Flight - Comments, page 5

@A Shruinger
Just romance or romance and drama. Unless the drama isn't "pregnancy" or "breaking up over cheating" but maybe more like action-involved. :D
I have ZERO problems with conducting action or the plot, it's mainly all of the "superhero" names and powers and description words - all of that.
(I can't get the image of Jonny in short shorts out of my mind or 80's Kanerboo!)
No, no, I know, but I think it leans more toward PG-13. I'll change it. It's now PG-13. But like it's not bad blood scenes I have, its just when you have a fight scene and someone gets punched in the face, there will be blood. But don't worry it won't be at all graphic, just mentioning a cut lip of bloody nose. That's all. That's why I didn't think much of bumping it up, since it isn't that gross. And disney movie that are live-action have had blood like that in it. But I'll make it PG-13.
I understand the business again. And yes, rather be busy than not...unfortunately it's difficult to be busy over winter break....oh well. :)

@EvelynaKitty
Hahaha, yea strictly just romance is just a pain :PPP But if you keep working at his genre, you'll become a pro at it soon! ;) But it's not totally different than the thriller/mystery genre since there is a mystery of why the villains are doing what they're doing and there is thrill to it due to the action...so it shouldn't be too difficult.
9. You don't have to bump up the rating just for me--it's just based on what you're planning for the story. You gotta know who you're audience are, who you expect to read your stories. Like if you expect teenagers and young adults to read this, then yes, bump is up to PG-13. But so far the way it's going it doesn't need any rating changing, I'm just worried that the rating is going to need to change due to what you have in store for this story.
Oh yes, I got the email! I just need to reply to it... It's okay about all the messaging and emails, it's just that I might not reply immediately since I'm busy! ;) And it's good to be busy! :)

@A Shruinger
I understand. I think you are right about that. I do enjoy working on new stuff though. Except for that awful romance genre - can't do that. Tried, but it just was a serious struggle, this one, because of the action involved it. And you're right, it probably is just because it is new to me and I'm not "a pro" :)
9. I may just bump it up to PG-13, since there's a little blood and fighting involved later on. But if it were to be put on the screen, it's light and fluffy and would be put as a PG rating. But for you, I'll bump it up to PG-13!
AND I sent you an email too. :)
(Man, I've sent you like a lot of email in the past few days, sorry about that!)

@EvelynaKitty
1-8. YAY! Yea, I did notice that a lot... But I think that reason why you're slacking is because this is a new genre for you... But do you enjoy writing this? Because if you do, then you'll put in your full effort, since you enjoy it! :) But yea, it's because this is a new let's say 'writing project' for you here. It's like me working on a mystery/thriller story--I would slack off of it and not put in my full effort because it's not my type of genre. You get?
9. Okay, so it's not animation then... I get what you're saying... So if it's Disney-themed, then yea, good idea for it to be PG since you're comparing it to Enchanted... But if you know that you're gonna have killing and blood later in the story, since that is part of your writing, then bump it up to PG-13 so that I won't have to be nagging you to respect the rating...
10-11. YAY! :D

@A Shruinger
1-8. Fixed all of the problems here. I'm looking over all of it. I have found a lot of things and I just finished the first chapter. I have slacked on this story, but I'll fix that! I promise!!
9. It's like Disney doing a live action Superman movie. Kinda like Enchanted was I guess, but Enchanted was not Flight, but more like Peekaboo. Enchanted was an awesome movie!! It's up there with Frozen and Tangled, but TLK (Lion King) is my favorite Disney movie. Maybe it is more PG-13 than PG though...but if a kid were to see this on the screen it would certainly be PG I think. I'm just envisioning it being weaker than Batman/Dark Knight/Superman/All those hero movies - but I don't know.
10-11. Fixed.

@EvelynaKitty
1. That's okay! :)
2. Cool! :D
3. Yea, that needs some explaining... That'll be a good idea :)
4. Thanks! :)))
5. That'll be nice! :)
6. Alright, thanks! :D
7. Well, in the chapter, Seguini mentioned in it... What does Seguin have to do with this story?
8. Yea, what does that mean? That phrase, what is it?
9. Well...yea, but is this meant to be animated or real? I'm not sure, because all the superhero movies that aren't animated at PG-13 since with heroes, you fight and there's blood and cussing and killing, which makes it PG-13, but with animated movies, they're PG because animation is more towards kids... You get what I'm saying? So if this is animated, not that great of an idea to put that more than one person will die. And if this is real, maybe you should bump up the rating since it seems like you're stuggling to keep this at a PG level with all the fights and blood... With PG-13, you have more freedom.
10. Thanks! :D
11. It's okay! :) Nothing's perfect!
You're totally welcome! :DDD

