The Gentle Giant

The flight was long. I couldn’t sleep, upset and worried about what was to come. I hadn’t even called him to let him know I was coming. I knew if I got him on the phone, I would tell him. It wasn’t something I wanted to tell him over the phone.

I departed the plane and looked around. I had no clue where I was. I just sat down and looked around for a few minutes, taking everything in. I finally pulled my phone out of my pocket and called his number. He answered on the second ring. “Hey baby, how are you?”

I just sighed. “Good, completely lost though. Slovakia is nothing like the States.”

He yelled into the phone “What? Are you really here?” I wanted to crawl under the chair I was sitting in and hide. He sounded so happy. “Yep, at the airport, desperately in need of a shower and food. Hurry up.”

He arrived about forty-five minutes later, picking me up and kissing me. “I have so much to show you. How long are you here for?”

I just prayed it be longer than I thought. “Umm, not sure, can be as long as you want me here.” I said thinking how true that was.

We drove the forty-five minutes back to his apartment, him holding my hand the entire ride. I was so sick I felt like I was going to throw up. “What’s the matter baby, you look out of it?”

I just shrugged. “I need a shower, I feel so icky. His apartment was nice, two bedrooms in a quaint little neighborhood. The area was beautiful and relaxing.

I dropped my bag, shedding my clothes and headed right for the shower. It was only a minute or two before he slipped in with me, his arms pulling me tight to him. “I am so happy you are here. I missed you. I was hours away from booking a flight to Ottawa.”

Silent tears fell as the water ran down my face. I couldn’t feel any worse then I already did. I tried to avoid being intimate with him, which I’m sure made him wonder. I just didn’t want to sleep with him and then tell him. It didn’t seem right. I hoped Danny was right and that forgiveness is something that could happen. I realized too late what I was giving up by carrying on like a child. I had been telling myself for awhile I wanted something like what my brother had. It was staring me right in the face and I was too selfish to see it before.

We dried off and got dressed. He approached me from behind and engulfed me into a hug tightly. “Andrej, we have to talk.” I walked over and sat on the recliner in his living room.

“Why can I tell I am not going to like this Danielle.”

I just put my head down. “Ok, so I went out with everyone the night of Danny’s golf tournament and got drunk. Claude and I shared a cab back to Danny’s place and we ended up kissing. I stopped it before it went any further.”

He just gave me a sad look. “Why Danielle? Why aren’t you happy with me? Why am I not enough for you?”

I just sighed and held back the tears. “It’s nothing like that. I am happy with you. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t had second thoughts, we are two very different people. But the more I am around Danny and Raina, the more I see that’s something I could foresee myself being happy with.”

“Andrej, I am sorry. I know saying it doesn’t mean too much but understand it had nothing to do with Claude. I was scared I was getting too close to you, I hated the distance between us, I was worried about coming overseas, but most of all, I was immature.”
I sat and just stared as he processed everything I said.

“I’m going out for awhile. I’ll be back” he said, walking out the door quietly. I laid on his bed and cried myself to sleep, wishing I could take back the last forty-eight hours.

I woke up to Danny ringing my phone off the hook. “Hey sis, so how are things?”

I just groaned. “I told him, he went out to think. That was three hours ago.”

Danny still sounded optimistic. “Danielle, just give him a little time. You just told him. Call me tomorrow ok.” I had to smile.

I loved my brother, no matter what he was always there for me. “Love you too.” I said, hanging up the phone.

Two hours after I talked to Danny, Andrej returned. “Ok, lets talk.” He said, sitting down on the sofa and pulling me next to him.

“I really don’t know what to say. It's killing me what you told me, especially Claude of all people. I have to see him daily from September through June. This isn’t something I can just say its ok and be done with. I’m only home for the next three and a half weeks. I need this time to relax and get myself together for the upcoming season. I can’t tell you what I think will happen to us. What you told me isn’t easy. What I would like to have happen is for you and I to just hang out few days. Let me show you around, spend more time getting to know you. I think its beneficial if we learn more about each other before deciding anything."

I gave him a half-smile. “I’d like that.”

He stood up. “Now come on, lets go get you some food before you wither away to nothing.”

We went out and eat. He ordered native food for me. The food was phenomenal. After we ate, we walked around, him showing me places he went to on a regular basis and places he liked visiting. It was so laid back here. Plenty of people recognized him, but just smiled and waved, or nodded their heads at him.

He had the biggest smile when he showed me places from his childhood, the school he went to, an old friend’s house and a store he used to visit with his mom among other places. We held hands and walked for hours. We finally grabbed ice cream and sat down on a bench.

“So tell me about you” he said.

“Well what do you want to know?” I asked, not too sure as to what he wanted to hear from me.

“Tell me something I don’t know Dani.” I thought for a minute or two.

“My worst fear is to disappoint my brother. My second worst fear is to die lonely.” I said. I wasn’t any good at discussing feelings. I didn’t know how to elaborate.

“So where do you see yourself in three years?” I thought about it for a minute.

“Andrej, I’m not sure. I’m twenty-eight. I want a family. I want to be settled down, having kids soon. I’m so afraid that I’m going to turn around and be too old. I don’t think I worried about it until I was around Raina so much. Her and I are the same age and look, she is married, kids and loving it.”

He smiled that goofy little grin of his. “Don’t compare yourself to anyone Dani. You are your own person.” We walked back to his place in silence.

I stayed in Slovakia for four more nights. We spent all of those talking, mostly about our childhoods. We weren’t intimate, heck we didn’t even kiss once I told him about Claude. He dropped me off at the airport and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll call you to find out where you are when I decide what day I am flying back. Call me when you land ok? We will talk about where we stand when I get back. Let’s both just reflect on it a little. We both obviously have decisions to make."

I boarded the plane unsure of where this was all going. We had a nice time together, it was definitely more friendly than anything. I was just happy that he gave me a chance to stay around for a little, spending time with him.

Notes

:) Thoughts ?