*** Two and a Half Years Ago ***
"Just pretend like you're just hanging out with him normally. Tell yourself it's not a date." Max says, flipping through the newest Cosmo mag.
"But it is a date, he said so." I picked up my navy heels, they'll perfectly with the black dress I wanted to wear. As much as I tried to remain calm, I couldn't. This is Sid we're talking about. Sure he's just a normal guy to me, behind closed doors, but to everyone else he's Sidney Crosby - one of the best hockey players in the world.
"Tess, be realistic. You two are like two peas in a pod, this is nothing. Just a date, two people hanging out, relax. Unless he tries to put a move on you, then I'd just go with the flow." She laughs behind the magazine, her face turning two shades red.
The doorbell rings.
"Dammit, he's early!" I yell quickly slipping on the dress and heels. I adjust my hemline, making sure it's at the perfect length and tossing my fingers through my hair one last time. "Do I look okay?"
"Good enough. Now go!" Max rushes me downstairs. I tread slowly weary that I could break an ankle. Broken ankles and soccer players don't go hand-in-hand. I open the door to see Sid dressed up, looking dapper as usual.
Though he was wearing jeans, his super fancy blazer and buttoned-up shirt took the glory. I don't know how he does it but there's rarely a time where his fashion sense isn't up to par. Unless he's wearing those hideous neon yellow crocs.
"Wow, Tess. You look...stunning." His eyes once over me, a smile emerging.
"You don't look to bad yourself. Very handsome." We were at ease once we were alone, no Max to poke fun at us for acting like a couple of dorks.
We ate at this fancy restaurant called Hyehold right outside of the city. It was super intimate and romantic, I mean, it was inside of a castle of sorts. This totally seemed out of place for the two of us.
"That was probably the nicest place I ever ate. And the most expensive!"
"Oh Sid, like you should be complaining about money." I laugh.
"I don't like spending that much for dinner but tonight it was worth it." He tried to remain humble which was one of his more admirable qualities. I like to believe that if Sid hadn't found the love of hockey, he'd still be the same guy.
"So what now?" Sid pulls the car into a vacant lot. He parked the car and got out walking over to my side.
"I want to show you something." He grabbed my hand as he opened the door, my feet sinking into the moist dirt. I wore the wrong shoes to be hiking through mud!
"What's this?" I see nothing but wood planks and opened beer cans everywhere.
"This is where I'm building my house."
"You don't sound so happy." He wouldn't blink. Sid stood there with a blank stare.
"It's too big for one person." He mumbles.
"Get a roommate!" I tease. He laughed instantly.
What a faker.
"I was hoping that maybe...." Sid paused, his hand squeezing mine. "Maybe you could move in with me? There's plenty of room." His eyes shifted in my direction. They had a hopeful look, almost like a baby puppy. His eyes were irresistible.
"Um, well, Sid, look." I couldn't piece my words together correctly, my mouth wasn't cooperating. Sid grabbed both my hands, kissing the tops gently.
"It won't be ready for another 2 years or so. We have all the time in the world, Tess." He says. "You're an important person in my life, my friend, maybe one day you could be more." He adds.
"What are you saying, Crosby?" I retort.
"I'm not sure. Look, I know we haven't dated or anything but we've been friends for a while and you know me better than my own mother! I'd like to see where this goes, Tess, I'd like you to be my..." He sighs. I wait for him to finish his thought. I puzzle all the different scenarios. He could want me to be his roommate, his in-home training partner, his house sitter for when he's gone.
"Girlfriend." He finishes.
Well that was the last possible scenario. Crap.
"This is so soon. This is our first date!" For once in our friendship, I was feeling uncomfortable. "We have this good thing going on, Sid. Why ruin it?"
"Because I know this is real!" His voice was elevating, Sid never gets angry.
"How do you know? What if we're meant to be only friends?" I kept cool because all I needed was Sid to abandon me in this empty lot, even though I know he hasn't the heart to do so.
"When I'm around you Tess, I feel things. I can't explain. I just know, deep down, one day, you and I will try this. Why not now?" He pulled his hands away from mine, awkwardly shoving them into his pants pocket.
"What if I'm not ready?"
"I'll wait." He says. "As long as it takes, I'll wait."