@A Shruinger
1. Grrrrr....I went back to change all of that!!! It must've missed that!!! Sorry!!!!! X(
2. First time in a while, it means that it's been a long time...I'll just change that to say "a long time" since she had failed to save him. (Val hinted at the other times.)
3. She's the protector of the Blackhawks team, but mainly Jonny. I think I explained that back in the "Jonny Rescue Tales" chapter.
4. Oops. That's a grammatical error on my laziness. I will fix that. Good catch! ;)
5. I'll look at that....hmmm...
6. Going deeper into the sofa. ;) I'll describe that better for you.
7. Uh....what??
8. Que? Что ты сказал? (I'm speaking Russian and Spanish)
9. You can say "kill" in PG. Night at the Museum is PG right? They had a little bit of blood after a punch and they have said kill or hinted at it. I think it's fine. Disney says "kill" as well. ;)
10. Oops....I'll fix that for ya!
11. Sorry...that's my error...I looked this chapter over like three times. Man....
Thanks for the corrections, I'll get on them and look at the rest of this thing! :D

Alright, here's the critiques!
1. "...that was still fresh there." NO BLOOD SHALL BE MENTIONED!
2. "...for the first time in a while." Is it her first time or did she fail another time? I know that this is answered later on in the chapter, but when you say 'first time,' you are saying that she NEVER failed to protect Tazer.
3. "She didn’t like it, being the protector of the team." I thought she protected Jonny only.
4. "You two want to tell her." This is a question, so there should be a question mark at the end.
5. "Val turned to her and jumped to the story, before Brooke could. She looked at Spencer and sent him a secret wink." '...'" What the heck just happened here? When you say 'jump to the story,' I assume that you just summerized very shortly that she, Eve (I believe), told the story. So did she wink at Spencer after she told the story, before, or during, whaaaat??? This sentence needs better wording, sorry :P Okay, I read some more, and found out that 'she' in the sentence isn't Eve, so who's talkin' and winkin'?
Who's telling the story to Eve? Oh my gosh, this is not good... :PPP I have a feeling it's Val...but it's too good of English to be him :PPPP
6. "Brooke put her arm out and shoved Val into the couch..." I thought Val was already sitting on the sofa...or is he going deeper into the sofa?
7. What does the half of Bacon have to do with this?
8. "They are the originators of the "offensive only" mentality." ¿Qué es esto? Look at that, I'm speakin' Spanish now! XD
9. "So they're gonna kill Kaner now"
"Affermative!" Watch out, this IS PG, eh???!!!!
10. Okay, so towards the last part of the chapter with all the dialouge... WHO'S SAYIN' WHAT??? Please put in who's saying what, please :)
11. "...which would mean they aren't human." Uhhh...what? What happened to your term, mortal, you use for people who don't possess powers?
And yea, that's it... Man, lots of stuff to go over :P

@A Shruinger
Oh, goodie!! :P :(

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, will do! :))) I already got a lot 8|

@A Shruinger
The corrections are for the whole thing, feel free to go over this chapter. Maybe it might solve some questions. You can go over the chapter, but I'll look over it ALL (whole story) in a little bit here. :)

Okay, tell me when the corrects are done so that I can go over this chapter again and give you the cirtuiques for it ;)

@EvelynaKitty
No, not the bad half of Bacon!!! 8O JOHN! :D
Thanks, I'll really apperciate it! :D That'll be a good idea if you do that! ;) You are totally welcome! :DDD

@A Shruinger
Or Segs' 91. ;)
Alright, I'll give more description on her. Man, I am slacking...I might go back over this myself and see what I am missing and compile a list. Geez....this is a "weak effort", sorry. I'll fix my efforts and be MUCH better. But thanks for the feedback! :D

@EvelynaKitty
Hahaha, that's okay! Then it'll be John's number soon: 91! :DDD
6. You should put it in when you put in Black Hawk fighting--like Black Hawk's first fight in the story (story's order, of course) It'll be nice to put in the beginning so that the readers can know how Eve transforms into Black Hawk. You get? ;)
Okay, I get it! :D She can only fly with wings... ;) That'll be good if you put in that her wings are made by Hawkley along with the description and transformation of Black Hawk's suit ;)

@A Shruinger
Awww...it was at 88 comments (now I'm gonna ruin that)...Kanerboo's number!!!! :)
6. Okay. Any hints on where I could explain that at?
You are correct on that. She doesn't have flight, but the flight comes from the wings, which give her the ability to fly/fight/whatever - wings are crafted and made by Hawkley. :D

