Flight - Comments, page 4

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, that's fine if you explain it! I understand now! Good, good! :)))

@A Shruinger
Oh yeah, I did. I changed his good English, EXCEPT for when he is retailing the information to Evelyn from Spencer. I described it in the parenthesis though. But yeah, his English is AWFUL. XDDDD Haha. It's not that bad or secretive though. I'll tell you via message. ;)

@EvelynaKitty
Yea, I'm gonna read that chapter and critique now! Well, but you still gave Val bad English...unless you decided to give him bad English in the previous chapters, which I didn't check. Oh okay, that's fine then! :) Hahahaaaa, I don't mind, but it'll ruin the story for me! But if you can't bear to not tell it to me, then you can ;)

@A Shruinger
Yeah, I just put up a new chapter thought. And I did make the changes to the other one, I know I changed the "I" "me" "my" etc to third person look, but still kept it in his POV, because it's important, given that it foreshadows, oh man, can I just tell you what happens with Val, since it's pretty obvious!!??

@EvelynaKitty Alright, cool! :DD Ummm...I didn't see any changes to the chapter though... :))) I'm gonna read the new chapter now! I'm not sure when the critiques will be up, but I'll get them done maybe like over the weekend since I have homework :P

@A Shruinger
Okay. I think I like the whole Kelly explanation or Ovi. I'll try that. And I fixed all of the Val stuff, so feel free to check that out and see if that works. :)
Thanks! :D

@EvelynaKitty
Okay, wifi's doing well and I was busy last night, so I'm taking this advantage to get the comments on here! :)
1. Yea, you didn't put that in...
2. Well, it's okay if Val has bad English, but what's not okay is that he had such good English with pretty impressive words in the previous chapters but then in this chapter, his English just randomly fell... I think that you should either give him bad English for the whole story to show that he is a foreigner or just fix Val's English in this chapter. Or you can make him stumble on some English words in previous chapters to match his talk with his chapter to make his speaking consistent... Yes, his English is inconsistent in this chapter! I hope you understand and fix it! 8)
3-5. Cool! :D
6. Okay, so with the introduction of PCF, there are a few ways to make that known to the reader. So you can, for an example, let Eve be confused of why her powers aren't working and Alex can explain why (which is what happens in typical superhero stories when the villain shows off his powers) or you can let Kelly tell Eve why her powers aren't working; I think Kelly should know about different types of powers since it seems like she hangs out in the HQs and with Brad all the time, so yea... So you can do those with the charaters telling about PCF or you can let the narrator say that, but I don't think that'll be a great idea for the narrator to do that :P Or you can also put Alex's power description in the paragraph that describes him! I hope I answered you question! :)))

@A Shruinger
Okay. I fixed the comments where I had to. :) I also fixed all of the Valeri stuff, but I'm still unsure about the PCF or whatever and how to get that in. :)

Gosh when I get home, I'm gonna type up that comment again because it's so hard to read it! :PPP Sorry. Oh, and #3-5, I say that's cool! :)

@EvelynaKitty
1. Yea, you didn't put it in... :P
2. That's okay if Val has not so good Englihs, but what's not okay is that he had perfect English in the previous chapters he was in and then all of a sudden his English just turns terrible. It's inconsistent... So just like him have bad English from the beginning or change this chapter and let him have good English. It just make sense that way, with the way his English was going. Well, with that power thing I was telling you about, the narrator can just say or or one of the characters can point it out, but it'll be good if it is shown that Alex has PCFand that he is using it against Eve and and Kelly. The narraotr can say it, he can say, it or best, Kelly can say it since it seems like she hangs out with Brad and Brad should know about this type of power stuff. And yea, if you fix what I pointed out, then this chapter is all good! :) And sorry about the weird text at the bottom of this message--I'm typing this from a different browers since my school's wifi stinks And this brower is weird with typing :PPP ____________________________________________________________________________________________ ng... oo ool! :) ng... ool! :) ool! :) ng... ool! :) ng... ool! :) ng... ool! :)ng... ool! :)ool! :)

@A Shruinger
Whew!
1. Yeah. I thought I'd put who said that, but maybe it didn't type or so.
2. Okay, so Val can still be retarded with the English language and also be great at it. Again, when he says something that isn't told to him, like if he were to carry on a conversation, he wouldn't be able to have good English, but if someone told him, like what happened with Brooke and Spencer, he's fine. Also he's in a stressful situation. If he was nervous, he'd slur his words, stumble over 'em and heck not have perfect English, but like I said, it's fine. He's in Year 2 and a half with English, I think it is fine for him to have some moments and some not so bright fluent moments. :)
3. Sorry. Sorry. I'll fix that. :P
4. Okay. I can do that...if I didn't already.
5. I only had the last little bit and it makes a ton of sense. He's supposed to have a few POV moments to isolate him...CRAP!! I wanted to do it in Third Person though...that's right! Grrr...alright alright I'll fix it. :P
6. Okay. But it would be a little weird for Ovechkin to come out and say something like that? That he used PCF, unless, you want the narrator to say that he has it, and I forgot to have a description of Ovi...oops.

