It's been 48 hours since I last spoke to James. It was killing me, he wouldn't answer my calls or return my texts. I tried facetiming him and he would just ignore my calls and the worse part was that I knew he was online. I hated feeling like this and I could only imagine how he felt.

I've kept to myself for most of the week, my parents giving me the space I needed by not calling or checking up on me. However my brother's found it necessary to follow me to my house and bug the crap out of me.

"He'll come around, Tess." Marc wraps his arm around me. I brush him off, the feeling of someone touching me was enough to make me go crazy.

Andy was the only one who left me alone, sitting across from me in the common room, staring at me.

"Go ahead. Say it." I challenge him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, his legs unfolding under him. He leaned out over his chair, his hand running through his brown hair. Ugh, just like James does.

"I'm not saying a word." He says.

Of all my brothers, Andy was by far the closest to me. We're so much alike that we often banter back and forth but he was always the one that understood me the most. You'd think that we were born at the same time, not three years apart.

"Oh Tess, I told you so!" I mimic his accent almost perfectly. He sighs heavily standing up and exiting the room. Marc, Matt and Kris sit there in amusement as I chase after him.

"Come on, Andy. Tell me how big of a mess I made. How I fucked up I made everything!" He stops suddenly turning to me. His face was full of frustration.

"Do you want me to tell you that you should have stayed with Sid? That you should have grown some balls and admitted to Sid how much you fucking love him? Okay Tess, you're right, you fucked up. Bad. I warned you about James but you never listen!"

"You warned me? When did this happen? I never recall you ever picking up the phone to warn me about him and it's none of your business! I know about his past, Andy."

"But he didn't know about yours. How much are exactly hiding from him, Tess? Seems like someone is afraid to confront their feelings. Grow up." He storms out of the house, the door slamming behind him.

Marc runs after him, finally catching up to him at the dock. Kris and Matt find me in my room.
"Tess." Kris peers in.

"What."

"Are you okay?" Matt asks from the hallway.

"Do I look okay?" I grunt.

"You look like a hot mess." Kris laughs. I flash him a death glare.

"Max is on her way, she was out shopping but I told her you needed her."

I hadn't even remembered that Max was here in Halifax. She flew in the day after James and I's fight but I never registered her presence.

"Oh. Okay, thanks." I sigh.

"You'll figure it out. You always do lil sis." They shut the door and I'm finally to myself. I pull my iPad out from my bag and connect to Facetime. He was on.

I dial his phone, the wait killing me.

"Come on, pick up." I mutter.

It rings 5 times before it disconnects. Even technology has it out for me, they don't even want me talking to James.

I grab my phone and begin typing a text.

T: Babe, I know I fucked up. We need to talk. Please answer me.

I hit send, setting my phone on the table beside me. It rattles against the surface almost instantly.

J: No.

Okay, so he's still pissed, I get it. WE ALL GET IT.

T: Are you going to ignore me forever?

J: Yeah.

These one word responses were beginning to piss me off. I shouldn't complain, at least he's responding.

T: Please James. I want to talk, where are you?

I wait nervously for him to reply. He could be anywhere. Whitby seems more likely, his family probably thinks I'm some rabid puck bunny or something by now.

J: Sid's.

Who knew that one-worded texts could terrify you so much. The thought of those two in the same house, the fact that James was still in Halifax and the hope that there's a silver-lining somewhere, freaked me out.

I don't bother replying. I call Max instantly.

"Hey girl. I'm like 500 ft away!" I hang up and meet her on the front porch. Just as I get there she's pulling up in her flashy rental car.

"Hey!" She runs to me and we exchange a hug. She sits on the bench next to me, her hand holding mine. "Okay, so start from the beginning."

We discussed the fight and how I never told James the truth. It was the first time I actually came clean to someone about what was really going on with me. I've been stressed with school, with the national team and the fact that I was both friends with and dating a two Pittsburgh Penguins threw me overboard.

"Finally, Max, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were here, I've been so out of it. I just want to thank you for putting up with my drama."

