My head hurts. It's painful; like a hammer pounding my temples as my brain turns to mush.
I drank too much. But apparently that's what you do when you fuck up, right?

Last I heard James retreated back to Whitby before his camp started with Gary Roberts. So much for meeting him, eh? Sid, well he's somewhere West, he ditched Halifax almost instantly.
My parents are stoic, barely talking to me and my brothers just stare at me with pity.

Max is the only person talking to me, she's trying her best to act as normal as she can.

"Here," she throws a bottle of aspirin over to me, setting a glass of water next to the couch.

"Get dressed, Tess. And for Christ's sake, get off that damn couch!" She pulls the blanket off my feet.

"I don't want to." I moan, forcing the pills down my throat.

"Face the world. Stop sulking, it's not an attractive look on you." I nod my head and stand up, stretching my sore limbs from lack of movement.

The past few weeks have been hell. Three to be exact. I pulled out of the CanWNT vs USWNT match because I just wasn't up to playing soccer. All I wanted to do was sleep and cry. Sometimes at the same time. I limp into the shower, my foot half asleep. The cold water woke me up quickly as I stood there, the water running over me and my muscles tightening.

"Hurry up, Tess, we have things to do!" I hear Max yell through the door. I grab the towel hanging up and wrap it around myself. I lean against the countertop while I brush my teeth, my head spinning. After a moment of calmness, I look into the mirror for the first time.

"Jesus, you look like shit, Tess." I mumble. My face was flushed and dry. Stress acne formed around my forehead. "No wonder no one wants you. You look disgusting." I grab my face moisturizer and begin working it in.

It burns.

I let my face mask settle as I go find something to wear. Casual. I'm far too lazy to actually give a damn. I slip on a pair of basketball shorts and a oversized t-shirt. It wasn't until I realized that these were James' shorts. "Ah screw it." I say, slipping my feet into my Nike's.

"Well look who invented Hobo couture!" Max laughs when she sees me.

"I have no impressing to do today, fuck you very much." I say.

We pile into her rental. The lake shimmering off behind the house, people fishing on the docks. So beautiful here in the Summer.

"So where are we going?" She ignores my question.

Max pulls into the parking lot of this small cafe. "Coffee." She says. I follow behind her. People lined the walls with their MacBooks lighting up the dim cafe. I grab a table in the back while Max grabs our drinks.

"Hey." I look around confused. I couldn't place the voice with a face. "Over here." I turn behind me to see a fake tree blocking the hallway. A face peers from behind the tree.

"I thought...." I stutter.

He stands up. His hair cut short and fully shaved.

"Tess. I think we need to talk." He takes the seat across from me, pulling off his sunglasses.

"Sunglasses indoors. You're such a rebel." I snort. He chuckles.

"I've missed you." He says.

"Yeah? I wouldn't miss me." I look behind him searching for Max. She was nowhere in sight. I run to the window and her car vanished.

"It was my idea. Like I said, we need to talk."

"James. This isn't cool." I fold my arms.

A waiter comes over handing me a macchiato. The cup read: "Sorry. It had to be done. xxoo Max"

We sit in silence for what seemed like a lifetime but in reality, it was only 42 seconds.

"What's there to talk about?" I challenge his request.

"Everything. Nothing. We can sit in silence if you'd like, but I can't promise I won't undress you with my eyes." He smirks.

"Classy."

For some reason, I had a weird case of deja-vu. I felt as if I was talking to James, the James before we became a couple. The James that would say inappropriate things and make sexual innuendos. It wasn't the James a few weeks ago, the one who hated my guts.

"What do you want, Nealer?" I sip y macchiato breaking the eye contact.

"From James to Nealer. Dammit Tess." I smile under my cup.

"Well?" I wait for him to answer.

"I want a restart. A do-over. Lets just pre--"

"No." I cut him off. He looks at me with confusion.

"What?"

"No. There's no such things as a do-over because you can never forget the past. Lets be adults here. For once in our relationship."

It felt weird talking to him. I knew I wasn't myself and I was okay with that. I'm not the same girl I was 3 weeks ago. Everything, all my secrets, are all out on the table. Everyone knows about them. I can't pretend nothing happened because I don't want to be weak anymore.

"Fine. Then let's pick up where we left off." He suggested.

"I can't be with anyone right now, okay? Like you said, I don't know what I want and I've lost everyone. I need to re-discover myself before I can move on."

"I forgive you, Tess. Babe, come on. It's been too long, I've gone crazy." I squint my eyes at him, looking at his face. The most gorgeous face. I missed the beard.

"Sorry."

"You can't tell me that you didn't miss me. Miss us? Sid and I, we're fine. Seriously. He's over you, he told me he only wants to be friends. Tess, it's okay."

I stand up, grabbing my things. Before I leave I look him straight in the eyes.

"You know what? For the past three weeks, I've cried over you. I missed you like crazy. I called you like crazy and you never answered. No texts back, no emails, no phone calls. I even got a hold of your family and no one could tell me the best way to reach out to you. Now, out of nowhere, you're here claiming that you've missed me and want to start over? I'm coming to terms with what I did, I lied to someone who I really cared about. That's what really hurts. I'm not sure it can be the same, after all, I have yet to talk to Sid. But you were right about one thing..."

I was feeling overwhelmed and my eyes were reddening. Tears were forming and I could feel my throat tense up.

"I'm not sure who I want. What I want. I don't want to make this mistake again, James. I don't want to be your girl and fuck with Sid behind your back or vice versa. So I need to be alone. I need to focus on my last year of college and my career. We can be friends but that's it. That's IT."

I leave James alone in the shop. I start walking back home. The walk becomes faster, then a jog, then the jog becomes a run. Finally a sprint.

Just me, myself and I.

Notes

Okay, so I forgot about this story for a bit. Sorry! Figured I get a leg up on the updates as it's less than a month away from the new NHL season!
As usual, let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Thank YOU!