Battle For the Ice: The Great NHL War - Comments

Alternate cover to Landy vs Kal:

Master Shot of Chicago:


Close-Ups of the UC Area and Battle Ground (or Olympic Village):

@EvelynaKitty
Cool! :D

@A Shruinger
Honestly...I'm not even sure why I wrote mind control there, thanks for pointing that out. Wow. I'll fix it right now! :)

Before I even read the Kazer battle, telekinesis...is not...MIND CONTROL!!! I read that on Roberto's power list and I was like, "Ohmygoodness, I gotta tell you this!" Telekinesis is manipulating objects with the mind! PLEASE fix it!!! 8|

@EvelynaKitty
Cool! :D
Ohhhh...okay! I'm glad you feel like that towards that story! :)
Oh, and I looked over Peekaboo, so you can check that out ;)

@A Shruinger
Certainly. I definitely will! Thanks!
He's not portraying Jonny though, he's portraying a character named Johnny, but its Johnny (with the h) not Jonny. I thought it was clever though, because of what will happen with it. XP I hope the story turns out good, cause I'm super excited about the idea. It's always been one of my favorite ideas to get. :)

@EvelynaKitty
Cool! :D Ask me any questions if you need help with action description?
Oh, okay! Yea, I saw that! But he's got to have perfect English to portray Toews!

@A Shruinger
Haha, cool. I'll get that battle done for Friday's updates.
That's awesome its Andre Buraskovsky or something like that. He's a rookie/AHL prospect with the Caps. And I confirmed he's actually an Austrian-Swedish Russian player. But I typed in "Jonathan Toews look-alike" because of the character for my new story Ice Prince and Snow Queen and he came up. :P He does look a little like Jonny and I thought it was funny since he's part Russian. :)

@EvelynaKitty
Okay, yea, that sounds great! Good, good idea! :DDD
OMG, he looks like an older version of a guy from my class in 7th grade! My sister says he looks like a guy from a Spanish soccer league! XDDD He does NOT look Russian...but I can see how you got Toews from him ;)

@A Shruinger
I don't know. I like Cooke-Avery vs Jonny-Kaner....but I was just curious about who you'd pick. XP
Look, Russian Jonny:

@EvelynaKitty
Well, I mean, which would be the more interesting match up to write about for you? Because you're the one writing this so you should write a matchup that is fun to write according to you, of course! It was just a suggestion and it's okay if you don't agree with it ;)

@A Shruinger
Ah...hm....I don't know what Jimmy would have? I was thinking one of these: Dorsett (cause he played with Avery I think in NY), Cooke (He's like Avery and I thought it would be really interesting to have Cooke and Avery together), Pronger (cause it's Pronger who often goes against Kaner) or Kessel (cause of Hawks and I was being funny) XP But I can do Jimmy Howard, but again, not sure what he can have....

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, cool! :) Ah, yes I was gonna suggest to you one after everything was fixed up here! So I was thinking Jimmy. How's that? ;)

@A Shruinger
Okay, thanks, I'll get that part fixed up. And then I need a partner for Kaner for the next battle. :)

@EvelynaKitty
Okay...I read over that part...but instead of saying "ice-skater-typed twirls," put in "twirled like an ice skater" to make it sound more formal. But it's much better than what you had before ;) But I'm sorry if I was harsh on you in the last message, I was just getting a bit frustrated that weren't accepting the fact that your writing in that particular part needed help :P But don't worry, it takes practice, doesn't come in one day! So yea, fix that and then all would be good ;)

@A Shruinger
Okay, I fixed it for reals this time. Sorry about that, I was just unsure and I though "cool gymnastics moves" was an okay description, but my grandmother said that it wasn't gymnastics moves but rather karate moves, so I change it. It's all good. :)

@EvelynaKitty
1. No, that was NOT what I was asking for! Didn't you read what I was saying‽ PUT IN THE CORRECT DESCRIPTION FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!!! Your definition 'cool' can be waaaaay different than MY definiation of 'cool'! Like I can be like, "Oh, somersaults are cool, so he's doing somersaults!" but in reality, you're like, "I'm picturing him doing back flips." Do you get what I'm saying here? And paraenthesis are very unprofessional when it comes to describing action--don't do that, that's not the right thing to do to fix this situation. Look, listen to me, read this clearly, clear your mind for a moment and read what I am trying to put in your mind: In order to successfully write GREAT, not good, not okay, but GREAT action description, you MUST describe EVERY SINGLE action AND feeling the character does/feels, NO SHORTCUTS!!! You can take the easier way, but it won't be great. Anyone can write action description, but not everyone can write it great. Action description takes TIME, it took me DAYS to write one of those fights I sent to you via email; I NEVER wrote a great fight scene in a matter of hours. You can do that, but it won't be great. Never settle for less because you just don't have enough time or you just don't feel like it. It's either you write great or don't even write at all. It's better to take MONTHS, or even YEARS to write an amazing, great story than to take hours to write a lousy story. Think it through, think, absorb what I am telling you, and try again. Write that paragraph that has that phrase again and I am telling you, when you do, it'll be 200 times better than the one that's in your story right now. Even if that paragraph takes you HOURS to rewrite, it's still worth it. Just try it out, try again. Don't take the shortcut because it's easier--don't avoid the coming work because it is inevitable--unless you care less about your writing. I am telling you this because I care and I want you to strive to be the best in your writing. Don't settle for less just because it's easier. I know I may sound harsh, like a person from Philly is like with their sports, but I am doing this because I am passionate about GREAT writing and I want to read GREAT writing, not writing that was thrown together in a matter of hours and stuck up on here. Give your audience something GREAT, because they're the ones who support you and read your stuff and THEY definitely deserve it! Try again and I'll tell you when I see something GREAT in your writing.

@A Shruinger
1. Alright...I'll put it in parenthesis then. But superhero moves is different than "gymnastics moves", because superhero moves is indeed basic, but "gymnastics moves" isn't that vague...but I'll put the "moves" in parenthesis. Okay?
Yay! :)

@EvelynaKitty
1. Hollywood type spy characters can say it, but authors describe it. I mean, you can put in 'cool gymnastic moves,' to let the reader know what style of moves the character's doing, but then after that, can you at least put in specifically what moves they do? Like in order? Is it that hard to do that? It'll make your action description sooooo much better and more understandable; the reader wouldn't have to guess what type of moves the character's doing, which is what I had to do. That's like me putting in AAOOOSC! during a battle: 'He does cool superhero moves.' What does that suppose to mean? Does he fly? Emit energy? Whip out some physical combat? What??‽!! It's so vague!!! Same thing here, it's vague and it's not good when description describing action is vague because it can throw the reader off! Readers do not picture the same thing authors picture in their mind, I can tell you that much. One of the author's job is to put that same picture they picture into the readers mind through words. Putting in vague phrases does not help that. Pleeeeeease describe it more, it'll make it soooo much more better and enjoyable--it won't hurt to do it! And it'll improve your writing so much more! I'm helping you here!!! I'm pointing out this so that you can be aware of what not to do and fix and not make the same mistake again! Do you understand what I am trying to put out here‽
3. Oooo, I get it now, okay! ;)
Awesome! :DDD