@EvelynaKitty
1. Yea, whatever works for you! :D
6. Well, you can have the suit somehow coordinate with her emotions...y'know, like there's sensors on her and when she gets ready to fight, she turns into Black Hawk...that'll work! I see what you're saying, and yes I understand! Of course, that's a great idea to spread out the explaining and not answering questions at once! That's what I do as well :) It's okay, as long as it gets explained somewhere in the story! XD But I think since that you already introduced Black Hawk and her changing into Black Hawk and her already fighting, I think it'll be a great idea to explain all that stuff about her transformation and suit description like as soon as possible, since it's already out there :P
Okay and to make things clear from that long conversation we had about whether Black Hawk has flight or not: she does NOT have flight. Whew, got that through with XD
Other than that, story lookin' good! ;)))

@A Shruinger
1. Ugh! I need to fix that man. But I added some with the chapter, hopefully that works for you.
2 - 3. Cool.
4. Sweet. Thanks. :)
6. Okay. I think I got you. Um...my image is that they are attached to her, but they aren't from her. I was thinking more like they are connected to her emotions, but are apart of her "outfit". And you know the saying "Fight or Flight"...yeah, that was factored into how she changes. Whenever she wants to fight, she goes into flight (it's sort of a twist on the saying really.) So her fight/anger makes her change. And I'm going to have all of this explained when I talk more about Brad Hawkley, the back story and also when I discuss how it is that the Blackhawks/Kaner seem confused at Black Hawk's presence. For now, I'm sorry, but you will be left in wonder. But maybe when I'm all done, any questions to things that haven't been answered can certainly be brought up. But don't worry, I do have a plan for answering those at some point. I like to answer questions along the way, not answer them all at once. :)
*Added and fixed stuff. :)

Awesome! :D
1. Yea, you are unfortunately slacking on descriptions...don't worry, that sometimes happens to me too :P
2. Alright, thanks!
3. :D
4. Okay, good, I was about to say... 8| Alright, if I get it an idea, trust me, I'll tell it to you! :D
5. Okay...
6. If the wings are not part of the person (in other words, don't come out from the person, y'know, like angel's wings) then they are definately considered like a part of a suit... Wolverine's claws are part of Wolverine--they COME OUT from him like literally from his hands, you know, skin tearing and all that stuff, they come out from him. But wings can be like Wolverine's claws where they come out of them, it just depends on the author. I like wings just attached to the character and no able to go in them because that'll be...interesting if the wings can retract inside the body. But if the wings are actually part of Black Hawk, like she cannot take the wings off from her whatsoever and has to hide them in some sort of way, then yes she has flight through her wings, since she can use them anytime (because she can't take them off). But if she can take off her wings and put them away with her suit, then no, she doesn't have flight because she can't fly without her wings. So does she actually have wings (the proper name for this is Wing Manifestation) or does she just use man-made wings for her to be able to fly? Does that make sense?
Yes, it'll be nice if you add muuuuuuch more description for Black Hawk's suit! But yea, I don't like it when superheroes and/or villains have like their symbol in the middle of their chest on the suit--it's just too cheesy. And I don't do masks either, that's another I forgot to mention...I just can't do masks, even though they hide their identity. But I can tolerate superhero masks, that's fine, but those superhero suits that are good for ballerinas with those ugh! symbols in the middle to show who they are, I can't...I just can't deal with those! XPPP But yes, I do picture Black Hawk with like an Iron Man-like suit (without the mask and light thingie in the middle of the chest) ;) But when you add the description to her suit, can you also put in HOW she gets into it? I am very curious about that! Thanks! :)

@A Shruinger
1-4: Alright! Got it! Done
New stuff:
1. Yes I can, I'm slacking on description a little aren't I?? Bad me! :P
2. I'll make that less confusing with the description in the above comment! :)
3. Can do.
4. There is. I really want to get a better idea. I will most likely get a better idea toward the reveal chapter later on or just randomly. But it won't be that reason! That's tooooooo bland and yucky. (If you have any ideas too, feel free to shoot me a message!)
5. It'll make sense. I didn't jump this time...That's for the next chapter, don't worry. :)
Are the wings considered like suits?? Or are the wings and all like "Wolverine's claws" and so they are okay. And yeah, I don't like the tights or suits, but like what they do for villains is cool, and an outfit here or there is okay...but not everyone looking like Superman. But Batman's cool! I'm going for more armor look than something a ballerina might wear. ;) I'm going to add something to Black Hawk's description to help out. She has on something like Iron Man might or like Batman...not Superman-ish! :D