Never Let Go.

‘Kieran’s POV’

It turns out that when you pee on three pregnancy tests it’s pretty obvious that you are in fact pregnant. The day after I took all of the tests I made and appointment with my OBGYN. The doctor laughed when I told her how many I took and that I still wanted the blood test. Which, imagine that came back positive as well. I was apparently in denial, but now I know that I am for sure pregnant. I Kieran Makayla Benn am going to be a mother. Holy Crap.

According to the blood test I am about 9 weeks pregnant, putting my due date in early June. Jamie of course was hoping that I wouldn’t be due until his birthday but that sounds awful, being over 40 weeks pregnant would be like torture. Speaking of Jamie he was thrilled to know for sure that he’s going to be a dad. If he was scared at all he didn’t show it to me, he was nothing but happy after all he really didn’t have to do any of the hard work of pregnancy.

With it being so early on in the pregnancy we have decided to not tell anyone else until at least Thanksgiving. The blood test was 3 weeks ago putting me at 12 weeks pregnant now, and let’s talk about that shall we? At 12 weeks I have now picked up the nose of a bloodhound and can basically vomit on cue. It is just lovely. Growing a human being isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be and keeping it a secret is proving to be rather difficult too. I’ve had more bouts of “food poisoning” and “the stomach flu” in the past few weeks than I’ve ever had in my whole life.

Tomorrow is my first ultrasound and we should be able to see and hear the heartbeat of our child for the first time. Thankfully Jamie’s in town so I don’t have to go it alone, he’s scared to death of leaving now but it is part of his job. I knew having kids with Jamie mean I would have to do some things alone it came with the territory of being a hockey WAG, and if the other wives could do it so could I.

9 am on Friday November 16, 2018 I found myself sitting in an uncomfortable chair at the OBGYN. The peach walls surrounding me making me feel like I’m inside a bottle of pepto bismol. My stomach is a ball of nerves, full of not only a fetus but also what feels like a cage of butterflies. Jamie’s knee is bouncing uncontrollably next to me and I’m not sure if he’s more nervous about the appointment or being late to morning skate. Placing my hand on his knee cap I lean over so only Jamie can hear me, “Can you please calm down? You’re making me nervous.” His knee stops moving as he takes my hand in his, “Sorry.”

The door opens and a nurse dressed in another awful shade of pink steps out, “Kieran?” she calls out and I stand up dragging Jamie up with me. “The Dr. will be right with ya’ll,” the nurse states closing the door leaving me to change into the paper thin exam gown. Lying on the cold table Jamie stands beside me, fear in his brown eyes as he holds my hand. “Aren’t you nervous?” he asks and shrug, “Yeah, but I’m also excited! We get to see it!” He smiles, before kissing my forehead, “Sounds terrible calling the baby “it”,” and he’s right but it’ll be a few months before we know what we’re having.

Eventually the doctor shows up, an older woman who has very high ratings in the city of Dallas. “Good morning, Kieran and you must be Mr. Benn?” she shakes Jamie’s hand. It’s always odd when people try and pretend not to know who he is, but we’re not here for Jamie we’re here for our baby. She asks about how I’m feeling so far any changes and or if I have questions before she begins the exam. When the monitor turns on I immediately feel my eyes begin to sting with tears.

The once all black area is now shades of grey and in the center is a small oval, an oval holding our child. It looks nothing close to a human being right now, in fact it resembles more of a peanut than a baby but it’s still amazing. “There’s the fetus,” she points to the screen, “Looks good, it’s in the correct position tubes and all.” A few taps on the screen and the room is filled with sound, the sound of our baby’s heartbeat.

That’s when the tears really begin to fall, “Oh my God.” I look up at Jamie his glassy eyes glued to the screen, “It’s real, there’s really a baby in there,” he mumbles and the doctor laughs a little. “Congratulation’s you two, your baby is right on track, nice strong heartbeat too. Would you like a copy of this?” Before I can answer Jamie yells out, “Yes!”

When my appointment is over it’s off to work for the both of us, Jamie pinky promises to continue to hold in the secret even though he’s bursting to tell someone. Soon enough I reminded him, Thanksgiving is in a week and we can tell our immediate family at least.

Notes

Baby Benn is on the way!! :) xoxo -Ally

then there were 3