’ve traveled long and far, to seek your favor...one month ago my peaceful kingdom of Valencia fell under attack from a rival land. My people were taken captive, my entire family either killed or imprisoned.”

“That’s terrible, just terrible, still you’ve got a nice way about you, I’m sure you’ll land on your feet in no time. Nice meeting you, door’s over there.”

Patrick comes forward and shoves Jonathan’s feet off the table, startling him. “Before being captured, my father hid me in the cellar and handed me the priceless golden hockey puck of Valencia. I hid in that cellar for weeks, as my family was slaughtered above me. I know offer you this priceless puck...” He withdraws a tiny bag and dumps out a shiny golden colored hockey puck into the palm of his hand and holds it out at Jonathan. “All that my country has left to offer.” He drops down and grovels at the feet of the knight. “I throw myself at your mercy, Sir Jonathan. Please, save my people.”

Jonathan looks at him, feeling pity at first, as he says, “Sorry I got distracted, what did you say after I said, ‘nice meeting you, door’s over there’?” He gets up and walks past him, heading back toward his bed.

Patrick is stunned, but refused to give up. He scrambles to his feet and gives chase. “You’re no hero, who are you?”

“I’m nobody, Prince.”

The young-looking man stomps over and grabs up the ex-knight’s sword. He sticks it into the ground sharply and puts his hands on his hips, as he begins to sing,

“Where is the gallant Knight?
Who stood for truth and right?
The valiant dragon slayer, Jonathan.
Where is his steely gaze?
The abs the poets praise?
Whatever happened to that Jonathan?”

Patrick comes forward, holding the sword in his hands. He holds it out for Jonathan to take. The knight comes toward him, grabs the sword and brushes past, throwing it onto the table. He plops down into a chair and looks at the blond Prince.

“The man you’re searching for,
Lost all he loved and more,
His hope, his pride, all his sense of Jonathan.
Add to that losing streak,
A couple pounds this week
Plus underconfidence in myself, ta da!”

“No!” Patrick exclaims with shock and horror.

“Yep!”

Patrick darts forward to him. “But you’re--?”

Jonathan shrugs at him. He gets up from his spot.

“Still, you have to-” Patrick insists, chasing after him.

“No I don’t.”

“But--”

The brunette gestures to the door. “See ya!”

Patrick throws his hands out, placing them against Jonathan’s chest and shoves him backward. “Wait, how will I--”

“No idea!”

Jonathan picks Patrick up and carries him toward the door, but the blond kicks enough, that he manages to slip free. “Please, I’m begging on my knees.”

“Bye bye!”

“I’ll pay whatever fee!” Patrick continues to persuade, as he is spun around and shoved at the door.

“‘Still here?”

“We’re lost without you, Jon-a-th-ah!” Patrick is shoved out of the door and house by Jonathan. The door slams in his face. “Jonathan?” He hesitates at the door, before turning on his heels and storms off, passing Val, who is tending to the black horse and some herbs. He shakes his head. “That man--ugh!”

“Prince Patrick, wait! Prince Patrick Timothy Kane Jr. of--!! Wait!! Prince?” Val shakes his head, looking back at the closed door of the house. “Jonathan.”

Notes

For those who've seen Galavant, please tell me that Tyler would make such a fantastic Madalena. He's so ripe and right for the part!! And Jonny's so Galavant and Kaner's so Izzy/Isabella!! (Val's awkward, but he could be a nice Sid...)
Ooh look Kaner! :P
Get ready for a curveball coming up with this, soon my spin on it will come out!! XD


Next up: Queen Taylor Laments About Tyler Seguin