Well, so far, nothing late has came in, which is good! :) This is a good chapter, but I found a few mistakes :P
1. In the beginning of the chapter, someone says, “Crap!” Who says this? I'm gussing Eve.
2. "I Russian and I not do this!" "I no like you." etc... Why does Val suddenly have bad English off and on?
3. Okay, so Ovechkin says something in Russian that is not translated... Can you translate it, please? It's this: "Я сказал "кляп" вас."
4. Who says, "I can't understand you, Valeri?" I'm guessing it's Ovechkin, but I think it'll be a good idea to put in like the speaker facing Val before saying that line, then after the line, turn away from him.
5. Why did you repeat the most of the chapter in Val's POV?
*Just for fun: Okay, so I identified that you used another type of power that'll be pretty cool for you to know in this chapter! You used either Power Cancellation Field or Limitation Inducement. So with PCF (just gonna call it that for now), it's when the user is able to make like a 'field' where people with powers who are inside that 'field' are not able to use their powers because they can't, like what happened to Eve. Meanwhile with Limitation Inducement, it's when the user targets like a single person and limits the person's powers or even takes them away as long as they focus on them. So I assume from this chapter that Alex has either of those two powers, but I don't know which one... I'm leaning more towards PCF since both Eve and Kelly couldn't use their powers and they didn't go anywhere far from Ovechkin. I hope that interests you a bit :)
Other than that, I think that the chapters are good! :D

@A Shruinger
I know, when I get an idea, I let my brain go and normally it can get it out quick. Sometimes though I have ADD writer's brain, where I'm distracted by every little thing...but man I've been on fire lately. I really wanna get to Control (my original weather manipulation story I talked about before) I'm a fast typer too with little errors, so that helps too! :)
Yay!! I love help and feedback! Thanks! ;)

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, I'll send it no later than tomorrow night! ;) Yea, it's okay, I don't mind waiting :) Man, you type up stories quickly! 8OO That's good! :)
You're welcome! Something that'll help you out while writing in this type of genre! ;)

@A Shruinger
Okay. That's fine. I'll be waiting for the description email. I didn't update this today, because of the answers that I need, but it should hopefully be up next go around - Saturday - maybe. I'm almost done typing up the remainder of R&R (2 chapters left)- that is where most of my focus has been. :)
Okay. Thanks for that lesson. I'll keep that in mind!! ;) Thanks!!!! :D

@EvelynaKitty
Well, he turns into Iron Man by his robots putting on his suit... Oh shoot, noooo! That's not how I picture Black Hawk transforming!!! Y'know what, I had a different visual--I shoot you an email later on describing how she gets her wings AFTER she gets her suit ;)
Yea, I can see that, that's why there ain't no physical powers (powers you can actually see) being used in this story--it's all full of physical combat. There's powers that are for offensive fighting and others that are for defensive fighting. For Eve, her powers: hawk screech, wings, and superstrength, are all offensive powers for combat, meaning that she can attack with them. But her hawk vision and wings (as well) are for defensive fighting, meaning that she blocks and protects with those powers. So when you want her to attack, think of the offensive powers. If you want her to protect or block something, then use the defensive powers. With physical powers, though, they can go both ways, which one of the reasons why they are so awesome! But you don't like those powers, so that's cool; just remember about the offensive and defensive powers and keep them separate and don't get them mixed up! Okay?
Yes, this is a very good challenge! Practice, practice, practice :)))

@A Shruinger
Okay, I see...yeah, you're right. So um, how does Tony Stark turn into Iron Man? Can you describe it for me? It would have to be such to that it would fit with her wings, which stem from her emotions!! :) Can you give me the example via email. And it's okay, as long as you get to it eventually. :P
Yeah...I'm just not used to people fighting with powers. I'm trying to put more action through the powers, but it's hard to do and I just keep thinking of Eve with her fists. She has the hawk screech, hawk vision, wings, and also the super strength (so to be able to pick up Jonny and Kaner) But yeah, it is difficult for me. But this is good, I like the challenge and I will be able to get better at it with more practice. :P

@EvelynaKitty
Well, describing a transformation is not as difficult as it seems. Maybe thinking of HOW a person transforms into something might be hard, but describing shouldn't be. Like I picture Eve turning into Black Hawk like how Tony Stark turns into Iron Man, so you can base it off of that... You first need to pinpoint what's the first thing that transforms in the person, then go up or down, which ever way the transformation goes, then end it with how the person looks like after the transformation. I can give you an example on the email if you want me to ;) And yes, I am meaning to reply to the email--I've just been busy :P
Yea! It's hard doing action without any blood/violence... But hey, look at AAOOOSC!-- No blood, even though there's action! So it's possible ;) But I think with you is that you do more physical combat with kicking and punching, which draws more blood than fight with physical powers, like how I do the action for AAOOOSC! So that's why it's difficult for you to do action without blood reference.

@A Shruinger
Well, it's just more so describing things in a superhero-y way. I can get settings, but like for describing how someone transforms...or morphs...or whatever...that's my main issue. I typed that in the email I sent. Feel free to look at it and send a response to me via that or on here, after reading it.
Yup yup. I think it'll work better now. I can do PG/G stuff, I gotta have some blood and violence....otherwise it would be cheap romance-y crap, right? :D

Yes, romance is fine to put in with action! :))))
Ahhhh...I see... Yea, finding superhero names is a pain--that's why I don't do that! XD And powers, well, I just base the powers off of their apperence with the help of the website I refer to for the proper names of powers. And description...oh man, you just need time for that and just think for like 5 min of what you want to put down between each paragraph! XD
Alright, that's good! Less restrictions for you now! :)
Yea...but it's fine! :)