Flight - Comments, page 2

@EvelynaKitty
I didn't know that you replied back to me because you didn't send the reply directly to me by pressing 'reply.' :P So when you reply back to me on here, can you press 'reply' on my message so that I know when you comment? Thanks! :)
Anywho...
-18
1. Thanks! :)
-19
1. But Toews was like the first one to say that it's over between them--see:

“Uh, Evelyn, can I talk to you?” Jonathan asked, pointing his hand to the side, off to the side in a private location. “Alone.”

Evelyn nodded, dipping her head. She let Val go and got to her feet. She followed Jonathan down the tunnel and into the “concourse” area, which wrapped around the arena’s level. They halted toward the far end, looking back down at Patrick, Brooke, Val and Kelly, who were conversing.

Jonathan faced Evelyn, both of them standing with their wings out. Evelyn was still Black Hawk, but she was curious about Jonathan. “So, it seems that I am like you now. I have wings...”

“It does.” Evelyn stood gawking at the male form of her and the “new” Jonathan Toews.

"We're both superheroes, our relationship is going to change and it'll be so hard to maintain it, yea...I'm sorry, it's nothing against you or us or what we were--it's just more of a personal choice. Plus, I gotta be there for Kaner, he needs me, I can't leave him alone."

She couldn’t help it; she was heartbroken. This was the end of her and Jonathan. It was bittersweet, but it brought back the memory of her first time she’d ever laid eyes on the man. The first time she had saved him and became Black Hawk.

Why does Jonathan fight for Eve if he was the one to say that it's over? It makes no sense because they're still superheroes and still can't get together.

2. Well still, a bad word said is a bad word no matter how it's said. But it's fine ;)

That's good you answered that question! I thought they were knocked out, but I guess not!
I'm gonna read the updated chapter now... ;)

Yeah, I posted two chapters up, because I already had the first one I posted up already, so I just wanted to double up ;)
Um...
18
1. Crap!!! I totally forgot to do that!!!! Dang it. I'll add that in right now. Sorry.
19
1. Uh...it's a continuation of the scene from before I believe, but I broke up the scene with the flashback chapter. It should make sense.
2. Okay. I envision Kelly with this really squeaky high voice saying, "Dammit!" :P
Yeah! I had to answer the question, "What happened to Vanek and Brawler?" cause they were just immobilized, so naturally they had to escape from them somehow at sometime. Poor Valeri...

Okay, so I read the, um, two chapter you put up and critiqued on them.
-Chapter 18
1. Please put that this chapter took place back in the past! :)
-Chapter 19
1. I thought that Eve and Tazer already broke up and are fine being apart from each other. Why does Johnny go all nuts when Val wants her even though she is not his anymore?
2. One bad word is fine since this story is PG-13, especially if it's in a different language. Even Kelly cussed at the end! You can put bad words in the story if needed since it's PG-13 and PG-13 movies have curse words in them.
Other than, that--all good!
And you got me there thinking that everything's good with the villains defeated! But they're not! 8O

@EvelynaKitty
I read them and they're awesome! :DDD Awesome, awesome, awesome! :DDDDDDD

@A Shruinger
Awesome, I made the changes to it. Thanks!! :)

@EvelynaKitty
Hahahaa, alright, great! :DDD

@A Shruinger
Haha no worries, Hakuna Matata! XP I'll get on making the changes for you!! :)

@EvelynaKitty
3. Sweet! :))
6. :D
7. Maybe don't put in a law, but you can let Toews say something like now that they're both superheroes, their relationship is going to change and it'll be hard to maintain it, so yea... Something like that and not just make it a law--make it more like a personal choice 8)
8. Yea, maybe you did--I just wasn't reading it right! XD That happens usually :PPP
6./11. :DD
13. Okay, so like Tazer's done being a hero and he's backing dowing his own thing and he doesn't get promoted anywhere? In that case, our stories are safe :) Oh man, I don't wanna tell you or else I'll ruin it for you since you'd already know what's gonna happen! 8||| Sorry! :PPP

