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Homepage › Stories › Oops!

Oops!

Summary

Jonathan Toews is sleeping quietly in his apartment, when he hears a loud crash in his living room. He exits his room to investigate, only to find a silenced gun pointed straight at his chest. The person pointing the gun at him explains how he "accidentally shot his partner", and that he'll do the same if Toews does not cooperate.
This night at his apartment will lead Toews on a mission to find out who tried to kill him. Armed with a shotgun and accompanied by Patrick Kane, and the hit man, Toews' life will never be the same.




Characters

James White

James White

Genius psychopathic assassin who "befriends" Toews

Jonathan Toews

Jonathan Toews

Main character in the story, who is wanted dead.

Laura Deen

Laura Deen

Business Associate of James'

Logan Wilkinson

Logan Wilkinson

Best friend of James'

Marcus Dobson

Marcus Dobson

The main antagonist, and James' only equal.

Patrick Kane

Patrick Kane

Friend to Jonathan, and his companion.

Chapters

Comments

@J10954
You're very welcome, anytime I can help out. I know...but I'm going to be sad nonetheless...Good work so far though and I will read and like it! :)

EvelynaKitty EvelynaKitty
12/12/14

@EvelynaKitty
Thank you for your advice. Not every character in a story can survive, even if it is Jonathan Toews, or Patrick Kane.

J10954 J10954
12/12/14

Poor Kazer....
Three things: One, I love the action in this, Two: I feel like each part should be extended some more, and Three: I'm confused at how they got from the bedroom to the shower so fast. Can this be paced a little longer and slower? I know that this type of writing is highly exciting, but this is where it takes great patience. Sometimes I still have this problem, but pacing is best helped through description, however boring it may be. Hope this helps out! I still love this idea, even though....you're gonna....kill....Jonny or Kanerboo....
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't kill either of them!! :O Why does Kanerboo or Jonny have ta die???? No. No. I'm gonna be sooooooo sad. :(

EvelynaKitty EvelynaKitty
12/12/14

@J10954
You are totally welcome! Keep up the amazing work! :DDD Just loved it--perfect! :)))

A Shruinger A Shruinger
12/7/14

Yes, I love the description added. Let me know if you need any help and feel free to just use my stories for examples of description help if ever you're in question, but I think it is great! :D Good work!

EvelynaKitty EvelynaKitty
12/7/14
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