She smiled at me. "That's what friends are for, Tess. If you can't bail yourself out, someone has too!" We both laugh.

"So he's at Sid's place apparently." I mutter.

"Oh god. Didn't see that one coming. What are you going to do?"

"I should go over there." I waited for Max to say something that would deter me, but nothing.
"You should. That's the only way you two can talk. I could go with you, maybe I could charm Sid from eavesdropping."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

The walk to Sid's place was short, literally two houses away but it felt like a marathon. My heart was beating heavily and my hands were clammy.

"Calm down, Tess." Max advised. We walked up to the door, knocking hard. We heard a few scrambles inside before the door unlocked.

"Hey girls." Sid opened the door, a smile on his face once he sees us. I keep from looking at him directly.

"Where's James?" I ask.

"Out back. You can go ahead out there, Max, you want a drink?" She nods.
"I'd love one."

I walk around Sid's house, the lake looking gorgeous, boats filtered in and out. I see James sitting on the hammock, kicking the rocks at his feet. I treaded lightly hoping to sneak up on him but a giant rock had other plans for me. I tripped and fell, cursing mother nature for her ill-placed boulder of a rock.

"Tess, you okay?" James helped me up, his hand grabbing my bicep.

"Oh I'm just fantastic." I wipe away the dirt from my bare legs revealing a small nick on my knee.

"You're bleeding, come on, get over here." We sit on the hammock and James grabs my right leg, placing it across his legs. He takes the end of his undershirt, dabbing it on the tip of his tongue, gently removing the blood from my leg.

"Thanks. I can be clumsy sometimes." I say, my eyes never leaving him. He looked terrible. His beard was growing in and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "So, you never left..."

He finishes cleaning up my knee, his hands lingering on my leg before sliding it off.

"Yeah. It would be weird if I went home after only being gone for 6 hours." He said bluntly.

Not exactly the answer I was looking for, no 'I stayed because I hoped you were pulling some joke" or "Because you can't just abandon someone you love" type of stuff. He just didn't want to go home and be embarrassed because his girlfriend is a tool.

And I'm not a tool for the record.

"RIght. That would be weird." James was looking over the lake, his hands fidgety, he was just as nervous as I am. "I'm sorry."

"I know. So does my phone." He laughed.

"Seriously James. I'm an idiot. If you never want to be with me ever again, I get it. I have issues, I'm not sure what I want --"

"Who you want." He interrupts. Another blow for Tess, right where it hurts.

"Fair enough." James looks at me, his eyes intent and at full alert. My spidey senses told me he was about to ask me something big.

"Who do you want, Tess?"

And there it was. The one answer I thought I never had to answer. Had you asked me this weeks ago, 100% I would say James but after these past few days, I'm not sure.

"It's complicated."

"Not really. You either love me like you've been telling me or you want Sid, your best friend turned ex-boyfriend. It's simple." He looks dead serious.

"James, please. I don't want to do this, not now."

"On a count of three, say the person who first comes to your mind." He shifts his body towards mine.

"I don't want to--"

"One....two....three!" He ignored my plea. I sat there silent not giving into playing his stupid game. This was not how we were suppose to talk about it.

"Come on, James...stop it."

"Say it, Tess. Maybe if you admit it to yourself, everything will be a-okay." He was being sarcastic, one of his ugliest traits. He's so mean when he's sarcastic.

I refuse to answer. My eyes frantically stare into his looking for something unknown.

"Well. There's your answer, Tess." James stands up, stretching his arms above his head. "And the Oscar for Best Leading Actress in a Drama Film goes to Tess Mariot for 'Caught Between Love," a story about a woman who can't seem make up her damn mind and ends up losing everyone."

I watch him walk back to Sid's place, unsure what words would be spoken once inside. All I could think about was how he was right. There's no James, Sid probably won't talk to me, Max is going to lecture me and here I'll be even more confused on what I want.

I'm not sure how I'll recover from this one.