Stockholm Syndrome

I look down at the perfectly made pipe and mentally prepare myself. I was in Australia where Red Bull had made me my own private halfpipe to train on. I knew a couple of the guys were working on a trick called the yolo flip and so far no one had successfully pulled it off in competition. I knew Shaun was struggling with it and so far so was I. It included two head over heel flips and two 360-degree turns.

“I know this trick seems daunting and we’ve been trying it for awhile but I have a good feeling about this trip,” Bud tells me.
I drop in again and again and I fall each time. On the seventh day of our trip my body was sore and my spirits were low but I figured I’d get in one last day of training.
I drop in just like I had a million times before and pull the trick. I pull the two inverts and rotate twice and I land on feet unsteadily.

“Oh my god,” I say shocked.

“That was it kid! You did it!’” Bud yells. I can’t wipe the smile off my face and I head back up to the top to try it again.

I stopped in Pittsburgh where I celebrated Christmas and New Years with Sidney. After a brief couple weeks at home I flew to Switzerland to compete in the Laax Open. I was able to pull the yolo flip successfully and won first is both halfpipe and slopestyle. I continued to sweep during X Games Aspen and X Games Oslo. I was at the peak of my fame and my life was crazy. I was constantly getting more interviews and endorsement deals. I was recognized everywhere I went and I was officially being called the best snowboarder in the world. I rarely saw Sidney and if I did it was only for a couple days at a time.

“I feel like the only time I see nowadays I see you is on T.V.,” he says sadly on the phone one night while I was in Breckenridge.

“Things are crazy right now but it won’t always be like this,” I tell him.

“You know I thought I could do this distance thing but it feels like it gets harder and harder.”

“Sidney I have one competition left then I’m done for the season.”

“Yeah and then you’ll spend the summer travelling around the world and snowboarding,”

“Where is this coming from? You knew it’d be like this when you married me,” I say coldly.

“It was never like this before Phoenix and you know it,” he replies.

“This is my life now whether you like it or not.” The line goes silent for a while and I don’t know what to say.

“I gotta go,” he says stiffly. The call ends I suddenly feel hurt. He was Sidney Crosby. Hockey superstar and I accepted everything that came with that title. I was at the peak of my career and I thought he’d be able to understand that.

“We’re leaving now,” Danny says while peaking his head in my room. I get up and put on my jacket and follow him downstairs. We were going out but I wasn’t really in the party mood. I sit in the corner drinking a diet coke until the guys are finally ready to leave. I sit in the passenger seat staring out the window while Danny drives. I suddenly feel nauseous and I know we need to stop.

“Danny pull over,” I tell him urgently.

“What? Why?” he asks confused. The guys in the back stop singing and I’m frantically looking around for a bag.

“Just do it!” I yell. He pulls over and I open the door just in time to expel my stomach’s contents onto the snow. Once I’m finished I close the door and Danny continues driving.

“How much did you drink?” Jack asks. I didn’t drink at all.

“Must have been something I ate,” I say shrugging. The guys continue singing and I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I’m in my room later that night when I go to the bathroom. I reach for my birth control pill pack but something doesn’t add up. I start counting the pills and realize there’s an extra one. That doesn’t make sense. I must have forgotten to take one. I think about my period and I try to remember the last time I had it. I start counting the days in my head and I realize I’m late. I start to panic and I grab my keys and head to the pharmacy. I put my hood up and stroll through the brightly lit aisles. I find what I’m looking for and buy three different kinds. The cashier rings them through and smiles at me. I pay for the tests and speed back to the cabin. I sneak by the guys and go upstairs. I pee on the three sticks and set them on the counter. My stomach was in knots and my mind was reeling. What if I’m not, what if it’s just a scare? ‘You’re late and you’re puking. Pretty sure you’re pregnant’ my inner self says in a snarky tone. Is this what I wanted? I was married and financially stable but was I emotionally ready? I couldn’t even take care of myself, how was supposed to take care of another living being? I look at my watch and realize enough time has passed. I take a deep breath and look down at the test and my eyes instantly water.
Positive.

Notes