@A Shruinger
3. Okay. I'll add in a color for the wings then.
6. Will do! :)
7. Okay, but it's rare, is what I'm saying and normally it doesn't work out...gosh where did I see that superheroes can't date superheroes...there was a movie that had that in there, but I can't think of it...grrrr...but I'll tweak it a little so it's not so "strict sounding". :)
8. I think I did that already. :)
6/11. I'll do that ;)
13. Trust me, this is pretty much it for Tazer doing things. It's Eve from now on and then I am thinking about having her be friends with Jonny, who is focused on saving Kaner. That's all. But now I wanna know about what happens in Mission!! :P

@EvelynaKitty
1. Oh, okay! Duh, me! XDDD
2. Cool! :D
3. It's not that hard to put in 'brown'? That's how I picture him as--a brown hawk :)
4. Okay, I get it! ;)
5. Uhhh...like...oh shoot, I had it, but I don't want to go back to the story because I'm in the comment section :PPP It's okay, forget about it :P
6. Yea, you shoulder put in that she doesn't like it or something like that...
7. Yes, they do!!! You also got Daredevil with Elektra and Scott with Jean Gray-- Superheroes can date superheroes!!!!!!!!! Nothing wrong with that!!!!!!! Please change it 8) Will highly appreciate it! :)
8. Can you add that to the description then? I picture them in the middle of the ice, which there was no hole in it so that they can stand in my mental image XD
9. :)
10. Uhhh...okay...
11. Can you put that in then? He seemed fine with it to me, just pullin' Eve to the side and saying about tha...law stuff...ew, no! XP I thought he was gonna get on Eve for kissing Val and then they break up like that! Sad way to end a relationship, but yea...
12. Good, I'll be very grateful for that! 8D
13. Tazer's saving the NHL here. So is he in Mission. Don't worry, I'll tell you though if you cross the line, if you know what I mean. There's just one more thing I hope won't happen here that will happen in Mission... But since Tazer saved the NHL in a different here, then it's fine...for now... All good, yes.
Cool! :DDD

@A Shruinger
1. I have that in there - same as Eve's (only longer and more angelic) Here's how he looks with the wings:


2. Okay...I'll change that to "bullets" then! :)
3. Not important and he's different then Eve. (See images above)
4. Okay, so they are both "hawks", but Jonny is an actual hawk, where Eve is a superhero hawk, oh and Jonny can be like Eve too. All of this is going to be explained coming up. It's supposed to be a little unfinished. (Like not next chapter this is revealed, but the next one.)
5. Huh???? I'm not sure what you are asking here?
6. Uh...I don't know...I have to look again. But she shouldn't be...
7. Okay, but normally superheroes don't date each other. Superman and SuperWoman don't date and neither does anyone else...okay...exception maybe for the Incredibles...but, you know what, I'll change it a little bit. :)
8. Uh, I have them where Brooke and Kelly are: up near the fan tunnel.
9. UGH!! I forgot to change that, sorry, I'll change that. My bad. :P
10. This is gonna be explained soon.
11. Shouldn't be...
12. I'm changing it I guess.
13. Haha it's soooooo different though. Trust me, it's not ALL Jonny saving the world and NHL, trust me. He's just saving Kaner, which I guess links to saving the NHL technically. XP
Thanks, I'll make the changes and let you know. XD

