Flight - Comments, page 7

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, good :)

@A Shruinger
Yup. You got it right! The suit is when she fights. That's be clear in a little bit. :D But she only has the wings, yes.

@EvelynaKitty
That's much better! :D But I don't know if you want Black Hawk in her full superhero suit or just with her wings, because I picture her with just her wings on, not wearing her supersuit... Is that what you wanted? And everything else is nice! Good job! :D

@A Shruinger
I'll explain that!! Right now!! XD
Okay. Yeah, I can look at that and change the wording for ya! :D
Thanks!

Wow, everything was all good until I got to this part...
"...The hockey player nodded. And with that, normal Evelyna was now Black Hawk...."
What do you mean with 'normal Evelyna was now Black Hawk?' Does she change into her suit or does he just say that because she starts flying? And I assume that she does change into her suit, but how does that happen? Does it just magically appear (since it is from Val's point of view) or how, how does she get her suit on?
And after that when Toews says something about what he wouldn't give to have Black Hawk's wings, can you word that better because I had to read over that a few times. Thanks! :)
Other than that, it was good! :D

@EvelynaKitty
1 & 2. Awesome, I'll check it out! ;)
3. Nope, he should've stayed with the Bruins and not move to John's team (even though he is doing good for the team ;)

@A Shruinger
1. Done.
2. I could do that. Thanks, I'll put that in instead. ;)
3. Yeah Milan's....got problems....I think it's Therrien, he's back! :P No, no....Milan's kind of stupid sometimes, but I thought he was fine last season. Then he just regressed. It's JB. Chiarelli gets rid of the one guy that everyone loves and all hell breaks lose in the B's. Shouldn't'a traded Johnny Boychuk "JB", Chia!!

@EvelynaKitty
1. Yes, it'll be much easier just to put that in :) You are welcome!
2. Hmmm...well, maybe instead of her meeting up with Roussel in the stadium, maybe she can meet up with him in the parking lot of the stadium where all the players park their cars at. Because I don't think it's right for a girl to go to a guy's locker room--that's just no, especially if they're adults. Just let them talk in the parking lot and then Val can be strolling out with his hockey bag and she can meet him like that! And she can fly, I think, so she can fly to that part of the parking lot after the game (since I believe no fans are allowed there) and yea! Would that work for you? ;)
3. Geno's nice (only if you're on his good side because I can fight well), John's nice (I never saw him fight before), and Milan just has problems! XD Oh wow, record breaking comment number! XDDD

@A Shruinger
1. Okay. I think I'll just use "mortal" since I already did. Thanks for the insight. :)
2. This chapter is in Boston technically, but discusses her being in Dallas at the AAC. She was a fan too, and she didn't like Roussel going after Jonny. Well, you know what I'll fix it and make it a little easier to grasp for her to gain access. She can catch Roussel outside of the locker room and then Roussel can get her access, since they are talking with one another and then Nichy appears. Does that work?
3. I don't know. I'm just confused on my feelings for Geno, like Tavy and Milan Lucic and also Tyler. :P
Man, 56 comments...dang. :O

@EvelynaKitty
1. Yes, it would be nice if you add in explanation for that...or just to replace 'normal' with 'mortal.' If you bring up the word 'mortal' to describe people with no powers, it'll be best if you continue using it and not render it useless.
2. Oh....well then... So this took place in Chicago or did she just decide to go to Dallas? Because if this took place in Dallas, I don't think she can get access to the Stars' locker room, just to the Hawk's since she's Toews's friend only back then, not any Stars' friend. I mean, just because she's a super hero doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants...she can get caught by anyone who is in charge of guarding the locker room (and if she picks up a fight with them...no, that's not right). To me, she should be treated like a fan when it comes to any other team other than the Hawks (since she knows Toews) and not magically gain access to some other team's locker room. You understand what I'm trying to say here?
3. Just because Geno's a Penguins doesn't mean he's evil or anything--he's awesome! :D But that's good you don't hate him--you can't hate Geno. ;)

@A Shruinger
For number 2, I looked at it. I think it is okay. Remember she is a superhero and so she can technically do whatever she wants, plus she's a friend of the Hawks. She can get access. Also she is there because she was talking to Antoine Roussel about targeting Jonny on the ice.
As for the time...I think its hinted at that is was around Val's rookie season. Given he'd just come to the US. So about 2-3 years. :)

@A Shruinger
1. Yes, I hear you, but could it be okay and fine if Eve is "mimicking" Val...he calls things "normal", I was having her mirror Val. :P I can add in an explanation of this if that will be easier for readers. :)
2. Okay. I will look in on that and fix it for you. Thanks ;)
3. Geno's just I don't know. He's like Tavy to me I guess. I don't like him but I don't necessarily hate him either. He's funny and weird...but I don't know...he's a Penguin.
Thanks!! :D I'll get to making the changes for you!! ;)

Alright, so this chapter is actually really low on the errors, so that's awesome! :D Here are the errors I got out from it:
1. "Nah. She’s normal. Val too." I know that here, Evelyna is saying that Val and Brooke doesn't have any powers, but shouldn't she use the term 'mortal' and not 'normal,' since in this story, that's what you call people with no powers, right?
2. When Evelyna was explaining how she met Val, I got that she was in the Dallas Stars' locker room... How the heck did she gain access to get in there??? And why on earth was she there? And how long exactly did this take place, so that I can know how long she has been friends with Val for--see how tight their friendship is, y'know.
3. This doesn't really count as an error, but hey, Geno's awesome as well! ;) Trust me, he's a cool Russian! :)))
Other than that, great job! :DDD

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, that's fine!
Youre welcome! :)

@A Shruinger
If it should go in, I will do it, but if it isn't necessary, I'll leave it. XDD
But thank you for all the help! :)

@EvelynaKitty
Oh, okay, the in that case, it fine :) Good, good.
Alright, that's fine if you don't want to put it in there, tbh. You don't have to. But you can if you want to--your choice! :)

@A Shruinger
I put that he overhears them instead. They don't move far enough away, only think that they do. ;)
I was gonna put the actual name in there, but I am still debating it. I'm gonna sleep on it and it might be in here tomorrow. ;)

@EvelynaKitty
Okay, so the changes made things a bit better, it's just that you still need to fix the thing of Brad able to know what Toews and Evelyna is talking about even though they moved away from him just so that he can't hear them.
But other than that, I think it's good! :)))
And if you want to use the proper name for fire powers, it's 'pyrokinesis.' You don't have to use it though ;)

@A Shruinger
I made the changes for you! They're ready! :D

@EvelynaKitty
6. Yes, please put that in to make sure where she's at! :)
Okay, but make sure you make the changes, though XD