Stockholm Syndrome

I slide down on the floor and start sobbing. This was supposed to be a happy moment in my life but it just felt like my world was falling apart. I think about Sidney and how excited he’ll be. He’s always wanted a family but if I have this child, that’ll be it for snowboarding. I think of the embryo in my uterus that has no idea I’m its mother. I feel alone and scared and sit there crying for the rest of the night.
I look in the mirror the next morning and I’m pale. My eyes are bloodshot and I look like I’m about to fall apart at any minute. I board my flight and think of the way I’m going to tell Sidney.

I walk through the door in Pittsburgh and the house is quiet. I realize Sidney is at morning skate so I go upstairs to take a nap. I wake up to an alarm and open my eyes to see Sidney lying there.

“What’s wrong?” he asks noticing my red, puffy eyes,

“It’s nothing. You better get ready,” I tell him quietly. I lay in the bed while he gets ready. He’s putting on his tie when another wave of nausea hits and I run to bathroom and throw up multiple times.

“Are you sick?” he asks while holding my hair back.

“Just the flu or something,” I reply weakly. I stand up and flush the toilet and brush my teeth.

“Is that why you’re home early?” he asks. I wanted to tell him but I didn’t know how. I nod my head and we head downstairs.

“Good luck,” I tell him. He kisses my forehead and leaves for the game.

They lose to the Predators 6-1 and Sidney comes home in a bad mood.

“It’s just one game,” I say rolling my eyes. He had slammed the door and woken me up from a nap.

“Yeah to you maybe,” he says coldly. I shake my head and continue watching the highlights of tonight’s games. He sits down across from me and I can tell he wants to say something.

“So what’s the actual reason you came home? Because you’ve been sick tons of times before but you’ve never ditched training to come home because of it.”

“Do I need a reason?”

“Well considering how you never want to be home, yeah.” I knew he was lashing out because of the game.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be home. My job makes it hard to be in one place all the time,” I tell him.

“This marriage is so one-sided. I’m always the one to call or text first. You pick up and go wherever you want with whoever you want without regard for anyone’s feelings.”

“My life doesn’t revolve around you Sidney. I’ve been travelling and I’ve been in and out of Pittsburgh since you met me. Why did you marry me if you hate it so much?”

“It didn’t used to be like this. When we first met you wanted to be in Pittsburgh all the time. You didn’t make me feel like a burden.”

“You’re not a burden Sidney. My job requires me to do a lot more travelling than it used to and it kills me. Do you know how many nights I stay up crying because I miss you? You’re all I think about when I’m gone and I’m working my ass off to be the best snowboarder I can be to make you proud. I love you and I’m sorry if I don’t express it enough,” I say sadly. His expression softens and he moves to the spot next to me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh I just miss you.”

“Well you won’t have to anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I take a deep breath and brace myself for his reaction.

“I’m pregnant,” I say quietly. He sits there shocked before a smile creeps up on his lips.

“Are you serious?” he asks me. I nod and he exhales deeply. “You don’t seem excited?

“I’m scared. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Babe I’m scared too but this was meant to be. We created something together and I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be the best mom ever.” I start to cry and my emotions are all over the place.

“Babe just tell me you can do this and I’ll be with you every step of the way. Me and you and baby Crosby.” Baby Crosby. I suddenly pictured a mini Sidney running around playing mini sticks on the hardwood floor and I smile.

“Okay,” I say quietly. He lifts me up and spins me around the den.

“We’re pregnant!” he yells and I can’t help but laugh. He puts me down and kisses me with everything he has in him.

“What’s going on?” Natalia asks with Carl right behind her.

“I’m with child,” I say smiling.

“Oh my god!” she screeches. She hugs me tightly and I see Carl and Sidney hug.

“I’m going to be an uncle!” Carl exclaims. He hugs me and kisses my cheek. I smile and for the first time I feel excited about the pregnancy.

The doctor inserts the transvaginal ultrasound stick and I wince.
“Hmmm okay. You appear to be about six weeks which means you’ll be due in November,” Dr.Cooper tells me. I hear the heartbeat and I squeeze Sidney’s hand. It all suddenly feels very real. We get a small black and white picture of our embryo and I hang it on the fridge.

Five weeks later I flew to Vail for a press conference before the Burton U.S. Open so I could explain why I wouldn’t be competing.
I sit at a long table in front of a large black backdrop with a microphone in front of me. There were about forty people with microphones and cameras looking at me expectantly. Elliott gives me the nod and I clear my throat.

“Hi everyone. Thanks for coming. We’ve organized this press conference to announce some exciting news. I found out about a month ago that me and my husband are expecting a baby this fall.” Everyone starts talking at once and Elliott points to a guy with glasses and a toque.

“Hi Phoenix, Justin Jackson, Transworld Snowboarding. Will you continue with your snowboarding career after the pregnancy?” he asks.

“That’s still yet to be decided. I figure I’ll know the answer after I have the baby,” I respond.

“Will your child snowboard or play hockey?” A bald man asks.

“Hopefully both,” I smile. I answer more questions about the baby and about my career in the future. Eventually Elliott tells everyone that’s it and I leave.

“Great job Nix. Handled that like a pro. What do you want to next?”

“Eat.” I laugh.

I watch the snowboard competition and it felt bizarre watching from the sidelines. Shaun ending up winning halfpipe and I missed being out there.
“You’re lucky mommy loves you,” I tell my relatively flat stomach. I take the next flight home and I can’t wait to get home to Sidney.

Notes

Okay so the rest of the story will fast forward quite a bit, just a heads up. I finished writing the story and there are 51 chapters so we're nearing the end! Hope you're enjoying it so far!