Okay...oh gosh, here it goes:
1. Description of Tazer's wings, please :)
2. Okay, so for the telepathic/telekinetic 'shots,' they're actually telekinetic bullets or psi-bolts (these cause mental damage to the target) ;)
3. What's the colour of Tazer's hawk-form?
4. 'Two hawks fight against the evil mastermind...' So is Eve also a hawk here or are did you put that in because of her resembling as a hawk?
5. When did Toews actually get up to kiss Kaner?
6. Is Eve actually fine with Toews kissing Kaner?
7. 'by the international law of superheroes, Evelyn and Jonathan were history, so what would happen to the...' WHAT THE HECK??? There is no superhero law that says that superheroes cannot date each other! I am sorry, but this totally ticked me off :PPP
8. Where are they when they are trying to wake up Kaner: bench or on the ice?
9. 'Think you telepathy is strong enough to bring Patrick back from the dead like Kaleta did.' Remember, we agreed that Kaleta used Ressuration to revive Tazer, not telepathy because telepathy can't do that.
10. '...halfway into his morph of a hawk.' Why is Tazer turning into a hawk again and when you say this, I picture a half-hawk, half-man :P
11. Toews is okay with Eve kissing Val?
12. WHAT IS THIS LAW OF SUPERHEROES??‽!!! GAAAAAAHHHH!!! Please bear with me here as I just go nuts... I don't know, but I am so against this law 8P
13. I noticed that with this chapter, this is running dangerously close to AAOOOSC!: The Mission as Tazer becoming the hero of the story!!! 8|||| But good thing, he will bring out his rescue in a TOTAL different way in my story ;)
Other than that--all fine! :)))

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, that'll be good! :)
Yea, I thought she had like the basic level of all of the main powers since she has a wand like a witch (I'm thinking Harry Potter here). But that's okay :)

@A Shruinger
Well, he has telepathy, telekinesis, uh...here's the paragraph with his powers: "Kaleta became the leader with powerful ultimate telepathic powers and slight Precognition, which he could express through visual art. He also possessed Psychometry, which allowed him to have a look into the future and Lie Detection. (He could also use telekinesis, at certain moments - mainly with his telepathy.)" Hmmmm....I might take out the Precognition and Psychometry then or the Lie Detection...I don't know. Yeah, I'm gonna take out the Lie Detection and I'll put in the...un, Resurrection then. :)
Kelly can have it yes, along with her telepathy and fire powers (through the wand). :)

@EvelynaKitty
Yea...I don't think it's possible to communicate with dead people... Well, what powers do Kaleta have: telepathy, telekinesis, and resurrection, if I'm not mistakening. I think like up to five powers is the max, but I know what you mean by not wanting him to have too many powers ;) Well, if you give it to Kelly, then she'll also resurrect Kaner and Val! But no, nowhere does it say that it can bring back the dead...
Yes, yes! :) Ooo, now I can't wait! :D

@A Shruinger
Okay, but I read somewhere that suggested that telepathy can bring someone back, if you can communicate with them. The only reason, is I don't want Kaleta having 50 powers....but maybe...I can give it to Kelly. But not Kaleta. So...man I'm so distracted by Jonny's cuteness right now, sorry.
Okay, anyway, I think it can work. And yeah I know it's action-packed...it's supposed to be, but I super excited for Weds' update! I think you'll laugh and maybe yell at me a little. XP

Okay, so this chapter is totally made up of action, which is good, but I am not that great at reading and comprehending it, so yea... But I did have a few critiquing things:
Hahahaaa! You guessed that right! XD Telepathy does not have the ability to resurrect people. The correct power is Resurrection ;) Remember: telepathy is the ability to ONLY communicate and read minds!!!! But I couldn't find anything wrong in this chapter since it's practically full of action description and I'm not that great at reading and comprehending that, so yea.
But yea, just the powers... Look at the website I gave you the link to--it helps A LOT with powers! ;)

@A Shruinger
Heehee. Cool!! XD

@EvelynaKitty
Alright, changes are good! :DDD Yay! :D
That'll be cool if Toews and Sid are on the same team! :D
Awww! 8(

@A Shruinger
I made the chances. Also this is a much more behave and mature Sid - so far - (keeping fingers crossed)...but yeah, man this is a totally different Pittsburgh team. And Sid is behaving himself and I like how he's not scoring a lot, because then NBC would be all over him and I'd have to mute the broadcast. :P But I like it, good game, but I'm still pulling for the Hawks...Kazer! <3
Man...Jonny should pick Sid to be on his team!! XD Get Kaner back for not being with him.
Whenever the camera pans to Kaner, he looks sad...poor guy...