It sounded promising, either way, Sid and I would eventually try us out. I'm still not convinced it's a good idea, he's a great friend and I'd hate to lose him because we ruined it with some deeper feelings.
"What happens if I find someone else?" I prod.
"I'll hate it more than anything."
"Fine." I agree.
Sid turns to me and his face lights up. He pulls me into a hug, our lips gently colliding in the process. He tasted amazing, just like I imagined. Kissing him was on a whole other level, it felt taboo, unrestricted and uncensored. It was just Sid and I and this empty, vacant, kind of creepy lot.
"One condition." I break the kiss.
"What?"
"If someone else comes along and I happen to fall in love with that person, don't hate me. Don't change, don't get angry and spiteful. This isn't a promise, just a temporary contract."
His expression changes.
"Tess..."
"Sid, I want you to date, go out with girls. Don't hold yourself off for me." I interrupt. "Let's just see what happens."
* Present Time *
Anxious. Nervous. Unprepared.
"James, nothing really happened." I pulled him into the laundry room and locked the door behind us. Everyone else was outside so at least our conversation would be private.
"I didn't hear much, Tess, but I heard you freak out when your mom brought it up. What aren't you telling me?" He was leaning against the washer with his arms crossed in front of him.
"Come on, we don't need to talk about this!" I say almost hitting my breaking point. I could feel tears form in my eyes.
"Enough to make you want to cry, Tess." He sounded frustrated as he took a deep breath, calming himself down. I wanted to run away, turn my back and escape this, I hated knowing that whatever I'd tell him, he'd flip.
"We dated once." I begin. James' attention refocused and he adjusted his posture against the washer. He looked at me to continue, staying silent and not saying a word.
"After we first met, Sid and I were attracted to each other. We tried dating, the whole nine yards but it ended up not working out." I look at him, hoping he'd say something.
"Why not?"
"Because it didn't. The timing was off, both of us weren't ready like we thought we were. It was like two years ago and it only lasted 6 months." The tears were on edge, I could feel my face heat, my cheeks reddening.
"Was Sid your ex boyfriend? The one you never talk to me about!?" James was getting aggravated. His face was turning a pale red and his jaw was clenched.
"James, babe, come on. It's no big deal!" I reach over to touch his arm but he deflect my hand.
"No big deal? You fucked Sid. You told me you were JUST friends yet you dated him for half a year? Get real, Tess, who's your next Penguin?!"
"Like you're some fucking saint? Before me you were a viable man-whore who slept with any girl that was decent looking. Don't EVER criticize me, I dated Sid, yeah sure why not. We are good friends now, that's it! I left him for you, do you not understand?!"
Holding back the tears was nearly impossible now, each one of them stung as they ran down my face.
"I'm done. I can't do this anymore, Tess. You're never 100% honest with me. At least I told you about my past." James walks upstairs, quickly packing his bag before leaving.
"Tess, what's going on?" I hear Sid behind me, the screen door creaking as it closed.
"Sid, not now." I wipe my tears, composing myself.
"Tess, is everything okay?"
James comes back to the hallway, his bags in both hands and his cheeks the color of his red shirt. He had been crying, the bill of his hat hid his puffy eyes perfectly.
"Oh great, well, Tess, looks like Sid can cheer you up. Maybe he can rub your back to make you relax before he fucks you."
Ouch. James and I always gave each other massages, especially after stressful days and usually the massages finished with a happy ending.
"Excuse me?" Sid stoop up straight as he stood infront of me as if to shield me from my boyfriend.
"Crosby, I don't want to punch your pretty little face but if you get any closer, I will." James threatens.
"Just go, Nealer." He says, his voice deeper than ever. James walks right past me without one look, his bag hitting my thigh as he walked through the door.
Sid stands beside me, completely silent. I fall to his arms as an overwhelming amount of emotion hits me all at once. I didn't explain to Sid what happened, it wasn't any of his business but for some reason, I felt as if he knew the reason this whole time.
I never intended to ever be this distraught over James, I hated that I never got to really explain myself to him. There was never any reason for me to hide things and I don't know why I did. I gave him everything I had but unfortunately it wasn't what he wanted.
The truth.
And now I sit here with a broken heart and my ex boyfriend.
Crosby: 1
Mariot: 0