Flight - Comments, page 3

@A Shruinger
1. Heehee. It's like "there's an app for that" line. XP But I thought I put he was immune in the paragraph as apart of his powers...I'll look at that. Chances are I forgot it....ugh!
2. Uh...oh that's Kaleta!! It's in context. I'm sure of it.
3. I told you that she never ever had the watch taken from her. It's on her wrist the whole time, Kaleta just covers it with his hand - which I put - so it's on her, cause otherwise he's have to take her whole "glove"???? off. Not sure what it would be called...maybe armored glove thing. :P
4. Maybe that was my intention. I like parodying things. XP No, no, that's funny though. She does like Jonny, not Kaner...uh...I'm confused!?
5. The box has a lid, I described that. I know I did. I remember putting that in there!! It's a unique penalty box and I did look it up, there are hockey penalty boxes that are covered at the top, like a telephone booth. :)
6. Uh...I'll go back and describe this more. ;)
Glad you chuckled, I figured you would. :P

@EvelynaKitty
Okay, so those critiques are the last chapter's are fine, but this chapter's mistakes I got... Oh gosh, did I have a laugh or what?? So mean, but it's true :P
1. Strum is immune to injuries. Guess what? There's a power for that! :D "Injury Immunity" :)
2. Get off of me. It won’t hurt for long!” Who says this?
3. Alright, how the heck did Eve get her watch activator thing back?
4. Okay, so when Eve and Kaleta are about to fight, they sound like Tuukka from AAOOOSC!, saying their own names! XD You don't have to change it, but it just sounds cheesy, sorry. :P And I thought Eve only like Johnny, not Johnny AND Kaner!
5. I laughed at this part: Eve got shoved into a penalty box...she tries to get out... All she had to do was to look up and fly out of the box BECAUSE THERE'S NO CEILING TO IT!!!!! XDDD She just had to fly out of it, that's all! XDDD I'm sorry, I was laughing at how...no, no, I shouldn't say... Aiy, aiy, aiy...
6. At the end, are the hostages like trapped in an ice cube or did ice grow at the bottom so that the chairs are not able to be moved?
Other than that...all good! ;)

1-4. Okay.
5.Um, I had him like grabbing her hand with the watch, not the watch itself. I know I described this action right. I'm 90% positive about that. :P
6-7. Okay.
Haha, Val's always better, but Nesty's gonna be added to my roster, bye Torey, it was a nice one day having you! :P But next year, I think I want to have an all Russian Fantasy team, but no Datsuyk or Ovi...yuck!!
I'm getting protective of Kucherov. XD
Also...
"I take back what I said about your D." - Me yelling at Nathan :PPPP

@EvelynaKitty
1. That'll be nice! :)
2. Okay!
3. Good!
4. That's okay! :)
5. Well, it's seems like Kaleta is trying to prevent Eve from transforming into Black Hawk, yet he already accomplished that by taking away her super watch thing. Maybe you can cut that out or change the wording...
6. :D
7. Alright, just checkin'!
Uh-oh, Val's got competition!!! 8O XD

@A Shruinger
1. I'll look at that and explain it more I guess if you seem confused on it. :)
2. Yeah, I explain this. He's immune. I have it in the next chapter. ;)
3. Haha...you're right! I'll take out that "seemed to" :P
4. Ooops, I'll fix that. I had a minor brain fart there, I think. My bad. :P
5. So, is it extraneous info that isn't needed or what?
6. You'll see...
7. Yes, everything is projected on the screen of the JumboTron, that is where Kaleta can project things.
OMG, Nikita Nesterov or Nesty as I call him for the Lightning, is a Baby Russian too and he's frickin' adorable. He got hit in the face by a puck in the game and he had a Nichy face. :PPPP XDDDD AWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Baby Russians!!

Here's what I got for this new chapter:
1. In the beginning, what do you mean by 'helping her [friends] out'?
2. Okay, so when Eve meets up with Kaleta, she punches him, then he recovers quite quickly, speaking again like as if he wasn't even harmed at all...
3. 'Kaleta seemed to be helping Vanek out' No, no, no, he didn't seem to be helping out, he WAS helping out.
4. No, no, no, no!!!! Telepathy doesn't throw people into walls!!! That's telekinesis!!! Telepathy only has the ability to communicate and read minds--that's it!!! But Kaleta CAN use telepathy and telekinesis at the same time if he's that good at controlling his powers.
5. '...but somehow kept her at bay so that she couldn't transform.' No duh she can't transform--she doesn't have her super watch thing!
6. Okay, so is Malkin gonna come as well or...?
7. So the JumboTron was the one showing the past part of this chapter?
Other than that, all good! :)

@EvelynaKitty
Yes, yes! :)

@A Shruinger
Oh yeah, well just so you know it was up. That's what I meant! ;)

@EvelynaKitty
Oh yes! :))) I saw that! And I can't really say anything about it since you only talked about the Butterfuly Effect on there so far :P XD ;)

@A Shruinger
Sweet!! Thanks!!!! That's good to know! :) woo!!!!!!!! Oh and Project Blackhawk is up! :)

OMG THIS IS SO GREAT!!! I am SOOOO happy how you placed those flashbacks in this chapter!!! When I saw that, I felt my eyes light up and I was like, "OMG, this is great! Genius!" So awesome, awesome, aweeeeesome job! :DDD So glad! :D And no critiquing for this chapter! :))) Time saved for me and for you! :)))
And I checked the last chapter with Eve and her powers and it was good how you changed them! :)
Good, good job! :DD

@EvelynaKitty
Oh, okay! Whoops :P It's okay, tell me when it's done :)

@A Shruinger
I haven't gotten to it yet. Sorry. I'm doing right now. :)

@EvelynaKitty
Errrr...you still put in that she turned into a mortal even though she wasn't actually turned into one :PPP

@A Shruinger
Okay. I'll put in Kelly's thing for you. :P ;)

Yes, please describe that better so that the reader won't assume the wrong idea, like what I did ;) :P

@A Shruinger
Well, I wasn't sure how to go about describing that, but if I can describe that, it will be better than. ;)
:D Yay!!

@EvelynaKitty
But I got that she lost her powers completely! I thought that she was done with her powers! Maybe you should explain that in the chapter because I did NOT get that AT ALL and you didn't say where the power cancellation field's limits were at. Please do that :)))
Yea, Kelly's telepathy was good because she communicated to Vanek through thoughts and Vanek knew that she was using telepathy... Yea, all good! :D

@A Shruinger
It's okay, but she wins against Vanek, cause she does have her powers back. Remember that it was just over the building...it was like a curse or "bubble"/"dome" :)
Sweet. That's good that the chapter worked. Kelly's telepathy was okay?

Wait...no...I put the critique up here like two days ago and it's not posted??? What is this??? Ugh, at least it was just one critiquing point...
Okay, so in the beginning of this chapter, you put in that Eve turns into a mortal. Literally, you do. Then she fights against Vanek and wins... How the heck does that work? She just lost her powers, yet she can still fight??? Shouldn't she be like experiencing pain or weakness due to the loss of her powers??? I am SOOOO confused!! NOOOOOOO!!!
Other than that, the chapter is good :)